Special thanks to @Jaimas and @neural for help with this post.
Game journalists have a simple, cushy job. Play games and have opinions about them. Yet they keep fucking it up.
While most journalists aren't worth their own thread, there's plenty of laughs to be had collectively. This usually (but not always) comes in one of 2 forms. Their utter lack of competence in their chosen field, or their inability to keep personal politics out of their work, sometimes both at once.
To list every journalists and every fuck up would result in a OP longer than The Bible. This kind of nonsense has been going on for almost a decade, longer if we include the previous generation of game journalists. Add in the current fast turn over of the games press and this OP will often be out of date. So this OP will focus on some of the highlights.
POLYGON
A Polygon writer getting PTSD flashbacks while playing a VR shooting gallery. This edit shows the difference between a typical YouTuber's reaction to the game, and the supposed "professional games journalist".
Polygon refused to play the new Rock Band game at a swanky preview party in LA because "all games are stupid", resulting in the quote above. The preview is so badly written we arguably end up with more information about the journalists grandmother than we do about the game.
Polygon playing Doom so badly that it was almost like a 1 handed drunk was playing.
A Polygon journalist wrote a review of his own book. (Originally the article was credited to "Polygon staff".)
Polygon wrote a hitpeice on a Twitch streamer when it's clear they never bothered watching any of his videos.
youtu.be
And finally, their review of Sim City which had 4 different scores. First a 9.5 (the score shown on Metacritic to this day), then an 8, then a 4, before finally settling on 6.5. Was this some kind of genuine change of heart, or a cynical attempt to appease advertisers while going along with the backlash happening due to the games always online DRM? Nobody cares as it's dumb however you look at it.
KOTAKU
Click bait personified. Kotaku is ostensibly a Japanese-centric gaming site, but they rarely seem to talk about Japan and when they do they seem to hate Japan, Japanese culture, and Japanese games.
Their articles can barely be called such as they are often pulled from other sites or press releases with 1 or 2 paragraphs of hastily written non-content to justify the plagerism. Not that their original content is much better, with articles so bad that it's easy to confuse the real thing with parody articles.
Like this article where the author has a moral crisis for having said "rape" online.
Which is often confused for this parody article.
This article shills for Destiny 2 by implying anyone complaining about the game secretly likes it.
An article about Donald Trump's penis
Despite writing generally pro-feminism articles, they seem to like being sexist creeps. Dedicating an entire article to how a PR rep smells.
archive.fo
And another to bragging about having sex on Sonic bed-sheets.
archive.fo
There are many lol worthy Kotaku articles, but there's others sites to get to in this OP so we have to draw the line somewhere.
IGN
From criticising Pokemon for having Too Much Water.
To Failing to understand the concept of a football manager game.
www.deepfreeze.it
And giving some Wii shovelware a better score than a cult classic beat 'em up.
The bar for quality is set so low that if it was any lower it'd be in the Earths core. But it's not just reviews that IGN fail at. They also had a go at being pundits.
Like complaining that Call of Duty Ghosts doesn't have women in it, and when women are added complaining they can be killed like the men.
youtu.be
But their one of their longer lasting legacies is starting the whole "gamer/nerd entitlement" rhetoric with a cringe inducing video full of jump cuts and censored swearing, saying that you're entitled if you don't like Mass Effect 3s ending.
I think it's worth adding that Colin Moriarty (the man in the video) was ultimately fired for making a "sexist" joke on Twitter, and now spends his time making anti-game journalism rants on YouTube. More on that later.
INDIVIDUALS
Not all journalists are tied to specific sites. Some game journalists are "freelance", selling articles to other sites or running their own Patreon supported websites, YouTube channels, and blogs. Other bounce from site to site, getting fired from one only to immediately get a job at a supposedly rival site. eg. Patrick Klepeck has worked for Giant Bomb, Kotaku, 1Up, EGM, and Vice/Waypoint. So it's sometimes it's easier to follow individual journalists than trying to keep track of who works for where and when. Many of these types of journalists/pundits have their own threads already.
