Ethan Ralph the Food Connoisseur (and fashion expert) - Discuss gunt's food choices and shitty merch -- Surprise! The fat pig consumers a lot of food.

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Lobster Cult High Priest

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Is it commonplace to put (cheddar or any other kind of) cheese onto mashed potatoes? My family is Irish and would commit a ritual killing if there were ever any cheese on mash. Looks like she used garlic for the pork at least so maybe she's learning.
I’m Irish and Dutch and just give me plain mashed potatoes and I’m satisfied. Although scalped potatoes are wonderful with cheese on top.

Another good Dutch potato dish is Stamppot: which is mashed potatoes mixed with kale (making the potato’s green)
 

There's light at the end

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I’m Irish and Dutch and just give me plain mashed potatoes and I’m satisfied. Although scalped potatoes are wonderful with cheese on top.

Another good Dutch potato dish is Stamppot: which is mashed potatoes mixed with kale (making the potato’s green)
Speaking of potatoes, just peel and cut them, put them on a pan with cooking oil and cut onions. Cooking oil can be replaced with animal fat. Result is simple yet tasty dish. All it takes is 40 minutes max till it's ready. Also, I wonder why this thread is lacking Ralph's food adventures in Portugal
 

MeltyTW

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Speaking of potatoes, just peel and cut them, put them on a pan with cooking oil and cut onions. Cooking oil can be replaced with animal fat. Result is simple yet tasty dish. All it takes is 40 minutes max till it's ready. Also, I wonder why this thread is lacking Ralph's food adventures in Portugal
because everyones sick and tired of this fat fuck spite eating and regular eating fucking constantly like a human garbage disposal. first he had to pretend hes not vaxxed so only burger king would serve him, then he got mocked for wasting money to get not even the best cheap fast good american option overseas so then he gorged on mayo shrimp and shrimp in weird soupy cheese rice and he didnt know a desert wasnt actually a cheesecake and indeed didnt have cheese at all, got mocked for that and so now hes just fucking eating the entire atlantic ocean to own the alogs.
 

AltisticRight

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Johnny Clyde Cash

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I'm confused about the celeriac. Apparently it's the root of the celery plant, which is fine, and a lot of people cook it a variety of ways. I figured it was probably mashed, and that turns out to be a common way to serve it, but all the pictures I saw had it looking more chunky like mashed potatoes. Whatever's on Ralph's plate looks more like toum (garlic mayo, really delicious) or some other puree. If that is mashed celeriac on his plate, it was mashed harder than Ralph's face in order to be that consistency. I mean, hey, I'm sure it probably tastes good, but you might want to ask the chef if any of his assistants came into work toting an armani purse.
 

Herpes Complex

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I'm confused about the celeriac. Apparently it's the root of the celery plant, which is fine, and a lot of people cook it a variety of ways. I figured it was probably mashed, and that turns out to be a common way to serve it, but all the pictures I saw had it looking more chunky like mashed potatoes. Whatever's on Ralph's plate looks more like toum (garlic mayo, really delicious) or some other puree. If that is mashed celeriac on his plate, it was mashed harder than Ralph's face in order to be that consistency. I mean, hey, I'm sure it probably tastes good, but you might want to ask the chef if any of his assistants came into work toting an armani purse.
Of course the chef (and wait staff) teabagged the fuck out of that food. Who wouldn't after having Gunter inflict himself upon their restaurant?
 

Johnny Clyde Cash

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Of course the chef (and wait staff) teabagged the fuck out of that food. Who wouldn't after having Gunter inflict himself upon their restaurant?
Fat fuck walks in there not realizing that the suckling pork belly is made from dumb American tourists and that his fat gunt is about to feed the entire town for the next week. He's already such a salty cunt they won't even need to brine his 'long pork'.

In all seriousness, I get what Ralph is supposed to be doing with these pictures, but it just doesn't work. It's hard to sell your audience that you live a high-rolling lifestyle when all of that opulence is smash-cut with near-death experiences that you willingly reveal yourself. It would be like instagram thots posting pictures of their spa day, their lavish trip to Dubai, and then getting shit on by oil princes while also being ravaged by German shepherds. It ruins the appeal. No one wants to live vicariously through a man whose every waking moment seems to be a horrifying nightmare. Even on the one or two occasions where he's posted something that wasn't absurdly overpriced and genuinely looked nice, it's impossible to be jealous of him because I know what the Monkey's Paw will do if I ever start wishing for Ethan Ralph's life. Most people would rather fuck with a steady string of 3 or 4 star days and no stress than 5 star days where the tradeoff is constant dread at how much worse things can get before the end finally arrives.
 

Christorian X

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Fat fuck walks in there not realizing that the suckling pork belly is made from dumb American tourists and that his fat gunt is about to feed the entire town for the next week. He's already such a salty cunt they won't even need to brine his 'long pork'.

