Failed Lolcows - Cows you had high hopes for, but who failed to deliver

Steve Mayers

Nazi Punks Fuck Off
kiwifarms.net
One that died out was the Davidsfarm and the community involving him. In case you don't know Davidsfarm was a Youtube Channel ran by Canadian Redneck Dave Rock doing redneck shit with cars. At one point in time his channel was one of the most popular channels on Youtube. Then Dave started posting videos about how his evil ex's have taken his son's away from him and how he isn't allowed to contact them. Allegations turned up that Dave was a convicted pedophile. Dave dismissed these allegations as part of the "haters" club. Turns out he was a convicted pedophile and went to prison because of it. Dave eventually confessed that he is a convicted pedophile and made the bizarre claim that he is not a pedophile but instead his bipolar disordered caused him to engage in sexual conduct with children. Dave claimed that he was cured of his bipolar depression and pedophilia and many of his fans believed this and would defend him to death. More recently Dave got busted in a raid with child porn yet again and is currently in prison for possession of child porn. The few youtube channels also associated him are minor lolcows as well they include RedneckRickem a man with a skullet who's primary source of transportation is a riding lawn mower and has a creepy borderline incestual relationship with his daughter.
 

Jaimas

YOUR PEACEFUL LIFE IS NO MORE!!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I've got one. Good god, I've got one. There's coming out strong, and then there's.... Well, this.

It's rare I have to talk about a cow in Gamergate's opposition that somehow managed to avoid a thread on this website, but due to circumstances, Geordie Tait managed to avoid doing so. He managed to do so because when he first appeared above-water, he self-destructed with such force that he essentially pulled a Chloe Sagal and got banned everywhere.

For the uninitiated, Geodie Tait is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the craziest motherfucker in Gamergate's opposition - and to say that considering said group contained Chloe Sagal, Mark Boyd, Jake Alley, Sarah Nyberg, etc... Well, let's just say we're dealing with someone... Special here, Kiwis.

Let's not waste any time, and get right into the nitty-gritty with his infamous manifesto he posted on Facebook (bold for emphasis mine):

Geordie Tait said:
If you're going to delete my author page then you might as well delete all of my articles. Consider this a request to do so, and my final thanks for hosting all of my work over the years. No hard feelings.

I assume you had some problem with something I said on Twitter about ‪#‎GamerGate‬. Well, guess what? Fuck #GamerGate, and every worthless piece of shit in it. Yes, the women too. Yes, the minorities too. I'd say the same about women and minorities who joined the KGB or the Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei.

I'll be frank with you. There's literally zero chance I ever change even one letter of one syllable of one word of one sentence of one Tweet I've made on the subject of feminism, affirmative action, and/or #GamerGate. So you might was well go ahead and remove me, and we'll both go our separate ways with my thanks.

I am not making one concession for #GamerGate. I'll die first. Literally. I have made peace with my existence and I am prepared to die. I'm so absolutely sick of 4chan-numbed males, cowed and self-righteous internalization queens, their grandfathered-in media strangleholds, their intellectually corrupt tactics and methods, the miserable damage they see no problem inflicting, their fucking bullshit politics (I'm looking at you, Adam Baldwin, you rusty right-wing Nixon-trombonist. So much for me ever watching Firefly again) and the ALL-ENCOMPASSING STUPIDITY about which they remain UTTERLY OBLIVIOUS.

I'm not the one making light of the Final Solution. In fact I'm using the suggested punishment fittingly because I honestly and without hesitation think that each and every one of these fucking assholes should be tossed into Treblinka. Right now you're probably gasping and saying "How dare you say such a thing?!"

Well, I'll tell you how. I consider #GamerGate to be a complete disgrace and I'm tired of it. Tired, tired, tired, tired, tired. This is the last straw for me. When Anita Sarkeesian received over $100,000 in donations for her simple project that intended to discuss the problems facing women in the medium of video games, and as players of same, I saw it as the silent majority of right-thinking folks finally finding a horse to back. It was one of the most happy events I could have imagined. She got hundreds of times the donation she expected. It was a great and heart-warming outpouring of support for her proposed topic. A topic millennia overdue for discussion.