LEIGH ALEXANDER
She is also notorious for her drinking. One of her more infamous exploits was when she went on the Giant Bomb E3 livestream when she was fall down drunk. Ranting incoherently, she claimed that the LA convention centre cost 775 million dollars to rent for the weekend before accidentally showing her tits on stream.
She was invited back next year to make amends where she arrived drunk again.
Leigh worked at various sites burning bridges as she went. Eventually she was too toxic to be employed at any of the major sites, so she made Offworld. This was going to be her own gaming website with blackjack and hookers and no readers. The site shut down soon after. So much for "Gamers don't have to be your audience.". Leigh disappeared after that, resurfacing briefly to shit on Total Biscuit's corpse before disappearing, presumably into a bottle of booze.
archive.li
JED WHITAKER
He is most famous for an article in which he complained that the signal on the Nintendo Switch joy cons was not strong enough for him to play games with the controller shoved up his own arse. Publishing a detailed breakdown of his methods and results.
Because of this, he's often confused with ANOTHER journalist that reviewed Amiibos based on how well they worked as butt plugs.
Then there's his video of Plants vs Zombies which some claim he tried to have pulled from YouTube or excuse as a parody. It's a video that's so bad it's difficult to watch. Feel free to post a timestamp of how far you got.
MAINSTREAM AUTISM
Sometimes, game journalists are so bad at their job the backlash isn't limited to a few nerds reading articles about games all day, but breaks out into mainstream gaming and beyond. Spawning their own memes and becoming shorthand for the state of gaming journalism.
Such as this infamous video of a game journalist trying to play Cuphead and being unable to beat the tutorial. Watch carefully and you can even spot the moment the game developer leans over and tells him what to do.
youtu.be
My favourite edit is this side by side comparison.
And remember, these people play games for a living.
Then of course there's the big one. Gamergate. We're all tired of hearing it, but it's still brought up as a spectre that haunts game journalists and is the single cause of all their failures since 2014.
You could write a book on this one topic alone, but it's origins were surprising simple. Zoe Quinn had sex with games journalist Nathan Greyson, who had written positive articles about her at the time of their affair. When this was made public, there was a huge cover up the likes of which the internet had never seen before. Everywhere from 4chan to Reddit banned all discussion of it. A web host pulled down a site that refused to retract the story. Anyone who the journalists couldn't shut up was branded a misogynist. Eventually it was revealed that game journalists were all colluding with each other. Sex for favours, rigged award shows, industry blacklists, you name it. This was pretty much confirmed when game journalists decided the best way to prove there was no collusion was for supposedly rival sites to all post an article with the same message on the same day.
www.deepfreeze.it
While most GamerGaters have moved on since then, anti-GamerGaters, particularly the games press and left leaning lolcows, never let it go. Blaming it for everything from trolls to Donald Trump.
If you don't believe me, do a search here on Kiwi farms for gamergate, and sort the results by date. You'll probably find at least one mention of it in the past week. You can read more about gamergate here.
lolcow.wiki
www.deepfreeze.it
ANTI GAMES JOURNALISM
In the wake of gamergate and Total Biscuit dying of cancer, people were looking for alternative voices. Anti-games journalism is the cottage industry of sites and YouTubers who's editorial voice is mostly shitting on what's left of "mainstream" game journalism. Niche Gamer, One Angry Gamer, Colin Moriarty and others are not as bad as often, but they do occasionally almost end up as lolcows themselves. Repeating the same shit over and over and over again.
THE FUTURE
Games journalism continues to circle the drain. Their increasing desperation for clicks, relevance, and Twitter impressions means that they will likely keep selling their dignity for another pay-cheque or 15 second of Twitter fame. As a result, this OP will likely have to be updated as more of these people fall into obscurity and sites shut down.
THE REST
There's so much good stuff out there. Here's some of those that I think are funny enough to be worth mentioning.
Game journalists have a simple, cushy job. Play games and have opinions about them. Yet they keep fucking it up.
