Whenever I played Operation, I got scared of Sam's nose lighting up for no damn reason- so one day I just yanked it right off the board and defeated the purpose of the game. This was a few weeks after my 7th birthday.
When I was 10, I thought that I could find and sell quartz inside rocks that decorated our front yard, so I took a hammer out of the toolbox and broke them open. Sad to say, I didn't strike gold.
Back when I was in fifth grade, my friends and I were really into WWE. Everyday before school started, and during recess we'd wrestle each other in a little area that was tucked behind the school that was just barely part of the playground. Point is, it was out of sight of the teachers. We'd be swinging each other around, roughhousing, and shit like that, and since were kids and didn't know any better, we naturally decided to copy what we saw on TV and began trying to do actual wrestling moves.
And for the most part, it went fine. We never went full on with it. We were always careful not to actually hurt each other that much. Looking back on it, it wasn't because we were actually concerned about safety. It was more so that we knew we'd get our asses busted if we got caught wrestling and even more so if one us of us had gotten injured because of it.
So the days went by, and we went on full nelsoning, chokeslamming, clotheslining each other, having a great time. Till one day, one of the teachers caught us, and busted our asses for about ten minutes as to how dangerous what we were doing was. She was right of course, and miraculously she did not call our parents, but did threaten to do so if she ever caught us doing it again.
Did we listen?
We were kids! We thought we were invincible! We thought we were so much smarter than everyone else, and that since we were so careful that nothing could go wrong.
So literally the next day, we gathered behind the school again before class started and began wrestling again; taking extra care to keep an eye out for teachers.
At this point, I got to introduce you to two of my friends. The first one, I'll just call him John, was huge. Like an absolute unit of a boy. I mean, he was literally six feet tall. And lemme tell you, he was fucking strong. This kid had no trouble throwing any of us over his shoulder and carrying us around like we were a sack of potatoes. He was really nice, though. A total gentle giant, and he always made sure to be extra to careful not to hurt us.
Now the polar opposite of John was this kid who was ironically his best friend. I'm just gonna call Tom. Tom was, and still is, a fucking manlet. He was only about a four-and-half-feet tall back then, and has not grown much since. Like most manlets, he was, and again still is, aggressive af, and always trying to prove himself to be tougher than he actually is.
I'm explaining this, because I'm pretty sure if their height differences weren't so drastic, things wouldn't have turned out so bad.
So we were all having a good time, and Tom suddenly tells John that he wants him to piledrive him. They had done this a bunch of times before, and it was basically just John holding him upside down before gently lowering him onto the ground. It was nothing to worry about.
But that day, I'm still not sure how, John lost his grip, and Tom fell, and cracked the back of his head on the asphalt. And he didn't get up. He was out cold.
We fucking lost it. We were panicking like crazy, trying desperately to wake him up. John was crying, and all of us were frantically checking to make no teacher is coming. And no, we didn't go get a teacher, because we didn't want to get in trouble. It was five minutes before class started, and Tom still hadn't woken up. We were shaking him, smacking his face, I dumped part of my water bottle on him, nothing was working.
At this point, we all decided that we had to hide him, and just act like he never came to school. There was a dumpster behind the school in our little fighting area, and John, in tears, picked Tom up, carried him over to it, and with the help of the rest of us, dropped him into the dumpster.
We were just about to close the lid when Tom's eyes flew open, scaring the shit out of all of us, and asked us what happened and what was going on. We quickly pulled him out of the dumpster, just in time for bell to ring for class to start. We rushed over, trying to act like nothing was wrong. Tom went to nurse after complaining about a really bad headache, and while we were all really shaken up about what happened, we were immensely relieved that it hadn't been worse.
Because it could've, and it would've. For you see, not even an hour later, the teacher decided to have us do our morning work outside because the weather was so nice. My friends, and I did not go behind the school again, but instead on a little grassy knoll adjacent to the area.
So we're doing our worksheets, Tom holding a frozen sponge to the back of his head, when we see a garbage truck pull up behind the school. Turns out it was trash day, and instead of actual garbage men coming out to come collect the trash, the garbage truck was one of those kinds that could do the work mechanically without seemingly any human aid, or oversight.
And all of us watched in absolute horror as the same dumpster that we had hidden Tom in was picked up, turned upside down, had all of its contents dumped out and slowly crushed and compacted without a single person bothering to check what was in it before driving off.
It was during those incredibly painful, and chilling moments that we realized that we had almost gotten Tom killed.
We never wrestled again.
Tl;dr: We almost got our friend killed after knocking him out while wrestling and hiding him in a dumpster on trash day, and I still haven't forgiven myself for it.
