Dumb things you did as a kid. - From bodily harm to embarrassment or anything that stood out as exceptional


A long time ago back in the early school days, we didn't have emailed report cards so the kids were expected to always take the thing home, have the parents sign, and bring it back to the teacher. Now, there wasn't much getting around having low grades because a bunch of kids are too stupid to figure out how to forge a signature but what I could do was mess around with things slowly until it was time for that card. Thinking I was clever at the time, I'd always bring in my graded work, making sure to set anything with a C or above in an easy-to-find stack making it look like I was just getting clutter out of my backpack but at night, I'd hide away all the "F"s and "D"s that I'd get in trouble for into a small crevice behind the racecar bed that my parents never thought to look into. Whenever I had a chance, I'd just take all the bad grades and sneak them out to burn or toss into someone else's trash so even if they checked, chances were they'd just find an empty spot. Now, this led to a long drawn out feud between my parents and the teacher as they demanded to know how I was making such a bad grade on the card when all the work I brought home showed that I was doing well in class. The teacher hated me and was trying to get me on some meds because she was annoyed with me doing stuff like tapping pencils on the desk and leaning back in my chair, nothing really warranting going that far. Well, after a failed attempt at searching my room and finding nothing, my parents sided with me and I kinda rode through that year getting hell from that teacher but at least I didn't get grounded so I'd still get to play videogames whenever I got home. That's all I really cared about back then.

Dr. Henry Armitage

Head librarian at Miskatonic University
True & Honest Fan
In kindergarten my teacher was giving away a pair of sunglasses as a prize for something. She had an example pair that she had written her name on and put on her desk so the students would see them and be motivated. And I REALLY wanted to win them. So I did what anyone would do, I stole them. I went home proud as can be to show my mom my prize. it didn't take her long to realize what i did. She beat me for it because if people found out it would make her look bad. She made me apologize to my teacher the next day for stealing them. I didn't want to win a pair after that.

Oh God, I have more... When I was really tiny, I had a favorite blankie. Actually, it was an old faded to hell flannel nightgown that used to belong to mom. Its name was Snuggie, And I loved that fucking thing. I did something or was just being a defiant little bitch, and as punishment, mom grabbed Snug and ripped it in half. Being the smart ass little shit I was I just said, "oh now I have TWINS". I think my logic defeated mom's anger, and I got my twin Snuggies back. I still have Snug incorporated in a quilt I made of childhood blankets and clothing. But no damn socks.
That reminds me of something my mom did. When i was 6 or 7 I had this tye dye shirt i really liked to sleep in. I was like 3 sizes to big but it was super soft and comfy. My mom hated it for some unknown reason. And because shes extremely selfish and self centered she decided to destroy my favorite shirt. One day she calls me in to the living room and cuts it up in front of me laughing the hole time. When I asked her why she straight up told me its because she didn't like it. she threatened to hit me if i got any of it out of the trash.

Slimy Time

Fisting gone wrong
I had a battery operated spinning top toy. You put the top into the launcher, spun it and pressed a button and it would fly up and hover in the air. Pretty damn cool for a kid. One day it was showing it off to my kid/toddler sister, thought it would be a fun thing to do to would be to spin it up with her long, never before cut hair in between the top to see what happened. It went as you imagined, her hair was tangled with the toy, absolutely impossible to disentangle it from the toy.

She started to cry, both because she was hurt from it and the fact that she had this top stuck in her hair. Shitting myself at the thought of getting the fuck beat out of me for doing something so monumentally re.tarded. I ran out and got the scissors and snipped off her hair,then had to get her to swear that she would never tell our parents. This was in spite of her having a noticeablely shorter portion of hair at the front of her head.

Thankfully she covered for me, said she did it and got told off for using scissors. Great, all clear, they will never know. I ruined my cool toy, but I wasn't going to get smacked around. The day goes on, we go to bed, and my sister asks to sleep with my parents. Next day. I wake up to 2 absolutely fucking furious parents, ready to belt the shit out of me. Turns out she woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare and told them what happened. That day was not a pleasant one.

At least in hindsight it was a memorable event between all of us.

Edit: Also remember deciding to do some WWE wrestling with kids my age, ended up giant swinging a kid and thought it would be fun to giant swing him headfirst into a pillar. You can guess how that went. Didnt seem to learn my lesson years later. Ended up drunkenly deciding to repeat something similar when I reached my teens with some friends, ended up being tackled by another lunatic down a hit and ended up narrowly missing slamming my head into a large rock. This screwed up my semicircular until I got it fixes
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Meaty Spaghetti

Me and few kids I hung out with once filled a shopping cart full of cinderblocks and pushed it down a steep hill road where there is a good amount of traffic, this is also back when you could Run and get away with shit, don't know if it the shopping cart hit anything because I never heard any police sirens or nothing
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Like most kids, I was really excited about the prospect of the tooth fairy giving me money. The first day I had a tooth that just barely moved when I touched it I couldn't wait for it to come out. Imagine my disappointment when my mom told me it'd be a little while before it was ready to come out. After a whole few hours my patience had worn out.

