Forum RPG Night -

[Randall Fragg]

Okay, so this is something that I attempted to do before which didn't exactly work out. I'm going to try it again for hopefully better results.
What it is: basically we get together either here, or on Skype or mumble or something and play a Table Top RPG.
When is it: Some time on the weekend. It won't exactly be "play by post", as it would take place at a specific time and have a more rapid pace.
What do we play: That depends. The way I see this working is that we switch GM's most sessions and try to play a variety of games. If we're having fun with one game we could just continue playing that for a while.
What do we play first: I got a copy of the Call of Cthulhu rulebook, and I have an adventure ready. Of course, this one is less than serious.
It's name?
The Call of C'hrisChan.
Of course, I'm open to suggestions, if someone's got something better.

 

[Surtur]

Should be Call of Nick Bate.

 

[Red]

Count me in!
Would it be done using something like Roll20?

 

[Randall Fragg]

Count me in!
Would it be done using something like Roll20?

Uh, maybe, I didn't even know that existed. I'll check it out.

 

[Red]

Uh, maybe, I didn't even know that existed. I'll check it out.

It's a nifty little site, makes Internet tabletopping much easier. Call of Cthulhu is on there IIRC, so the call of C'hrischan would be pretty easy to make.

 

[Randall Fragg]

Okay, thanks for telling me. I think I'll try it.
So, thanks to a bolt of divine inspiration from the Jack Chick thread, I'd like to suggest we play something different. Something even more terrifying than Call of Cthulhu with Sonichu tacked on...
An RPG setting where Jack Chick was right about everything.

Investigate the Satanic D&D Club, escape the Jesuit Swiss Guard Assassins, and avoid having your Family and Morality Based Values violated by The Gay Agenda.
Will use either CoC 5th Edition (for a sanity meter that decreases the more wacky fundamentalist you go) or Savage Worlds (for fast paced heathen smiting action). I can provide info about character creation if you need it (or you could just torrent the rulebook).
Will probably go down next weekend, when I have more time.

 

[DrJonesHat]

I'm game (no pun intended). Sounds like a good way to kill a few hours.

 

[MayMay]

Man this sounds like something I'd dig but both timezones and complete lack of knowlege of tabletops or anything tend to be an issue.
However if logs from any sessions are posted I'd totally read them!

 

[Splendid]

Yeah, I'm up for this. Let's decide on a system in advance though so that we can get familiar with the rules. I've never played with either system.

 

[Randall Fragg]

Yeah, I'm up for this. Let's decide on a system in advance though so that we can get familiar with the rules. I've never played with either system.

Call of Cthulhu is mystery focused, and a Dark Dungeons game involving it would focus on you characters being normal people who slowly uncover the true nature of the world, and are driven insane by it.
Savage Worlds is a "generic" RPG designed to be used with multiple settings. It has a less serious tone, and a Dark Dungeons game using it would probably start with your characters being wacky fundamentalists, and seeing what antics they get into as they attempt to convert the heathens.
I can provide information on both systems and how to create a character. Also, character sheets for both systems:

Spoiler: Savage Worlds Basic Character Creation

"• Your hero starts with a d4 in each attribute, and has 5
points with which to raise them. Raising an attribute a die type costs 1 point.
• You have 15 points for skills. Each die type in a skill costs 1
point up to the linked attribute. Going over the linked attribute
costs 2 points per level.
• Charisma is equal to the total bonuses or penalties given
by Edges and Hindrances.
• Pace is 6”.
• Parry is equal to 2 plus half Fighting.
• Toughness is equal to 2 plus half Vigor. Go ahead and
add the bonus granted by the armor worn on your torso to
this value."

Spoiler: Skills

Skill Attribute
Boating Agility
Climbing Strength
Driving Agility
Fighting Agility
Gambling Smarts
Healing Smarts
Intimidation Spirit
Investigation Smarts
Knowledge Smarts
Lockpicking Agility
Notice Smarts
Persuasion Spirit
Piloting Agility
Repair Smarts
Riding Agility
Shooting Agility
Stealth Agility
Streetwise Smarts
Survival Smarts
Swimming Agility
Taunt Smarts
Throwing Agility
Tracking Smarts

I'll include more information on Edges and Hindrances if we decide to go with Savage Worlds, this should be good enough to create an outline of a character.

90s Cthulhu sheet - Copy.pdf

Spoiler: CoC Character rules.

