End of 2020 catch-all ALR discussion -

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Slappy McGherkin

Bartender? Make that a double.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
My prediction is simple. More tacky earrings and another plastic organizer/dumpster to store them in and occasionally fawn over on camera. Lots of sausage-size finger pointing at them, but no admission of being a hoarder.

Or if you will, the sheer weight of compression of the stacks of unused journals causes them to spontaneously combust and burns their hovel to the ground. They survive, but move back to the Holler to a single wide trailer, only to discover Hamber cannot fit through the door.
 

Clown Baby

karate snowmachine chops'it
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
With Amber living in an apartment that is solely her responsibility for the first time maybe ever, and given how she tends to hoard up places and let the animals fuck it up with stink (plus her own stink), I'm hoping for a "STORYTIME: I GOT EVICTED | totally not my fault" video in 2021
 

Borbie Dahl

Among Which!
kiwifarms.net
Amber is, unfortunately, approaching that season in her life where injury & illness are not so easily slept off anymore. Her ‘mind frame’ is that of a girl in perpetual adolescence. No idea what’s coming next, zero life experience, & she will be dressed ‘to the nines’ to meet her destiny. (Didn’t intend the pun, but it works).
As Amber chooses the perfect earrings & statement accessories for the day’s adventure, I sincerely hope she makes it back home to upload her film. I fear we might be in for a lot more ER trips. Immune system issues are a given. Amber will continue to get infections, & I’d wager her biggest life threat to be secondary infection following a simple scrape or cut. Aside from immune system, a fall, even from standing, would be a catastrophe. We know she’s not climbing any ladders or doing anything like that so no worries there, but a regular slip situation type style would be big trouble in little Lexington.
I hope these things don’t happen, but I’m betting they do. Amber better figure out if she wants a life & fast. Change can only come from her, and she’s out of time. Vlog mass 2021 could be filmed in a nursing home. If she can afford it. Would any family take in a broken Amber with tag along thumb butler? If amber were to fall an break an ankle? Anyone? Who? That’s a good starting point for determining what’s important this coming year Amber. Should you be pleasing all these folks who wouldn’t know your name if you were calling from jail? Real tawk. (I know you’re not going to jail, the point is thinking about who actually cares for you).
If Amber is going to keep the circus rolling & forget about health, hope, & happiness, then sweet Jesus let there be legs. Please. Show of the goods momma. What’s left anyway?! You’re not a wholesome example of womanhood. You’ve decided a long time ago that Amberlynn is a clown, so go on & be a clown then.
 

Situation Type Deal Gorl

Fuck your feelings, nancypants
kiwifarms.net
ETA i also hopes she starts out strong with a big list of grand resolutions or 127 reasons why she wants to lose weight, etc. Those are great. I especially can't wait to hear how 2021 "rolls off the tongue," how much some random dumb thing like an account name means to her, or how she needs to know how much she weighs TO. THE. OUNCE!

I'm looking forward to this, to be honest.

ETA2: there is too much lore about this boring bitch, so please excuse the question: has she ever addressed why she doesn't just get a fucking sleep assessment? I know she blames vague sleep problems on vague trauma, but sleeping sitting up is beyond extra. Love yourself Amber and get a cpap machine so you can get a better night's sleep!

I'm not sure if those reduced-doctor-fee things like she has covers sleep studies or cpap machines. Plus, you have to actually go to the doctor, be diligent about documenting things, follow through, go back to the doctor, etc. That sounds like a lot of work for Big Al. She would also probably be horrified by the indenshuns in her dainty, sensitive face from a mask.
 

IbnTaymiyyah

Grand Mufti of Weaponised Autism
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
The biggest issue I have with tracking anything remotely ALR-related is that everything stays the same with her. This is also the reason why I don't keep up with DSP outside of TIHYDPs. Her future is already written in stone: she'll only get fatter, she'll continue making shitty videos, more proof of her being an irredeemable human being will get leaked, rinse and repeat.

She doesn't do anything remotely interesting for me. She's just like every other fat woman on the internet: a colossal attention whore in deep denial of how fucked up her life is. Say what you will about Boogie, but at least he's fucking stupid in unpredictable ways.
 

Turd Fergusson

kiwifarms.net
I took a list of Amber's resolutions from another farmer (gargoylegorl) and looked at how she did.

Resolution 1: Thinking of going to College
Were we expecting her to follow through? No
Did she follow through? No
What did she do instead? She did 100 pieces puzzles and kids Legos

Resolution 2: Journal every day, read more books and write poetry
Were we expecting her to follow through? No
Did she follow through? No
What did she do instead? She bought more journals, bought more books and gave them away and forgot about the poetry.