While most journalists aren't worth their own thread, there's plenty of laughs to be had collectively. This usually (but not always) comes in one of 2 forms. Their utter lack of competence in their chosen field, or their inability to keep personal politics out of their work, sometimes both at once.
To list every journalists and every fuck up would result in a OP longer than The Bible. This kind of nonsense has been going on for almost a decade, longer if we include the previous generation of game journalists. Add in the current fast turn over of the games press and this OP will often be out of date. So this OP will focus on some of the highlights.
POLYGON
Polygon is the ResetEra of games journalism. So utterly devorced from gaming that the site often reads like some half arsed political blog that occasionally mentions games. If it's not far-left politics, then it's clickbait, often both at once.
A Polygon writer getting PTSD flashbacks while playing a VR shooting gallery. This edit shows the difference between a typical YouTuber's reaction to the game, and the supposed "professional games journalist".
Polygon refused to play the new Rock Band game at a swanky preview party in LA because "all games are stupid", resulting in the quote above. The preview is so badly written we arguably end up with more information about the journalists grandmother than we do about the game.
Polygon playing Doom so badly that it was almost like a 1 handed drunk was playing.
A Polygon journalist wrote a review of his own book. (Originally the article was credited to "Polygon staff".)
Polygon wrote a hitpeice on a Twitch streamer when it's clear they never bothered watching any of his videos.
Responding to Polygon's Hit Piece on Me
You are fake news. https://www.polygon.com/2017/11/15/16657156/sonic-forces-refund-steam-twitch Let's do something never done before, turn internet drama int...
youtu.be
And finally, their review of Sim City which had 4 different scores. First a 9.5 (the score shown on Metacritic to this day), then an 8, then a 4, before finally settling on 6.5. Was this some kind of genuine change of heart, or a cynical attempt to appease advertisers while going along with the backlash happening due to the games always online DRM? Nobody cares as it's dumb however you look at it.
KOTAKU
Click bait personified. Kotaku is ostensibly a Japanese-centric gaming site, but they rarely seem to talk about Japan and when they do they seem to hate Japan, Japanese culture, and Japanese games.
Their articles can barely be called such as they are often pulled from other sites or press releases with 1 or 2 paragraphs of hastily written non-content to justify the plagerism. Not that their original content is much better, with articles so bad that it's easy to confuse the real thing with parody articles.
Like this article where the author has a moral crisis for having said "rape" online.
Which is often confused for this parody article.
This article shills for Destiny 2 by implying anyone complaining about the game secretly likes it.
An article about Donald Trump's penis
Despite writing generally pro-feminism articles, they seem to like being sexist creeps. Dedicating an entire article to how a PR rep smells.
Jade Smells Pretty At London Games Fest | Kotaku Australia
archived 24 Nov 2014 20:46:02 UTC
How I Achieved Greatness on a Sonic the Hedgehog-Themed Bed
archived 22 Oct 2014 03:06:45 UTC
IGN
If the other sites mentioned so far will sell out in the name of politics, IGN cares only for ad money, quality of their content be damned. As the saying goes "You can't spell ignorant without IGN".
From criticising Pokemon for having Too Much Water.
To Failing to understand the concept of a football manager game.
Unreliable Numbers | DeepFreeze
The bar for quality is set so low that if it was any lower it'd be in the Earths core. But it's not just reviews that IGN fail at. They also had a go at being pundits.
Like complaining that Call of Duty Ghosts doesn't have women in it, and when women are added complaining they can be killed like the men.
How Stabbing Women in Call of Duty: Ghosts Makes You Feel - Podcast Unlocked
The Unlocked crew talks about the Call of Duty: Ghosts reveal and how seeing a woman stabbed in a realistic multiplayer game made them feel.
youtu.be
I think it's worth adding that Colin Moriarty (the man in the video) was ultimately fired for making a "sexist" joke on Twitter, and now spends his time making anti-game journalism rants on YouTube. More on that later.