Roll 3d6 dice for each of the characteristics STR, CON, POW, DEX, and APP.
Roll 2d6+6 for both SIZ and INT
Roll 3d6+3 for EDU.
SAN is POW x5
Multiply INT x5 for Idea, POW x5 for Luck, and EDU x5 for Know.
Hit Points is CON+SIZ and divided by 2. Round up any fraction.
Magic Jesus Points is equal to POW.
Sanity points is equal to SAN.
EDU x 20 is the number of "points" distributed to skills. Skills are percentages of 100, so if you have a skill of 40, you must roll 40 or less in order to succeed at a task.
There's more advanced stuff, but this should be enough to create an outline of a character.

 

[Splendid]

IMHO, wacky is a good tone for Jack Chick, so I vote Savage Worlds.

 

[Surtur]

What day you doin it? I can probably do a Sunday but nothing else really.

 

[Randall Fragg]

What day you doin it? I can probably do a Sunday but nothing else really.

I was planning to do it sometime next weekend, either Friday or Saturday evening, unfortunately.

 

[Randall Fragg]

Man this sounds like something I'd dig but both timezones and complete lack of knowlege of tabletops or anything tend to be an issue.
However if logs from any sessions are posted I'd totally read them!

Here you go, Dark Dungeons, part 1. The condensed version.

Spoiler: Log of the Prayer Warriors.

Pastor Bob: "And lo, out of the firey pit was born locusts with the face of lions! LOCUST WITH LIONS FACES WILL EAT US ALL IF WE ALLOW GAY MARRIAGE!"

Bruce Tompson: PREACH IT BROTHER
OOC, I didn't have a chance to read the rules beyond character creation, so I'll need help the first few times.


Pastor Bob: I want you, I want all of your family and neighbors, to gather up all the Devil Music in your house, The Iron Maidens, The Megadeath, the Judis Preist, and I want you to take it out in the center of town and BURN IT! FIRE WILL CLEANSE OUR SINS!"

Bruce Tompson: And the Harry Potter! And the Pokeymans!

Pastor Bob: The Pokemon is the worst! Pokemon are actually the gateway to a satanic preChristianity religion call Shinto!
When children call upon the Pikachu, They are giving their hearts to Satan!
"Pikachu, I choose you?" More like "Satan, give me your dark protection from the Light of Jesus Christ!"

Bruce Tompson: Oh preacher, what can we do to deliver the people from Satan?!

Pastor Bob: Fortunatly, there is something you can do to prevent Satan from conquring the world! Chick Tracts are a great way to spread The Word of God to the Heathens!
I gotta box of them in the back, just grab a handful and start handing the out to people.

Bruce Tompson: I hope they didn't use FedEx Office to print them, the Jesuits control it.

Pastor Bob: Wait, they do?

Bruce Tompson: Yes!
And Microsoft, and the movie studios!

Pastor Bob: Oh sugar, THIS IS SERIOUS PEOPLE!
I pray that all of you never use Fed Ex again!
The Jesuits are a vast, anchent cult dedicated to the Egyptian Heathen god Isis! Sound familiar?
Yes, ISIS is really funded by the Jesuits!

Bruce Tompson: The Catholic Church founded Islam!

Pastor Bob: They worship the Egyptian Moon God Isis! It's in the name!
----------------------------------
Randall F. (GM):
You are in the Church of The Secret Bible (The basement of a failed Starbucks outlet), listening to Pastor Bob preach about the recent suicide of Marcie.

Pastor Bob: Folks, I'm sorry if I'm being 'offensive' to the liberals sensitivity, but Marcie's soul is burning in hell right now"
She never accpeted Jesus's love and gift, and now she's burning in hell. And you knwo who's fault that is?
Gary freaking Goygax, that's who!
That buttclown who invented this demonic "roleplaying game" that's got every you person in town so coocoo for Devilry!
They even have a store devoted to pedilling this smut to children, B-Z-Bub's Cards and Games!

Bruce Tompson: What can we do Preacher?!

Pastor Bob: Folks, we cannot let this go on! This devilry entrapping young adults in this dungeon of bondage, trying them up with the ropes of Satan until they're all hot and sweaty, and then stripping them of the armor of god till they're naked and helpless!

Smith Goldberg : Oy Vey, Pastor, what can we do? Our children won't listen to us!