I had a plan. I went into the bathroom and grabbed my toothbrush. I proceeded to spend the next however long beating the tooth with the end of the toothbrush until it was loose enough to pull out. I ran out of the bathroom, blood trailing down my arm, tooth in hand, to tell my mom that I was ready for the tooth fairy. She was understandably not as excited as I was. My joy overrode any pain.

Bitch only gave me 50 cents.

Meaty Spaghetti

when i was like 8 or 9 years, I told my cousin who is half black he was 4 or 5, Hey I got a game we can play, I'll be the KKK man and you be the Nigger, when my cousins mother (who is white) found out and got pissed and so did my mother, but my Dad thought it was the funniest thing he ever heard


You don't know what hard times are daddy.
The same kid from shoe theft story is back again this time it involved a can of mace my sister had that we swiped, while he was doing something or other his brother and I thought it would be funny to spray it on his new bike he got for his birthday so we do. This was the old school time release shit so he didn't hit the ground writhing in agony until he was at the end of the block to show how fast he could go, well we had a good laugh until that mace started to kick in on us as it was all over our hands.


1) i saw how easy it was for heroes in movies to jump off buildings and land safely, so i jumped off the roof. the ground was a lot harder in real life than it seemed in movies.

2) i loved the smell of lemons, and i saw a container with a lemon on the cover, so i opened it and took a big whiff. it was lemon-scented ammonia.

3) i had to take music lessons. i didn't want to. i would consistently lie to the music teacher and say i practiced several hours per day, when i hadn't touched the piano all week. i somehow thought i'd fool the teacher, even though weeks later i still couldn't play 'three dancing bears.'

4) when i was a little older, i had a bow and arrows i'd inherited from my older siblings. i invented a game i called archery golf, where i would have to shoot the arrows and have them land in a hula hoop on the ground. that's fine so far. but i'd put the hula hoop in the back and stand in the front and fire the arrows over the house. of course i didn't tell anyone i was doing this. it's lucky i never hit anyone with an arrow.


i Would oovoo with people from my town/city and even school I didn’t know in person or very well. Most of these people I met on Facebook (I was 12-14) or through my one friend in school (she would tell me to add them). It got us in a lot of drama and weird times, as most of these people were... very interesting. long story short.


i thought of two more, both from junior high chemistry.

1) we were given some substance and were supposed to do various tests to see if it was a salt. instead of wasting my time with the tests, i tasted it. it tasted like salt. i told the teacher. it had in fact been table salt, because the teacher was smart enough to know he was teaching junior high school students who will do stupid things like taste the chemicals in the lab. but he explained to me that 'salt' in chemistry doesn't normally mean table salt.

2) my older sister was in college, and when we were learning in junior high chemistry about acid reactions, she told me to make sure to ask my teacher about half-acid reactions. so the next day in class i asked him to tell us about half-acid reactions. he covered his smile with his hand, and told me he'd tell me about them after class. then after class he asked me where i'd heard about them, and i said, 'my older sister.' he said, 'ah, that explains it.' since you're reading this instead of hearing it out loud, there is no such thing as half-acid reactions. my sister just got me to say 'half assed reactions' in class.

Smaug's Smokey Hole

Epic has the right idea.
Back in kindergarten when I was 5 or so a girl of the same age started going there, or was enrolled, I don't know what to call it. Her family had just moved to our town in Sweden from Australia, I think her father worked for GE and relocated for something. Anyway, they had just arrived and naturally she only spoke English which none of us kids did. Except for me, I had picked up exactly ONE word and I decided to use it to impress her because she was cute. That word was 'blood'.

So I walked up to her and said it, more than once of course, I was trying to start some kind of conversation after all. Another kid picked up on it and joined in. Then it spread to all the boys and girls. Standing around the Australian girl and repeatedly saying blood was now how we communicated with her.

After the first week I never saw her again, must have changed kindergarten.

Count groudon

Concentration camp counselor
True & Honest Fan
Tried to make a Molotov out of a soda can and an old napkin when I was 7. Wind blew it out as soon as I lit it.

Saw someone do it in a movie and randomly decided to try it out. Genuinely didn’t occur to me that I’d have to use a flammable liquid and a breakable container for it to work, nor how much I’d probably fuck everything up if it’d actually worked.

I was an exceedingly stupid kid.