Resolution Three: Pick up after herself more
Were we expecting her to follow through? Maybe
Did she follow through? No
What did she do instead? Let Becky picking up after her.

Resolution Four: Learn to Say “No” to people
Were we expecting her to follow through? Maybe
Did she follow through? No
What did she do instead? Kept paying her entourage to keep their mouth shut.

Resolution Five: To cut and dye her hair
Were we expecting her to follow through? Maybe
Did she follow through? Yes, but it looks like she is getting bald.

Resolution Six: Weight loss to 445 pounds and walk a million steps
Were we expecting her to follow through? Absolutely not
Did she follow through? Of course, not
What did she do instead? Reached between 530-550 and becoming more and more bed-bound.

Resolution Seven: Getting therapy
Were we expecting her to follow through? Maybe
Did she follow through? No
What did she do instead? She made an appointment.

Resolution Eight: Write down everything she eats in a journal
Were we expecting her to follow through? No
Did she follow through? No
What did she do instead? She ate as much as before

Resolution Nine: Create a Weight loss Instagram
Were we expecting her to follow through? Possibly
Did she follow through? Yes, but did not use it.

Resolution Ten: Save Money
Were we expecting her to follow through? Possibly
Did she follow through? No
What did she do instead? All her hospital visits took care of her savings

Resolution Eleven: Learn to love herself
Were we expecting her to follow through? Yes
Did she follow through? Yes. She thinks she is the prettiest, the funniest and the smartest in the room.

Resolution Twelve: Stop worrying about making good videos and do what I please
Were we expecting her to follow through? Absolutely
Did she follow through? Yes. She did not care about making good videos did what she pleased.
 
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AmberAlert

kiwifarms.net
I recently watched an old react from the early days of the pandemic, when empathetic Lynn was just so heartbroken from even hearing about the virus. You guise don't understand, she felt so bad for everyone, she just wanted to take everyone's pain away~~~ and make it so it wasn't happening~~~ because she is such a good~~~~~~ person~~~~~~

in other words, she wanted there to not be a pandemic. Like every other person on earth. What a martyr.

Really puts her plague rat canoodling with guests and rolling her eyes at viewers concerned she was sick with covid into perspective. Now that more or less everyone truly is affected by the virus, it's not special enough to cry about it.

But for me a highlight of 2020 was that big mega grocery haul she got during the panic buying phase of history. And then she immediately threw out some of the cheese because she didn't trust it, and then the freezer got accidentally unplugged and it all went to waste. Like imagine being a nurse working at a hospital right then, when anxiety was high and people were panic buying. You want to get some groceries on the way home to feed your kids, but everything's been touched and/or bought out by fucking Amberlynn Reid. What a world.

ETA i also hopes she starts out strong with a big list of grand resolutions or 127 reasons why she wants to lose weight, etc. Those are great. I especially can't wait to hear how 2021 "rolls off the tongue," how much some random dumb thing like an account name means to her, or how she needs to know how much she weighs TO. THE. OUNCE!

ETA2: there is too much lore about this boring bitch, so please excuse the question: has she ever addressed why she doesn't just get a fucking sleep assessment? I know she blames vague sleep problems on vague trauma, but sleeping sitting up is beyond extra. Love yourself Amber and get a cpap machine so you can get a better night's sleep!
The freezer thing was so weird. Who unpluggs a freezer to use an outlet, let alone forget to plug it back in? I figured she must have binged on everything she panic bought, but it was all "boring" foods like frozen veggies and ground meat.
 

Situation Type Deal Gorl

Fuck your feelings, nancypants
kiwifarms.net
I took a list of Amber's resolutions from another farmer and looked at how she did.


Resolution Six: Weight loss to 445 pounds and walk a million steps
Were we expecting her to follow through? Absolutely not
Did she follow through? Of course, not
What did she do instead? Reached between 530-550 and becoming more and more bed-bound.

550 is generous. She looks like she got up that 600 pound hill.

Resolution Seven: Getting therapy
Were we expecting her to follow through? Maybe
Did she follow through? No
What did she do instead? She made an appointment.

So she says.

Resolution Eight: Write down everything she eats in a journal
Were we expecting her to follow through? No
Did she follow through? No
What did she do instead? She ate as much as more than before

FTFY

Resolution Twelve: Stop worrying about making good videos and do what I please
Were we expecting her to follow through? Absolutely
Did she follow through? Yes. She did not care about making good videos did what she pleased.
Business as usual at Chez Hamber.
 

