Fun times with food poisoning -

[Molester Stallone]

Several years ago a company I worked for had a catering company come in and serve everyone lunch as a thank you. It was a nice gesture from a company that underpaid everyone and expected us to put the company ahead of our personal lives. I was a department manager and as a result had to take care of a few things before I could go outside to join everyone else. By the time I got there a lot of the food was gone, including the macaroni and potato salad. I remember looking at the now mostly empty trays thinking to myself "I've never seen those types of food give off a yellow hue". This was on a Friday afternoon. When I came to work on Monday the place was dead. I was usually one of the first ones there and had the ability to let myself in. Turns out that a lot of my fellow coworkers were a few miles away in the hospital with severe food poisoning. I worked alone in a huge building for half an hour before I started making phone calls to see what the fuck was going on. Only one other person showed up and I told her to take the day off.

 

[Quantum Diabetes]

I ate some bad chinese food (something tasted slightly metallic) and had these explosive ,foamy shits for days.
Then it degraded into painful, chronic farting.
I was working parking for a golf tournament for extra cash, it was cold and windy that whole week which helped dissipate the lung searing farts. I didn't see any birds fall out of the air,but I assume it happened. These were farts that almost had a palpable, physical presence that lingered for minutes.

As a side note people from New Zealand are awesome to drink with.

 

[DDBCAE CBAADCBE]

Literally every time I have ever gotten a foot long chilli cheese dog at Sonic. But I'll keep buying them because they taste good.

 

[Troon Carey]

Pizza I ordered recently caused explosive dieherheeehaaa ( no boaners ) and puking, This place is allegedly the best pizza joint in town, which if that's the case this entire city needs to be nuked.

 

[glow in the dark animals]

Idk if it was food poisoning, but a couple weeks ago I got ill after eating half of an avocado. I ate it with some salt and pepper, it tasted fine, kind of strong but they usually taste strong anyways. Halfway through it my stomach literally started hurting, like I started to feel sick and that never happens! It was weird but I kept going at, my boyfriend ate the other half and he was fine, however there was a dark spot on a part of the avacado I had, maybe that's what did it? Either way I finished most of it and I threw out the dark spot. A few moments later I felt tired and like I had to shit and puke, my stomach was hurting pretty bad. I ended up laying down for like 4 hours and puking a few times. I had to force myself to puke at first and drink a lot of water to continue puking. Also drank water with baking soda, which helped. It worked and I eventually got it out, but my stomach hurt so fucking bad I was considering the hospital, it felt like it was going to explode. It was scary and I fucking hate throwing up more than anything. Now I'm afraid to eat avacado and the smell, taste, and thought of one makes me queasy. It was a very bad experience. Still weird how my boyfriend didn't get sick, we ate of the same fruit. Must have been God giving me the business!!

 

[Quantum Diabetes]

Idk if it was food poisoning, but a couple weeks ago I got ill after eating half of an avocado. I ate it with some salt and pepper, it tasted fine, kind of strong but they usually taste strong anyways. Halfway through it my stomach literally started hurting, like I started to feel sick and that never happens! It was weird but I kept going at, my boyfriend ate the other half and he was fine, however there was a dark spot on a part of the avacado I had, maybe that's what did it? Either way I finished most of it and I threw out the dark spot. A few moments later I felt tired and like I had to shit and puke, my stomach was hurting pretty bad. I ended up laying down for like 4 hours and puking a few times. I had to force myself to puke at first and drink a lot of water to continue puking. Also drank water with baking soda, which helped. It worked and I eventually got it out, but my stomach hurt so fucking bad I was considering the hospital, it felt like it was going to explode. It was scary and I fucking hate throwing up more than anything. Now I'm afraid to eat avacado and the smell, taste, and thought of one makes me queasy. It was a very bad experience. Still weird how my boyfriend didn't get sick, we ate of the same fruit. Must have been God giving me the business!!

I had that in 3rd grade when they served chalupas at lunch, that made several of us projectile vomit, which was hilarious and talked about for months because it was third grade. I did not try them again until 1999 when Taco Bell came out with them.

 

[TwoDollarPeePeePooPoo]

Recently had some BBQ from a local place that honestly isn’t very good but I was craving some so I caved. So anyway I order their jumbo obesity platter for fat fucks because I’m starving after having skipped lunch at work. Ribs, brisket, pulled pork, mac & cheese, bbq beans w/ pulled pork and a healthy slice of corn bread. I dunno if they gave me old meat or something but about 3/4ths through the meal I felt sick. Like exploding, bloated, “I’m gonna shit lava” kind of sick. Felt so shitty and tired I weng straight to bed. Slept 12 straight hours and even took a sick day from work. I’ll skip the details and just say you can imagine the symphanies and their encores that took place because of this meal. Needless to say, I will not be eating their food again.

