Dramacow Fat Guy Across America / FGAA / Eric Hites and Angie Hites (nee Atterbury) - In which a morbidly obese scam artist crowd funded a year+ vacation.

entropyseekswork

Vigilante based in America
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
In fact, he'll often talk about how he needs "simple carbs" in the form of any number of bad, unhealthy foods because he "needs energy" to ride the bike. In his mind his bad eating isn't just excused, it's necessary.

He doesn't like actually riding the bike, and it's hard to blame him. Weighing nearly 600 pounds makes any sort of physical activity excruciating, I'm sure. He has nobody to blame but himself, though, because he should be prioritizing weight loss before getting on the bike. The bike ride should be a reward, not a means to an end.
lol this reminds me of a couple interviews with him, one in which he brags that he eats hostess cupcakes for the carbs, and the other was with the NYTimes in which he explains he eats white castles for the protein; meanwhile those sliders have a 2:1 ratio of carbs to protein. Another classic was when some prepackaged keto meal plan company was suckered into supporting him but the entire time aNgie was still making him sugar loaded shakes. I wish I still had the video of her mongoloid face grinning manically as she smashed bananas for one as if it was some kind of culinary feat.
 

Shaka Brah

kiwifarms.net
Eric, if you're reading this I want to make an offer. If you do what I say, you will never need to work again for the rest of your life. Hear me out:

1. Livestream everything- have the camera on at all times, so that people can talk about you and donate to you.

2. Set donation challenge goals, which you must complete if they are met.

3. Buy one of those wifi vibrators, but instead of sticking it up your gaping anus, connect the lead wires to electrodes on your head.

4. Enlist a friendly kiwi to monitor your progress. If you ever fail to perform one of the goals, this kiwi will trigger the maximum intensity setting on the vibrator app, shocking you repeatedly for 1 minute at 60hz.

You'll lose weight and make bank. Just remember your good friend Shaka once you're living in Beverly Hills.

Think it over.
 

Barbarella

Guards! To the Mathmos with this winged fruitcake.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Nothing gets you your second wind faster than having a mountain lion nip at your heels.
No cougar is going to see that behemoth and try to take it down. They don’t go after bears.

I can’t believe this guy is trying the same scam again.

I watched the video. 15 minutes on a bike and it was clear the last ten were torture for him.

He may not get attached by a mountain lion in CA, or the west, but we are not generous to bikers or pedestrians. (No matter how progressive it may be) His massive girth takes up half the roadway. I saw every single car move to the left lane and back to pass. We here are savages. There’s no room to move over due to traffic and the fuck you attitude, so I can’t imagine he wouldn’t get an arm taken off. Deservedly so. Get outta my road unless you are slim like Lance.

I watched this last time but gave up when he did. He’s been doing nothing the past three years, I assume. Still with his druggie wife? Does he actually have sponsors? I hope nobody falls for this again.
 

Rabbit Bones

If he fuck me good I take his ass to Red Lobster
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
How is any of this easier than working? Even the most humiliating job would be less degrading than making a spectacle of yourself like this. Everyone who has to change lanes to get around him slowly wheeling down the street is looking at him with disgust and annoyance. People online are laughing at him. If he's freaking out over Lyft taking $28, the money isn't flowing in like it did the first time he tried this scam. Just get a job at a call center, holy shit.
 

Give Her The D

Amputee without a Soul
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Eric, if you're reading this I want to make an offer. If you do what I say, you will never need to work again for the rest of your life. Hear me out:

1. Livestream everything- have the camera on at all times, so that people can talk about you and donate to you.

2. Set donation challenge goals, which you must complete if they are met.

3. Buy one of those wifi vibrators, but instead of sticking it up your gaping anus, connect the lead wires to electrodes on your head.

4. Enlist a friendly kiwi to monitor your progress. If you ever fail to perform one of the goals, this kiwi will trigger the maximum intensity setting on the vibrator app, shocking you repeatedly for 1 minute at 60hz.

