Favorite vintage cow? -

Truthboi

The True and Honest Man
kiwifarms.net
DakariKingMykan who took shipping more seriously than Yaoi fangirls to the point he legit became depressed over his favorite ships not being canon and when the episode "Things Change" aired as the season 5 finale for Teen Titans, Mykan got so mad that he denounced love, friendship, and socialization because fictional cartoon characters won't date each other. He then spent many years of his life writing fanfiction about it where Beast Boy became evil over being rejected by becoming a Count Bleck ripoff, and made an entire youtube series about Beast Boy singing songs because of how he got rejected. Mykan also wrote stories trying to show how love and friendship are evil yet unintentionally has them be the reason why the characters win because Mykan thinks self sacrifice is bad. He also hatewatched My Little Pony to write fanfictions denouncing the show where friendship was used to solve problems in a story where it was supposed to show how friendship is bad, and he's likely a brony now but in denial since he is more involved with MLP than even casual fans.

Outside of his shipping/fanfiction escapades, Mykan literally believes he is the greatest actor/singer of all time that the only reason that he was not hired was because he was not discovered by a talent agent yet as though getting hired in fiction is the same as real life. Mykan also has a crush for Tara Strong that he made a love song for her, and he is also a SJW Trump sperg just like Tara is now.
 

Dangerhair

kiwifarms.net
Does "Gorgeous" George Alexander Yarid count? I could have sworn there was a Something Awful thread on him circa 2004.

I remember him getting his shitty cable access show canned for lewd Christmas song parodies and proposing to a stripper who sold the ring he gave her. (ETA): He also liked to challenge people to fight him, and had a string of LOLsuits, handwritten and filed in forma pauperis despite his boasts of wealth, fame and sexual prowess.

Most of the "trolling" consisted of people calling into his show and flushing a toilet, at which point George would rage and yell "Go rub do(n)gs with your daddy". Every time. His criminal record also got released- bankruptcies, minor assault charges, disturbing the peace, uttering threats, etc. All infractions/misdemeanors, but a lot of them.

He went dark when the cable access show lost funding (and IIRC got suspended for a year for "Merry Clitmas"), but it came back at some point in the 2010s.

IIRC he also had a thread here, but he's been thoroughly m¡lked, and there's really nothing left.
 
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patchy<3

your local autistic furfag
kiwifarms.net
andy. hes a legend.
HEY ANDY SWEETIE, WHATCHA DRAWING????
EDIT: i also need to mention branca the self proclaimed wife and girlfriend of 2d from gorillaz, along with her friend, numberofthebeatz(also known as dgjazzy), who also claims to be 2ds wife and girlfriend, but this time its an alter ego oc she made thats an edgelord.
 
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Coolio55

DON'T CALL LUIGI AT 3AM!! *OMG HE RICKROLLED ME*
kiwifarms.net
My first lolcow and an oldie but goodie.

Anyone remember Jennifer Diane Reitz?

Jdr_whinymcblame.jpg

TL;DR:
An extremely early example of the stock "internet tranny" archetype with all their (terrible) media coloured by the political debates of the 90's and 2000's.
Snagged and runs the domain "Transsexual.org". Another example of a mainstream (for the time) tranny site giving horrible information (and the answers to the mandatory pre cockchop psyche test)

Currently writes MLP fanfiction under the name "chatoyance"
 

Francis E. Dec Esc.

kiwifarms.net
My first lolcow and an oldie but goodie.

Anyone remember Jennifer Diane Reitz?

View attachment 662855

TL;DR:
An extremely early example of the stock "internet tranny" archetype with all their (terrible) media coloured by the political debates of the 90's and 2000's.
Snagged and runs the domain "Transsexual.org". Another example of a mainstream (for the time) tranny site giving horrible information (and the answers to the mandatory pre cockchop psyche test)

Currently writes MLP fanfiction under the name "chatoyance"
He also sold the happypuppy.com domain for somewhere between $1-3 million dollars, and blew it all on stupid shit like anime VHS tapes.
 
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Cedric_Eff

I’m the Lord of the Harvest!
kiwifarms.net
Not much of a known Lolcows, but my favorite oldskool lolcows are Jay Naylor, Robert M. Blake (Currently, Robin M. Blake), D.C Simpson, and Immelmann. Especially Jay Naylor, fucker got into some petty shit with a guy named Mat Sherer.
 