 

[Lady Round Buns]

A few months ago the fam and I were at the mall shopping, and I was attempting to eat healthier than the Burger King bullshit they were eating, so I ordered some chicken and shrimp teriyaki with steamed veggies.

We're home a couple hours later, my hubs had left for work, and I get this weird, painful, hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach that within minutes has me curled into the fetal position. Pain is radiating down my back and arms, I seriously started panicking that I was having a heart attack or something.

My kids were super concerned, they heard me cry out and whimpering like a bitch, and found me sweaty and balled up in my bed. They started Googling "I think my mom is dying", I shit you not.

Finally I run for the bathroom and throw up harder than I ever have before, a good 5 or 6 times over about an hour, sweating and still in so much pain, wondering if I should call a damn ambulance or something.

After the last time I vomited, the pain and cramping lessened up and soon went away. It was only about an hour or so that I was sick, it was the most bizarre thing ever. I obviously don't eat at the mall anymore.

 

[Mr. Skeltal]

Many years ago went to a retirement luncheon for our boss on a Friday afternoon. This was held at the Officers' Club at a major U.S. Air Force base. Taco salad was the dish served. A lot of it was "off". May have been a hundred people at the luncheon, including generals. Boss was a great guy, very popular. About half of us, including at least one of the generals, developed food poisoning. Some ran from one end, some from the other, some from both. Spent a LOT of time on the toilet. Rough night. Wife and kids were out of area visiting relatives, so just me at home. The next day there was a related gathering at one of our group members' house. Topic of discussion...the food poisoning. All affected related their tales of gastric woe. Don't know if a complaint was lodged with the Officers' Club, but personally I eat no Mexican food other than the soft tacos my wife fixes.

I too have a tale of gastrointestinal duress from the Air Force.

Some years ago I was a bright-eyed young Airman enjoying a lunch break on a regular sunny day at beautiful Sheppard Air Force Base. I just got done marching my section to chow and took some time after I dismissed them to look over the menu. I spotted a country fried veal cutlet and thought, "Hey, why not? Never tried veal before." The meal tasted fine and was quite satisfying. I marched my section back to the schoolhouse to finish the day out thinking nothing of it. After an uneventful afternoon and evening chow hall run I returned back to barracks.
By then the unholy greaseball that had formerly been delicious baby cow flesh passed through my duodenum and all Hell broke loose. Whatever feculance that lay within assaulted my intenstines with an intense, vile fury. An audible gurgling noise and cold sweat were my only indicators that something was dreadfully wrong. I ran over to the toilet thinking this was just a lactose intolerance one and done. Oh how I was wrong. I unpuckered myself and unleashed a torrent of pre-fermented sewage directly into the wastewater system of Wichita Falls. It was a burning liquid miasma that just didn't stop. Then came the smell. I can only describe it as the manifestation of all the torment the calf that died to make my veal cutlet felt. It was an oppressive stench.
As I was turning my rectum inside out, I felt another movement. I had to contort myself into a position not too dissimilar to autofellatio to prevent the projectile vomit I was about to unleash from soiling the latrine. Much like the turboturds I was blasting into the toilet this puke was a burning hot, stinking fire hydrant of sickness. By the time I had evacuated my dinner all that was left was a viscous green bile that kept causing my to wretch, dredging up more intolerably bitter bile.
After 90 minutes of pure Hell and several precautionary flushes I teeter-tottered off the toilet, having expelled several pounds of feces, chyme, and vomit. After cleaning up, I fell into my rack a sweaty, feverish husk and passed out. I went to sick call the following morning and was told that almost everybody who went to the chow hall I had gone to for lunch the day prior had gotten food poisoning. I never went there or ate veal again for the remainder of my time at Sheppard.

 

[Xarpho]

I have but one memorable food poisoning incident.

When I was in college, there were a few "food courts" I went to, my favorite one had a few stalls including Chick-fil-A Express, a pizza place, a pasta place, a sandwich place, and a salad place. All but Chick-fil-A were university-owned joints.

