It's truly encouraging to know that Jan, I mean, January, is sincere is his move to becoming a more, sensitive, socially conscientious individual. I am ashamed to say I questioned his sincerity before, with him still making several somewhat offensive remarks about Wu even after breaking character and the comments he made before as Deagledad420, where he also mentioned such things as being a fan of the highly problematic producer of MRA content, Sargon. But now, I can rest my fears seeing that January has finally embraced his better half, and I welcome him with open, inclusive arms to the xisterhood of SocJus.
January is a hardcore method actor, I think we have to be non-judgmental of any offensive comments he made as he was "ramping down" his Jace character. He had been inhabiting the psyche of Jace Connors for years and would have needed some decompression time to purge the last of the toxic ideology from his system.It's truly encouraging to know that Jan, I mean, January, is sincere is his move to becoming a more, sensitive, socially conscientious individual. I am ashamed to say I questioned his sincerity before, with him still making several somewhat offensive remarks about Wu even after breaking character and the comments he made before as Deagledad420, where he also mentioned such things as being a fan of the highly problematic producer of MRA content, Sargon. But now, I can rest my fears seeing that January has finally embraced his better half, and I welcome him with open, inclusive arms to the xisterhood of SocJus.
Hello. This new blog is run by the actor who portrayed ParkourDude91, AKA the #GamerGate figurehead who sent those death threats to Brianna Wu. This blog will serve as my apology to the feminist community and a continued resource for my own education and amends to everyone I have hurt.
My name is Jan Rankowski, but you probably know me better by my art name, January Rankowski. As a dabbling poet, I have always found that month to be the most inspirational in trying times, for my inspiration. In such a way… One could speak that seeing the cold expanses of winter out side is really just a mirror to the warmth inside ourselves. Or maybe not… Either way, it’s just one more step on this crazy journey I call life.
Lately, this meandering smorgasbord of life has lead me on a new leaf, which I have turned. This new leaf is “Feminism”, a good cause I once tarnished with my classless satirical art piece, “Deagle Nation”. If you are not aware of Deagle Nation, it was a postmodernist didactic new media parable filmed through the lens of a mentally ill, violent, dangerous straight white man named “Jace W. Connors”. This was a narrative I had perhaps crafted, looking back and forwards, in order to cope with some of my own uncomfortable inadequate misgivings about the unfortinate brain-children of those born into a male-dominated culture. Such as, myself: a victim of a parasitic, infestatious virus we call “Culture”.
In my formulative years as a white male teenager, I never felt comfortable in such a macho, “extreme” environment. I was always expected to buy the next gaming console, the next sports drink, or watch the next misogynist anime cartoon. I was expected to use illegal drugs, make offensive jokes, and lift weights to feel cool. In a way, I think if I had not found feminism, or my wonderful non-binary girlfriend, or if I had not came out of the closet as an autistic homosexual, I would have been perpetually frozen in time as an unenlightened teenage male. I would have become all those things I feared, all those horrible “friends” I hung out with and their offensive stereotypes about women’s lives, all the things I did to fit in would have become me. But instead I stepped outside of that mold. I did not let them break me. I was the one that got away. I was a survivor.
And that is perhaps why I created this character, of Jace W. Connors, as a didactic post-enlightenment (postmodernist) feminist new media parable, to illustrate the contemporary nightmarish phantasm of the man I could have been.
Even now, some days I have doubts. Some days I feel that I still don’t belong at all, like I don’t know who I am, or that I don’t understand the world around me. Some days I think that if it weren’t for the wise tomes of my philosophy degree, I would slip back into my old habits, and become a “gamer” again.
And that nightmare is what continues to motivate me forward, one step at a time, lunging forwards towards tomorrow, in my quest to educate myself on the people and groups (disadvantaged peoples) I have wronged with my new media sins, and to make it right, and try to earn back the dignity we all lost when I made those death threats against Brianna Wu.
I don’t want to be Jace Connors. I don’t even want to be Jan Rankowski. Truths be told, as I walk my sandals along this lonely cobblestone road into the odd future, I only know what I want to believe, and the truth I want to see: that I can become a respectable, ethically upstanding netizen, and not just a two-bit “gamer”.
But some days I wake up and look in my vintage hand mirror, and as I look myself in my eyes, I wonder out loud: “Am I really a gay homosexual autistic feminist? Or is it simply a mirror-thin foussad of self, which I wrap amongst my eyes cover my worldly shame?” And then I whisper to the hand mirror: “Yes”.