Smoovy Jay

Edibles, sex and livestreaming
kiwifarms.net
I took a list of Amber's resolutions from another farmer and looked at how she did.

Resolution 1: Thinking of going to College
Were we expecting her to follow through? No
Did she follow through? No
What did she do instead? She did 100 pieces puzzles and kids Legos

Resolution 2: Journal every day, read more books and write poetry
Were we expecting her to follow through? No
Did she follow through? No
What did she do instead? She bought more journals, bought more books and gave them away and forgot about the poetry.

Resolution Three: Pick up after herself more
Were we expecting her to follow through? Maybe
Did she follow through? No
What did she do instead? Let Becky picking up after her.

Resolution Four: Learn to Say “No” to people
Were we expecting her to follow through? Maybe
Did she follow through? No
What did she do instead? Kept paying her entourage to keep their mouth shut.

Resolution Five: To cut and dye her hair
Were we expecting her to follow through? Maybe
Did she follow through? Yes, but it looks like she is getting bald.

Resolution Six: Weight loss to 445 pounds and walk a million steps
Were we expecting her to follow through? Absolutely not
Did she follow through? Of course, not
What did she do instead? Reached between 530-550 and becoming more and more bed-bound.

Resolution Seven: Getting therapy
Were we expecting her to follow through? Maybe
Did she follow through? No
What did she do instead? She made an appointment.

Resolution Eight: Write down everything she eats in a journal
Were we expecting her to follow through? No
Did she follow through? No
What did she do instead? She ate as much as before

Resolution Nine: Create a Weight loss Instagram
Were we expecting her to follow through? Possibly
Did she follow through? Yes, but did not use it.

Resolution Ten: Save Money
Were we expecting her to follow through? Possibly
Did she follow through? No
What did she do instead? All her hospital visits took care of her savings

Resolution Eleven: Learn to love herself
Were we expecting her to follow through? Yes
Did she follow through? Yes. She thinks she is the prettiest, the funniest and the smartest in the room.

Resolution Twelve: Stop worrying about making good videos and do what I please
Were we expecting her to follow through? Absolutely
Did she follow through? Yes. She did not care about making good videos did what she pleased.
Au contraire, piggy said she’d think about going to college, not that she would take steps to go to college. The laziest resolution ever - pretty on brand for her.
 

darkwingosonichugorl

Let me tell you the potential of my balls.
kiwifarms.net
There's nothing to catch up on after the cancer shit and the whales moved into their own apartment. At least before there was some intrigue in when the fags finally had enough of Amber's repulsive annoyance.

The only future possibly interesting things are health issues, which are inevitable. Just waiting for the fat pigs to die, tbh.
 

Situation Type Deal Gorl

Fuck your feelings, nancypants
kiwifarms.net
I can see the opening of the next video already:

SCENE

We open with BIG AL on the sofa, wrapped in Becky's blanket

Big Al (dejectedly): Hi guys! I thought I would film a vlog for my birthday. (sniffle) If I look like I've been cryeen, it's because I've been bawleen my eyes out. This is just (breath hitch) such an emotional time of year for me. (Pause, wipe nonexistent tear from right eye.)

BIG AL recovers nearly instantly and begins detailing what she and BECKY received for Christmas.
 

krazy orange cat

Fluffy ball of evil
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
My 2021 prediction: she will get so big she cannot leave the apartment. Quarantine offers a good cover but it (probably) won't last forever. Kiwis will get suspicious. The real question is when will she admit it?
When the Lexington news covers fire crews having to cut through the walls to make an opening big enough for her to fit through.
 

Daisy

I have a complicated relationship with Mondays
kiwifarms.net

GeorgiaGuidestones

Go cry to someone else lol
kiwifarms.net
Boy, you are all so pessimistic. :\

2021 will be the year of the Hambeast.

1. She’ll lose so much weight and go down to a svelte 250lbs.
2. She’ll go see and stick with a therapist.
3. She’ll eat only healthy and wholesome meals while cutting her portions.
4. She’ll treat Necky like a human instead of her personal butler.
5. She’ll be more vigilant with Twinkie like keeping her nails trim and losing weight.
6. 2 million steps coming right up!
7. She’ll stop making excuses and blaming the haydurs cause they were right all along.

This just the beginning for our gorl. 2021 is when the change will finally happen. I can feel it. :tomgirl:
 
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