My usual play was to get Chick-fil-A or a greasy slice of pepperoni pizza, as well as something like a banana and a drink (the drink was often "Red Pepper", my own soda concoction made of Dr Pepper with a shot of Big Red on top). One day I decided to go to the salad place for a change because I knew the fatty food wasn't good for me. The salad was typical salad bar shit, with lettuce, some other stuff, and some ranch dressing. (I always suspected the ranch dressing as that seemed most liable for this sort of thing, there were no recalls on vegetables and it was all prepared by employees, not an open salad bar).

It wasn't as a good value as the pizza or CFA, but it was healthy eating, and it tasted alright. I was in a lobby across campus later that day when I released an awful smelling fart, and I think it even came with an unusual noise (not sure). I didn't really care, it was my own gas, there wasn't anyone around, etc.

More gas was released before I had to go to class, where the gas still continued, and then I had the urge to go to the restroom. What followed was a nasty time on a university toilet I won't go into. But despite that, I didn't feel "relieved".

My usual way home was to park my bike at a crowded bike area on the edge of campus, walk across a massive arena parking lot (this was the cheap student parking lot, large but not convenient to anything), get in my car, and drive a few miles home. The urge returned before I even parked my bike, and luckily the traffic was less crowded than normal, but I made it home. Normally I stayed in my car for a few minutes to unwind and/or goof around on my cellphone but not that day.

My dad noticed that I had not gone through this usual routine and unlocked the door, knowing something was probably wrong, which saved me a few minutes as I made a beeline for the downstairs toilet for Round 2 of Salad Dressing Revenge Disaster.

Needless to say, I never ate a salad on campus again.

 

[Professional Asshole]

Let me tell you about the time I, and my whole family got food poisoning on vacation.

It was our last day at Daytona Beach (Yes, Florida.). And we decided to try out a new restaurant called Landshark, or something like that. So anyway we had our meal, and left. The next morning we all got sick. It was the day we had to leave. We thought we would have to send my brother, who got it the worst; to the hospital. So yeah, that sucked. Turns out we didn’t have to, and drove home almost without incident.

 

[Croan Çhiollee]

I've (thankfully) only had food poisoning once in my life. It was new years eve of 99/2000 and I was visiting family in North Queensland. I'd gone to a nice restaurant with my mum, my stepfather and some of my mothers work colleagues and since I was in a fishing town I decided to order a seafood platter. When it arrived by there were 3 oysters on the plate, and I distinctly remember not really wanting the oysters, so I had them first to get them out of the way before I gorged on all the fish and crustaceans that I could eat..
About 11pm we left and went to some fancy house on a hill overlooking the town, with the aim of watching the midnight fireworks (and part of me was hoping for a Y2K disaster where all the lights went out). About 20 minutes after arriving I began to sweat and feel unwell, but I held it together, since I was at a strangers house. Fireworks came and went (lights stayed on, much to my disappointment), and then we got in the car to head home. I made it all the way back but as soon as we stopped I did an epic projectile vomit on the footpath. I raced inside and proceeded to vomit out everything I had eaten, and drank and then started vomiting black and green bile. I passed out from the exertion, only to wake up 20 minutes later to repeat the process, which continued in waves of sleep and vomiting until the sun was up.
My stomach was so cramped from this time it took 3 days to be able to walk properly.

 

[Harlay de Champvallon]

Meal on the occasion of a funeral. I think it was bad mayo. After a few hours myself and my Dad got very sick. Just kept vomiting.

 

[LifeguardHermit]

One time I ate this godawful cube steak in a meal my mom's friend had prepared. I think my mom was just getting over being sick with the flu and I/my dad worked long hours so no one could cook for my siblings.

So my moms friend brought over food and yeah. Everything tasted fine but the steak was very chewy. Like not tough but rubbery.

At 1am I awoke to the spins. I had not been drinking and luckily only had to crawl 10 feet from my room to the toilet (I had kind of my own apartment downstairs). I threw up an initial torrent of bile and granular stuff, then the pellets came.

The cube steak came up in bouts of 3 and 4 pellets at a time: each one violently rocketing into the top of my mouth with each bout of my spewage. After about an hour it finally it stopped. My throat was soo raw but that was to be expected right?

Wrong. I was now having minor trouble breathing and it hurt to move my mouth, in the top of my mouth. At first I tried to shrug it off and laid back down. Then I smelled it. The cube steak. A fucking piece of cube steak was lodged in that sinus pathway that runs from your mouth to your nose.

Honestly I kinda panicked. I didn't have a car, I didn't have a license yet (work picked me up, just never got around to it) and I didn't want to rouse the entire house bc idk I was dumb. Should have called 911 bc I was semi choking at this point. So like the dumb teen I was I jumped on my old bicycle and rode 4 miles to the hospital at what was now 4am.