Pastor Bob: And then scrubbing them down with the wet sponge of alternate lifestiles and, uhhh, chaining them with the handcuffs of....
uhhhh.

Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob ajusts his shirt collar and takes a several second pause.

Bruce Tompson: mutters We get the idea Preacher.

Pastor Bob: Anyway, there's only one thing we can do! We all need to stop this devilry at any costs! We must find out where this cult of gaming is, and shut er down!
This den of inquiry called B-Z Bub's Cards and Games shall be ridden out of town on a rail!

Bruce Tompson: AMEN

Pastor Bob: WE WILL BURY THEM!

Bruce Tompson: Waves shoe

Smith Goldberg : The tentacles of the ZOG UN that I fled have even spread to the minds of the children now!

Bruce Tompson: I suspect the hand of the Jesuits in this darkness.

Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob, filled with the Holy Spirit, takes a flying leap off the picnic table seving as a stage, and crashes into the ground. He stumblles up and looks around.

Pastor Bob: Okay people, let's brainstorm here. How should we take these guys out.

Splendid M.: Stands up and says.

Smith Goldberg : We need to do what we did with rock music: provide a Jesus friendly alternative!

Bruce Tompson: I volunteer to investigate the den of inequity and find their dirty laundry.

Pastor Bob: GOLDBERG! THAT IS THE BEST IDEA I HAVE HEARD ALL DAY!
Bruce, that sounds good to me!

Bruce Tompson: We can hold that over their head and make them leave.

Smith Goldberg : But first, we have to learn about these games ourselves, then we have to package it in a youth-friendly exterior.
That's how the ZOG invented crack and AIDS.

Pastor Bob: Goldberg, come with me! We can make a Jesus friendly RPG, while Bruce finds the gamestore's dirty laundry! We can use it as blackmail to get the game stocked!

Bruce Tompson: Preacher, where is the store?

Pastor Bob: That den of harlotry is located over in the Happy Oaks Strip Mall, right next to Adult Bookstore and the Dominos Pizza.

Bruce Tompson: Aggh!
The owner of Dominos is Catholic!

Smith Goldberg : That can't be a coincidence!

Pastor Bob: DARNIT! IT"S RIGHT IN ENEMY TERRITORY!

Bruce Tompson: It's ok. I used to be a cop, I can handle myself.
But first, let us pray and put on the armor of God to protect us from the demons that surely infest the place.

Splendid M.: Goldberg stands up and prepares for the physical aspect of the prayer.

Pastor Bob: Lord, we pray for you guidance as we assail this place of unholy blasphomy!

Randall F. (GM): Preacher Bob sets fire to the Jesus Brazier

Splendid M.: Goldberg begins to convulse and speak in tongues.

Bruce Tompson annoints the pastor and Smith with holy water (vodka)

Randall F. (GM): Paster Bob is now stomping his foot rythmicly as he draws a live bark scourpian out of a carboard box.

Bruce Tompson: Uh, Preacher, remember what happened last time?

Splendid M.: Goldberg begins to wriggle out of his shirt as he convulses on the floor.

Pastor Bob: It'll be fine, I'm not putting it near my pants this time.

Bruce Tompson readies the Epi-Pen, just in case

Pastor Bob Pastor Bob, noting Bruce's concern, puts the scorpian back in the box, and readys the Holy Herbs

Bruce Tompson: Shall I share my holy elixir Preacher?

Smith Goldberg notes that his body is now fully anointed by the ceremonial vodka, and puts his shirt back on as he arises.

Pastor Bob: In the name of Jesus's everlasting glory, we partaketh in the smoke of the Holy Herb, and pray for God's guidence to pass through our lungs with every breath.

Smith Goldberg his unimpressive physique is now visible through his shirt.

Pastor Bob: Amen

Bruce Tompson is swaying slightly, probably filled with the Holy Spirit, and definately not alcohol.

Bruce Tompson: AMEN

Bruce Tompson: Oh preacher, could you bless my gun?

Bruce Tompson pulls out his Glock 22 and lays it on the table.

Smith Goldberg doesn't want to be left out, so he gets his M16 from the chair next to him and places it on the altar as well.

Bruce Tompson: Nice hardware Smith.

Pastor Bob Pastor Bob runs to the back room to grab his guns for the blessing
Smith Goldberg : Thanks Bruce. I see you like to keep your hardware concealed...

Bruce Tompson: I like to keep my enemies confused.

