Eleanor Amaranth Lockhart / Luke Emory Armstrong Lockhart / BootlegGirl / Something Ellie / kushielsscion - Ex-communications professor, Amy Lee fan, wannabe game dev, excessive tweeter, inverse Pol Pot, has harassed an indie dev for over a year, "victim of Bernie bros"

What's next for Luke?

  • Kills himself when he realizes that surgical mutilation isn't a magic cure-all to his problems

    Votes: 42 29.2%
  • Becomes obsessed with perceived flaws and goes on a never-ending treadmill of plastic surgeries

    Votes: 60 41.7%
  • Becomes addicted to painkillers

    Votes: 14 9.7%
  • Finds some new autistic fixation and chases after it

    Votes: 23 16.0%
  • Parents force him to work to pay off the $20k he owes them for covering his dick chop

    Votes: 2 1.4%
  • Realizes he's miserable because of his horrible personality, changes, becomes functioning citizen

    Votes: 3 2.1%

  • Total voters
    144

repentance

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
It definitely says something about Luke that he sees basic emotional and ideological bonds as some kind of Majestic 12 deep black information network. Makes me wonder how long he actually would have lasted in academia given his inability to schmooze and ingratiate himself with others.
He's mentioned before that he was aware people were only civil to him because they had no choice. We know he's not good at hiding his petty jealousy, so he could never have lasted in the brutal world of academia.
 

Wallace

Cram it in me, baby!
kiwifarms.net
I think we pretty much already got the answer there when he crashed out of his gig at Rowan. I'm sure it's not the only reason his brain blew out like a bald retread, because Luke can't handle most facets of normal life, but dealing with co-workers and career advancement had to be part of it.
Like all autists, he doesn't understand how social dynamics works. In this case, Luke doesn't get that "queer" is a monoculture where everyone is into the same thing and everyone is friends with one another, and once again, he can't comprehend that people are excluding him not out of malice, but because he's annoying to be around.
 

The Final Troondown

Title VII Protected Trans Nigga
kiwifarms.net
I forget if he's ever named names on this one, but he laid out the bones of the story a little while back:

View attachment 1438182View attachment 1438183

In a broader sense, all-powerful Illuminati-style trans gamer polycules are one of Luke's recurring boogeymen. He occasionally brings up the subject of one in Portland that is among the shadowy forces responsible for locking him out of his dream career as a game developer. Similar to Jake Alley's obsession with mysterious WHISPER NETWORKS that are out to destroy him.

ETA: If Luke doesn't have you roboblocked, search twitter for "@bootleggirl portland" and you will find some wild, wild shit.

View attachment 1438198
I know exactly how he feels
This february just gone my friend was taking his girlfriend out for valentines day so I asked if I could come along and he said NO! I can't believe he'd rather hang out with that SLUT just because they're in a relationship!
 

Tragi-Chan

A thousand years old
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Like all autists, he doesn't understand how social dynamics works. In this case, Luke doesn't get that "queer" is a monoculture where everyone is into the same thing and everyone is friends with one another, and once again, he can't comprehend that people are excluding him not out of malice, but because he's annoying to be around.
The geek social fallacies as applied to queer politics.
 

Wallace

Cram it in me, baby!
kiwifarms.net
Luke's been in a TLOU2-inspired manic phase. He's written another lengthy spergfest, because that worked out for him so well last time.

Lies, Spore Zombies, and Queer Trauma: Don’t Believe the Negative Hype about The Last of Us Part II

In so many ways The Last of Us (both parts) form the culmination of my lifetime relationship to video games that started when I was eight and has continued all the way to (I shudder to speak it) thirty-two. But above all, the first game played what is now a highly ironic role in helping me move past a block in my life that was keeping me trapped, through helping me conceptualize my relationship with my father in a new way.
He seems to have these epiphanies every few years or so. This is gonna be good.