'Finally', I thought. 'The worm is turning. Finally, people might start understanding what women have suffered at the hands of men and media since the dawn of time.' We all know that 6,000,000 Jews died horrible deaths in the Holocaust- a terrible fate and the worst single extermination of a cultural/religious demographic in world history. 3,000,000 of those were women themselves, but for your sake let's just forget that. Let's assume they were just magical ethnic/religious Jews with no other characteristics like gender. So, 6 million suffered a horrible fate and yes, if I could sacrifice my life to save those poor souls right now, I would do it in a nanosecond.

But I wasn't alive to do that, or capable in any case, and those poor Jews had to spend 15 years under this brutal oppression. It is one of history's greatest tragedies. Ask anyone and it will be one of the first events they name. In triumvirate with the betrayal of Jesus Christ and the destruction of the World Trade Towers, it is taught as the great moral exemplar. I am not oblivious to these events. In fact, I am well-studied in their specifics, and hold a deep interest in the history, macro and micro, lens pulled out, lens pulled close. Now, listen to me, okay? REALLY listen.

I want you to do a thought exercise. It will help you understand where I'm coming from. Guess, since the dawn of (LOL) *man*kind, how many women were born, lived, and died during a time when they could:

  • be fired for being pregnant
  • NOT report workplace sexual harassment
  • NOT run in the Boston Marathon
  • NOT apply for credit
  • NOT refuse to have sex with her husband
  • NOT obtain a No Fault Divorce
  • NOT have a legal abortion
  • in some countries, NOT leave their own homes without being stoned to death
  • NOT drive a car or leave home without a man's permission if dwelling somewhere with strict Islamic Law (but they can OWN a car! Gee, thanks!)
  • be raped as part of a strategy of war, to reduce morale of their side
  • suffer marital rape or physical abuse
  • be blamed for it
  • suffer feticide or infanticide in a country that legalizes such actions as part of a demographic modification strategy
  • suffer feticide or infanticide in any case, because what the hell?
  • NOT legally own land
  • as a result, end up homeless if widowed
  • do 2/3 of the world's work and receive less than 1/10 of the world's income, a ever-present feminization of poverty that stems from the above entry
  • did I mention NOT apply for credit? this time because they can't legally own sufficient collateral, due to the above
  • NOT legally upgrade her inherited holdings in any way once her husband is gone - employees, materials, equipment...sorry. Tough shit.
  • NOT become an entrepreneur irrespective any amount of talent, because of zero access to basic legal rights
  • die in childbirth at a rate of, on average, five individuals per minute of every day due to lack of access to basic health services
  • get engaged to a 7-year-old cousin at age 3, without having a word in the matter
  • automatically lose custody of her children if she wants out of her loveless, incestuous marriage into which she was pledged without her knowledge
  • hold just 15% of elected parliamentary seats in the world, despite comprising more than 50% of the world's population
  • make up more than 2/3 of the world's illiterate adults
  • NOT be treated as well as men in ANY country, according to the first U.N. Human Development Report in 1997, and EVERY Human Development Report thereafter
  • NOT be treated as well as men in ANY country at ANY point, despite the U.N literally enacting the Universal Declaration of Human Rights in 1948, which specified that everyone, regardless of sex, was entitled to the same rights and freedoms
  • Yes, I said the fucking U.N. Rights MANDATED by the U-fucking-N and then falling short literally everywhere on Earth, every year, as reported by the same U-fucking-N.
All of the above information is verified and checked by UNICEF, the UN Development Programme, World Economic Forum, National Committee on Pay Equity, and the WHO. Got a guess in your head?

Ok. Before I answer, I want to repeat: The poor European Jews suffered devastating atrocities and inequities for 12 years, from 1933 and Hitler's ascension to Chancellor, to V-E Day in 1945. Around 6,000,000 Jews were lost in the slaughter.

Women? They suffered all the inequalities listed above, and more/worse the further back you look, for 11,970 years. Yes, 119 centuries for women, 12 years for Jews. And how many women suffered during this endless period? How many lived and died under these conditions between 10,000 BC and 1970 AD?

Approximately 50 billion.

