Ethan Ralph the Food Connoisseur (and fashion expert) - Discuss gunt's food choices and shitty merch -- Surprise! The fat pig consumers a lot of food.

Christorian X

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Aug 3, 2021
This doesn't look too bad - The asparagus looks overcooked and she serves it with everything these days but otherwise it's passable. Except, who the fuck serves a side of croissant with a steak dinner? It's a breakfast pastry not a dinner roll you fat pig.
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Fucking terrible. I'm not normally one to shit on Meighs cooking as even though she may not be the best in the kitchen, there is genuine effort and a clear attempt to try at doing something nice. There are plenty of things that deserve ripping on but making an effort to cook for someone just doesn't normally seem like one of them. That being said, there was clearly an attempt to make this look like a restaurant inspired plate and clearly falls flat.

The steak is an awful cut to begin with, it's not meant to be a presentation cut. The fat wrapped around the piece along with the bloated look shows that it hasn't rested, and may not even be in the sweet spot between medium-rare to medium-rare plus. It also hasn't at all been seasoned enough to bring flavor to the meat. Finally, if you can't properly grill mark the steak, at least butter baste in a cast iron. Literally it just means melting butter in the pan and spooning it repeatedly over the steak as it cooks.

The asparagus as someone else said is out of season, as well as the fact its massively over cooked. When it goes that limp it means all the flavor and nutrients have been cooked out of it. Literally the only thing its good for now is smelling up the bathroom. Then again this may be intentional in order to counteract the smell of shart, if so, well played Meigh.

The potatoes looked overcooked as well and I fear most likely offer no resistance at all.

Lastly that croissant is just so entirely out of place. While I have no personal issues with Mr. Poppin Fresh, there are plenty of other good pre-made options for dinner rolls.

The best I can say about this meal is "There was an attempt...", but the same could be said of a three year old and their Fischer-Price 1st Kitchen set.

And as a personal note, Makers is the last thing I'd be drinking with this meal or an actually decent re-interpretation. Makers is made with a higher level of wheat than standard bourbon which makes it much sweeter than classic Kentucky bourbon. It's generally made to be a mixing bourbon and not a sipping one due to its sweet nature. If you'd like to actually enjoy proper seasoning and flavors of the meal, either an Islay region scotch (Lagavulin, Laphroaig) a peated bourbon (Kings Counted Peated), or a more aged traditional bourbon that has a lot of spice / pepper to it (Bookers). Then again, it's no shock that Piggy likes sweet.
 

High Tea

True & Honest Fan
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This doesn't look too bad - The asparagus looks overcooked and she serves it with everything these days but otherwise it's passable. Except, who the fuck serves a side of croissant with a steak dinner? It's a breakfast pastry not a dinner roll you fat pig.
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The meals are protein, asparagus, seasoned potato and bread product. The food is filling and reasonably priced for their income. Ralph prefers plain steaks with no sides. Asparagus and potatoes are probably the only vegetables he'll eat. She is trying to cater to Ralph. We rarely see her plate, but when we do, it's different from his.
 

Thots & Prayers

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Aug 11, 2016
Props for not just loading the asparagus and potatoes with cheese, but the food still looks buttery and rubbery. Any health benefit from vegetables is moot when you slather that shit in butter. There's plenty of affordable ways to cook vegetables and make them tasty without smothering them in butter or other oils. Then again, I should cut the workhorse some slack; it's exhausting being on your feet all day (and maybe pregnant, no less), making sandwiches then coming home to cook for your felon baby daddy.
 

Takayuki Yagami

Justice is Blind, and Autistic
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Dec 7, 2013
Fucking terrible. I'm not normally one to shit on Meighs cooking as even though she may not be the best in the kitchen, there is genuine effort and a clear attempt to try at doing something nice. There are plenty of things that deserve ripping on but making an effort to cook for someone just doesn't normally seem like one of them. That being said, there was clearly an attempt to make this look like a restaurant inspired plate and clearly falls flat.

