[February 2021 - ????] DSP Tries It: Divinity: Original Sin II -

[Jasper2K]

Incoming wagequit or a wagequit threat tonight. Get your wallets out piglets Phils going to need your wallet in hand as you walk him through the game every step of the way. Don't have money? Don't worry tips aren't mandatory! But I guess your guys don't really like this game its been slow AGAIN. I don't know what do you guys think? Should I drop it? OIC says I should. Yeah Derich this game is boring ugh. * limp potato mode stares at chat* This game just isn't for me guys. If you guys want this game to continue Im going to need your help. Hint Hint. *Jasper jumps in front of the TV* Get down Jasper! Ugh nothing is going well tonight you guys

 

[JimiHendrix]

good news children. my life is at an all time low. so let's cap it off with watching what very well may be the final Divinity stream before phil takes it outback and shoots it, like i wish someone would do to me.

"The money I would've saved up normally to pay my mortgage I'm not going to get because they literally stole it from me"

god damn...I don't usually listen to the prestream and this is why. absolutely filthy.

"sorry that is DUMB game design. you won't change my opinion on it. it's dumb game design"

that's okay mate. as someone who does game design as a hobby, your opinion on game design matters as much as an illiterates opinion on a book.

"by the way it's also stupid that you can play for literally three hours and make zero progress"

sounds like a player problem if we're bein' honest here.

"there's apparently a bunch of crazy conspiracy theories out there about how you'll get doxed if you tip, don't listen"

man thinks because he doesn't understand how anything works that must be true of others. I got a commission two days ago and despite me setting up a ton of bullshit to avoid it the commissionaire still saw my real name during the money transfer. by the way i see theirs too.

"paypal would be legally liable if they gave out your personal information by tipping. that can't happen. if it happened they would sue the company into oblivion. but people are stupid. i can't believe how stupid they are"

I recently got accused of being manipulative, so let me give you a tip here Philbert, If you want to fleece money out of people, maybe don't tell the people you're trying to rob that they're unbelievably stupid for believing something that is preventing them from giving you money. Might be a better route to take there, mate.

also again paypal has to give out information related to the account to let you know where the fuck the money is coming from.

I'm paraphrasing here but

"I tried to do a quest and I wasted 2 hours because we're all under level. All of my characters are under level. So from now on anytime I play we just need to do story progress. we need to progress the story every time we play"

now I'm no 25 year gamer, but do any of you kids in the crowd want to perhaps point out the flaw in this plan for an RPG?

instead of waiting for somethin' interesting to happen I'll just post this now and double post my tight little ass off when something happens.

 

[SkippyLongbottom]

I'm finding this very hypocritical of him to make demands to his audience that he is just wanting to make progress. No open world stuff just progress.

Yet here we are, him putting the controller down mid dialogue to talk about...nothing related to Divinity. This is his late stream which is shorter. Wew.

 

[JimiHendrix]

an anonymous nigger dropped 100$.

"they personally kept their name anonymous. i have no information whatsoever"

really play it up phil. really drive home the lack of info. why even say the amount of money you got? fuck it. "someone just gave me money. i don't know who it is. i don't know how much money it was. i don't know where i am. i have no information"

just really drive that bitch home.

it has tkane phil what feels like 40-50 minutes to kill 4 enemies. or maybe it just feels that long because i am in hell.

"I have no idea about the washington state divorce laws. i don't"

might wanna. brush up on em...........

Phil is trying to cheese an encounter. He did not unlink his team mates. So he teleported his dwarf down onto the floor, switched to another party member, who was still linked, so the dwarf ran through a tribe of enemies trying to get back to the party. Phil was not pleased. He is now talking outloud about how he must solve this dastardly puzzle. It is not difficult.

phil is in some weird section of the game where his party has been entirely split up in Mordus' rape cave. I didn't know this was a thing that happened. I just went into the cave and killed everyone. Phil however got kidnapped and is constantly reloading his save files anytime his individual party members runs into an enemy.

he also had a fat beg for the tip goal. he has gotten i think a total of 3 tips this entire stream.

literally just reloading every time he sees an enemy.

phil is mad other streamers dress up their place of work and defends the fact his background looks like he's about to review a bad movie in a high pitched voice.

phil says today was a good stream and that he actually made progress. i really don't feel like he did, but alright. i'm not the one who makes 120k a year.

alright, my dinner is done so i'm going to go cry into a bowl of ramen.