6,000,000 Jews suffered the worst the Nazi scum could dish out over 12 years. One of the worst events in human history, to which a reference constitutes a favorite #GamerGate derailing tactic.

And women?

50,000,000,000 women suffered 11,970 years of fucking BULLSHIT as described above. And I won't even get into the Holocaust-worthy violence and atrocities to which they were increasingly subjected, the further one travels back into the dark ages.

FIFTY. BILLION.

Yet all I hear out of #GamerGate is 'Meh, they've got it ok now, but listen to them complain!" So, I'm sorry. You might get your foreskins in a tizzy when I mention Bergen-Belsen while expressing my disgust with #GamerGate, but seriously? Have some perspective. Do some reading. I know you've watched Schindler's List, and I'm glad you did. Now watch The Stoning of Soraya M., and read a Handmaid's Tale.

Or hell, read the Bible. Sure, the most famous guy to die in it is a Jew, but the book stones more women than a basilisk dropped into a taping of The View. Want examples? John 8:3-11, for one. But Leviticus 20:1-27 contains a fun list of women that should be tortured to death for such grave offenses as being slept with by an adulterous man, keeping a familiar spirit, and so on. Oh, and let's not forget being slept with by the same man as did your mother/daughter. This terrible trespass could only be punished by putting both women to the flame and burning them alive.

Anyway... I'm finished with stupid fuckers running their mouths and holding back progress for women in a billion areas, while being slow and self-important enough to be blissfully unaware of the damage done. #GamerGate is unequivocally doing just by existing what Nazis claimed in their propaganda that the Jews were doing: making the world worse. As such I feel less than zero remorse for saying inflammatory and cruel things to Gaters. Fuck'em. They could die tomorrow and I would pump the fist. Why? Go read that bullet-point list again. Imagine the millions beaten to death by stones, burned alive, raped and then cut and left to bleed out. Imagine 11,000 years of that. THAT'S fucking why.

Now, you. Yes, you.

The bottom-dwelling, complete idiot, neck-beard, loser, piece of mother-fucking shit, Taco Bell breath-wheezing, greasy IPhone-dialing, tank-ass, putting-mayonnaise-on-dental-floss scumbag. The guy double-fisting memes and cheese slices. The guy making a Custer's Revenge sprite in Minecraft. The guy who has never written or produced anything worth a damn in your pitiful chair-compacting, back-of-neck wiping life.

I'M mean? Me? Mean? FUCK you. Read the bullet-point list again. Every entry. Now imagine your mother or your sister, or your daughter. Women suffered through 11,900 years of all that shit, and WORSE, and you have the fucking BALLS to push back and minimize now that we're finally working toward setting things right? You can't just fucking cut them a break when they're finally making the push for some equality in media? You have to be a fucker about it, hamstring and slander Anita, stall things with utter intellectual dishonesty?

Yeah, really NOBLE of you to complain about me vocally wishing the lot of you had been at Bergen-Belsen instead of the Chosen People. At least #GamerGate would have deserved every molecule of that hydrogen-cyanide. You probably think I have a lot of chutzpah, saying that. But read my explanation again. Look at what women have been through for a HUNDRED CENTURIES. Oy-fucking-gevaldt!

And YOU. The right-wing, fancies-himself-political, armed-forces-glorifying-and-seeing-women-as-lesser even though it was your own ancestors who wouldn't let their gender anywhere near your ranks for a hojillion years. Your brains are AWOL. Stop being an asshole, Private. You know everything about women's rights that life as a /k/ forum troll, a shitty ASVAB score, and a skimming of Atlas Shrugged while jerking off in the bathroom at Chick-fil-A has taught you. Yes, I mean you, Adam Baldwin. Jayne Cobb? Jayne Shit. He was pretty naturalistic when playing a self-involved prick, and now I know why. I'd still wear any of Jayne's T-Shirts, but I'd sooner swallow a gun that repeat anything that comes out of his mouth.