You'll lose weight and make bank. Just remember your good friend Shaka once you're living in Beverly Hills.

Think it over.
All I have to say is, :alog:.
 

ColtWalker1847

kiwifarms.net
Why would you even bike long distances out west? There's a lot more dangerous animals out west than there is on the east coast. At least a car will give you some degree of safety. With a bike you are exposed to everything.
I'd be more worried about getting sideswiped by a logging truck on the narrow windy roads than hurt by some animal. They really don't want anything to do with humans. We're assholes.

A big thing would just be getting hurt or sick the regular way. Distances can be very far between cities/towns/houses/methshacks. Take a spill and sprain your ankle or whatever and you might be out there for a looooooong time before somebody comes along to help you.

That said, don't be a pussy. Go for it.
 

Dog Prom 3D

I had to get away from those anuses for a while.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I am sincerely surprised Satan's Little Pork Roast is still with him. That black dude Angie broke up with to return to her human landslide of a husband had a car and was able to purchase her an engagement ring. One also presumes she could engage in relations with him without requiring a winch and three able-bodied adults to to position them correctly. It's hard to see her angle in this, because Eric is broke, gross and a laughing stock.

Frankly, it's hard to see his angle, too. I'm not worried about wild animals or sadistic truck drivers because it won't get that far because he's too fucking fat to ride, walk, or crawl. Even though we know he's gonna half-ass it and end up in an ER with heat stroke, heart attack or crotch rot (why not all three?), just the misery of making it that far cannot be worse than working at a call center or just fucking getting on disability for pantloads. I guess the two of them thought they'd end up the Hulk and Linda Hogan of gross fat people doing dumb stuff, sometimes on a bike, and charm the world with their own reality show until the invitable divorce caused by too much fame.
 

kcbbq

No controlling legal authority
kiwifarms.net
If he was smart he'd do like NY to SEA as a route, cold temperature and a lot of flat ground (Till the Rockies anyway but that's gonna suck no matter which way you approach them). But Michigan and North Dakota isn't glamorous the way Texas and Cali are. I mean fuck if I was gonna be biking day in and out if want as much of it to be at like, 50F as I could.

Not that it matters since it's still never going to happen.
That's one of the hardest routes across the US. Crossing the mountains in the NE is really tough. Harder than the rockies minus the altitude. He's on the easiest path already. Really flat except for his stupid plan of Palm Springs instead of Calexico. 4000' climbs to get out of the Coachella Valley since you can't ride on I10. Not that he's making it to CA, but still.

LOL at 2 miles. Normally I'd be supportive of a super-Clyde riding even one mile, but he's a scammer.
 

Salubrious

Feelin' Healthy
kiwifarms.net
He’s too fat to check his blindspot safely, so it looks like he just drifts across the road. The left-hand turn he makes at the light is nerve-wracking too. I get that he’s a massive target and hard to miss, but anyone racing to turn before the light changes could easily plow into him, especially given how many people drive distracted these days.

There are several fascinating things about and in this video.

1) How did this video get edited? Eric claimed less than a week ago that his laptop was destroyed in the plane ride because the idiot put a propane cartridge in his checked luggage. Then again, he told at least two different stories about the laptop getting destroyed (TSA pulled it out and didn't put it back in its protective covering), plus Eric is a liar through and through.

2) Where did this video footage come from? Does Eric really have a pole with a video camera mounted onto his trailer? Meh, this one I can't hate on him too much for if he was actually serious about documenting "his journey", but then again he should be hauling a trailer in the first place. Edit: I just noticed after I took that screencap that he's using a full standing tripod.

3) He said at 3:50 that he wasn't wearing a helmet (it was on the back of his trailer) because he "had a rough time setting out", he was "having all types of problems", and that he "will work it out." What does any of that mean? It takes 10 seconds to put a helmet on. He couldn't even put it on during a break? Then again, if I remember correctly from 3 years ago, he hates wearing a helmet in general and usually only does so when he knows he's getting filmed.