The steak is an awful cut to begin with, it's not meant to be a presentation cut. The fat wrapped around the piece along with the bloated look shows that it hasn't rested, and may not even be in the sweet spot between medium-rare to medium-rare plus. It also hasn't at all been seasoned enough to bring flavor to the meat. Finally, if you can't properly grill mark the steak, at least butter baste in a cast iron. Literally it just means melting butter in the pan and spooning it repeatedly over the steak as it cooks.

The asparagus as someone else said is out of season, as well as the fact its massively over cooked. When it goes that limp it means all the flavor and nutrients have been cooked out of it. Literally the only thing its good for now is smelling up the bathroom. Then again this may be intentional in order to counteract the smell of shart, if so, well played Meigh.

The potatoes looked overcooked as well and I fear most likely offer no resistance at all.

Lastly that croissant is just so entirely out of place. While I have no personal issues with Mr. Poppin Fresh, there are plenty of other good pre-made options for dinner rolls.

The best I can say about this meal is "There was an attempt...", but the same could be said of a three year old and their Fischer-Price 1st Kitchen set.

And as a personal note, Makers is the last thing I'd be drinking with this meal or an actually decent re-interpretation. Makers is made with a higher level of wheat than standard bourbon which makes it much sweeter than classic Kentucky bourbon. It's generally made to be a mixing bourbon and not a sipping one due to its sweet nature. If you'd like to actually enjoy proper seasoning and flavors of the meal, either an Islay region scotch (Lagavulin, Laphroaig) a peated bourbon (Kings Counted Peated), or a more aged traditional bourbon that has a lot of spice / pepper to it (Bookers). Then again, it's no shock that Piggy likes sweet.
Where did Maker’s come up in that tweet? As for Maker’s being good for mixing, I’m not sure I agree (I hate that my booze autism is triggered again). Bourbon is already on the sweeter end of spirits along with brandy and some rums before you add in wheat to the mashbill. You can control your sugar content if you’re mixing, and ralph probably isn’t anyway. I’m absolutely sure he also gravitates to it because of the gimmick with the wax.
 

Christorian X

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Aug 3, 2021
Where did Maker’s come up in that tweet? As for Maker’s being good for mixing, I’m not sure I agree (I hate that my booze autism is triggered again). Bourbon is already on the sweeter end of spirits along with brandy and some rums before you add in wheat to the mashbill. You can control your sugar content if you’re mixing, and ralph probably isn’t anyway. I’m absolutely sure he also gravitates to it because of the gimmick with the wax.
Makers didn't specifically but it's a regular staple in the Gunts diet. As for the sweetness, Maker's is a High Wheat, just like Angel's Envy, both of which lend themselves to mixing cocktails such as Manhattan's, Old Fashions, etc. On the opposite side of the spectrum would be something like a High Rye which has more of a bite and distinctive flavor. Personally I favor Basil Hayden. If you'd rather heat, Blantons is a great option. I can't disagree that ralph probably likes the wax, but I would also argue his palate is probably total shit and can't handle anything but whiskey on the sweeter end.
 

Takayuki Yagami

Justice is Blind, and Autistic
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Dec 7, 2013
Makers didn't specifically but it's a regular staple in the Gunts diet. As for the sweetness, Maker's is a High Wheat, just like Angel's Envy, both of which lend themselves to mixing cocktails such as Manhattan's, Old Fashions, etc. On the opposite side of the spectrum would be something like a High Rye which has more of a bite and distinctive flavor. Personally I favor Basil Hayden. If you'd rather heat, Blantons is a great option. I can't disagree that ralph probably likes the wax, but I would also argue his palate is probably total shit and can't handle anything but whiskey on the sweeter end.
I know plenty, and manhattans need rye not bourbon.
 