And YOU. The self-hating gal who internalizes everything her dumb-fuck friends have shoveled down her stack, then calls it a unique worldview due to little more than pride and self-importance. Fuming at hearing me say that? You're actually a feminist? Sorry, but no you're not. Tough shit. If you'd listen to me I'd be happy to explain to you what's up, but you never had any intention of listening because you want to feel like the special little snowflake of your guild full of maladjusted ADD cases. ‪#‎NotYourShield‬, huh? You're just a miserable, selfish, clarion call, of these words: http://pbs.twimg.com/media/B2NUJByIgAAJDLo.jpg

No votes, thank you.

Go ahead and stone me, thank you.

Catherine had nothing sexist in it, thank you.

I love how the Japanese treat the girls in their media, thank you.

More half-naked nuns in your CG, thank you.

THE APPEAL OF WOMANHOOD.

I hope everyone posting in #GamerGate gets gassed, incinerated, and their tooth fillings melted into a silver/gold WiiMotes for Kim Jong-un and his extended family. I just feel you all should make the same contribution to the furtherance of tyranny and inequality in death that you did in life.

Anyway, if you don't get it by now then nothing I can say is going to convince you. I have to accept that. Some people are too dumb or too stubborn or too misprioritized to get it. But. DON'T give me any shit about how Holocaust jokes at your expense are inappropriate when EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU is in the midst of an act of anti-woman social sabotage so foul it makes Stuxnet look like a game of Centipede.

Truth: Our society made a leap forward when we came together in one voice and spoke with our wallets to back Anita Sarkeesian to a greater magnitude than she could ever have dreamed. That was our apology for centuries of bullshit and our acknowledgement that the issue was still present and real.

Now #GamerGate and #NotYourShield are trying to sabotage a social change that has been almost 12,000 years in coming. Fucking shame on you. Eat shit and die, every one of you motherfuckers.

You'll have to kill me to stop me. Because you sure as hell can't out-debate me. Unless further convincing your own low-ass-standards-having supporters counts as some sort of laughable victory.

Come over to the right side and you'll instantly be forgiven and welcomed into the fold. It's not like I don't understand why you're so wrongheaded, right? Just read up. But ignore me instead? I'll not stop ripping you until one of us can no longer lift a finger at the keyboard. Every feminist who has put up with fucking bullshit every day of your goddamn life, I'm here for you. The slut-shaming. The street harassment. The sexual liberties. The music, the games, the television, the movies where you couldn't find a good role model for your daughter with two hands and a flashlight. The Newsroom. Sons of Anarchy. Any of that bullshit. If you need help, I'll help you any way I can.

Finally, if anyone wants to unfriend me or unfollow me, no hard feelings. Just understand I can't change, won't change, and am making my stand here.

So, if you're not willing to wade through that stream of consciousness right there (and I can't really blame you, even if it is basically the GG counterpart to the Navy Seal Copypasta), this is a guy who believes that everyone on the planet who will not side with his extremist worldview (and his is far above and beyond any garden-variety crazy you could be thinking of) should die. Are you a woman who hates feminism? He wants you to go to the ovens. Are you a minority who thinks BLM is horse-shit? To the ovens with you. A male in general? Haha. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, christ.

Thankfully, Tait is physically crippled, and completely incapable of making good on these threats. Otherwise one gets the distinct feeling there'd be a clocktower in his future.

So after Geordie posted this bit of madness on November 14th, 2014 (less than 2 months into GG), he got some well-deserved flak for it. First up, he wound up shit-canned by StarCityGames, a Magic: The Gathering community he used to do periodic writing for (while arguing the hobby was ever-so-misogynistic, of course). Then his lunacy wound up trending on Twitter, and, rather than show any sense of normalcy, he proceeded to double the fuck down:

OTIWcfx.jpg


This tweet (and every one like it I'm about to post) was real. This fucking happened.

Interestingly, this guy wasn't a lone crazy in the wilderness, either - he fucking wrote for Joystiq, and while he never got into the cool kids' club, a-la David Gallant, he most-assuredly carried their water, and was a massive supporter of everyone from Brianna Wu to Zoe Quinn. In fact, he still is, and reposts their stuff constantly. But I'll get to that when I cover his return.

Tait would later go on to be discovered to be the source of multiple death threats sent to GG supporting randos, something he would later go on to boast about:

mn5sYMF.jpg


It's at this point that Tait entered a decaying orbit, and proceeded to get so crazy that even other GG opponents were forced to disassociate with him.