4) Why doesn't he have some type of hydration backpack? Maybe he's too fat to fit a backpack, but he could sling it over his shoulder. I KNOW he can't reach the downtube to get to a bottle, even while straddling it at rest. He does state at 18:00 that he's dehydrated after the ride.

5) Not a criticism, but several times in the video you can see Eric's trademark riding style: he pedals for a little bit and then tries to glide as far as he can, even on level elevation. I'm not a cycling expert, but his gear looks way too high as well; he should be spinning the pedals much more. Then again, maybe because of the weight of the trailer, maybe he's already in low gear?

6) Even at the leisurely pace Eric was riding in this video, it still looks like he's going about 5-6 miles per hour. So he's doing 1 hour of actual riding per day excluding breaks? Who am I kidding, 1 hour is probably optimistic.

7) Eric is a "magnet to messups." For those that have never followed Eric before, just imagine DSP but with biking instead of video games. Even down to the hoarding. Eric refuses to listen to advice from experienced riders, Eric expects people to shower him with money and free stuff, he'll do things his own way even if everyone else tells him how stupid it is, and nothing is ever his fault.

8] Speaking of hoarding, Eric says at 9:25 that he's going to get rid of some stuff on his trailer when he relocates because he brought way too much. He can't just do that now? He can't find a dumpster to chuck his full 2 liters of soda away? Look at 17:35. He has more shit on his trailer than some people do in their garages.

 
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Salubrious

Feelin' Healthy
kiwifarms.net
Well, there is one thing he has been doing. His weigh-in on July 8, 2016 put him at 412 pounds, and his weigh-in on April 12, 2019 put him at 582 pounds. That's a tidy gain of 170 pounds.
"To be fair", every actual verified weigh-in for Eric 3 years ago put him around 514 pounds, plus/minus 10 or so. I don't believe that he started at 560 and magically lost 50 pounds in the first two weeks, nor do I believe he ever got below 500 pounds.

He still gained 70 pounds from where he was though. He's on that Amberlynn weight-loss journey.
 

Salubrious

Feelin' Healthy
kiwifarms.net
This thread is teaching me a lot about how not to do a long-distance bike ride.
To be honest, that's one reason why I follow certain cows; learning how not to make their mistakes. I mean, I know (I think) how not to be a narcissist, but these people also fail in ways I've never even dreamed about.

Plus, even as lazy and low effort as a guy like Eric is, he's still pumping out Youtube videos (well now he is after three years). He's still riding 10 miles per week. It gives me that "I can do way better than this guy" motivation to get up off my ass.
 

Tanner Glass

kiwifarms.net
I am sincerely surprised Satan's Little Pork Roast is still with him. That black dude Angie broke up with to return to her human landslide of a husband had a car and was able to purchase her an engagement ring. One also presumes she could engage in relations with him without requiring a winch and three able-bodied adults to to position them correctly. It's hard to see her angle in this, because Eric is broke, gross and a laughing stock.

Frankly, it's hard to see his angle, too. I'm not worried about wild animals or sadistic truck drivers because it won't get that far because he's too fucking fat to ride, walk, or crawl. Even though we know he's gonna half-ass it and end up in an ER with heat stroke, heart attack or crotch rot (why not all three?), just the misery of making it that far cannot be worse than working at a call center or just fucking getting on disability for pantloads. I guess the two of them thought they'd end up the Hulk and Linda Hogan of gross fat people doing dumb stuff, sometimes on a bike, and charm the world with their own reality show until the invitable divorce caused by too much fame.
Some people like being the "better" partner in a relationship, it feeds their ego and gives them a level of comfort and control they don't have in normal relationships. This new relationship is probably worse for Angie, but Eric can't say shit to her about anything (not about money, not about health at a bare minimum).

See Also : Frank and Brianna Wu
 
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