Pastor Bob Pastor Bob places his M1 Gerand and Desert Eagle alongside the other's weapons, and prepairs to anoint them with vodka and the smoke of the Holy Herb

Pastor Bob: Lord, bless these weapons of your devine will, so that we smite those who seek to defame you.

Pastor Bob: Oh, I've also got some other hardware in my office, just in case we need more. No0thing fancy, just a few revolvers, a shotgun, an M82 Barrett

Smith Goldberg : We might need that Barrett, Catholics are like Werewolves, they only understand force.

Pastor Bob: Pastor Bob runs and grabs the Barrett

Bruce Tompson: Let us get on with our holy mission!

Pastor Bob: AMEN!
To the gamestore, right?

Smith Goldberg : AMEN

Bruce Tompson: AMEN! To the store!

Smith Goldberg : AMEN BROTHER

Pastor Bob: To the Jesus Mobile.

Bruce Tompson: And while we're at it, let's stop at McDonald's.

Pastor Bob: Smith, Pastor Bob, and Bruce pull up to the Happy Oaks shopping center in Pastor Bob’s station wagon, an aging, rusting, grape purple lemon covered in Jesus Fishes and “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve” bumper stickers.

Bruce Tompson: Now remember, I'm a trained investigator, so follow my lead.

Smith Goldberg nods.

The Warriors enter the game store, and are greeted with the musty smell and pearl clenching sight of gamebooks, graven battlefield images, Japanese Heathen Cards, and Soul Stealing Video Games. The High Priest of this Satanic Temple is a slovenly man with a neckbeard, ponytail, and nacho’s stained flannel shirt, who is currently sitting behind the counter, flipping through a Warhammer gamebook. The small tag on his shirt reads “Maynard”. The Vendor of Sin looks up at the chime of the door bell and grunts. “Hey dudes, welcome to B-Z-Bub’s Games and Comics. Anything I can get you?”

Bruce Tompson: SATAN! SHOW YOURSELF!

Randall F. (Maynard): “Oh, you’re one of THOSE people. Get outta here and stop harassing me.

Smith Goldberg : Look here, I'll have to tell the Chamber of Commerce that you're causing problems if you don't let go of my friend.

Bruce Tompson grabs the clerk by the front of the shirt and drags him over the counter.

Bruce Tompson: Ok punk, where do you keep the Satantic stuff

Randall F. (Maynard): "What the hell man, are you crazy or something? Look, we ain't got no Satanic stuff here. Look around, we got Dark Dungeons and Warhammer, but I swear, no Satan."

Bruce Tompson: ...
Well, um...give us Dark Dungeon

Smith Goldberg stomps over to a bookshelf and begins pulling out books and flipping through them, looking for evidence to support his case.

Randall F. (GM):
Smith notices some of the figure in the books look suspicously similar to the Satanic symbols he's seen in various youtube videos.

Bruce Tompson joins Smith, preusing a Warhammer 40K book.

Smith Goldberg pulls out a book and holds it up high for the employee to see.

Smith Goldberg : Look, what do you call this?!

Randall F. (Maynard): "Call what? Looks fine to me."
"It's just some symbols."
Maynard shifts a little and looks around the room.

Smith Goldberg : No, this symbol is satanic, and so is this one over here! You're leading children to Satan's arms!

Bruce Tompson pauses at a Call of Cthulhu book

Bruce Tompson: AHAHA! A guide to worshipping false gods!

Bruce Tompson plays Hold Music

Randall F. (GM): Maynard starts getting angry. "look you jerkdicks, y'all can rifle through my books all day, you ain't gonna find anything Satanic! I swear!

Pastor Bob: That's just what a real Satanist would say, isn't it!" yells Pastor Bob

Bruce Tompson: grabs Dark Dungeons and Call of Cthulhu and Warhammer 40K Ok punk, WE'LL TAKE THESE

Smith Goldberg : Anything that advocates that children follow another religion besides Christianity is Satanic! I know from my experiences; I'm a rehabilitated Jew.

Bruce Tompson: We'll be back!

Randall F. (GM):
The Prayer Warriors return back to The Bible Cave with The Satanic Verses, ready to find proof that the RPG store is a nest of Satan.

Pastor Bob: Look at this filth! Proclaiming this "Godemperor" as the savior of Mankind! Blashpome!

Bruce Tompson: I knew it!
It even mentions Demons!
I felt the precense of Satan in that store.
Also, did you see Brother Philip coming out of the Adult Bookstore?

