Dramacow Fat Guy Across America / FGAA / Eric Hites and Angie Hites (nee Atterbury) - In which a morbidly obese scam artist crowd funded a year+ vacation.

Coleslaw

kiwifarms.net
He would consider himself having ridden 2.7 miles/day because rest days don't count against the average.

He's yelled at people in the past for their "idiot math" of averaging the zeroes into his daily mileage.



There are charity one-day rides that go 50 or 100 miles.

Most out of shape people not dragging a fucking heavy trailer behind them could probably go 10 mph. The dedicated weekend warriors can go 20-22 mph, and some really good riders are around 25-28 mph.
Is that through the country without traffic lights?
 

kcbbq

No controlling legal authority
kiwifarms.net
Is that through the country without traffic lights?
There are some insanely fast rides in Manhattan. Stops do have an effect, but bikes manage urban settings as well as cars in some cases.

Bike messengers provide a popular service in big cities for a reason. Bikes are great for covering ground in urban traffic as long as the car drivers aren't drunk or texting.
 

Salubrious

Feelin' Healthy
kiwifarms.net
This part confuses me, if he's supposed to go west then why did he go Southeast
Keep in mind that the first ride three years ago he went from NYC to Philly and then drove/flew/IDGAF south to Florida.

Eric probably convinced himself that there were more hotels/food/flat roads if he started in his current place than where he was last week.

Or he could just be stalling for time.

Edit: Yesterday, it took Eric 7 hours and 35 minutes to ride for 1 hour.

And it wasn't a case of he forgot to stop his watch. He rode 0.4 miles in 19 minutes, then took a break for an hour, then rode 0.4 miles in 5 minutes, then 35 minute break, then 0.3 miles in 6 minutes, hour+ break, 0.3 miles, 2 hour break, et cetera.

His MAX speed on the ride was 9.6 mph. 9.6 should be his average speed at worst.

746854
 
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Cactus Wings

Coughing for Cash
kiwifarms.net
Been pending on his Strava for 5-6 days. I think he either caught onto KF or just his 'haters' in general, despite 700 people following him.
In fact, he'll often talk about how he needs "simple carbs" in the form of any number of bad, unhealthy foods because he "needs energy" to ride the bike. In his mind his bad eating isn't just excused, it's necessary.
I've been through a 1400 kcal diet for 6-8 months, and the first 2 weeks I had no light in my day but the pathetic no-fat chocolate bar at the end of the day. Once those 2 weeks had passed I didn't even buy them anymore. It's meant to be a comfort, not a constant reward once you're used to it. Hell, now that I'm somewhat getting in shape cycling on a road bike, I almost forget to drink in the baking sun. It's obvious but no fucking way he enjoys biking if he actively looks forward to eating bars. Also, it's roughly one per 60-90 minutes you're out. Has he even been cycling for that long?

And on the whole 'bike as a prop' thing. Yeah, I just put my cycling computer and mini pump on my own. It feels good to kit it out, but with things that matter. Hell, one of few cosmetic choices is the color of your handlebar tape. What I've seen of his bike and how he treats it, or rather lack of, isn't all that typical cyclist behavior? People pose and take pics of their steed constantly. For his identity piece he sure doesn't share it often.
 

Salubrious

Feelin' Healthy
kiwifarms.net
And on the whole 'bike as a prop' thing. Yeah, I just put my cycling computer and mini pump on my own. It feels good to kit it out, but with things that matter. Hell, one of few cosmetic choices is the color of your handlebar tape. What I've seen of his bike and how he treats it, or rather lack of, isn't all that typical cyclist behavior? People pose and take pics of their steed constantly. For his identity piece he sure doesn't share it often.
Eric isn't important enough for me to comb through a 2500 page GOMI thread, but in the past there have been pictures where he's shown his bike "damaged", where the damage could have only been done by a human. I think the one big instance I can remember is damage to the side of his wheel/rim that he claimed was caused by the roads, except the roads would have damaged the edge of the wheel (the part of the wheel that actually makes contact with the road when the wheel spins), not the side of the wheel. Something like that; it was 3 years ago.