 

[Iron Hamster]

"The money I would've saved up normally to pay my mortgage I'm not going to get because they literally stole it from me"

Is he talking about twitch or scopely?

an anonymous nigger dropped 100$.

"they personally kept their name anonymous. i have no information whatsoever"

No doubt he rejected it because he couldn't verify it.

 

[Jasper'sDad]

So is this playthrough done? Is this just going to get replaced next week by whatever the "gaming season" dictates? Maybe he will return to it, but it seems like he is pretty done with playing the game since he has to be hand-held through every section.

 

[SauceRyuKen]

So is this playthrough done? Is this just going to get replaced next week by whatever the "gaming season" dictates? Maybe he will return to it, but it seems like he is pretty done with playing the game since he has to be hand-held through every section.

In short, yes. It's gonna go "On the backburner" or "On hiatus" and he might return to it eventually. Eventually can mean "Up to five years after the fact" since he considers his Persona 3 playthrough on Easy to be legitimately completed, even though the Patrons who funded it never got their money's worth. It'd be weird for someone to be a 5 year legit Phil fan and not move on with life. I don't think this fact escapes him.

Funny how Phil still attempts to shill his "Guided playthrough" gimmick. Meaning, he just sits back and relaxes, asking whuddoido on things he probably actually knows how to do, and waits for the Papaveras to roll in and cheer an entire gameFAQs guide, bit by bit, as much as the character limit will let them. He tried it with Morrowind and he intended for Divinity to be the same; Morrowind didn't quite work, since it turned out to be a game that required some thought and input from the player. Divinity's just worse about that: It requires you to understand the entire game. It's all very immersive and fun and tremendously easy to abuse, which really succeeds at making you feel like a guile fantasy hero. Or a dude who's playing a DnD campaign and doing very well at it, at least. Not to mention, post departnering there's no cheers, and Jim Raynor, Divinity's Papavera has fucking vanished. These are dudes who get bits from ads and definitely don't want to tip. No bits, not contributing to Phil. Maybe a whale will save Divinity, but Phil's already flying the idea that OIC wants him to drop it so ALOTTA PEEPUL are gonna be complaining in chat about how it's boring soon.

Phil literally expected something he wouldn't even have to think through. Just play dumb, brain AFK, and let the cheers tell him exactly what he needs to do. Just like how his Minecraft streams were 100% boring shit, 0% actually fun content like the nether. Big ups to the chatter who told him it's not so bad, it's much like XCOM. I think Phil still silently curses their name every time he boots up the game.

 

[Jasper2K]

Oh man he hates divinity 2. It's not a priority. Viewers choice isn't a priority. You heard it right from the pigs mouth.

 

[SauceRyuKen]

Divinity just confirmed on the prestream to be a low priority game. He's not gonna make a lot of progress in it, it was always meant to be a chill playthrough, and he'd rather play Dahngahnrahnpahhh. Just being honest, duhuhu, he'd rather play dahngahnrahnpah. But don't worry, he promises us that it WILL come back when the release schedule is less hectic. (X) Which must mean that the old man has a little too much on his plate with slowly walking through Resident Evil 8, a game he could have been done with, Returnal, a game he could have been done with, and Pokemon Snap, a game no one really knows how slow Phil is at because no one pays attention to it, but you bet your ass he's slow because he reads every last thing out of every last menu. At least that game has TAHD.

 

[JimiHendrix]

can't believe he's done this to me.

 

[Red Bistro]

RIP the DOS:2 playthrough, February 2021 - May 2021. The professional gamer strikes again.