In all seriousness, I get what Ralph is supposed to be doing with these pictures, but it just doesn't work. It's hard to sell your audience that you live a high-rolling lifestyle when all of that opulence is smash-cut with near-death experiences that you willingly reveal yourself. It would be like instagram thots posting pictures of their spa day, their lavish trip to Dubai, and then getting shit on by oil princes while also being ravaged by German shepherds. It ruins the appeal. No one wants to live vicariously through a man whose every waking moment seems to be a horrifying nightmare. Even on the one or two occasions where he's posted something that wasn't absurdly overpriced and genuinely looked nice, it's impossible to be jealous of him because I know what the Monkey's Paw will do if I ever start wishing for Ethan Ralph's life. Most people would rather fuck with a steady string of 3 or 4 star days and no stress than 5 star days where the tradeoff is constant dread at how much worse things can get before the end finally arrives.
You make some really good and valid points. I would also argue that he needs to actually take 10 minutes before posting and learn the meaning behind all the buzzwords he throws around. I get that he's probably playing to an audience who generally see Applebee's as fine dining but for someone so proud of their ability as a writer (lol) he aught to at least make an attempt.

Just posting meals in a different language gives zero explanation of what the dish is or why it is special. I guarantee he has no understanding of how and what Michelin star ratings are or work. He has no concept of the techniques used to create the dish or any background on the ingredients.

There are plenty of restaurants with famous chefs that serve terrible slop on plates and he'd be the first to be "5 Star Days!!!!". Then again this applies to pretty much anything in his life I suppose.
 

Blue Miaplacidus

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You make some really good and valid points. I would also argue that he needs to actually take 10 minutes before posting and learn the meaning behind all the buzzwords he throws around. I get that he's probably playing to an audience who generally see Applebee's as fine dining but for someone so proud of their ability as a writer (lol) he aught to at least make an attempt.

Just posting meals in a different language gives zero explanation of what the dish is or why it is special. I guarantee he has no understanding of how and what Michelin star ratings are or work. He has no concept of the techniques used to create the dish or any background on the ingredients.

There are plenty of restaurants with famous chefs that serve terrible slop on plates and he'd be the first to be "5 Star Days!!!!". Then again this applies to pretty much anything in his life I suppose.
MICHELIN?? WHAT THE FUCK DOES CARS HAVE TO DO WITH THESE DELICIOUS SCRIMPS SARDINES AND EXPRESS-O
 

Retink

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Michelin stars always sounded like arbitrary gimmicks to me, something people like just because it's exclusive and not actually something meaningful. I remember seeing a Gordon Ramsey show where they had an inspector on to provide some insight and from what I remember it sounded gimmicky. Looks like there's a lot of people saying the same

Rémy described the French Michelin inspector's life as lonely, underpaid drudgery, driving around France for weeks on end, dining alone, under intense pressure to file detailed reports on strict deadlines. He maintained that the guide had become lax in its standards. Though Michelin states that its inspectors visited all 4,000 reviewed restaurants in France every 18 months, and all starred restaurants several times a year, Rémy said only about one visit every 3+1⁄2 years was possible because there were only 11 inspectors in France when he was hired, rather than the 50 or more hinted by Michelin. That number, he said, had shrunk to five by the time he was fired in December 2003.[70]

Rémy also accused the guide of favouritism. He alleged that Michelin treated famous and influential chefs, such as Paul Bocuse and Alain Ducasse, as "untouchable" and not subject to the same rigorous standards as lesser-known chefs.[70] Michelin denied Rémy's charges, but refused to say how many inspectors it actually employed in France. In response to Rémy's statement that certain three-star chefs were sacrosanct, Michelin said, "There would be little sense in saying a restaurant was worth three stars if it weren't true, if for no other reason than that the customer would write and tell us."

The food he posted looks alright though, a bit more fat than I'd like on the top, and it's probably overpriced.
 
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Christorian X

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Michelin stars always sounded like arbitrary gimmicks to me, something people like just because it's exclusive and not actually something meaningful. I remember seeing a Gordon Ramsey show where they had an inspector on to provide some insight and from what I remember it sounded gimmicky. Looks like there's a lot of people saying the same



The food he posted looks alright though, a bit more fat than I'd like on the top, and it's probably overpriced.
There is certainly some gimmick to it as it actually was started by the same Michelin as the tire makers. They were selling travel guide books for dining essentially and overtime it grew to something more on its own.

The stars are essentially for high levels of food and service (1 star), repeated experiences that greatly exceed expectations and maintain the same level of standards (2 stars), highly superior standards in all areas and consistency, meets the highest levels of cuisine and service (3 stars).

While those standards sound broad, the idea is to focus a spotlight on the restaurants where people are doing something really special and are standing out in their field. In theory someone could get a star for a BBQ joint but it would be because of an insane level of achievement in that area and they are doing work that few if any in the area can match.

Its a good way of saying "if you eat here you'll have a great time because these people are great at what they do and really know their shit" essentially.
 

InwardsStink

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Retink

the retard is Straight Frogging in a gay month.
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There is certainly some gimmick to it as it actually was started by the same Michelin as the tire makers. They were selling travel guide books for dining essentially and overtime it grew to something more on its own.

