Failed Lolcows - Cows you had high hopes for, but who failed to deliver

Jewelsmakerguy

Domo Arigato
kiwifarms.net
Isn't that the guy that goes to anime conventions as King Weeaboo, writes terrible fanfiction about some Digimon pairing, and didn't even watch the show?
Yeah, that's the guy. He's also behind other such fan fictions like 'DigiballZ", "The Sailor Moon legend of Zelda", and hate fic "Teen Titans vs. Project AFTER" (made once he got wind of them mocking his shit).

Pretty sad he didn't continue his bullshit. It'd have been fun to see.
 

breadandcircuses

Panem et Circenses
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Yeah, that's the guy. He's also behind other such fan fictions like 'DigiballZ", "The Sailor Moon legend of Zelda", and hate fic "Teen Titans vs. Project AFTER" (made once he got wind of them mocking his shit).

Pretty sad he didn't continue his bullshit. It'd have been fun to see.

I'm fairly certain he also started to write My Little Pony fanfiction, but it was all a call out to the series about how Friendship is Magic is nothing but a LIE, and he 'improved' upon it by introducing his sooper awesum OCs with their science katanas.
 

AnOminous

each malted milk ball might be their last
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
I'm fairly certain he also started to write My Little Pony fanfiction, but it was all a call out to the series about how Friendship is Magic is nothing but a LIE, and he 'improved' upon it by introducing his sooper awesum OCs with their science katanas.

He wrote hundreds of thousands, maybe millions of words of this crap about a show he hates. His edgy OC:

_mbpsfm__grand_ruler_celesto_by_dakari_king_mykan-d752udh.jpg

Trailer for his "movie" of this crap:


(You will note he steals the Hasbro and other logos at the end. In longer videos where he has plagiarized video from other sources, he also steals the credits.)
 
N

NG 070

Guest
kiwifarms.net
I'm gonna say CommunismKills had all the right notes to be a potential political lolcow with the best of them, but her thread just petered out after a while.

Aaron Diaz had some fresh lolcow momentum going after the Will Eisner incident, what with earning the anger of both the webcomics and professional comic book industry and all. Though between the Eisner incident and how he reacted to criticism/a call out on his amputee fetish and objectification of women under the guise of being a male feminist, I don't think his reputation will ever completely recover.

He still makes $4k on Patreon and has been updating more frequently than before, but I think he's learned to keep his mouth somewhat shut and work on his nonsensical comic. Only time will tell if he was ultimately a failed lolcow or a recovered one.
 
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The Great Citracett

Life's the same, I'm cooming in stereo...
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
There's one lolcow that I was following that seems to have just vanished entirely. I was getting started writing up an informative post in the Personal Lolcows thread, and reading the thread to catch up.

I found an insanely long, spergy textwall from some guy called "PopeAdam" or something like that, mostly about how much he hated certain types of people, and mainly just asinine ranting about military stuff. None of which had anything to do with lolcows. Didn't stop him from keeping it up and getting hostile though.

He'd gotten called out over it, chimped the fuck right out, and there had been a thread made about him. A thread in which was discovered he was not only using his real name (Adam Pope) as his username, but was a genuine lolcow, and more than likely one of the "stolen valor" types impersonating a soldier. Lots of info was being found on him.

Was shaping up to be pretty funny, so I finished what I was writing, posted it, went to look for more updates on the guy and... 10 minutes later, the French fucked up the site and everything about the guy was gone.

He had signed up right after the farms moved to the French host and he and everything about him vanished. Oddly, he never came back, unless he re-reg'd and used a fake name and stopped being a 'cow, but how many 'cows realistically do that? Maybe he realized he'd been given a miraculous second chance to just stay away, not register, not post, and not get mocked?

He seemed to never even be mentioned again once the farms came back online.
 

Darwin Watterson

Custom titles are for nerds
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
There's one lolcow that I was following that seems to have just vanished entirely. I was getting started writing up an informative post in the Personal Lolcows thread, and reading the thread to catch up.

I found an insanely long, spergy textwall from some guy called "PopeAdam" or something like that, mostly about how much he hated certain types of people, and mainly just asinine ranting about military stuff. None of which had anything to do with lolcows. Didn't stop him from keeping it up and getting hostile though.

He'd gotten called out over it, chimped the fuck right out, and there had been a thread made about him. A thread in which was discovered he was not only using his real name (Adam Pope) as his username, but was a genuine lolcow, and more than likely one of the "stolen valor" types impersonating a soldier. Lots of info was being found on him.