2jyLdL9.png


Make no mistake, though: They only divorced themselves from it because Tait went off too hot, not because they disagreed. In a few ways, Tait was ahead of his time, indicative of the kind of madness we'd see metastasize into the more modern "everyone who disagrees with us is a Nazi" idiocy we're seeing now from this exact same crowd (Bob Chipman's infamous "eugenics" arguments, for example). After this, the fucking inevitable happened: Geordie Tait got banned from Facebook and Twitter in short order, because.... Well fucking look at that madness.

However, even Autism may not eternal lie, and as we've seen many times before with literally every single Anti-GG cow we've covered since that fucking controversy began, not a single one of them knows when to shut the fuck up.

Geordie Tait came back
. It's actually kind of surprising: He got unbanned within a month. Chroncileers of Lolcows were psyched: Would this be the glorious return of one of the craziest people to grace the GG divide?

JMT17lP.png


8dxPEp1.png


5A76B3C.png


....Nope. These are as good as it gets.

Unfortunately, Tait was a victim of his own hubris, and getting banned and being torn to shreds by both sides essentially defanged him.

Compared to his previous faire, Tait's kind of subdued these days. He posts comparatively infrequently and he's outright domesticated compared to his infamous thermonuclear sperg-out that saw him banned from basically every social media website. He is, of course, completely unrepentant, and periodically will post something ball-shatteringly autistic, but alas, the golden era has long since faded and there isn't much left to cover that hasn't already been mocked to death.
 

spiritofamermaid

Commissions Closed until May 7
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
A lot of the artcows for me, especially Disneyfan01 (though admittedly that's more of bad luck as to when I joined). I want to dissect their art, do corrections and stuff, but either they've stopped or their art level is not one where you can be motivated to do corrections (Dobson became this for a bit, especially when he gets into his politics stuff which is so boring for me, but thankfully he's starting to do art again).

I should really just start looking at the SJW/DeviantArt Horrors Art threads but I don't know why I haven't.
 

UltraSonichu

BASICALLY PROMISED
kiwifarms.net
Some of the most promising cows get ruined by mass weening too early in their life cycle. StrikerWolf is the best example. I remember his thread going from awesome to shit. I originally thought Aaron McCluske was a promising cow in the sense that you never knew what batshit madness would come next but he was literally trolled off the webs. He's since made a bit of a return but not in his purest most autistic form.

I also expected more/better content from Mike Holland, the mad tranny who made Terryberry kill herself, but anything from him has slowed to a trickle.
 

Ideal Patrol

kiwifarms.net
I was expecting great things from Super Saiyan Crash, but his stuff is all the same shit over and over again, no improvement or decline, so there's little to talk about. I don't even think he knows or cares that there are anti-blogs, threads, and videos of him online.
 

Stock Photo James

kiwifarms.net
There is this one guy, not sharing him yet (or maybe ever) but I've been watching him over for over couple years. He has all the trappings of a lolcow, obsessions, double standards, stupidity, all there. Problem is, due to language barrier he's not of interest to the anglophone communities. But he wants international recognition for his shit nobody else would care about so I'm waiting for him to try and branch out into English community interaction one day. But he's so lazy with it I don't think it will be happening anytime soon.
 

Joey Caruso

The Coathanger In Your Man's Vagina
kiwifarms.net
I still think that the JLink thread could've been a fountain of good stuff if folks would've just kept paying attention to the guy
 

UnsufficentBoobage

Atleast things I wanna fuck are 3D
kiwifarms.net
due to language barrier he's not of interest to the anglophone communities
I had the same problem with that smug dog-obsessed asswipe (he thought himself to be the most clever one, refused to follow links leading to "pleb" sites, and had assumptions about women only total tards have...also racist shit, and wanted to nuke Korea cause they eat dogs, a.k.a. Chosen Animals) I met at the porn torrent site - he's russian.
 