The stars are essentially for high levels of food and service (1 star), repeated experiences that greatly exceed expectations and maintain the same level of standards (2 stars), highly superior standards in all areas and consistency, meets the highest levels of cuisine and service (3 stars).

While those standards sound broad, the idea is to focus a spotlight on the restaurants where people are doing something really special and are standing out in their field. In theory someone could get a star for a BBQ joint but it would be because of an insane level of achievement in that area and they are doing work that few if any in the area can match.

Its a good way of saying "if you eat here you'll have a great time because these people are great at what they do and really know their shit" essentially.
From what I remember it wasn't quite as extreme as doing something exceptional but rather just doing rather good based on the inspector they had and he preferred simple dishes to complicated ones so he was rating much more basic food highly. That's fine and all, as simplicity is good in many cases, but it does show that there's a lot of bias as it's based on one guy trying the place out and not a group. Also, from what I remember the star(s) stayed with the restaurant, with one place losing the actual chef behind it and crashing in quality, so they were trying to get the new guy up to speed before the next inspection and still advertising their star. They ended up failing and losing the star after a year or something of still advertising it despite the place going to shit.

The wiki entry has a lot of cases of places having very lenient and biased inspectors as well as lapsed inspections that weren't being conducted properly. Maybe I'm just jaded when it comes to trophies and awards based on people's tastes, as the people are generally retarded.
 

MeltyTW

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it's impossible to be jealous of him because I know what the Monkey's Paw will do if I ever start wishing for Ethan Ralph's life. Most people would rather fuck with a steady string of 3 or 4 star days and no stress than 5 star days where the tradeoff is constant dread at how much worse things can get before the end finally arrives.
hes not even getting shit people here couldnt, the only thing people might not be willing to fork cash over is regular man purses but even then .... its a fucking purse thats 900 dollars. might as well buy a 10k q-tip next.

ALSO ITS MORE FUCKING FOOD

leave your fucking basement for something other than stuffing your fat piggy face, no one is jealous we can all be constantly gorging fat fucks and in fact people started channels from here with more views and clout than you. right now i could have a "see my swollen eyes my faggy purse was stolen stream" go to portugal and eat shrimp and mayo and whatever gimmick food i can. human beings want more than that out of life. idk fuck go to the pub and play darts ffs. my trips in town are infinitely more packed with shit that isnt this grotesque vomitorium display of animalistic near industrial level of constant consumption.

tell you what pig, do one thing that is not eating, one fucking thing that isnt smoking, one fucking thing that isnt just gobbling up pills and drugs and drank, and you win, all you gotta do, play fucking darts with pablo, walk outside and go bird spotting in a park, ice skate, fucking dance in a club or something, any fucking actual activity that isnt resembling watching a whale be stuffed with metric tons of small sea life until it bursts all over the beach and you just fucking win and are RELPHA, ok pig?
 

Christorian X

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From what I remember it wasn't quite as extreme as doing something exceptional but rather just doing rather good based on the inspector they had and he preferred simple dishes to complicated ones so he was rating much more basic food highly. That's fine and all, as simplicity is good in many cases, but it does show that there's a lot of bias as it's based on one guy trying the place out and not a group. Also, from what I remember the star(s) stayed with the restaurant, with one place losing the actual chef behind it and crashing in quality, so they were trying to get the new guy up to speed before the next inspection and still advertising their star. They ended up failing and losing the star after a year or something of still advertising it despite the place going to shit.

The wiki entry has a lot of cases of places having very lenient and biased inspectors as well as lapsed inspections that weren't being conducted properly. Maybe I'm just jaded when it comes to trophies and awards based on people's tastes, as the people are generally retarded.
Youre 100% right that it stays with the restaurant. Secondly you are correct about inspectors. There was a big scandal if I remember correctly about leniency and bias. In the end I think they pulled a lot of stars back. Really my major point is that Ralph has no clue about the bullshit he's slinging.
 

Chris Mclean

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I'm confused about the celeriac. Apparently it's the root of the celery plant, which is fine, and a lot of people cook it a variety of ways. I figured it was probably mashed, and that turns out to be a common way to serve it, but all the pictures I saw had it looking more chunky like mashed potatoes. Whatever's on Ralph's plate looks more like toum (garlic mayo, really delicious) or some other puree. If that is mashed celeriac on his plate, it was mashed harder than Ralph's face in order to be that consistency. I mean, hey, I'm sure it probably tastes good, but you might want to ask the chef if any of his assistants came into work toting an armani purse.
Dosen't look mashed to me, looks more like a puree or as mama used to call it mashed angel wings. It usually does wonders to impress women.

Peel the celeriac and dice in to litte cubes
Boil for around 40 minutes with cream instead of water. Until cream has cooked in to it.
Mix it with a handblender until its a puree top it with some salt n pepa and some roasted almonds. Goes well with a lot of things especially baked beetroot.