The site is having difficulties because our bandwidth is totally overextended. Our 1Gbps line is at 100% even when there aren't 8000 people on the site. We were supposed to get a second Gbps line months ago but I'm struggling to get technicians scheduled to set it up.
He started saying "do you understand" with a mafioso-like accent right after the based Portuguese pimp fucked him up so bad he's got one eye stuck staring at Lisbon. He says it multiple times per hour, it's baffling.
"I don't scare!"
"In fact it was probably you!"
"Fuck you bitch!"
"Arrest him! Arrest him!"
"You either get a ride from me or you hitchhike!"
"It's nawt truuuu!"
"Someone call the police!"
"Inaudible monkey sounds" followed by "Bitch!"
*mouth audibly full with food* "I just saw a free cheeseburger and then I just picked it up and ate it."
"God damn, eat a fucking CALL YOU AN UBER, how bout that? Okay, well then cry me a river! Either you get a ride from me or you hitchike."
"I'm just trying to decide, basically, how nuclear to go on my ex-wife"