Was shaping up to be pretty funny, so I finished what I was writing, posted it, went to look for more updates on the guy and... 10 minutes later, the French fucked up the site and everything about the guy was gone.

He had signed up right after the farms moved to the French host and he and everything about him vanished. Oddly, he never came back, unless he re-reg'd and used a fake name and stopped being a 'cow, but how many 'cows realistically do that? Maybe he realized he'd been given a miraculous second chance to just stay away, not register, not post, and not get mocked?

He seemed to never even be mentioned again once the farms came back online.
I actually restarted the thread on him once the Farms came back up but it didn't really get very far.
 

whatever I feel like

Disney Diaper Size Fetish Enthusiast
kiwifarms.net
I vote rat kings in general. They are just too disgusting and self-destructive to find funny and yet the original purpose of dissecting their bizarre interrelationship seems to have been lost (and with it any indignant hatred of them I might have had) All new tranny threads seem to end up in there regardless of whether they are actually intertwined with the original rat king.
 
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Gazed too deep

The more I see, the more I regret.
kiwifarms.net
Ryulong. Funny when his insanity had some power to it but now that he's been banned from anything approaching relevance and descended to wikis where his autism is at worst annoying rather than actually abnormal it loses a lot of the intrigue. Easy to care when it's a wikipedia admin chimping out and abusing power, less easy to care when it's just some sperg on an animu wiki.
 

Henry Bemis

just a fragment of what man has deeded to himself
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
My personal lolcow from back in the day. In the best of all possible worlds, he would still be mounting half-baked plays and scraping together amateur movies, all impossibly grandiose and deeply personal, like a local answer to Tommy Wiseau.

Instead, he's mellowed, or at least just dropped off my radar.
 

friedshrimp

028372n38934739473247219074
kiwifarms.net
I thought KataraLover would be something big, like get his own thread, but honestly aside from being an annoying bitch on Fanpop and Youtube complaining about kids' cartoons, he hasn't done anything that worthy of a thread.

Otoh, there's the fact that he apparently is trying to hide his depression over his brother's death by turning into a "angry fanboy" persona, and when somebody with actual problems talks in Fanpop he immediately bitches about it "WELL I GOT OVER MY BROTHER'S SUICIDE UGH, YOUR PROBLEMS ARE NOT A BIG DEAL"
 

Chris did nothing wrong

Pedophile Apologist
kiwifarms.net
Wesley Willis died before chan culture really became a thing, and was really only well known during his life in the underground punk scene. I like to think that if he didn't die of cancer he would have become a regular poster on sites such as this. Who knows right now he could be rocking out to his new track about Trump getting raped by elephants.

I would also consider Willis a failed cow in the sense that he was never an economic failure, the guy really knew how to pander his weirdness and make money off it. There's a doc about him and he's counting dozens of hundred dollar bills in his hands over the CDs he sold while dressed up like a homeless man. Shit's impressive.
 
N

NG 070

Guest
kiwifarms.net
I vote rat kings in general. They are just too disgusting and self-destructive to find funny and yet the original purpose of dissecting their bizarre interrelationship seems to have been lost (and with it and indignant hatred of them I might have had) All new tranny threads seem to end up in there regardless of whether they are actually intertwined with the original rat king.

I kind of agree. You could argue that Trump's election brought forth some new salt to be mined, but in all honesty? The only one in the Rat King worth continuing to observe is Nora Reed. Maybe Fire/Buffalo Bill, but I can only tolerate him for a few minutes until I feel the urge to A-log him.
 

Dr. Boe Jangles Esq.

Original Prick
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I actually really like the Rat Kings, but the problem is you people can't enjoy them apolitically. The Rat Kings aren't funny because they're ultra-left, they're funny because they're comically inept and constantly near-suicidal.
Chloe Sagal is fucking hysterical and I defy anyone who claims otherwise. You have a woman who randomly threatens people over literally theoretical slights, claims to be dead or dying at varying intervals, and is hospitalized so often you'd think she's filling a punch card for a free sandwich.
Shit's hilarious, bro.
 

whatever I feel like

Disney Diaper Size Fetish Enthusiast
kiwifarms.net
I kind of agree. You could argue that Trump's election brought forth some new salt to be mined, but in all honesty? The only one in the Rat King worth continuing to observe is Nora Reed. Maybe Fire/Buffalo Bill, but I can only tolerate him for a few minutes until I feel the urge to A-log him.
I can only feel bad for Fire, he seemed so normal on SA before trooning out. Like the biggest criticism people had of him was that he repeated the common line too much instead of figuring stuff out for himself. Now he's like Krusty the Clown- "thats not makeup"- with an alienated family, no job and no basis in reality.
 

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