 

[Colloid]

can't believe he's done this to me.

It was a good run that lasted far longer than I originally expected at least. You did a great job breaking down how thoroughly inept Phil was at playing it too. Cheers.

 

[M0L0K]

I’m still a bit surprised he made it through Act I tbh.

 

[LDoncic4MVP]

With how much complaining the Pig Roach is doing tonight, this might be his personal game of the year (that he streamed) when it's all said and done

 

[JimiHendrix]

phil has found Mordus, let's see how he fuckin' do. i stopped playin' video games for this so it best be god damn good.

phils plan is to absolutely bum rush Mordus, also as I'm sure it's been mentioned in the main thread, Phil has been fighting off an army of Derich's in the chat.

phil is desperately trying to DPS Mordus down and he can't. The NPCs phil is ignoring continually buff Mordus so every time Phil gets him down to 1 hit left, NPCs bring him back up to 5 hits left.

Phil is now claiming this is impossible because his plan failed and it's over. rest in peace fat man.

"It's bullshit they keep buffing. it's complete bullshit that they keep doing it. it's just buff buff buff. it's so stupid"

HERE IT COMES.

Mordus succeeded in transforming and Phil promptly rage quit before Mordus could wipe the floor with him.

"Stupidity. So even though I had my entire party aiming him, I can't win because he has 400 NPCs following and buffing him. I can't beat him because the game won't let me. how do people find this fun? this is the most annoying shit to me. i don't understand how this is fun gameplay"

get fucked, fat boy.

"I just spent 25 minutes on that destroying the boss and he doesn't die"

sounds like it wasn't the boss that got destroyed.

"so i don't know anymore. how do i kill this asshole? i did everything right and i still lost. i did everything right"

lifes hard when you're always a victim, innit?

Phil is trying the fight once more

"the fuck is venom coating?"

the fuck does it sound like asshole?

phil is talking to hischat about money, i stopped listening. trying to mod witcher 3 in the background, this shit kinda hard, not gonna lie.

"okay so ladies and gentlemen here's the deal, we're halfway through tonights progress but we're not making much progress, that's just how it is. we're at 11$ tonight guys, i need help. i can't keep playing this if i don't get paid"

thought you did get paid to play this already. i wish i could be like this nigga. charge 300$ for a commission, do the work, then charge another 300$ to send them what they commissioned.

what a life.

phil got a 50$ tip due to his begging for a total of 63$.

"it's such a demanding game, it really is a demanding game"

it's a fucking turn based RPG. this isn't one hit dark souls mod or GMD DMC. calm down.

the 50$ tip is unverified so phil's talkin' shit.

phil just said "i can't not accept unverified tips"

he fucking said it. i heard him.

someone else tipped 50$ now.

nice. phil just slapped the fuck out of his ally. apparently Skeleton Spiders have splash damage.

someone tipped 117$ same guy who tipped 50$ before.

"we can't win. this fight is impossible. if they all can go across the entire map and shield him it's impossible. there's nothing i can do. i'm very upset"

phils getting his ass slapped around.

"this is terrible gameplay. just really really bad gameplay"

yeah, it is. so play better and maybe we'll fix that.

"for no reason he now has 260 armor. for no explanation, he just has one. ok, this is stupid"

pretty sure Mordus has bone armor which regenerates armor each turn.

think someone gave 173$? i'm having issues with my cat, so lil distracted.

"IMMUNE TO POISON?"

lucky it didn't heal him, Mordus is undead, all followers of the old god are.

and that's rage reload number 2.

"Yeah this is terrible, i'm sorry it just is. the way they made this game you need to have insane, like, you need to draw diagrams of the battle and shit, you need to dedicate like, like it's a job"

i thought this was your job? or is it only your job when it's not hard?

"how am i ever going to advance in the game at this point, how am i?"

try takin' the dick out ya mouth. that'd be step one. then actually fucking read for step two.

phil is whining and im eating a fat burrito, pardon if i don't transcribe, haven't eaten today.