I did not want to write a critical response to objections to the second game and the franchise as a whole; I did not want to be put in what will be inevitably characterized as defending a piece of corporate art made under ethically questionable conditions when there are, allegedly, I’ve been told, equally good examples of outsider art that meet the same criteria (the narrator chimes in at this point, “there are not.”) I really didn’t want to write another essay that will potentially go viral about the political themes of a game that centers on a queer young woman in her somewhat small minded rural American town who has guitar minigames you’re intentionally meant to fail and asks questions about violence, because that did not go well for me last time and I’m still living with the consequences of writing that essay. But, here we are.
"I know what I'm doing is going to bite me in the ass, but I'm going to do it anyway, and then I'll cry foul when the completely predictable consequences of my actions strike!"

If it’s true that Naughty Dog drove their animators to hospitalization through burnout, that sucks and it’s not something that I want to see happen in the name of making good entertainment for me as a consumer. I would gladly tell game director Neil Druckmann — represented in The Last of Us Part II as a supervillain from the pre-spore zombie apocalypse equivalent of Marvel comics, who also has poor labor practices — that I would gladly have a less smooth and “realistic” image of my player character hitting someone in the head with a spiked bat if it meant that people got to go home and get vacation time. That sucks. It’s endemic in the games industry. It’s also endemic to my former field, academia, and it’s why I personally am between careers myself. I can attest that I have seen the kinds of burnout described as happening to Naughty Dog animators happen to young, bright academics, especially those from marginalized backgrounds, over and over again. I’ve also heard stories of it from non-games coding (although people I trust tell me that games is worse than not-games, at least for programmers), medicine even long before COVID-19, and of course service work of all kinds. None of this is a justification, but, as I’m going to get into later in the essay, we live in a hellish wasteland already (which is one of the reasons the post-apocalyptic setting of these games seems, to me, to be very much “what we need right now” and not “what we don’t need right now.”) I acknowledge the problems are there, but I don’t think boycotting this particular game at this particular moment will be read the way people would want it to be, and I’d rather not see it happen. Your mileage may vary, but this essay’s purpose is not to engage with that.
Yes, because the coof and the state of Twitter are the same as the zombie apocalypse.

People began to point out that in this time of an actual pandemic which, I’ve myself pointed out is from a hard science perspective far more contagious and likely to disrupt society in a major way than spore zombies that work the way the games show them working, people have come together to protest police violence, actually take over part of Seattle without killing anyone, and form “mutual aid networks” (the last of which I’m skeptical of in real life for reasons outside the scope of this essay).
Nah, they just killed themselves.

The point I never expected nor wanted to address. Frankly, as a person who is transgender, I’ve reached the point of my transition (seven years on, which, yes, is also the distance between the original Last of Us game and today, and yes, the two are related) where I don’t really want to be defined by that. I don’t want to (nor do I have a chance at pulling off) go “stealth” and erase my past, but I also don’t want to be known as “that trans girl who blogs about cultural stuff.” I want to transcend my trans identity in this respect.
So... what does he want then? He doesn't want to be trans, doesn't want to be a stealth woman, what's left?

Abby is not conventionally attractive the way Ellie is. I’ve historically maintained that The Gamers, by which I mean the kind of people who tend to hang out on toxic forums and construct Gates if you catch my meaning, put homophobia above anything else and would rather play a straight woman than a gay one, but in this case that’s not true, probably because they spent four years getting used to the idea of playing as one specific lesbian, and this straight woman happens to look a lot more like they imagine lesbians or *shudder* trans people look. I understand why Naughty Dog hid her from us, although ultimately this game is a lost cause in terms of appealing to the toxic gamer crowd (and I think they knew that) — which is why disingenuous critiques from the left-wing side of things bother me so much.
Gamergaaate!

Last note, on my personal connection: I was in the closet, living under a male identity much later in life than I wish I had waited, when I played The Last of Us at release in 2013. This was largely due to my issues with my father, a cowboy-styled Texan man who has mannerisms incredibly like Joel’s to the point that nearly every scene with Joel makes me think he’s talking to me, and usually makes me cry — because I knew he wouldn’t understand or accept. When I originally played I was enraged at Joel’s choice to destroy the Fireflies and save Ellie, because I felt it “violated her agency” — which is almost exactly how Ellie phrases things in Part II. I had played as her during the part where Joel was in a coma and felt she had the right to decide for herself.

