Funny Amazon Reviews -

[BradyBunchFan]

This is inspired by another thread over on a different site I'm on.

Have you ever been on Amazon and noticed reviews that you just simply find funny? Post whatever reviews you found funny here on this thread!

 

[BradyBunchFan]

Here's a review for something called Tubi TV. You can watch free movies along with TV on there, and it's ad-supported.

Useless and Deleted

I wanted to watch the movie "The Glass Castle", and this app came up on our Fire Stick as a way to watch it for free. Great! I downloaded, installed, registered, activated, as instructed. Searched for the movie, and the correct promo came up, but when the movie started, it was actually some awful thing called "The Glass Coffin". Three attempts to bring up the correct movie, each time a failure. I guess with this app, you can't even get what you don't pay for! In my opinion, tubi tv is absolute crap.

 

[BradyBunchFan]

And another...

Not for me

Please take this away! I don’t want it! Well of course I was drawn in by that magic word FREE. See this is my fault because nothing is ever really free. I know that, you know that. So here’s the real deal. There is a large selection of streaming movies. That selection is limited in intellectual content. Finally the one movie that I did want to see and did try to watch was so full of commercial breaks that I gave this a negative star for wasting my time. I have requested instructions on how to remove this from my phone as it’s just doesn’t work for me.

 

[Outer Party Member]

Haribo SUGAR FREE Classic Gummi Bears, 1lb.

The horror at 30,000 feet!
June 2, 2018

My flight was leaving at 8 in the morning. After awaking and trying to get to the airport, I forgot to grab something to eat. I usually take my time and do things in order, but not this day. I was traveling from Boston to LA coming home from a work trip. I do it regularly so nothing was new to me. I stayed in the same hotel and knew the time I needed to leave to get to the airport on time. During my work trip, I stopped at a convenience store and saw these gummy bears and thought they would be a perfect gift for my son Charlie. He loves gummy bears and gummy worms. So the morning I was to head back to LA, I slept through my alarm. That never happens. I rushed to get out of the hotel and threw those gummies in my carry on bag to make it on time to the airport. After speeding and filling up gas in the rental, I made it to my gate as they were boarding.

I get on the plane and head down the aisle to find my window seat near the middle of the plane. I asked politely for the two adorable older ladies siting in the middle and aisle seats if I could pass by to my seat. They obliged. The lady in the middle must have been around 80 years old so it took her some time to get up and make sure she was holding on to something so she didn't fall as she stepped into the aisle. I thanked them as I sat and settled into my seat.

Fast forward 20 minutes as we reach our cruising altitude of around 30,000 feet in the air. As I reach into my carry on bag to grab my headphones, I see the gummy bears. Since I am hungry and need something, I decided to open them up and just have a few to hold me over until we land. I wanted to save some for my son so I maybe had 4 or 5. But I had 4 or 5 too many because once the bears had a few minutes to adjust to their new home, they began to work.

It started out with a little cramp. Which is normal with gassing on a plane. You do not want to fart on a plane so you hold it in. It is airplane etiquette. It would come and go over a few minutes so I thought nothing of it. Then it got worse. The cramps intensified, the sweating started, and I began to notice the older ladies looking over at me. About 30 minutes into eating these bears, my thinking went from, "Oh these are just farts, I can hold them," to "Oh dear God not here." I have been a Christian my whole life and this is the test. If there is a God, please help me leave this plane with my dignity intact.

After waiting for the intense cramp wave to pass, I stood up and jump over those two women. I could not wait for them to stand so I stood up, (my back facing them) and tried to shimmy pass them. I think a toot came out cause I heard one say, "Oh Lord, was that you?" After reaching the aisle, I waddled to the back of the plane where the least amount of risk would be. To my dismay, it was in use. That left one bathroom left in the front. I looked down the aisle and saw my Mt. Everest. I had to somehow keeps my wet cheeks tighter than Fort Knox whilst waddling forward, whilst praying no one gets out of their seats.

After 5 minutes of stop and go, I made it to the bathroom and was pulling my pants down as I entered the bathroom. The door was still unlocked as the sweet release was underway. I thought I died. I thought this was it. Even though I was on the throne confessing my sins, I thought my time was called. I lost count on how many knocks at the door there was. I must have been in there for 45 minutes, but I made it.

I washed my hands, and threw water in my face to calm me down. Opening the door, I saw the faces looking back at me. Apparently the seal to the bathroom was not air tight. Letting just the slightest airflow from that bathroom to the main cabin possible. These were daughters, mothers, and children looking at me. I could feel their questions and comments. "What have you done?" "We still have 2 hours left." "Please divert this plane."