Pastor Bob: People, we have to gather this evidence and present it to that snivling little son of a gun
What's this about Brother Phillip?

Smith Goldberg : These books contain incantations for summoning some sort of "Cthulu" demon!

Bruce Tompson: As we were leaving, I swear on the Secret Bible I saw him coming out of that den of sin.

Pastor Bob: Brother Phillip, courrupted? We must stage an intervention as soon as possible.
I'll have to sanitize the eyelid restraints.

Smith Goldberg : I'm telling you, it can't be a coincidence that a Catholic run business is right next door. There must be something going on that we don't know about. The Jesuits must be funding this den of sin!

Bruce Tompson: Perhaps he was there on his own fact-finding mission

Randall F. (GM): Everyone rolls to find compelling evidence from the books

Although Bruce finds much stuff, he cannot make a compelling argument from it.

Smith finds a treasure trove of Satanic activity! This is concrete proof that the Gamestore is a pawn of Lucifer!

Smith Goldberg : This book is worse than another Shoah!

Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob, utilizing the Dark Dungeon's handbook, is able to link the Abundent Harvest spell to a pre-christianity ruin from Britain, about a druidic chant on the Dark Holiday, Sawheen

Pastor Bob: See! The chant is exactly the same! This proves that the game makers were knowlageable of this, and intend to introudece unkowing people into the clutches of Satan!

Bruce Tompson: Back to the den of evil!

Pastor Bob: Bring your guns everybody! This could get messy!

Smith Goldberg : They won't let us in this time, we'll need to go in through the back I bet.

Bruce Tompson: Yeah
And as long as we're there, let's take out Dominios and the Adult Bookstore.

Smith Goldberg : YEAH!

Back at the store

Bruce Tompson draws his gun

Pastor Bob unslings his M1

Bruce Tompson brought gasoline to clense the Earth of wickedness

Smith Goldberg Pulls out his m16

Pastor Bob: Yeah ready? Should we give the store owner one last chance at redemption?
God commands us to.

Bruce Tompson: Let's do this.

Bruce Tompson:
CONFESS YOUR SINS!

Splendid M.:
You shall not corrupt the minds of any more children!

Randall F. (Maynard): "aww, you idiots again.What now?"

Bruce Tompson points his gun at the clerk

Pastor Bob: You purveyor of filth! We have evidence of you Satanic lies for all the world to see!

Bruce Tompson: YOU ARE A SERVIVTOR OF THE DEVIL! CONFESS, REPENT AND BE SAVED!

Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob rolls a persuasion test. Success!
The game store worker's lies have been revealed!
“You fuckers really are stupid, you know that. You retards are always claiming that such and such is ‘debil work’.” Maynard pulls up something from behind the counter. You hear the ‘chu-chink’ of a slide and the shotgun registers with you brain just as he levels it with your face. “Unfortunately, this time you’re right.”

Smith Goldberg takes cover behind a bookshelf and fires.

Bruce Tompson dives for cover and opens fire

Pastor Bob Pastor Bob ducks for cover with the others

Randall F. (GM): Maynard opens fire on Pastor Bob.
The shots miss!
Smith Goldberg rolls a shooting test
Goldberg's assault rife shots miss, killing a few Ork figurines instead.
Bruce Thompson rolls a shooting test
Bruce's police training pays off, as his shot strikes Maynard in the chest. The sudden sucking chest wound stuns Maynard.

Bruce Tompson: Take that minion of evil!

Smith Goldberg blindly fires over the bookshelf without leaving cover, not caring what gets destroyed in this shop of sin.

Bruce Tompson rushes over to finish the job

Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob fires a shot at the Merchant of Courruption.
Maynard attempts to recover from the shock of blunt force trauma. Success!
Maynard is no longer shaken, but can only let off a stream of curse words.

Smith Goldberg : Smith still doesn't leave cover, but he does shout, "Repent your evil ways and explain this strip mall conspiracy to us and we will relent."

Randall F. (GM): Smith Goldbergs shots pulverise the tomes of sin. 15 feet away from Maynard.

Bruce Tompson: "We will grant you a mericiful death if you surrender now:

Randall F. (GM):
Pastor Bob was not prepaired for the recoil of the M1, and falls on his ass.

Pastor Bob: FUDGE! This freaking wood floor is hard.

