Favorite vintage cow? -

Purpleshells

kiwifarms.net
Pretty much an old school cow, from the 90s or early 2000s, pre-ED and all that. They can still be active but they don’t have to be.
 

PsychoNerd054

Green Jack-in-the-box demons are so sexy!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Erik Mokracek's a favorite of mine. He's apparently been online since around the mid to late 90's. Too bad we can't see all of the ridiculous stuff he's done at that time.
 

Bob Page

Electronic Old Gendo Ikari
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
For the time since I was a watcher, I've wondered when MovieBob would get a thread. But goddamn, he has well over 1000 pages on his thread right now. Crap reviewer true and through and complete moron. I don't have much memory of this but I think that he supported The Covenant in the Halo series because muh diversity, thinking they did no wrong in genociding humanity because of false words by their leaders. Not sure on that but knowing him, not too far out of the realm of possibilities.
 

Dolce & Gabbana

kiwifarms.net
I always really liked that one guy who did all of the Supernatural fictionkin cult shit, I forget his name, Andy something? Andythanfiction, I think? Used to be a Victoria something, back in the day, I think, but I was really glad to see he had a thread here and didn't just go the way of the dinosaur like the people in Final Fantasy house, another timeless classic. Unless some shit did happen with them, after I last checked, in which case I'd lose my fucking mind if it got updated. Some shit just deserves to go down in history.

Edit: lol found Andy. Most of what was so great about this story took context I got off of Encyclopedia Dramatic back in the day, I think, but I still really love the whole account where he tries to hang out with a bunch of people who aren't nearly as susceptible to this line of bullshit as his usual because it's just this like, relentless stream of Will Ferrel type shit, like he flat out comes across like a character in a wacky manchild comedy movie
 
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Nekromantik

I was phone!
kiwifarms.net
I think, but I was really glad to see he had a thread here and didn't just go the way of the dinosaur like the people in Final Fantasy house, another timeless classic. Unless some shit did happen with them, after I last checked, in which case I'd lose my fucking mind if it got updated. Some shit just deserves to go down in history.
The crazies from the Final Fantasy House went and infected the Hannibal fandom. They're still going strong after all these years. Can't wait to see where they pop up next. The Final Fantasy House was one of the first things I saw on internet crazies. A good cow never dies.
 

Olhelm

The Hermit of KiwiFarms
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
From the 90s or early 00's? Well, there's Jack Chick.

Of all time, though?

THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM THIS WORSE GANGSTER POLICE STATE, USING ALL OF THE DEADLY GANGSTER FRANKENSTEIN CONTROLS. IN 1965 C.I.A. GANGSTER POLICE BEAT ME BLOODILY, DRAGGED ME IN CHAINS from KENNEDY N.Y. AIRPORT. SINCE THEN I HIDE in FORCED JOBLESS POVERTY, ISOLATED ALONE in this LOW DEADLY NIGERTOWN OLD HOUSE.

THE BRAZEN, DEADLY GANGSTER POLICE AND NIGER PUPPET UNDERLINGS SPRAY ME WITH POISON NERVE GAS from AUTOMOBILE EXHAUSTS AND EVEN LAWN MOWERS, DEADLY ASSAULTS. EVEN IN MY YARD, WITH KNIVES, EVEN BRICKS and STONES, EVEN DEADLY TOUCH TABIN, or ELECTRIC SHOCK “FLASH LITE” EVEN REMOTE ELECTRONICALLY CONTROLLED AROUND CORNERS TRAJECTION of DEADLY TOUCH TARANTULA SPIDERS, or EVEN BLOODY MURDER “ACCIDENTS” TO SHUT ME UP FOREVER WITH A “SNEAK UNDETECTABLE EXTERMINATION”, EVEN WITH TRAINED PARROTING PUPPET ASSASSINS, IN MAXIMUM SECURITY INSANITY PRISON FOR WRITING THESE UNFORGIVABLE, TRUTHFUL LETTERS.

 

Syaoran Li

Honorary Zoomer
kiwifarms.net
Honestly, my favorite Web 1.0 lolcow is definitely Jack Chick, no contest.

Jack Chick sort of transcended multiple lines, he was a pre-internet lolcow and a prominent Web 1.0 lolcow, and was still active well into the era of the "new" internet culture. Hell, he's been dead for two and a half years and they're still putting out those wacky comic tracts.

Also, David Gonterman and The Final Fantasy House folks were interesting lolcows to say the least.

Sammy may have been a more recent lolcow, but he's probably the best example of a lolcow who successfully moved on from being a lolcow and put their past behind them.
 
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