Karl_der_Grosse

GG Allin once threw his poop at me.
kiwifarms.net
Kim Keister, exceptional crazy doglover and obsessive stalker of many people over many years. Last I heard she got busted impersonating animal control officers and a bunch of them took her to court over it. No idea what she's doing now, but whatever it is I'm sure it's either stupid, stupid and malicious, or very very stupid indeed.

ED's got a pretty good overview. https://encyclopediadramatica.rs/Kimberleigh_Ann_Keister

Edit: Apparently her town in California burned down. :(
 
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Remove Goat

oh god
kiwifarms.net
Anyone heard of Big Al?

I remember reading about this guy on ED awhile ago, and it's just fucking hilarious.

Basically, a long long time ago, before Nigerian princes sent emails, the commoners scammed you with text messages. So prolific were these texts, that scambaiting communities propped up to mock and troll them in retaliation.

Tl;dr, Big Al joined a site called 419eater.com way back in 2005 and by next year developed such a big ego over his own attempts at fucking with nigger peasants an ocean away that he wound up sperging out, getting banned, then doxed the admins of the site and made accounts on CP sites using that info to fuck with them.

In many ways, he was Vordrak's predecessor.

He was quickly blacklisted by every other scambaiting site due to his bullshit, and on one of the few places that would take his ass, they fucked with him by making them think they hacked his computer and installed a keylogger, when in reality they figured out the password he used on EVERY site he used. Eventually they made a subforum to contain his autism and made him a mod for it. He later socked and had an encounter with none other than @Miss Tommie Jayne Wasserberg himself.
691469


Big Al eventually went on a crusade against all the sites that banned him and celebrated upon hearing they were having difficulties. A common tactic he used to do was use a proxy to join one of these forums then demean the scammers using such colorful terms like "nigerian nigger monkeys" then reported the sites to their hosts for racism, and apparently he managed to shutter a few this way.

He wound up registering 419eater.net to create some sort of bullshit free alternative, in the way of having no moderation whatsoever. Unfortunately for him, one of the owners of .com was a lawyer and hit him with an infringement claim and .net went down following a lolsuit.

I'm not writing a cliffnotes verson of his ED page and we're not even halfway through it, so I'd go read it if you're interested.

The guy's like a weird frankenstein of KF annoyances. He socks like KoP, he uses Vordrak's tactics, he's gone through autistic crusades over images of his face like Yaniv, he's fucking everything.
 

Glad I couldn't help

Ohai!
kiwifarms.net
What about Derek Smart and the insanity sounding Battlecruiser 3000AD?

I terms of Web 1.0 communities, reading about GameFAQs' Life, the Universe and Everything sub-forum was fun.
 

NARPASSWORD

The furry shemale with the Star Fox avatars
kiwifarms.net
Old fandoms in general. Pokemon shippers were completely autistic in a way unrelated to "problematic" shipping, and livejournal was full of grown ass women getting in drama over Harry Potter fanfiction.
Zelda shippers were also pretty funny, and of course, no discussion of autistic shipping wars would be complete without bringing up Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts.
 

Glad I couldn't help

Ohai!
kiwifarms.net
Zelda shippers were also pretty funny, and of course, no discussion of autistic shipping wars would be complete without bringing up Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts.
Speaking of Zelda fandom, those people also seriously try to create an "accurate" timeline for the Zelda series, even it takes only a few minutes of reflection to realized there isn't one and it doesn't matter.
 
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Muncie Anderson

The Central Scrutinizer
kiwifarms.net
Nick Pacione
DRINK BLEACH FATHERFUCKER
He's still around, but nowhere near as active as he was a decade ago. I guess being forced to live with his mother and stepfather in Florida now might have had a lot to do with it.

His latest exploit was mentioned here, where he had one of his typically incomprehensible and confusing stories accepted to an anthology, and he took it upon himself to claim the whole project as his own, adding someone else's short story without their permission, and began promoting it by spamming it across the internet, notably on his old high school's Facebook page. A few years ago, Nicky attempted to, on the eve of his twentieth year class reunion, force some of his old classmates to write and contribute to an anthology he claimed he was putting together. In the usual Pacione fashion, the project never materialized and he was banned from the reunion page for annoying the same kids who he once claimed horribly bullied him growing up.