GIANT BOMB
The site went down hill after Patrick Klepeck joined, co-founder Ryan Davis died, and the site was sold to the owners of GameSpot. The people who once refused to sell out now fancy themselves as gatekeepers, parroting whatever political bullshit their peers demand.
They refused to post a video they recorded about A Hat In Time after they heard JonTron was in it.
They also memory holed Kingdom Come Deliverance. Claiming the game wasn't "interesting enough".
At around 48 minutes during the Game of the Year deliberations (the same one the quote above is pulled from), Abby says that Dream Daddy does things that other dating sims don't, then admits to have never played another dating sim.
youtu.be
These days the site is depressing. The group of once fun loving guys is now a shadow of it's former self. Old, grey, grumpy men complaining about how games aren't woke enough. This quote from NeoGaf says it.
"I used to have some respect for Giant Bomb and Jeff Gerstmann - however that has long since dissipated. He has become everything that he created Giant Bomb to fight against. Dude has gone full SJW mode. Pathetic."
www.neogaf.com
Back in 2007, Jeff Gerstmann was fired from GameSpot after a string of negative reviews. The straw that broke the camels back was when he gave Kane and Lynch Dead Men a 6/10 review, the game was heavily advertised on the site at the time. Some of the staff quit in the face of obvious corruption and formed Giant Bomb. The site went from strength to strength. Lots of quality content came out from those early years, and their lets play of Persona 4 was arguably responsible for making Persona popular in the west.
The site went down hill after Patrick Klepeck joined, co-founder Ryan Davis died, and the site was sold to the owners of GameSpot. The people who once refused to sell out now fancy themselves as gatekeepers, parroting whatever political bullshit their peers demand.
They refused to post a video they recorded about A Hat In Time after they heard JonTron was in it.
They also memory holed Kingdom Come Deliverance. Claiming the game wasn't "interesting enough".
At around 48 minutes during the Game of the Year deliberations (the same one the quote above is pulled from), Abby says that Dream Daddy does things that other dating sims don't, then admits to have never played another dating sim.
Game of the Year 2017: Best Game
HERE IT IS. THE. BEST. GAME. OF. THE. YEAR. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Check out our website: http...
youtu.be
These days the site is depressing. The group of once fun loving guys is now a shadow of it's former self. Old, grey, grumpy men complaining about how games aren't woke enough. This quote from NeoGaf says it.
"I used to have some respect for Giant Bomb and Jeff Gerstmann - however that has long since dissipated. He has become everything that he created Giant Bomb to fight against. Dude has gone full SJW mode. Pathetic."
Let's talk about Abby Russel at Giantbomb's GOTY podcast...
I don't know if we can discuss Giantbomb related stuff here, since they moved to that other forum with a lot of other people, but I am really want to to talk about this and none of my friends listen to Giantbomb Cast here in Brazil, unfortunately, so I decided to open this thread here. For...
INDIVIDUALS
Not all journalists are tied to specific sites. Some game journalists are "freelance", selling articles to other sites or running their own Patreon supported websites, YouTube channels, and blogs. Other bounce from site to site, getting fired from one only to immediately get a job at a supposedly rival site. eg. Patrick Klepeck has worked for Giant Bomb, Kotaku, 1Up, EGM, and Vice/Waypoint. So it's sometimes it's easier to follow individual journalists than trying to keep track of who works for where and when. Many of these types of journalists/pundits have their own threads already.
LEIGH ALEXANDER
Leigh is by far one of the most corrupt game journalists there is, with 23 journalist ethics violations according to DeepFreeze. Her self defined ethics policy is "Get money, fight bullshit, and make sure that those I love stand the longest.". So we can safely take her word that she is the living embodiment of games journalism.
She is also notorious for her drinking. One of her more infamous exploits was when she went on the Giant Bomb E3 livestream when she was fall down drunk. Ranting incoherently, she claimed that the LA convention centre cost 775 million dollars to rent for the weekend before accidentally showing her tits on stream.