I was probably about 6 or 7. My neighborhood friend and I wanted to "prank" all of our neighbors. This consisted of us melting gummy bears over a Ritz cracker, sneaking out around 6:00 in the morning, ringing the doorbells of everyone in the cul de sac and asking if they ordered a pizza while presenting the Ritz cracker abomination.
- Tried to take my cat into the bathtub with me.
- Touched the electric fence my grandfather had around his garden.
- My friends and I used to collect buckeyes, and I kept them on this one shelf in our living room. Until they attracted maggots.
So me and my cousins used to build go-carts out of lawnmowers and car parts when we were kids. To be more specific, while I did often help them put the go-carts together I was ALWAYS the test driver. So one day I got over to my cousin's place and they already had a turquoise one built and ready to go that I hadn't seen before. So I get in and start it up, just driving around in the neighborhood around 30mph. Turns out the brakes weren't hooked up to anything and I quickly started to freak out. Now understand these go-carts were by no means professionally made so to actually turn one of them off you had to turn around to the back where the engine is and unplug it. So I was basically barreling through the neighborhood screaming and crying until I just decided to run it into the side of a neighbor's house. Obviously I jumped out and into the grass right before it hit.
I was in kindergarten and we had a school field trip, and afterward we all got to go to the park and play on this really awesome playground. I had to poop, and the bathroom at the park had no lights and was full of nasty looking bugs, so I went and shit in the bushes and the teacher caught me as I was curling one off because I didn't hide that well. Fortunately she brought napkins for me to wipe my ass, something I hadn't thought about.
Not really 'dumb' but I was pretty autistic about my G.I. Joes and kept all of their weapons and helmets sorted out in zip-lock bags, and I kept the figures in very specific shoeboxes for Cobras and Joes. I would lose my shit if someone didn't put them back in the right bags or boxes. Say what you want about it, but I just wasn't one of those kids that lost my GI Joe stuff. I honestly wish I was that organized and OCD about more shit these days because my toolboxes are a clusterfuck.
A black dude that was best friends with my dad growing up would come by on Sundays for dinner when I was small, and he had a huge Afro. I wanted one of those afros because they looked so cool to me, and it seemed all fluffy and fun- and I actually cried when my mother explained why I couldn't have one.
I had listened to some of the wrong adult conversations apparently, and when one of my cousins tried to make me cry by telling me that Santa wasn't real, so I told him that the real reason he was moving was because his parents were getting divorced and his dad wasn't coming with them. I don't even think I realized what all that really meant, but my dad beat the shit out of me for it.
I had this Spider-Man book from the library, and for some reason I drew dicks on a lot of the pictures, just hanging off and spraying piss. I somehow knew this was wrong when I did it, and I freaked out, so I took a bunch of spray paint and just blasted every page and then tried to pretend I had no idea what happened. It was not effective, and even worse- you could still see the pissing dicks.
Me and my mates used to pitch together to get eggs, bog roll, fireworks, spraypaint and other shit just to go and terrorize this one particular nearby town when we were like 13 til the last night doing this when we got arrested for it when we would have been closer to 15
so we did this shit over about 6-7 outings over 2 years
first was a big night for halloween where about 9 of us went to this town, notable incidents from this:
-our Indian friend brought his dog's shit in a bag, we proceeded to smear this on windshields in a car park
-we egged some cars (more on this in a sec)
This night was mainly spent hiding in places, waiting for cars, throwing eggs at the cars (particularly as taxis have to go and wash the egg off before they can continue working which really riled them up, plus they're all pakis in that town lol)
before the night was out I threw an egg really hard at a sports car's windshield, according to two people the windshield may have actually cracked due to how hard I threw it combined with how fast he was travelling, he skidded to a halt and by that time we'd all ran into a nearby park
We could see him but he couldn't see us, and he went to the boot and got what looked like a crowbar or a large cold chisel and started screaming "COME OUT! COME OUT YOU PUSSIES I'LL KILL YOU" and then when we didn't do so, he started circling this park (it wasn't a large park like it was smaller than an average football pitch)
We ran for it when he'd just gone past where we were hiding and ended up running down an alley behind the houses adjacent gardens
There were some more less eventful such nights but I'll just bulletpoint the good shit and get to the two times when it got out of hand and the eventual arrest
-we egged some greebos and a fat man as he left KFC
-we stole some roadworks signs to bring cars to a halt so we could shoot fireworks and throw eggs at them
-we tp'd and egged a chippy