Bruce Tompson: Preacher, I think we should finish our business and leave, the shots have surely attracted attention.

Randall F. (GM): Maynard attempts to shoot the charging Tompson
rolling 1d4
4
IT'S A HIT!
rolling 1d6
5

Bruce Tompson: URK!

Smith Goldberg begins to make his way to the door.

Randall F. (GM): The shots are abosrbed by Bruce's Kevalr armor, but it's still rather painful.

Bruce Tompson: Can't kill me that easy Satan!

Bruce Tompson flees out the door

Pastor Bob Pastor Bob fires his rifle at Maynard. Still goes wild.

Smith Goldberg summons up his courage enough to stand up and let a long wild burst loose before he flees, abandoning his cover.

Pastor Bob: WAIT, DON'T LEAVE! HE'S SEEN OUR FACES, HE KNOWS US!

Bruce Tompson aims a careful shot to the head and fires

Randall Fragg (GM):
rolling 1d6 + 1
3
The shot go wild, flying out the front windows and smashing into a parked minivan. The fuel tank ignites, and the minivan bursts into flames.

Randall F. (GM): Maynard leaps over the counter and runs towards you.
"GET BACK HERE YOU CHRISTFAGS, SATAN SHALL EAT YOUR SOUL!"

Smith Goldberg :
Smith Goldberg fires another burst at Maynard, then reloads.
Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob fires again
rolling 1d8
5
rolling 2d8
6
The round rips through Maynard, stunning him

Bruce Tompson fires, triying to finish off the evil minion.
rolling 1d6
4
rolling 2d6
8
Bruce's round strikes Maynard, sending a spray of blood out of the bullet hole.

Smith Goldberg : Is he dead? Can we book it?

Randall F. (Maynard): Maynard gasps and stumbles back, heavily injured
"you, you fuck cunt niggers, YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL!"

Bruce Tompson: Quickly brothers! We must leave!

Smith Goldberg : We can't leave until he's dead!

Bruce Tompson: The police will be here any minute!

Smith Goldberg : The police will surely forgive us when we explain ourselves to them!

Bruce Tompson sighs
Bruce Tompson takes careful aim and fires

Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob fires again.
rolling 1d8
8
Randall F. (GM):
rolling 2d8 + 1
11

Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob's round tears though Maynard's skull, rendering it to a pulpy mix of bone and blood.

Bruce Tompson: Halleujuah brother! Let's get out of here!

Smith Goldberg : Alright, now we can go!

Randall F. (GM): With one last gurgling, wet groan, Maynard slumps to the floor in a pool of his bodily secretions. As the ringing in your ears fades, you can hear a frantic pounding coming from below you.

Smith Goldberg scrambles away and starts up the Jesusmobile.

Pastor Bob: Wait, you all hear something?

Bruce Tompson: Yes, there must be a basement in this building.

Smith Goldberg comes running back in and asks, what's taking so long?

Pastor Bob: An innocent person is being held hostage!

Randall F. (GM): Anouther car explodes outside. The parking lot is an inferno, that will take the police some time to fight through.

Bruce Tompson: Brother Robert, I suggest you flee the scene. If Smith and I are caught, you can carry on the good fight.

Smith Goldberg : Let's get downstairs and try to tunnel our way out of here. my people are good at that.

Pastor Bob: No! Satan will catch up to me sooner or later, and if now's the time, well, nows the time. Lets take him down with us!

Bruce Tompson: As you wish.

Randall F. (GM): A thick stench of earth and bodily fluids hits you as your eyes strain at the dim light of the basement. You heard a muffled groaning coming from a large wooden cabinet to your left, and spot a multitude of torture implements scattered across the room.

Smith Goldberg is the first one down, he shouts, "What manner of deviry is going on down here?"

Bruce Tompson: Quickly brothers! An innocent may need help!

Smith Goldberg : How can someone who patronizes this den of sin be innocent?

Bruce Tompson: Perhaps a prisoner?
Some naive soul who didn't know what evil awaited them?

Pastor Bob: SPEAK TO ME? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?

Bruce Tompson opens the cabinet.


Randall F. (GM): A figure charges out and stumbles into the center of the room.

Bruce Tompson: More minions of Satan.

Smith Goldberg points his gun at the figure, finger on the trigger, and shouts, "Explain yourself at once!"

