Famous historical personages who would've browsed the Farms - Or, Wish Fulfillment 101

[AtrocityVoyeur]

Like it says on the tin.

I'll start... Christopher Hitchens. Let's check the boxes-

1. Alcohol problem
2. Contempt for identity politics
3. Equal contempt for Nazi LARPers
4. But moreso for identity politics
5. Love of a good insult
6. Not-too-subtle strain of self-contempt

He would've browsed the Farms, but in absolute secrecy so as not to besmirch his intellectual rep. VPN, the whole works.

Any other suggestions?

 

[Feline Darkmage]

Both Hitler and Stalin, so they can keep track of each other followers being dumb manbabies.

And also to send snarky emails to each other about it.

 

[Postal Dude]

The good Dr. Hans Asperger, in order to supplement his studies on the 'tism with hundreds of different cases.

 

[Dirt McGirt]

Donald J. Trump, obviously. Even if it was just for relishing his own personal salt thread.

 

[Cato]

Hitchens just died in 2011 and Trump is still alive. I was thinking by the thread title that "historical figures" entailed a bit more "history."

Anyways, I could see Isaac Newton creating a personal army thread about Robert Hooke, resulting in a prompt lock and him being called an autist.

Oh, and Lovecraft would be a legit kiwi. He was a troll before it was cool, writing letters to editors to stir the pot.

 

[Miss Hortensia]

Oh, and Lovecraft would be a legit kiwi.

We should not forget Diogenes of Sinope. He would have loved to annoy the shit out of certain snotty lolcows.

 

[Ntwadumela]

Sigmund Freud would’ve taken great delight in psychoanalyzing many lolcows, including Chris.

 

[Dirt McGirt]

I think Andrew Jackson and John Quincy Adams would passive aggressively shitpost towards each other to the point where they would need a mega containment thread for them and their own armies of whiteknights to flame each on a daily basis.

 

[DangerousGas]

Nietzsche probably would. There's certainly enough abyss to stare into on offer.

 

[QB 290]

Both Hitler and Stalin, so they can keep track of each other followers being dumb manbabies.

And also to send snarky emails to each other about it.

Followed by Winston Churchill, giving them both autistic ratings

 

[Hen in a tie]

I like to imagine Richard Nixon creating sockpuppets to lurk on the site and create shitty threads with barely any information, so each sox gets banned to the point he gets found out and Halaled so hard he stops going on the internet.

 

[Feline Darkmage]

I like to imagine Richard Nixon creating sockpuppets to lurk on the site and create shitty threads with barely any information, so each sox gets banned to the point he gets found out and Halaled so hard he stops going on the internet.

A thread for every person on his enemies list.
Also there would be no -Gate suffixes in this scenario because his scandal would have never been exposed in a building named "Watergate", but rather on the internet shitposting boards.

 

[Dirt McGirt]

A thread for every person on his enemies list.
Also there would be no -Gate suffixes in this scenario because his scandal would have never been exposed in a building named "Watergate", but rather on the internet shitposting boards.

So would everyone use -Farms or -Chan suffixes?

 

[KiwiMisetté]

I kind of imagined that Napoleon Bonaparte would, making sure none has been making fun of his height.

 

[MG 620]

Charles Manson, obviously, reading his thread. Manson and Vordrak would have made a great team.

 

[CWCissey]

Thomas Edison. He would probably write a very successful thread dunking on Tesla.

Maybe Machiavelli too, being devious would suit him here.

L. Ron Hubbard wouldn't join, but he would peruse the farms looking for any mention of himself.

 

[cypocraphy]

The Zodiac Killer.

 

[MarvinTheParanoidAndroid]

Sigmund Freud would’ve taken great delight in psychoanalyzing many lolcows, including Chris.

He would've halal'd quickly.

 

[AnOminous]

Sigmund Freud would’ve taken great delight in psychoanalyzing many lolcows, including Chris.

Plus us.

Also Jonathan Swift.

 

[KM 749]

Voltaire and H. L. Mencken could browse this site for days at a time in order to find more stories of extremism, incompetence, superstition, and general buffonnary to mock.

Their overall snarkiness and ruthlessness towards who they condemn would make them fit here well.