I quickly realized that the intensity of my anger at the first game’s ending was a result of my anger at my father for keeping me in the closet until age 25. I realized I couldn’t let him make decisions for me. I remembered that my mother had told me many times my name at birth would have been “Eleanor,” which was similar to Ellie, and when I chose that name upon deciding to come out of the closet three days after completing The Last of Us, I knew I would probably end up with the nickname Ellie. It seemed like a good symbol at the time. Of course Naughty Dog didn’t intend this, and the ending of The Last of Us has nothing to do with being trans. What I find amazing is that they then went and did a sequel where the character who basically picks up Joel’s mantle literally does defend their kid against transphobia, as the primary arc — what I always wanted, but never got, from my father. In many ways, apart from the tragic decision and lie and its consequences, Joel is the father I wish I had — certainly, almost punching a guy for being homophobic toward Ellie shows that even with his flaws, he’s more ideal in that respect than my own dad. But the idea that this series is not a deeply queer narrative now that we have both games, or that such a narrative shouldn’t be told, seems frankly obscene to me.
Luke isn't writing at Jake Alley levels of incoherence, but he does suffer a case of apophenia. He consumes some piece of nerd culture that he likes and tries to wedge his own personal life into the same mold, including a few retcons. He did it with The Matrix, he did it with the new Star Wars films. I've never played TLOU2 and don't care to, so maybe someone who knows more about the game could try reading this?
 

constant exposure

Too much too young
kiwifarms.net
Luke goes off on some game developer who dared criticize TLOU2
screencapture-twitter-BootlegGirl-status-1282151150729474048-2020-07-13-00_56_14.png
But he has some worries about the game himself
trf.png