Then the group fell off, especially as fireworks and burning things in general came more into play, and it whittled down to a core group of 4 of us - I'll call them P, J, and M plus myself. One time when we went out vandalizing, we egged a paki's taxi and within about 5 minutes the entire area's paki population was after us, we ended up having to sneak out of that entire estate with them in cars and in groups walking looking for us - we were extremely lucky that night. The next time, M had brought some fireworks from home, and we figured out that we could position them like rockets on the cage/frame thing at the bottom of a billboard, conveniently so that they launched straight by the side of a bus shelter. Our plan was to hit a bus with one as it either just arrived or just left, wanting to see the simultaneous shocked reactions of the passengers. We saw one approaching, lit the firework, but then the bus left unexpectedly fast, and just as it was out of range the firework went off - flying into the road and exploding underneath the car in front of a police car. We immediately bricked it and ran off, luckily because we were basically on some undeveloped land that backs off onto fields and a sink estate we managed to get away and quickly get the bus to P's. Now for the night when we weren't so lucky - we went out near Bonfire Night, and had eggs, fireworks ect again. Had a pretty standard evening - sprayed dicks onto an art sculpture and a Chinese takeaway's shutter, set fire to some bins, egged a few taxis and ran away. Got late and we were on our way back to get the bus, M passes me an egg and says its the last one do what you want with it. So as we walked over a bridge over the main road, I decided to throw it down onto an oncoming car's windshield. Bang, tires screech, we giggle and start running down the stairs. He immediately does a u-turn (illegally on a main road lol) and blocks us from getting down that we. When we start running to the other end of the bridge he does the same. Panicked a bit but eventually managed to get to the other end of the bridge unseen so he was still at the end we'd ran to thinking we would come down those stairs. He sees us as we run off the bridge at the other end, and starts chasing us - we escaped him by running down an alley he couldn't drive down, don't know if he bothered to get out and run after us at all but we were long gone. Then as we were walking elsewhere, to go and get the bus, a police car comes round the corner with its sirens on - we presumed he'd called the police and ran off immediately. As we ran down another small cobbled alley, M tripped and hit the floor, but was up really fast and running again so I didn't think anything of it at the time. By chance me and P took one route, J and M took another, and me and P ended up losing the police and resolving to simply go back to P's, since if J and M had gotten away then they'd come and meet us or go home themselves one way or another. As we're going to get the bus, M calls me and tells me they'd gotten away and to meet him at a certain place - long story short when we got there, we saw J arguing with the police and M looking sheepish since he'd gotten us to meet him on their behalf. Cop asked if I was anon, I lied, he called me off of M's phone, it rang, he got pissed off, and we all got juvenile cautions lol.
When I was like six, my mom took a nap and I wanted to do that shaving cream in the hand prank. Didn’t have any shaving cream so I instead substituted laundry detergent. When the prank was done my mom took off running to the bathroom with bloodshot eyes and I was bewildered as to why the prank didn’t seem as funny as what I saw on tv. My mom was okay but damn if that wasn’t stupid.
I also snuck off into the woods one night armed with a wooden sword because I heard weird noises in there the night before and me being the fucking nerd I was decided I was gonna go in there and slay that thing before it hurt my family. Thank god I didn’t get too far before I got spooked and ran back inside, because looking back I’m pretty sure those weird noises were a pack of coyotes that would’ve thrashed my scrawny 9 year old ass.
Stink bombs were sold in a store near my house and a few friends of mine bought some and we ended up doing some pretty dumb things with them. The "biggest" that we did with them was tossing them into the bottom of a vending machine through the flap, and the other was throwing one into a car with an open window onto the drivers seat. Never stuck around to see the end result but I imagine it wasn't pleasant for whoever had to deal with it. I think these were the exact ones we used.
We would go stay with my aunt and cousins a lot, and get up to a lot of no-good. One that stands out is we put my youngest cousin in a shopping cart and pushed him down a hill. He ploughed into a fence, flipped over it and smashed his head on a rail
We all lied about it and thought nobody guessed what we did, only to be told several years later that everyone knew what we'd been up to.
Also: A kid from secondary school made my life hell. Would pick on me pretty mercilessly. Saw him walking home one day and I just snapped. Launched a can of soda pop at his head (it hit him, rare for me cos I'm a sped) then cut through a back yard and hid so he never figured out who it was.
here is another story. i think i was 5 at the time and a stole 50 dollors of my dads wallet to buy candy for around 5 dollars ( maybe even less). didint even bother taking the money i was given back and just left and ate my candy. didint take long until my dad found out and mom slapped the shit out of me. he went back too the store too pick up the cash i left but the store owner refused to give him the money which almost made him get into a fight with the owner but gave up. as punishment, i was slapped some more and no candy for a month.