There was also a time where Angie claimed on Dr. Phil that a "hater" loosened her car tires so they came off going 60 mph, but when she showed a picture of the tire there was no damage to the rim. Something like that.
 

kcbbq

No controlling legal authority
kiwifarms.net
Keep in mind that the first ride three years ago he went from NYC to Philly and then drove/flew/IDGAF south to Florida.

Eric probably convinced himself that there were more hotels/food/flat roads if he started in his current place than where he was last week.

Or he could just be stalling for time.

Edit: Yesterday, it took Eric 7 hours and 35 minutes to ride for 1 hour.

And it wasn't a case of he forgot to stop his watch. He rode 0.4 miles in 19 minutes, then took a break for an hour, then rode 0.4 miles in 5 minutes, then 35 minute break, then 0.3 miles in 6 minutes, hour+ break, 0.3 miles, 2 hour break, et cetera.

His MAX speed on the ride was 9.6 mph. 9.6 should be his average speed at worst.

View attachment 746854
Suicide by bike is a new one to me. Those numbers are fine for first time fatties on bikes. There's no shame in it in that context. In this context it is amazing.

I sympathize with the idea that he won't work hard if he doesn't get rid of the safety nets, but this isn't that. It would be if someone took his credit cards away.

Eric isn't important enough for me to comb through a 2500 page GOMI thread, but in the past there have been pictures where he's shown his bike "damaged", where the damage could have only been done by a human. I think the one big instance I can remember is damage to the side of his wheel/rim that he claimed was caused by the roads, except the roads would have damaged the edge of the wheel (the part of the wheel that actually makes contact with the road when the wheel spins), not the side of the wheel. Something like that; it was 3 years ago.

There was also a time where Angie claimed on Dr. Phil that a "hater" loosened her car tires so they came off going 60 mph, but when she showed a picture of the tire there was no damage to the rim. Something like that.
His wheels aren't strong enough to take his weight through harsh bumps. Wheels flex in crazy ways, even with normal sized riders. Hitting a rock could totally cave in a sidewall. I've got a chunk out of a carbon fiber wheel's brake track - luckily in a spot that doesn't compromise the wheel - that is hard to wrap your brain around how it could happen.

Hit a rock, Ben over the rim onto the rock, ruined wheel.

There's a series of pictures of Mark Cavendish on the sprint finish of a Tour de France stage where he flexes his front wheel like that, iirc someone runs over the rim bending it to a 90 degree angle. He unweights the wheel, it snaps back (carbon fiber is amazing) and he wins the sprint at 45+mph. The wheel was toast, but it's the same kind of thing.

It's going to happen a few times until he gets down to 300 or less because his wheels are not ones designed for his bulk. At 500lbs (even 550 if you aren't a clod) you can get away with wheels built for tandem bikes. Above that you just have to accept that wheels are going to fail.

Not even the main North American industrial bike maker, Worksman Bikes, makes anything rated for his weight.

Earnest Gagnon started cyclocross racing at 530-ish pounds. He's a less pathetic Boogie who actually got up off his ass and put himself out there. The pictures of ruined wheel hubs on his Facebook are incredible. It's hard to understand just how the damage could happen.

Gagnon's not fast on a bike, but he's way faster than Hites. I forgive a lot of his insecurities because it's hard to pull on spandex even when you're not huge, it's not flattering on anyone. Starting a race is psychologically hard the first time. He was doing real races on a real amateur racing team.
 
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Peepee

Trolling is stupid.
kiwifarms.net
in the past there have been pictures where he's shown his bike "damaged", where the damage could have only been done by a human.
There was also a time where Angie claimed on Dr. Phil that a "hater" loosened her car tires so they came off going 60 mph, but when she showed a picture of the tire there was no damage to the rim. Something like that.
"Never attribute to malice what can be attributed to stupidity" is a two-way street here. Angie and Eric were stupid for assuming their car problems were troll sabotage, but there's no reason for us to resort to conspiratorial thinking for all of Eric's various failures.

As @kcbbq outlined, bicycles are not designed to carry 500+ pound riders. If there's anything surprising about Eric's mechanical breakdowns, it's that they're not more frequent.
 

Salubrious

Feelin' Healthy
kiwifarms.net
I found the picture I was talking about on his Facebook page from 12/18/15. It's a broken front derailleur.

