Explain the subgenres of heavy metal to me. -

Son of Odin

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There's also an old copypasta or joke that "explains" the difference with fairy tale tropes. It went something like
"Heavy metal is when the leather-clad prince rides in on a Harley-Davidson, downs a can of beer, chokes the dragon, then fucks the princess.
Doom metal is when the prince bores the dragon to death with his ultra-slow riffs. The princess too dies of boredom.
Progressive metal is when the prince bores the dragon to death with an hour-long solo devolving into pure insanity. The princess too dies of boredom.
Power metal is when the prince rides in on a unicorn, wearing a full plate polished to a mirror sheen. He defeats the dragon in an honorable duel to death, then rescues the princess.
and doesn't make sweet love to her, because he took an oath of purity.
Death metal is when the prince decapitates the dragon, drinks its blood, then murders the princess and rapes her corpse."
Black Metal: The prince slits the princess's throat, sacrifices her to Satan, then rides the dragon to go burn down the nearest church.
Folk Metal: The prince is a viking who slays the dragon, but then succumbs to his wounds and is taken by the valkyrie princess to Valhalla.
Stoner Metal: The dragon is just a drug-induced hallucination and the princess is actually an old grandma but the prince is too high to care.
Thrash Metal: The prince calls in an artillery strike on the dragon, which was grown in a lab by Nazis during WWII, from his mobile command center and then sends in the special forces paratroopers to rescue the princess from the medieval torture chamber she was being held in.
Christian/White Metal: God is on the prince's side as he slays the satanic dragon and preaches the gospel of Jesus Christ to the princess.
Metalcore: The prince screams how life isn't fair and then kills himself by slitting his wrists, the princess later does the same.
Crust Punk: The dragon is a metaphor for the government/corporations/the police and the princess a metaphor for unawakened sheeple who support The System™.
 

kcbbq

Don't trust the happy; the happy are insane.
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Black Metal: The prince slits the princess's throat, sacrifices her to Satan, then rides the dragon to go burn down the nearest church.
That's black metal, lower case b, you racist. Black metal, upper case B, sticks its head into the dragon's cave, shouts "Where all the white women at?", sees the princess, pops a cap in the dragon, fries it up like a giant chicken, and fattens up the princess because "dat ass", knocks her up, and leaves her and the little mulatto to be raised by the white prince.

It's a lonely genre covering Body Count and not much else.
 

moogetrooget

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Industrial metal which is a combination of industrial music and metal. Very dark sound, usually political or emotional lyrics.
 

GhostButt

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INFANT ANNIHILATOR
Heard them a few times, do they have a big following?

Last metal band I dug recently was Archspire, I like that forward tempo since I started with thrash and black, in fact I still have the cd from when this came out:

Lost track on black metal though
 
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Heard them a few times, do they have a big following?
I just know them by name, because it's a pretty catchy band name. I got lost with newer metal too, but if you're into speedier stuff there's a revival of traditional heavy/speed metal going on, you can try looking around on this channel:

And while not exactly metal there are synthwave bands that incorporate a lot of heavy metal elements, Dance with the Dead is a pretty famous one:
 
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ISDwarnedus

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Metalheads can overthink genres, but I've seen enough arguments about whether some 80s indie rock album is proto-noise rock or proto-shoegaze to know it's unfair to act like metal is the single source of all genre autism.

Don't even get me started on all the electronic dance music sub-sub-genres
 

Hylics

May you find peace.
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Metal originally began as an off-shoot of hard rock with '70s bands like Black Sabbath, Thin Lizzy, Judas Priest, etc. It differentiated from hard rock because of its aesthetic, relying largely on Gothic and religious imagery. Lots of bands from this era would use religion in allegorical ways in order to talk about the political climate of the time (both of the U.S. and U.K.). Musically, they were similar to hard rock bands like Led Zeppelin and the Who, but differed in their desire to deviate from the blues-based rock that those aforementioned bands were so inspired by. Jagged and distorted riffs, aggressive jazz-like drumming and passionate vocals were also common characteristics.

Ever since then, an explosion in the number of subgenres has steadily increased. Basically, you have the traditionalists who try to emulate '70s groups. You have the speed-boys that sometimes approach grindcore levels of violence and chaos. You have the foreign boys who incorporate flutes, viking hats and the screeches of sirens. You have the avant-garde guys who listen to King Crimson, drop acid and then try to funnel their electric guitar through a wood-chipper. You have the post-metal crowd who basically took metal and decided to take the metal out of metal, so if you're not sure what you're left with after that process, you're not alone because they aren't completely sure either. You also have the black metal, death metal, funeral doom metal, etc. stuff, which basically amounts to either guttural screams sitting atop shrill guitar riffs or slow and methodical tracks that eventually build to a crescendo. A lot of metal now sounds closer to alt-rock, for better or worse.
 
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Syaoran Li

Sing This Corrosion to me!
True & Honest Fan
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Metal is better than Punk, despite what pretentious dangerhairs and hipster pseudo-intellectuals like to say.

I always found punks looking down on metalheads for being losers to be extremely hypocritical, since they're just as bad as the metalheads but with the added cringe of being insufferably elitist political spergs.

From where I stand, they're both losers but the metalheads are more tolerable and far less self-important and pretentious.

Plus, I think you do have more good songs and bands in heavy metal than you do with punk. The only good things to come from punk were The Ramones and some of the early goth bands from the 80's.

I'd rather listen to Judas Priest or Black Sabbath than listen to The Clash or Crass
 
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whogoesthere

In defeat, malice. In victory, revenge.
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Genres only exist for ease of sorting your collection of stolen music on your com-poot-er and little else.

I think they can all be broken down to medical conditions though.

Alcoholism - Heavy Metal
Depression - Black Metal
Autism - Progressive Metal
ADHD - Death Metal
Suicidal - DSBM
Schizophrenic - Power Metal
Female - Female Fronted Generic Power Metal
Incel - NSBM
Future Serial Killer - PornoGrind/Slam
Hard Left - Shoegaze/Post-Metal
Hard Right - BroCore/Roidcore
Wigger - Thugcore (emmure, king 810 etc)
 
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