Randall F. (GM): You think it’s a male. It’s hard to tell, as it’s covered in a skintight black leather suit. A drool soaked leather mask covers it’s face, with a part cut away for it’s greasy pink hair to stick out. Several logos are stuck to parts of it’s body, including a hammer and sickle, an anarchy symbol, and whatever the hell “evil translatin@” means. As the creature stumbles around clutching it’s head in pain, it exposes you it it’s most horrific feature. A flabby, sore riddled, yellowish posterior poking out of the suit’s assless chaps. Tattooed on it’s right cheek is the phrase “If found, return to the nearest glory hole”

Bruce Tompson: AGGGGHHH

Bruce Tompson: We've found a demon!

Randall F. (GM): The Gimp: "DJFAIEE CIJWDIJUWNX SCHMPHM!"

Smith Goldberg screams and pulls the trigger on the gimp, letting a long burst loose until his M16 is empty.

Bruce Tompson empites his clip into the gimp

Bruce's shots hit their mark, but the demon just moans in what could be remotly described as pleasure.

Randall F. (GM): Somehow, Goldberg's shots fall around the gimp.

Smith Goldberg : This minion of satan HAS learned magic from these devilish books!

Randall F. (GM): The Gimp grabs what looks like a wooden oar with the words "Yaoi paddle" written on it and charges Pastor Bob

Smith Goldberg : Pastor Bob, look out! If a gay spanks you, you can get AIDS!
I know what we can do to stop this madness! Everyone! Pray!

Bruce Tompson: "Oh lord, bless our weapons and let us smite the evil doers!"

Smith Goldberg : Smith raises his recently-blessed Glock 22 aloft for the lord to shine upon it and deliver divine punishment.

Randall F. (GM): The Tranny Gimp squeals in fear as the Prayer warriors bless their weapons with the holy sacriments of The Lost Bible.

Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob shoots at Not ADF with his M1

Randall F. (GM): The shot smashs something other than the patriarchy, and even the pinked haired abomination cannot abosrbe this amount of pain.

Randall F. (GM): The Tranny takes a swipe at Pastor Bob.
The Yaoi Paddle smacks Pastor Bob upside the head, knocking him to the ground

Bruce Tompson: Brother!

Smith Goldberg fires his Glock at the gimp.
Bruce Tompson opens fire

Bruce Tompson: Woo!

Randall F. (GM): The Translatinx is riddled by sanctified bullets and collapses in a pool of blood, guts, and seman.

Smith Goldberg : Is that all that's down here? A single Gimp?

Smith Goldberg reloads both of his guns.

Bruce Tompson reloads and prepares to burn the place to the ground.

Randall F. (GM): Smith notices a strange light at the end of the basement, coming from a shrine of sorts

Bruce Tompson: Brother Smith! Do you see that?

Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob gets to his feet, bleeding from the Yaoi Paddle's viscious assault.

Smith Goldberg : What is this madness?
Pastor Bob? Are you alright?

Pastor Bob: I'll I'll be alright. I just hate to think of where that paddle's been

Randall F. (GM):
Bruce searches the shrine, and notes it's Satanic form. He also notes several notes stuffed in a drawer next to it.

Smith Goldberg grabs the notes.

Smith Goldberg : We need to take these notes so that we can learn about how we can make an alternative Christian-themed roleplaying game.

Bruce Tompson: We should go. The police will be here soon and the minions of the evil one might be in place among them.

Pastor Bob: Search the place! There might be a way out.
Someone look through the notes! There might be something
Smith Goldberg distributes the notes to his fellow churchgoers.

Pastor Bob locks the basement door
Pastor Bob: It'll buy us some time

Bruce Tompson searches for an exit

Randall F. (GM):
Smith Goldberg reads through the notes looking for information on a way to escape.

Randall F. (GM): Smith notices something in the notes about a hidden entranceway. He reads that it's in the basement, has a lock, and the code is 2-30-14

Smith Goldberg : It must be in here somewhere!

Randall F. (As Note): "Frost, I put a lock on the 'hidden way' after someone tried broke in. Didn't steal anything, but I'm worried about a possible breach of security. The pass code is 2-30-14."
Goldberg looks around that the foundations of the building.
He notes the load bearing structures
And finds a spot far from them
Randall F. (GM): It has several cardboard boxes full of figurines in front of it, but behind it he can make out a metal door.

Randall F. (GM):
So, Smith just found a way out of the burning, creaking, slowly collapsing building.

Smith Goldberg : And I have the code...