More recently, Nick sent Ramsey Campbell a lengthy message: I'm not sure exactly what he's talking about, but at least he didn't tell Mr. Campbell to "drink bleach" or "get AIDS/nut cancer" like he had told some of his other enemies during his heyday.
 

Dr. Dingo DVM

Not particularly clever or funny
kiwifarms.net
DakariKingMykan who took shipping more seriously than Yaoi fangirls to the point he legit became depressed over his favorite ships not being canon and when the episode "Things Change" aired as the season 5 finale for Teen Titans, Mykan got so mad that he denounced love, friendship, and socialization because fictional cartoon characters won't date each other. He then spent many years of his life writing fanfiction about it where Beast Boy became evil over being rejected by becoming a Count Bleck ripoff, and made an entire youtube series about Beast Boy singing songs because of how he got rejected. Mykan also wrote stories trying to show how love and friendship are evil yet unintentionally has them be the reason why the characters win because Mykan thinks self sacrifice is bad. He also hatewatched My Little Pony to write fanfictions denouncing the show where friendship was used to solve problems in a story where it was supposed to show how friendship is bad, and he's likely a brony now but in denial since he is more involved with MLP than even casual fans.

Outside of his shipping/fanfiction escapades, Mykan literally believes he is the greatest actor/singer of all time that the only reason that he was not hired was because he was not discovered by a talent agent yet as though getting hired in fiction is the same as real life. Mykan also has a crush for Tara Strong that he made a love song for her, and he is also a SJW Trump sperg just like Tara is now.
Holy fuck this guy came up a few years ago in my autistic hobbies.
I do bad fanfiction reading panels at conventions and that hatewatch pony fanfiction, My Little Unicorn: Magic is Believing, came across my desk when I was planning one. It really wasn't the best for public reading since the backstory and Mykan himself is way funnier than the actual story, which is boring stiff dogshit and long as fuck. He also wrote 7 more "seasons," five "movies," and a bunch of crossovers of his other shitty fanfictions. Of a fanfiction he wrote because he hated the source material.
 

Nekromantik

I was phone!
kiwifarms.net
I remember running in to an old webcomic back in the day call Boston and Shaun written by this lovely person. It's like a badly done Calvin and Hobbes, but with dragons and they can merge, and they like to eat a lot to get fat. It started way back in 1999 and then got rebooted in 2005 with kangaroos and pouches, because that the new fetish. Something Awful even talked about them back when SA was funny.

Looking back on Sunblaze it's almost quaint and harmless when compared to what we see people post now a days, but you can see the seeds of so many things to come, otherkin, plurals, troons, furries that are nothing but walking fetishes.
 
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Francis E. Dec Esc.

kiwifarms.net
I remember running in to an old webcomic back in the day call Boston and Shaun written by this lovely person. It's like a badly done Calvin and Hobbes, but with dragons and they can merge, and they like to eat a lot to get fat. It started way back in 1999 and then got rebooted in 2005 with kangaroos and pouches, because that the new fetish. Something Awful even talked about them back when SA was funny.

Looking back on Sunblaze it's almost quaint and harmless when compared to what we see people post now a days, but you can see the seeds of so many things to come, otherkin, plurals, troons, furries that are nothing but walking fetishes.
I'm 24 years old and I was born on October 2, 1978. My two halves wasn't merged together, until my dragon half decided to merge with my human half after she was out of her egg. A few years of being a Wyrm, my two halves split up. But, my dragon half lived with my human half for several years. After my human half graduated from high school, my halves soon merged permanently together with both their consciouses became one. I am result of this merger. Just listen to my voice very carefully you may be able to hear two voices speaking in union. If you don't listen very carefully, you will end up hearing one voice coming from me. The collar around my neck has a gold locket attached to it with a picture of Boston and Shaun inside it. I am almost never seen without it and I keep it in my pouch for safe keeping at times.
What the fuck. Also, wasn't 1999 about the time Dragon Tales came out? This person was 31 years old, and making a fetish webcomic based on a PBS cartoon for toddlers.
 
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