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Off-Topic Funny stories about your period

Discussion in 'Beauty Parlour' started by melty, Jul 15, 2017.

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  1. Just post hilarious stuff about having your period.

    What was your first period like?
    Have you ever had sex on your period?
    Did you ever make your man eat you out on your period?

    Here's my story:

    My daughter is 17 now and a couple of months ago, she came home with an epic period story that required buying an entire new outfit before a job training. Unlike all of the other times she refused to talk about periods, she told this story with relish. By the end of the story, we were all convinced she’d basically hemorrhaged all over her pants. The next day, her brother came upstairs shaking his head. “She left her bloody pants on the bathroom floor and they were barely even bloody,” he said. “Here I was thinking it was like a crime scene or something.”

    It’s safe to say that none of my kids are embarrassed by periods anymore. Maybe they’ll embarrass their future partners by being “too open” about periods, or maybe their partners will appreciate their normalization of what should be a normal part of life. But either way, at least they won’t contribute to a culture that tells women their bodies are something to be ashamed of—and that’s far more important than a moment of embarrassment.
     
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    melty

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  2. What's funny about it? Periods suck.
     
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    Toxoplasmosis

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  3. Well, mine only last 5 days now instead of 8 like they used to? That's a good thing, I guess? Not really funny though.
     
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    UnderwaterUnderworld

    UnderwaterUnderworld Sometimes you have to drown before you die

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  4. When I was in middle school and anxiously dreading my first period, one day on the bus ride home I noticed that the front of my pants were covered in red. I was mortified and held my bag in front of myself and did the most awkward waddle home ever thinking my hell had started. Got home, and upon further inspection unless I was having my period out of like my hip bone, realized that I was not on my period

    I realized I had a red pen in my pocket that had exploded and covered the front side of my pants (and underwear) in red ink. So not blood, just ink
     
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    takemetoyourgrave

    takemetoyourgrave lol calm the fuck down gerard way this isn’t 2004

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  5. Periods are funny from an outsider's perspective honestly. Mine have never been funny. The closest to funny would be that Mother nature gave me the gift on my birthday one time, so now I litter.
     
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  6. This one time I ate almost half a pound of chocolate covered almonds and then I cried at a Johnson & Johnson commercial.

    It was a real hoot, lemme tell ya.
     
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    wifflypuff

    wifflypuff i hunger
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  7. If I had a dollar for every time I've had a pregnancy scare only to start Shark Week all over a pregnancy test, I'd probably have enough money to buy a full wardrobe for the kid once I do get knocked up.
     
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  8. what the fuck is this thread
     
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    Melchett

    Melchett Toilet Ghost
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  9. Actual footage of me on my period:

     
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    Lunete

    Lunete Internet vagabond.

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  10. There is nothing funny about periods.

    The fuck is wrong with you?
     
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  11. The funniest thing about a period is being able to say screw you to Mother Nature and not having one.
     
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    Lackadaisy

    Lackadaisy gas the commies, class war now

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  12. I gave up on the menstrual cycle years ago, now I just randomly give birth to fetuses in various states of dismemberment. Sometimes there's broken glass. I recommend you try it sometime.
     
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    #12 Vrakks, Jul 15, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2017
    Vrakks

    Vrakks Chaingun! The hell with respect!

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  13. Not mine per say, but a friend of mine wasn't told what a period was until she had one and thought she was dying, and had like a major freak out before her mom was like, "No bitch chill ur good"

    That being said, in her culture chicks get hella gold and jewelry once they start their period so shit was cash after that. I was super jealous lmao

    My first one was weird cause my creepy-ass freakozoid dad saw my bloody panties and wanted to 'congratulate me on becoming a woman' and I literally just got up and left the house and didn't come back til my mom had torn him a new asshole.
     
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    Lurks A Lot

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  14. As a man, I'd like to simply believe the vagina is a portal to heaven, with only babies coming out.

    Stuff like this disenchants it for me. I could have gone an entire lifetime not knowing there was a mucus membrane down there.
     
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    Hortator

    True & Honest Fan

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  15. My funny period story is that I'm a tranny so I never had any.
     
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    Feline Darkmage

    Feline Darkmage Cat Burglar
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  16. It was because of my period in junior high that I got out of having to go to the dance on a Friday, which I was only going to attend because some guy asked me to go with him... I didn't want to go, but I also didn't want to hurt the poor guy's feelings because he seemed like such a nice kid once you looked past his striking resemblance to Dylan Klebold

    Long story short, me fainting in class from the intense pain I was in was more than enough of a reason that I was able to turn down the guy without looking like a bitch. Luckily he took the rejection like a champ instead of shooting up the school
     
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  17. Murder+on+tumblr+sometimes+tumblr+helps+you+to+learn+something_6607ac_5149330.jpg
     
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    Kari Kamiya

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  18. I once killed a man during my period. Not because I was upset or hungry, it was just a coincidence in timing.
     
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    Dr.Research

    Dr.Research Dissertation Topic: Lolcows
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  19. Here's my story:

    My daughter is 17 now and a couple of months ago, she came home with an epic period story that required buying an entire new outfit before a job training. Unlike all of the other times she refused to talk about periods, she told this story with relish. By the end of the story, we were all convinced she’d basically hemorrhaged all over her pants. The next day, her brother came upstairs shaking his head. “She left her bloody pants on the bathroom floor and they were barely even bloody,” he said. “Here I was thinking it was like a crime scene or something.”

    It’s safe to say that none of my kids are embarrassed by periods anymore. Maybe they’ll embarrass their future partners by being “too open” about periods, or maybe their partners will appreciate their normalization of what should be a normal part of life. But either way, at least they won’t contribute to a culture that tells women their bodies are something to be ashamed of—and that’s far more important than a moment of embarrassment.
     
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    Catetive

    Catetive i put parts together at fatory

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  20. Anyone who has periods is a lolcow.
     
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