They put an iv in me, pumped me full of nitroglycerin to "open my everything" they said. They then told me to relax. I awoke an hour or so later to a piece of cube steak on a tray. Apparently they were about to wake me up to run a trac tube to push it out and I coughed it up in my sleep.

I returned home to my entire household projectile vomiting cube steak that morning. My mom had to be hospitalized herself bc she got soo dehydrated puking after just being sick with the flu that her kidneys started to shut down.

We never told the lady that prepared the food bc she really is a wonderful person and probably just got burned on bad meat or something. We politely declined her food in the future minus the baked goods.

 

[Gravemind]

Glad I noticed this thread because I certainly have a tale I can share.

So, it was a few years back – E3 stream night. For dinner, I decided to do our local hot dog place because I glanced at a few reviews online and everyone was raving that they had the "best sweet tea in the region". I get me a large drink, a few dogs, some fries. I think the tea tastes a little bit off initially, but I chalked it up to the possibility that I hadn't had sweet tea in a long while before that point so maybe I just wasn't used to the taste of it after so long. Pretty good, a little bit of a sharp, kind of bitter aftertaste though. Afterward, I'm gathered in a group call with my friends as we're watching and commenting on E3 together, I do believe it was the Sony presentation that night? The show barely gets into its opening performance when my bowels are set a stirring and it feels like it's going to be one of those "STRAP YOURSELF IN AND HOLD ONTO SOMETHING" movements so I quickly evacuate to the toilet with my phone, as I didn't want to miss the presentation. However, even watching the stream through my Twitch app, I barely caught much of what was going on as I suddenly found myself physically keeling over on my toilet, my innards clenching about as hard as they possibly could, making for one incredibly painful, if ultimately nearly fruitless movement. During which time, I apparently not only suffered an outbreak of cold sweat and cotton mouth, but I suddenly developed an intense sensitivity to light and sound, forcing me to very quickly cut the stream on my phone to ease the migraine that had come upon me out of nowhere. I eventually got myself mostly stabilized after roughly a half hour, felt too exhausted and nauseated to continue staying up, so I went back to my computer, told everyone I had to dip, closed down everything, cut off my monitor, cut off all lights to my room, and collapsed in bed.

I think I lost consciousness for maybe about an hour or two before my stomach started seizing in unholy pain once more. This resulted in a lot of tossing and turning, my body temperature shooting all over the place (I kept jumping between freezing and overheating), eventually my legs cramping, and the sensation of my kidneys suddenly feeling like someone had kicked the shit out of them. More bathroom runs followed, which resulted in futile attempts at evacuations from both the rear and mouth (as in, nothing was coming out, but it FELT like something NEEDED to come out), dry heaving, moaning, wailing, pleading for death. This continued for several hours, into the wee hours of the early morning maybe a bit before sunup (noting that this all began around, let's say, 7 pm the night before and continued until 4 am). Parents got a little concerned about needing to send me to ER, until one of them inexplicably decided I was faking the suffering I was going through for whatever strange reason? Even after I reached the point where I could expel no more material from my body, my kidneys were still aching to the point of pure torture afterwards and it was impossible to get myself anywhere near remotely comfortable enough to sleep, since it felt not only like the damn things had been bruised, but that they were being clenched in a vise at the same time. Strangely enough, the only thing that alleviated the pain in my kidneys was by rubbing Bengay or some other equivalent onto where they were located on my back and finally, FINALLY, I was granted sweet release from pain so that I could sleep. Damn near religious experience, that was.

6 hours later, one of my parents tells me they had a feeling there was something wrong with the sweet tea because one of them had "tasted mine" before I drank from it and it tasted as though it had been mixed with chemical cleaner, since, apparently, the people working at the hot dog place had been cleaning out the drink machines that night and they must have not made sure to properly wash off whatever cleaner substance they used. Sure am glad they informed me of it well after the fact. I became pathologically adverse to the idea of being anywhere near sweet tea for maybe 2 years straight after that. Like, just seeing or smelling it was enough to give me a slight case of nausea.