terf.png


Luke tries his hand at googleshnging. TLDR; it's gamergate's fault people don't like TLOU2
Ok, so these are some thoughts prompted by the Last of Us 2 reaction in the gaming press, but informed by and going back to my experience with gaming since 2013. A few background notes first:
- I was there for the start of GG, when it was still something "normies" weren't sure about it being good or bad.
- I wrote a PhD thesis and received my PhD, writing about geek culture from a feminist standpoint. GG was a major chapter.
- in that thesis, I cited all of the usual suspects on the GG and anti-GG sides, as well as some personal interactions (this latter part is now considered ethically dubious as I understand, but at the time, Twitter was considered a public text repository and fair game to cite)
- among the "usual suspects" on the "good guy" side was a certain extremely anti trans journalist known for an Atlantic article and recently signing a petition with Wizard Book Lady. He's one of the first sources in my dissertation
- I bring this up to remind folks that there were some...interesting,to say the least, ideological alliances during the period I was studying
-there's some non-public info I'm privy to that gives me STRONG reason to suspect transphobia played a role in which victims got support
Ok, that's the background. Here's what I want to say G*merG*te fundamentally shifted gaming discoursed such that while games journalism was not particularly left leaning as it was accused of, it has taken on a particular convenient leftism since. I don't know the reasons for this and I didn't study it directly, but I suspect this was and is an effort to disambiguate from GG and signal not being part of GG. Which is a good thing, but I do not believe what actually came about is a fair or equitable situation for everyone. Going back a second, GG was motivated as much by homophobia and transphobia as by misogyny, if not more. My dissertation has ample evidence of this. Furthermore, the homophobia and transphobia predated GG - that's also in the dissertation. The *primary way* misogyny was part of the discourse of the gamers who would go on to become GG was denial that women were interested in games, and employment of transphobia to defend this against contrary evidence. This is the origin of my username on here. I was (correctly, but not based on good evidence) identified as transgender by a MRA-identified user (a few months before Baldwin coined the GG hashtag) because I said I liked games and was a girl. Hence, bootleg girl. So, here's the thing: they disliked Depression Quest because it was the kind of game they could see cis ("real" to them, they were conscious of trans women gamers and believed all female gamers were trans) women liking. They didn't want this. Again, there's ample textual evidence to support this. ZQ identified as a cis woman at the time, and they didn't really contest that although they relied on other harmful stereotypes of cis women, what was important to them was to deny her status as a gamer. Their targeting of AS/FemFreq was similar, and here's where I have to start carefully wording my argument. They believed that AS/FemFreq were not gamers and did not like games. To my knowledge no one seriously accused AS of being trans,at least partly bc she was axiomatically Not a Gamer. So all of this put together, the GG worldview was that cis ("real," again, I'm not pretending they used the term cis) women did not like games, any gamer who identified as female was either a "false" (trans, "bootleg") woman or a false gamer. FURTHER, games cis women liked were axiomatically not games. And they had a very clear definition of those games, and this highlights their ideological contradiction but also I think formed a poison pill for our side. Gone Home and Depression Quest were the two big punching bags. Full disclosure, I like the former and dislike the latter. Both include queer themes. This is where the GG contradiction comes in - they believed queer ppl, including trans women, were more likely to be represented in "false games" that only cis women liked. Again, if anyone doubts the ideological assertions I'm making about what GG believed, I can provide cites to back them up Anyway, this is a weird thing to believe, right? You can see why they believe it but it also doesn't make a lot of sense, objectively. The contradiction being, they thought someone like me, a woman who likes action and strategy and non-adventure/non-indie/non-expert mental games, must be trans, because no "true" woman likes "true" games. In my case they were correct that I was trans but that's irrelevant. What doesn't make sense is that they thought we would prefer the games we aren't represented in And I think you see how I'm looping this back in to contemporary discourse, and why I had to word things carefully and am nervous about this thread. At least in my case they're right. While I like Gone Home, I much prefer, say, Bioshock, to use an example of a "real game" that was out at the time. The presence of LGB representation in that, or of potential trans rep through gender ambiguity in Depression Quest, was not enough to satisfy me as a game. What I think has happened is that the establishment of games thought and analysis has,as they should, rejected GG's bigoted analysis that tries to set clear gender categories for who can be a gamer. But they've also accepted the belief that Our People don't like traditional games. This next part is REALLY a thread-the-needle-carefully situation. Preface, AS and those associated with Feminist Frequency didn't deserve the shit they got and nothing I'm saying is "GG was right about them". But FemFreq absolutely AT ONE TIME opposed traditional games. I'm told that this isn't AS's belief system so much as that of a collaborator who is no longer part of her project. To me it's irrelevant - what matters is that the obscene harassment campaign against FemFreq and anyone who supported it caused many of its views to gain support. The idea that action games are for men, and that women - I'm sure everyone involved with FemFreq would consider cis and trans women the same here - don't like them, has been internalized by the gaming press and intelligentsia, as a reaction to GG. It's not true though. There's nothing about being female or queer that makes you more or less likely to want to pretend to shoot a bunch of things, people, or aliens, on a computer screen. But both GG and the current gaming intelligentsia believe that there IS something making this the case. I think the argument as it has evolved is probably something-to those who believe it consciously rather than subconsciously, which I think is the dominant form of belief-along the lines of "queer people and women know trauma and are empathetic, so they dislike fictional violence". I believe this is harmful and invalidating. I have some complex thoughts on why I do think it particularly impacts trans people, but the fact is that large numbers of women and queer people DO like violent, traditional video games. That's the thing, see? Twine and the kind of nontraditional, experimental games that were GG's bugbear and also championed by anti-GG, are from the past decade. There WERE games like that before, but the large numbers of female identified gamers played the same games as men. And we still do. To circle back around to my preface, my citing of J*S* in my dissertation - I didn't know he was bad at the time, a lot of us didn't - and his close support for the mainline resistance to GG indicates to me that that resistance became tainted with essentialism. And, in conclusion, that's why I think that games journalists today accept GG premises that are outwardly queerphobic and ultimately misogynistic when they emphasize removing violence from video games rather than inclusion of diverse identities in games. A lot of us women gamers, "bootleg" or otherwise, have been playing the same games the Terrible Dudebro Gamers have, and our problem with those games has been not seeing ourselves in them - not the gameplay or philosophical issues. My final comment is that as harassment descended on indie game devs who were not straight men (and some straight men, to be fair) during GG, I saw who got defended. I'm not naming names because it's not my place, but I saw at least one woman who was developing a traditional style tactics game mocked for having allegedly poor graphics and character models, while text games about sex or whatever were praised. Y'all bought GG's line about who female gamers are hook line and sinker.
screencapture-twitter-BootlegGirl-status-1282426945955823616-2020-07-13-01_23_12.png
 
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Kosher Dill

Potato Chips
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Luke tries his hand at googleshnging. TLDR; it's gamergate's fault people don't like TLOU2
Much like authentic googleshngs by Googleshng, this is chock-a-block with stuff that would get him cancelled to infinity if a single person actually read it. (Autists like us aren't people, so it's fine)

Gays and trans people were Top Victim in Gamergate rather than women?
Gamergate believed all women who play games are trans?
Depression Quest was bad and had insufficient LGBTQ representation?
Game journalists hold retrograde stereotypes about women?
People who say women like "indie-style" games have drunk the Gamergate Kool-Aid?