Eric's Facebook Post said:
Not making excuses. Derailleur broke, can only shift one way. Bike shop closest to me won't be open til after Christmas, maybe. Ordering a new one but riding ahead and not shifting with front gears. Gonna keep rolling. Slam me if you want, but I'm still out here and I won't stop. I love you guys and I'll make it. You want to hear what happens to me so I post it. So, some of the people yelling "excuses" all the time can take a hike. The rest of you, I thank you so much for your support it really picks me up. yeah, I have lots of setbacks, but they won't happen forever. I dreaded posting about this because I wasn't looking forward to the abuse about it, but after talking to my wife, I decided to post and ignore the idiots. I watched a Walk in the woods a few weeks ago, you should watch it, there is a hiker that is like a lot of the trolls, and it made me laugh pretty hard. So today I thought back to that and it made feel a little better.
I agree that Eric is so obese that he could break the derailleur just riding it, but there was something about the way it broke that people determined it had to have been either due to intentional carelessness or as a continuing stall tactic (he was stalling a lot during this time).

I'm a noob when it comes to bike mechanics, so I can't make that determination. Here is the raw picture that Eric posted:

747175
 

Coleslaw

kiwifarms.net
There are some insanely fast rides in Manhattan. Stops do have an effect, but bikes manage urban settings as well as cars in some cases.

Bike messengers provide a popular service in big cities for a reason. Bikes are great for covering ground in urban traffic as long as the car drivers aren't drunk or texting.
tfw you're Eric Hites
It took 2 hours for me to ride 10 miles.
 

Strelok

Perfectly Cromulent Poster
kiwifarms.net
Maybe he should just do a Scoot Across America instead. I'm sure the mere act of balacing his massive girth and staying standing for long periods would be enough to burn a ton of calories. But then I shudder to think of that poor little electric motor. Probably would burn out after 5 min.

Realtalk though those things go scary fast even for obese people, so he'd probably brain himself on the pavement. I've hit like 20mph on the shitty phone rental ones during my commute, so I can't even imagine how fast one without a govornor would go downhill with a 600lb man.
 
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StrawberryDouche

kiwifarms.net
In 2015, Eric signed a contract with Larry Landsman. He's the "producer" Eric is always talking about. He got Eric the NYT article and the additional press in the beginning, long before The Lard rested for 3 years. There were legit plans for a documentary of his ride and all that jazz. Then Miss Piggy came trotting in as soon as the GoFundMe started percolating and it turned into a giant aggressive scam rather than a low key scam.

I hate to sound like a faggot, but I can't say where I got this from...

Eric's contract with Landsman expires in August this year. His desperate, poorly planned restart has everything to do with getting Larry to renew it, and nothing to do with his parents or his wife issuing ultimatums.

IF he makes it back to Dallas under his own steam, Landsman agreed to renew his contract and start giving him support in the form of cash advances and someone to assist in documenting the remainder of the ride.

If Eric fails to get to Dallas, Landsman dumps him for good, and he loses the chance at fame and fortune and the life on Easy Street he so desperately wants and thinks he's entitled to.

And that's what I know.
 

Hungerdunger

kiwifarms.net
I found the picture I was talking about on his Facebook page from 12/18/15. It's a broken front derailleur.



I agree that Eric is so obese that he could break the derailleur just riding it, but there was something about the way it broke that people determined it had to have been either due to intentional carelessness or as a continuing stall tactic (he was stalling a lot during this time).

I'm a noob when it comes to bike mechanics, so I can't make that determination. Here is the raw picture that Eric posted:

View attachment 747175
In my experience as a bike mechanic, that's an odd break, but not necessarily suspicious. Bad shifting technique is always a possibility. Altus is towards the cheap end of bike parts, yeah it can break easily enough. I wouldn't go touring on it. Not at any weight. I have no idea how much mechanical skill/sympathy our boy has, mind. My instincts tell me "not much".

Gotta be honest, I'm mainly here because there's a bike involved, and a great deal is being asked of it, even when it's hardly moving.

Edit: fixed typo you all kindly ignored for many hours.
 
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Fancy Carstairs

Stoney Baloney
kiwifarms.net
He rode south to Palatka, and today posted from a restaurant that was back up Northeast towards St Augustine. What a confusing trip


Edit--my mistake, he didn't even make it to Palatka, he made it to Vermont heights, and the restaurant he posted from is in elkton, very close by
 
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