"he's not SUPPOSED to and he's getting armor back"

if he's not supposed to why is he

"I'm AH-TROPHIC? What does that MEAN?"

it's based off the word atrophy, I believe and the way he sound it was weird as fuck.

man is saying it like "uh-trophic"

"i don't think i can win this. i think this game is at a standstill. i need to win this when i'm in here and i can't. so i think i'm done"

man is lookin' for excuses to quit. you don't have to do this fight right now. you can just leave. infact i'm not entirely sure you need to do this fight at all.

"i don't know what's happening but i think we're gonna kill him. i think we're actually going to win, look, we won!"

story of his life, innit?

phil spent 2 hours to beat 1 boss.

"listen if you like overly complicated shit, i'm not going to ahte on you, but as a content creator, this isn't good for my stuff"

who asked

phil is having a hysterical meltdown because he can't figure out how to read a letter. i imagine it's because he's illiterate.

phil has been attacked by a shark and is in utter disbelief it has an armor value. yeah phil, some animals have thick hides. ever hear of a fucking rhino? they're kinda tough.

also just to put in Phils lack of critical thinking because he's a retard. he's fighting a fucking shark in essentially a river. he has the ability to teleport enemies. can you kids think of anyway those two might interact? because i thought of it and lemmie tell ya, it works.

phil is ending the stream and talking about future plans and where he should explore next, as if he's ever going to play this fucking game again.

alright, i'm going to go take a shower and wash my ass, like phil should've done 30 years ago.

 

[Genichiro]

Too fucking retarded to do basic reading to play games.

Too fucking stupid to find methods to make his life easier.

The worst is he is not pretending to be retarded. He is that helpless.
Dude should just eat sponsored potato chips in front of his fans and yell at them for recompensation for making him eat the wrong flavor.

 

[LyteSydeByll]

Mordus transforms???

My wife and I have been playing this two or three times a week at night together and it's been super enjoyable. She's not a huge gamer but she really likes RPGs so our builds are not super optimized or anything crazy. But mordus was a cakewalk. The hard part was breaking out of the cells and reuniting the party without those fucking blue voidwoken that kidnapped you killing you.

We were setting up the room for Mordus and trying to drop barrels and get ready when I accidentally walked into his field of vision and started the encounter early. We trounced him with chained knockdowns with Battering Ram and Battle Stomp.

 

[ZehnBoat]

"I'm AH-TROPHIC? What does that MEAN?"

it's based off the word atrophy, I believe and the way he sound it was weird as fuck.

man is saying it like "uh-trophic"

GUYS I LEARNED LATIN IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
GUYS I KNOW A LOT OF WORDS
VALEDICTORIAN!!!
I CAN SPEAK ANY LANGUAGE

what does atrophic mean?

 

[TheGoutburglar]

With all the talk of Phil's muscles having wasted away, it's like the universe is gifting us a moment which pre-emptively obliterates his ability to try pigsplaining that.

"I used to be really buff, well, when it goes away, naturally you look really small by comparison, when I'm really just normal now, right?"

Hard to sell that when you're not even familiar with the concept of atrophied muscles.

 

[Flavius Anthemius]

With all the talk of Phil's muscles having wasted away, it's like the universe is gifting us a moment which pre-emptively obliterates his ability to try pigsplaining that.

"I used to be really buff, well, when it goes away, naturally you look really small by comparison, when I'm really just normal now, right?"

Hard to sell that when you're not even familiar with the concept of atrophied muscles.

Phil was always a plump pig from what I understand, the dudes arms (triceps) are completely without form and lack any form of mass below his shoulders, it's just nothing but fat and skin.

Someone who's more familiar with lifting weights can give you a run down of why he has the body type of a man who's never bench pressed or lifted a set of dumbbells before in his life. But you don't need to be an expert to debunk that people used to stop and stare at him and say "Holy shit dude, Phil's ripped!"