 

[Fliddaroonie]

Oh man. I had food poisoning once and I hope it never EVER happens again.
A few years ago, my boyfriend and I went to a restaurant downtown for New Years Eve that had great craft beer specials ($2 pints!) and cocktails. We had been to this place a bunch of times but something was wrong this time. I ordered a black bean burger for dinner and felt okay for a couple of hours. It’s funny looking back on it now—but my boyfriend and I got into an arguement before I got sick because he finished getting all the characters and tracks in double dash by himself, when we had been working on it together. (Very austistic) partially through the arguement I started to feel lightheaded and needed to sit down, I felt really hot so I instinctively lied my head down on the bathroom floor. My boyfriend thought I was being overly dramatic... until I threw up.

From 11:00 pm to 7:00am I was sitting and shitting while puking in a bucket. To make things worse, we live in an area where everything closes at midnight or before so by the time I realized that the puking and shitting weren’t going to stop, I had no time to get pedalyte or crackers for my stomach.

I haven’t gotten food poisoning since, but I have been sick from lake water, which was a similar experience so now I always keep pedalyte in the fridge and crackers in the cabinet. Just in case

Those pedialyte popsicles are awesome too.

Also good to have is Buccastem. You don't need ingest it which can be useful. If you're vomming that hard.


I've not had food poisoning in a long time but I couldn't write about it as brilliantly as someone here. However I do remember weeping tears of both fear and gratitude when I took a solid shit th first time after.

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

I once ate several-year-old sausage from my freezer. I could feel my body fighting to keep away actual food poisoning; violent activity in the stomach, felt like I’d throw up but never did. Went away by the end of the day.

 

[UnsufficentBoobage]

We are a family that surfboards on the edge of Being Considered Poor all the time, so, while I probably ate enough spoiled/nearly spoiled food to fill out an average lake, and still continue to - I feel bad tossing things, so moldy bread is only unfit once I cannot cut mold away (also accidentally ate moldy youghurt once), so there's probably a tiny penicilline stash somewhere inside...despite all that, my stomach is pretty damn sensitive, so a good chunk of my childhood was spent puking.
But, the worst poisonings in my life were both during the last decade.

First was icecream cake. My sister got affected, too (bad enough we thought she is going to need hospitalisation, but, fortunately, she was fine by the morning), but later, grandma finished it and did not even get sick. I myself puked all over the floor only a minute after stomachache woke me up, and kept puking till only water came out, and then went to a toilet and were puking water between shits...and puked out potatoes I had for lunch that day (which makes one wonder how they stayed down before). Worst is how floor puke was so fluid-y, it sprayed on EVERYTHING, and I kept finding spots cleaning entire weeks later.

And second time, which was what made mom finally buy and keep a box of diarhhea medicine, involved...water.
No,I do not know what was in it. It was at work, which had one of directly-hooked-into-water-supply coolers, and worst is how I got poisoned two times in a row before I knew better.
It went like this: one evening, a girl we were doing data entry with offered to share her dinner with me - she got a tiny store pizza, which was easy to break into pieces (she was doing it in the first place because I gave her fancy imported soda I got previous day, as turned out she liked that one but rarely found). As I munched on pizza, I realised it tasted strongly of ONIONS and, basically, nothing else, so I needed water to wash that down, and I grabbed some from the cooler.
Next morning, just as I was approaching workplace, I realised my stomach was angrily rumbling, and rushed into WC. Spent a literal hour gathering hate (as that floor only had two cabins) and crapping pure water, went out to work a bit, then, in like 15 minutes, that repeated.
Got sent home, downed pills, still spent the rest of the dsy in toilet.

Next day I was ok, and the rest of the week, too...and then, something prompted me to get thirsty at work again.
Spending one more hour of shame at work, I realised that me cursing that pizza previous week was unfounded, and, once I dealt with that all, I never, ever drank at that job again.

Gave me a phobia of water coolers that persisted till really recent.

Oh, and they did not renew the contract with me.

 

[Hongourable Madisha]

Back when I was a student and just starting out learning to forage wild greens, I collected a load of wild garlic and nettles and turned it into soup. I still don't know what the reason was, but a few hours later I was feeling really rough. I was afraid I'd picked a poisonous plant, so I drank a load of salty water to try to make myself vomit it back up. I went to the closest medical centre but they wouldn't help me because I was registered with the other one in town and told me to go there instead. I wasn't deliberately planning on violently spewing bright green garlic soup all over their car park on the way out but I couldn't hold it in or find a bin or anything, so that's what happened. I was fine after that, once I'd got it all out my system.
In hindsight, both of those plants are pretty easy to identify even for beginners, so I think I must've not cleaned them properly, or there must've been something nasty in the soil or water around them, I wasn't yet aware of how important the environment around the plants is for foraging. Campylobacter is really common on low-growing plants, so it was probbaly that.