CANCEL, CANCEL, CANCEL!
 

Tragi-Chan

A thousand years old
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Luke goes off on some game developer who dared criticize TLOU2
View attachment 1444037
He actually likes suffering, doesn’t he? I’ve never seen anyone fight so hard to find some way to be victimised. The aim is to have something to whine about, and he doesn’t much care what as long as it gives him some wrong to brood over.

I sometimes wonder if the reason he has such unrealistic expectations of GRS and Asia is because he knows they’ll give him failure after failure to cry about.
 

kaien

kiwifarms.net
He actually likes suffering, doesn’t he? I’ve never seen anyone fight so hard to find some way to be victimised. The aim is to have something to whine about, and he doesn’t much care what as long as it gives him some wrong to brood over.
It's one of those chicken and egg things, kinda. His brain is mired so deep in fantasyland that nothing sort of magically transforming into a teenage lesbian robot pilot will truly make him happy. Is the impossible dream just a means to the end of being a miserable motherfucker? I guess that's one for a psychiatrist.
 
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Hugbox Kommissar

You wouldn't download an ideology
kiwifarms.net
"Didn't try to develop a larger than life weirdo reputation" sure buddy there were tons of posters creating near-weekly threads that were literally "wooo guess how drunk I am this weekend! Let's all talk about our fetishes in detail!"

At least he can take solace in the fact that rpg.net is slowly dying and eventually his posts on there will be as forgotten as some emo kid's MySpace page.
 

Tragi-Chan

A thousand years old
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
If a work means that much to you, then it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks. You can know something isn’t great and still love it. All that matters is that you enjoy it. I don’t get why Luke can’t just shrug and say, “Well, I like it for all its flaws, because I identify with this character.”
Luke will never find acceptance, because his idea of a community that accepts him is one that only likes the things he likes, that abandons whatever they’re into in order to make this hysterical flesh-golem happy. His problem isn’t the popular kids dictating opinions, it’s that he’s not the one doing the dictating.
 

Water-T

Zach made me clean the shower with my mouth again
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
WHY CAN'T EVERY ONE STOP HAVING DIFFERENT OPINIONS THAN ME? IT IS LITERALLY KILLING MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

NOT HAVING A VIDEO GAME CHARACTER BASED ON ME IS KILLING MEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I SHOULD BE JUST AS FAMOUS AND RICH AS ANITA! SAYING THIS WILL SURELY NOT RESULT IN PUSH BACK AGAINST MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

LOL. Troons just can't help blaming gamergate on their problems, even when it had fuck all to do with it But sure - it was gamergate totally made Luke cut off his dick and become a weeaboo NEET. :story:
 
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repentance

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Troons just can't help blaming gamergate on their problems, even when it had fuck all to do with it But sure - it was gamergate totally made Luke cut off his dick and become a weeaboo NEET. :story:
I thought he only had FFS and vocal surgery.
 

Wallace

Cram it in me, baby!
kiwifarms.net
Luke will never find acceptance, because his idea of a community that accepts him is one that only likes the things he likes, that abandons whatever they’re into in order to make this hysterical flesh-golem happy. His problem isn’t the popular kids dictating opinions, it’s that he’s not the one doing the dictating.
Luke doesn't want a community, he wants a bunch of clones of himself who all have exactly the same interests and never, ever disagree or argue about anything. In his logic, if you don’t like that thing that I’m doing/not doing, it means you don’t like me, so obviously we have to break up. This goes the other way, too. If we have a disagreement about something, you're rejecting me. Like his gender, he's chasing a mythical ideal that cannot reasonably exist in the real world, and he gets depressed when reality doesn't live up to his expectations.
 
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