Stock Photo James

kiwifarms.net
I had the same problem with that smug dog-obsessed asswipe (he thought himself to be the most clever one, refused to follow links leading to "pleb" sites, and had assumptions about women only total tards have...also racist shit, and wanted to nuke Korea cause they eat dogs, a.k.a. Chosen Animals) I met at the porn torrent site - he's russian.
That's funny, the guy I want to one day make a thread on is Ukrainian. 30-year-old who plays with dolls and is a shitty modder and indie gamedev wannabe who just steals content and goes at autistic lengths to promote his work and punish those critical of it.
 

UnsufficentBoobage

Atleast things I wanna fuck are 3D
kiwifarms.net
That's funny, the guy I want to one day make a thread on is Ukrainian. 30-year-old who plays with dolls and is a shitty modder and indie gamedev wannabe who just steals content and goes at autistic lengths to promote his work and punish those critical of it.
Sounds interesting.
The guy I was talking about blacklisted me, so I can't even pm him anymore. His nickname on pornolab.net is Ramy, wonder if he crops up elsewhere someday (I looked at his forum posts, and he continues to be pretentious asswipe, posts rarely, tho).
 

Stock Photo James

kiwifarms.net
Sounds interesting.
The guy I was talking about blacklisted me, so I can't even pm him anymore. His nickname on pornolab.net is Ramy, wonder if he crops up elsewhere someday (I looked at his forum posts, and he continues to be pretentious asswipe, posts rarely, tho).
As for my likely-never-to-be-real-lolcow, his username is Scanarri. Uses it everywhere. If you know Russian you should be able to read his postings online.
 

The Great Citracett

Life's the same, I'm cooming in stereo...
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Here's one that was active from around 2010-13ish, the one and only "Bigot Vanquisher" aka Hannah Jacobson.
b46e4debfd8fdaef1dc5248bea205d1d.jpg

A former meth addict and a single mom, her claim to fame was trying to be the most edgy, euphoric atheist on facebook. At one point she even had her very own website. Her following was mainly edgelord atheists of the thirsty neckbeard variety, probably hoping she'd show them her tits. Which she eventually did.

She only succeeded in making atheism look bad, and giving the fundies tons of ammo. A big problem was, she was pretty much the definition of a bigot. And she just attacked any and all Christians constantly and indiscriminately, not just the crazy fundies. If I remember right she also liked to chimp out over circumcision.
L9acQDo.jpg

She was also a terrible debater, instead of logic and reason, she preferred profanity and personal attacks. Usually she'd end up getting wrecked by other nonreligious folks in comment sections because of just how terrible of a person she was. She was like the ISIS of atheism. She also had a habit of putting on a tard act if she was arguing with someone religious to try and mock them:
atheism-retard-atheists-are-irrational-idiot-atheists-Favim.com-2217566.jpg

Also she liked to try and make super edgy memes:
970745_10151641369854780_372783933_n.jpg

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And at one point, she decided to pose topless in front of a roadside cross, to prove... something.
75271_536795253014662_1332385851_n.jpg

She made a lot of enemies and pissed off about everyone. She appeared in a few youtube videos and at some point decided to be credited under her real name for things. Doxing quickly ensued and she disappeared completely from the internet almost instantly. What I've posted here is almost all that remains of her online presence. Nobody figured out who did it, could have been anyone. Nobody liked her by that point. It's probably good she vanished when she did, because SJWs would have done far worse than just dox her for saying "hurtful" words, plus she also hated Islam, which is no longer allowed. I was hoping she'd stick around because I felt like she was getting close to pissing off the wrong people and causing massive drama, but she just quietly went away.

She tried to scrub everything, but a few things remain on sites mocking her. That topless pic seems to have been nuked completely, I just found it in an old folder of goofy edgelord stuff I had and decided to make a post of her here. I'd bet that's the only copy still in existence.
 
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Jewelsmakerguy

Domo Arigato
kiwifarms.net
I was expecting great things from Super Saiyan Crash, but his stuff is all the same shit over and over again, no improvement or decline, so there's little to talk about. I don't even think he knows or cares that there are anti-blogs, threads, and videos of him online.
He's certainly one of those who produces more interesting cows (in this case, his clique of asspatters) than actually being the interesting cow. But even then, they aren't that threadworthy.
 

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