As I began walking down, the man in the first row of first class grabbed my arm. He said, "Hey man, where is your seat?" Confused, I told him and he said, "Go get your stuff and come back and sit here, you need this more then me." I was embarrassed and ashamed. I had a family at home waiting for me.

I recommend theses bears to anyone. But please eat them responsibly.

Work as intended. For someone else!
September 3, 2014
Verified Purchase
First, I did not buy these for myself. Although we've all spent time laughing endlessly at some of the consequences of eating too many of these delicious treats it was due to some of the reviewers who spoke of expensive medications that claimed to clear out the colon or to relieve constipation. I bought them for "her" and believed that perhaps in much smaller doses it may clear out some of the vile leavings in the colon. After much hesitation and over the weekend so as not to have a "disturbance on the job" she ate just 8 of these treats. Said to me quite candidly that she reached for another and realized that it may not be the best idea. For a while it was not a big deal. She ate less than most of the other reviewers spoke of and during the course of that one day found herself in the bathroom ridding herself of digested foodstuffs 3 times. Out of the bathroom for the third time and said, "Corn came out and I haven't eaten corn in a year." Okay, no real problems, no lava flows, no volcano, however there was a LOT of gas. Fast forward to today, four days later. Having been more than regular but without the nasty side effects and it being a work week she has not eaten any more than the initial 8 bears. Today, I've received two emails already. Mind you no complaints to this point. The first mail, "Are not nice. Still having issues!" and just a few minutes ago the second, "REALLY SUCKS!" So there you have the review. Personally, it's all in our tolerances. Do they clear the colon, IMHO absolutely. I can thus only imagine if she'd eaten more than 8. EIGHT BEARS and this is 4 days later. Later today I am certain to hear about it, can everyone say YUCK. But for the intent, to clear out the part of our systems that hold so much "material" you can't go wrong. As a nurse once reviewed, they should offer these in hospitals instead of the expensive pills. However, we all are different, some reviewers had little to no reaction, some LOL as you've read have a better reaction. If these were called medication then they'd certainly cost about 10 dollars a bear plus the .50 for the paper cup in a hospital. Would love to try to melt down about 30 of them an cook them up in some bran muffins to distribute to her workplace. As for the price, which currently is very high. They have been discontinued with small supply and large demand economics rears its ugly head. But if you have weight and it's not fat eat some of these and fit into pants you could when you were much younger.

Rainbow colored fun?
December 3, 2014

there comes a time in ones life when they ask a simple question. Why? I asked myself that question one week ago this very night. Why did I not read the reviews before ordering these gummi seeds of Satan?? What started out as nothing more than my ordering something to munch on while watching the football games turned into 2 days of intestinal terrorism.

I sat down on a Sunday afternoon with my bag of Gummi Bears to watch the Giants game. Kicked up my feet, sat back & started popping these bad boys 3 or 4 at a time. Everything started out ok at first. The Giants had a lead, I was enjoying my relaxing Sunday & that's when the trouble started. Eli Manning fumbled & I felt the first rumble in my stomach. Nothing dawned on me at the time but if I could only go back & warn my unsuspecting soul of what was yet to come. It was a close game the entire second half until that fatal moment. there would be no comeback or Giants victory today, Eli threw an interception that was returned for a game winning touchdown & I yelled out "OH NO" for two reasons that day. Soon as the defender crossed the goal line for the score..Blam-O! The dastardly bears of gumminess had conquered my digestive track & weren't taking any prisoners..

The next three hours of my life were a blur of mixed emotions. Crying, moaning, numbness in both my legs from sitting on a toilet for that long & also in my heart for what was once a childhood joy, now an adulthood horror. Who would of thunk that rainbow colored gummi bears could manifest itself into such an evil of multiple brown rag dolls left floating in the porcelain bowl needing to be flushed away in all urgency so as to not leave a reminder of that day. Gummi Bears you are no longer a friend of mine. No you are not.

 

[Judge Holden]

Allow your beloved Uncle Holden to tell you the saga of Veet hair removal cream...

Some time ago on Amazon a hair removal cream was released to the public. Men the world over took one look at the product and thought to themselves "hmm...I wonder what it would be like if I used it on my balls and asscrack?" and proceeded to order it en masse....

This was a mistake they would not soon forget...

 

[Titan Lithos]

Here's a classic.

The Q&A section is equally priceless.

Reviews:

 

[Francis E. Dec Esc.]

Hgiyiyi (hgjhjh, hjhk) by the illustrious jjjj

 

[Prince Lotor]

These are DSP's Amazon reviews for: a greenscreen, a pair of shoes, the 'Halo 3 Legendary Edition', and the movie 'It Follows'. Him being a whinging mong comes through even in an Amazon product review

Phil's 4 reviews on Amazon.
View attachment 266776 View attachment 266775 View attachment 266774 View attachment 266773