Christorian X

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Aug 3, 2021
I know plenty, and manhattans need rye not bourbon.
Manhattan's SHOULD always use rye as all whiskey drinks were originally created with rye as the basis but once the 80's hit bourbon became more mainstream and overtime peoples tastes changed much toward the sweeter and now its become very rare for people to order any whiskey based cocktail with rye unfortunately (aside from Sazaracs). I really wish more people had the knowledge and the interest as the difference is dramatic and really changes the nature of a drink. I grew up in rye country and had the fortune of learning to drink being exposed to it. In general though, the majority of the public now insists on much sweeter cocktails. Manhattans are a great example as they originally used both a sweet and dry vermouth and bitters and cherries, cherry juice, or heaven forbid grenadine was unheard of in their mixing. Sadly the world caters toward the Gunts tastes more toward mine and clearly yours.
 

Fannyscum

Bullshit Artist
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I'm guessing they don't sell a lot of size S:
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The website looks like complete dogshit, you'd have to have rocks in your head to put your payment info into a site like this:
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Takayuki Yagami

Justice is Blind, and Autistic
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Dec 7, 2013
Manhattan's SHOULD always use rye as all whiskey drinks were originally created with rye as the basis but once the 80's hit bourbon became more mainstream and overtime peoples tastes changed much toward the sweeter and now its become very rare for people to order any whiskey based cocktail with rye unfortunately (aside from Sazaracs). I really wish more people had the knowledge and the interest as the difference is dramatic and really changes the nature of a drink. I grew up in rye country and had the fortune of learning to drink being exposed to it. In general though, the majority of the public now insists on much sweeter cocktails. Manhattans are a great example as they originally used both a sweet and dry vermouth and bitters and cherries, cherry juice, or heaven forbid grenadine was unheard of in their mixing. Sadly the world caters toward the Gunts tastes more toward mine and clearly yours.
I’d argue bourbon works better in drinks that are hyper spirit-forward like an old fashioned or a boulivardier because they’re a bit richer, with the manhattan being an exception. Just make sure you have the right garnish. Orange for bourbon, lemon for rye.
 
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Thots & Prayers

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Aug 11, 2016
If you'd rather heat, Blantons is a great option. I can't disagree that ralph probably likes the wax, but I would also argue his palate is probably total shit and can't handle anything but whiskey on the sweeter end.
If Ralph could afford Blantons, he'd be showing off the horse rider (ironic, considering Meigh) letters. Considering Ralph likes to portray himself as a cigar-smoking high roller, it's telling that he doesn't at least pretend to have a better knowledge of whiskey or bourbons.
 

Christorian X

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Aug 3, 2021
If Ralph could afford Blantons, he'd be showing off the horse rider (ironic, considering Meigh) letters. Considering Ralph likes to portray himself as a cigar-smoking high roller, it's telling that he doesn't at least pretend to have a better knowledge of whiskey or bourbons.

Precisely. Blantons, while as amazing as it is (its like drinking warm sunshine on a chilly spring day) its barely scraping the mid-level range of what's out there. Between the food, drink, fashion, etc., he has no concept of actual glass or good taste. Honestly it would be hilarious just to have him try and read a wine or whiskey list on air and give recommendations.
 

Retink

the retard (KiwiFarms.net)
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Christorian X

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Takayuki Yagami

Justice is Blind, and Autistic
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Dec 7, 2013
Precisely. Blantons, while as amazing as it is (its like drinking warm sunshine on a chilly spring day) its barely scraping the mid-level range of what's out there. Between the food, drink, fashion, etc., he has no concept of actual glass or good taste. Honestly it would be hilarious just to have him try and read a wine or whiskey list on air and give recommendations.
What’re your go-to beater whiskies? a good reposado tequila too if you know anything on that front as well? Mine are Evan Williams BnB and Rittenhouse, and I’ve found I like Oaxaca Old-Fashioneds but El Tesoro is too expensive around here to justify regular replacement.
 

AncientPhosphur

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Aug 16, 2019
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Isn't that picture from Road Rage Tampa in December 2020? I'm guessing Ralph is using the old photo because he's slimmer in it. Also yes, @catholicnews made the better joke. Sad!
That’s a picture a freshman in college takes to make themselves seem cool. No one is buying it Ralph you’re almost forty. It’s just screams “I’m an alcoholic” now instead of being seen as a cool partier