Educating Phil - or, you can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think.

[rizlajizzla]

This is really gay and optimistic but it might be fun.

Your mission is to lock Phil in a very small room with one thing to read, one thing to watch, one thing to listen to and one food to eat. Or some shit like that, you get the idea, whatever. You get 5 things.

They will influence him deeply, for better or worse.

What bits of culture or philosophy or art or food would you shove into his worldview, violently and with no lubrication?

I am not sure of mine yet, but an example of a way to torture him:

1. The Tori Amos album Boys for Pele
2. Real Turkish Delight
3. Steel Magnolias
4. A biography of the French Writer Collette

or

1. 4 copies of any album by Cher
2. a bag of damp cheetos.
   
   
   Spoiler: I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay. We're totally gay. 50/50

   

 

[Wood Glue]

Five copies of this book.

 

[BatChatillon]

One thing to read: "Die Antwort auf die Träume" by Rainer Winkler
One thing to watch: Manos - The Hands Of Fate
One thing to listen: "Lulu" by Lou Reed feat. Metallica
One thing to eat: Surströmming
One extra item: a hugbox

 

[ES 148]

5 guys

 

[metroid_fetish]

Gin, TIHYDP playlist, nudes of Panda, bank statements, and a bonus loaded shotgun.

 

[NOT Sword Fighter Super]

Siege is the answer for everything.

 

[Wurstbrot]

I'm so glad Rizla is back.

1. Torture human interaction: A Chinese talkative male, both can't understand each other and Phil calls him Chicki Chacka Chang Wang.

2. Torture entertainment: The famous kiddo game Pop-Up Pirate OR Crocodile Dentist / Crocodoc.

3. Torture feels: A monitor linked to several webcams where Tevin and Kat live together - in DSP's house.
* He's also allowed to watch Ninja instead

4. His tiny room is actually located in front of the landscapers training ground, busy every day.

Dave is immune to any learning process and self-awareness, so I won't even try. The abscence of gin, smartphone and Netflix is hard enough to comprehend.

 

[The Nameless Protagonist]

1. To torture him in terms of reading, i'll give him the Unabomber Manifesto. Even DSP can acknowledge its autism.
2. For video torment, i'll hook him up with compilations of FGC people making fun of him.
3. For his food, he'll have a choice: Raw Pufferfish or Soft-Boiled Fetal Ducks.
4. He'll get to listen to Liquid Richard Rap albums.

 

[thebonesauce]

I would seriously just force him to watch all of his content, all 50k+ of his videos, from start to finish, and see if he doesn’t come out a changed man. For bonus points force him to listen to prestreams he didn’t record intentionally.

 

[m0rnutz]

Sein und Zeit, a salad, and a book on contemporary modern feminism written by the lovely sped Roxanne Gay.

 

[Prince Lotor]

I would lock him in a 1 bedroom apartment for a week.

Film: He would be forced to begin and end his day by viewing the Japanese Psychosexual Body-horror 'Tetsuo: Iron Man' by Shinya Tsukamoto.

Spoiler: Full Film (Phil would get a version with English Subs

Music: He would have to listen to the Devin Townsend Project album 'Trancendence' in full at least once per day.

Spoiler: Full Album

Books: He must read Robert Anton Wilson's books Prometheus Rising and Quantum Psychology: How Brain Software Programs You and Your World for the rest of the time each day.

Food: Raw fucking vegetables, each bite of which must be chewed 40 times before swallowed. Raw fruits. Chickpeas for protein. Only water and Green and/or White Tea.

Extra 'Item': A Dominatrix to enforce arbitrary strictures at her discretion, as Phil cowes in the face of strong women who will hit him.

If no change is observed in his massive fagotry after a week's time the Dominatrix is to surgically castrate him and send him on his way.

 

[King Buzzo]

This is autistic, but...

Book: Salted: A Manifesto on the World's Most Essential Mineral, with Recipes
Food: Salt
Watch: Documentaries on salt or live footage of salt mining
Listening Material: Audio book of Salted by a very dry narrator
And a picture of a water bottle being drained.

 

[Clop]

Well I would make him read every single page on his thread here but he already does so

(I can't stop reading "whore to culture" as "horticulture")

 

[Heckler1]

An exercise bike, a supply of veggies, Ecclesiastes on book on tape, A speaker that plays Lee Ermy insults whenever Phil starts to whine, and a book.

Spoiler: The Book

 

[This+]

Read: Infinite Jest

Watch: Empire by Andy Warhol

Listen: That one art video where Yoko Ono just screams into the mic for 3 minutes

Eat: Caesar salad with very light dressing of his choice

 

[DragoonSierra]

pictures of a more successful man boning pandalee

 

[rizlajizzla]

I'm so glad Rizla is back.

Nigger, Imma just get banned again for being the realest motherfucker on the internet. Or get sick again and fuck off.

Food: Raw fucking vegetables, each bite of which must be chewed 40 times before swallowed. Raw fruits. Chickpeas for protein. Only water and Green and/or White Tea.

Extra 'Item': A Dominatrix to enforce arbitrary strictures at her discretion, as Phil cowes in the face of strong women who will hit him.

If no change is observed his massive fagotry after a week's time the Dominatrix is to surgically castrate him and send him on his way.

Dude, I would pay good money for that weekend.

Well I would make him read every single page on his thread here but he already does so

(I can't stop reading "whore to culture" as "horticulture")

The phrase will never be the same. Dorothy Parker is the best. Go read.

Read: Infinite Jest

Watch: Empire by Andy Warhol

Listen: That one art video where Yoko Ono just screams into the mic for 3 minutes

Eat: Caesar salad with very light dressing of his choice

Now, I like this one. Is gin a dressing?

pictures of a more successful man boning pandalee

sooooo, literally any man. Gotcha.

 

[Nurse Ratchet]

He does not deserve the Boys For Pele album.

 

[rizlajizzla]

He deserves to have Starfucker screamed into his face by a large Klingon for 4 hours.