Bruce Tompson: Good work Smith!

Smith Goldberg Smith opens the door and shouts,

Pastor Bob: Make haste! Fly you fools!

Smith Goldberg : Let's go gus!

Bruce Tompson grabs Pastor Bob and runs into the passage.

Randall F. (GM): The hatch opens, revaling a small , rocklined tunnel
The prayer warriors run into and close the door behind them, sheltering if from the building's collapse.
The tunnel winds down, and the group stumbles on for what seems like an eternity.
The sound of rusing water grows nearer, and Smith sees light up ahead
The tunnel exits into the town's sewer's, and the Prayer Warriors spot a ladder heading up to a grate
As Pastor Bob struggles to keep himslef awake, he sees an odd, red arrow scrawled on the wall, underneath a pentagram.

Pastor Bob leans against the wall and rubs his head.

Bruce Tompson supports Pastor Bob and helps him to the ladder.

Smith Goldberg : Pastor, do you need help?

Pastor Bob: Just got a bit knocked up by that Homosexual interloper. I'll be fine with some rest.

Smith Goldberg : Alright then, we need to get out of this tunnel and back to the Jesusmobile so that we can drive it away without anyone figuring out that we were here.

Pastor Bob: Let's do it!

Bruce Tompson: Let's go!

Randall F. (GM): The group hauls ass up the ladder
The rusted grate creaks as they exit into a woody patch of trees

Smith Goldberg : I hope we don't get lost in this suburban forest!

Randall F. (GM): Goldberg staps out of the trees, and realizes their only about a block away from the strip mall. He can tell by the massive collum of fire and flashing emergancy lights.

Bruce Tompson: We need to leave the area.

(From Splendid M.): Can we get to the Jesusmobile without being noticed?

Randall F. (GM): (To Splended M) probably not. However, you could report it stolen.

Randall F. (GM): Besides, the Jesus mobile has died for Detroit's sins.

Bruce Tompson grabs his cell phone and calls the cops.

Splendid M.: Alright, I guess we'll have to abandon the car, but we can just claim that that gimp stole it

Bruce Tompson: "Hello police?"
"My brehtern and I were having a prayer breakfast and someone stole our car"

Randall F. (GM): Thanks to a favor called in by Tompson, the blame for the stolen Jesusmobile and the resulting burnt stripmall has gone on a carjacker. (or several)

Pastor Bob: So, shall we head back to base with these Satanic documents?

Splendid M.: Yes. I don't think we should hang around here any longer than we have to.

Bruce Tompson: Yes, let us retreat to our sanctum and plan our next move.

Splendid M.: Alright, so now we need to give the kids a Christian alternative to D&D and Warhammer.

Randall F. (GM): "The raging fire, apparently sparked by a shootout between gang members and the owner of B-Z-Bub's Cards and Games, has currenlty consumed the game store, the Adult Bookstore, a Bath and Beuaty works, and a Dominos. The death count at this time is currently unknown.". Pastor Bob mutes the local news and leans back in his chair, rubbing his head.
The Prayer Warriors are currently in the Jesus Cave, looking through their notes and planning their Christian RPG. Pastor Bob healing from his encounter with the Yaoi Paddle

Splendid M.: Don't worry Pastor Bob, I'm sure that Uke & Seme imprint will come out in time.

Pastor Bob: How's this for a title, Palaces and Philistiens?

Bruce Tompson: I like it.

Splendid M.: Christians And Castles

Smith Goldberg : Christians & Castles?

Bruce Tompson: OOC: My meds are kicking in. so I', gonna have to wrap this up.
We have enough material to run another game.
The Prayer Warriors' job is not done!

 

[Splendid]

We could really use a few more players if anyone else wants to join in.

 

[DrJonesHat]

The Prayer Warriors could always use more soldiers of Christ! Onward!

 

[Orthodox Chrischanity]

If I wasn't moving 8000 kilometers away this week, I'd want to be a part of this.

 

[Randall Fragg]

Anyone up for a game this Saturday?
We can continue the saga of The Prayer Warriors, or try something completely different: A post-apocalyptic adventure with ADF and Asspatters as Mad Max raiders.

 

[DrJonesHat]

How about a world where TJ Church was elected President?

 

[Hawker Hurricane]

Has anyone asked for a Spelljammers campaign where the main objective is to investigate the Crystal Sphere known only as the "Entersphere" yet?