Leigh worked at various sites burning bridges as she went. Eventually she was too toxic to be employed at any of the major sites, so she made Offworld. This was going to be her own gaming website with blackjack and hookers and no readers. The site shut down soon after. So much for "Gamers don't have to be your audience.". Leigh disappeared after that, resurfacing briefly to shit on Total Biscuit's corpse before disappearing, presumably into a bottle of booze.
Leigh Alexander on Twitter: "i'm feeling exceptionally healthy and po…
archived 27 May 2018 00:52:14 UTC
JED WHITAKER
The less said about Jed Whitaker the better. He defines the term "degenerate". While most game journos inspire laughter, contempt, or pity, Jed inspires revulsion and disgust. If you need one example of why game journalism is not respected, Jed is your man.
He is most famous for an article in which he complained that the signal on the Nintendo Switch joy cons was not strong enough for him to play games with the controller shoved up his own arse. Publishing a detailed breakdown of his methods and results.
Because of this, he's often confused with ANOTHER journalist that reviewed Amiibos based on how well they worked as butt plugs.
Then there's his video of Plants vs Zombies which some claim he tried to have pulled from YouTube or excuse as a parody. It's a video that's so bad it's difficult to watch. Feel free to post a timestamp of how far you got.
COLIN MORIARTY
He eventually got fired for making a "sexist" joke on Twitter
and since then has existed on YouTube complaining about game journalists. Would he be so anti-game journalist if he wasn't kicked out of the game journalism clique? That's for you to decide.
Colin Moriarty was a game journalist for IGN. His biggest claim to fame was a video in which he says anyone who didn't like Mass Effect 3 and wanted the ending changed was entitled. Starting a years long trend of game journalists insulting their readers.
He eventually got fired for making a "sexist" joke on Twitter
and since then has existed on YouTube complaining about game journalists. Would he be so anti-game journalist if he wasn't kicked out of the game journalism clique? That's for you to decide.
MAINSTREAM AUTISM
Sometimes, game journalists are so bad at their job the backlash isn't limited to a few nerds reading articles about games all day, but breaks out into mainstream gaming and beyond. Spawning their own memes and becoming shorthand for the state of gaming journalism.
Such as this infamous video of a game journalist trying to play Cuphead and being unable to beat the tutorial. Watch carefully and you can even spot the moment the game developer leans over and tells him what to do.
Cuphead Gamescom Demo: Dean's Shameful 26 Minutes Of Gameplay
Updated description from GamesBeat PC gaming editor Jeff Grubb: GamesBeat lead writer and reporter Dean Takahashi doesn't really play platformers or sidescro...
youtu.be
Then of course there's the big one. Gamergate. We're all tired of hearing it, but it's still brought up as a spectre that haunts game journalists and is the single cause of all their failures since 2014.
You could write a book on this one topic alone, but it's origins were surprising simple. Zoe Quinn had sex with games journalist Nathan Greyson, who had written positive articles about her at the time of their affair. When this was made public, there was a huge cover up the likes of which the internet had never seen before. Everywhere from 4chan to Reddit banned all discussion of it. A web host pulled down a site that refused to retract the story. Anyone who the journalists couldn't shut up was branded a misogynist. Eventually it was revealed that game journalists were all colluding with each other. Sex for favours, rigged award shows, industry blacklists, you name it. This was pretty much confirmed when game journalists decided the best way to prove there was no collusion was for supposedly rival sites to all post an article with the same message on the same day.
Our enemy, the gamers | DeepFreeze
If you don't believe me, do a search here on Kiwi farms for gamergate, and sort the results by date. You'll probably find at least one mention of it in the past week. You can read more about gamergate here.
GamerGate - Lolcow Wiki
The monster to silence | DeepFreeze
ANTI GAMES JOURNALISM
In the wake of gamergate and Total Biscuit dying of cancer, people were looking for alternative voices. Anti-games journalism is the cottage industry of sites and YouTubers who's editorial voice is mostly shitting on what's left of "mainstream" game journalism. Niche Gamer, One Angry Gamer, Colin Moriarty and others are not as bad as often, but they do occasionally almost end up as lolcows themselves. Repeating the same shit over and over and over again.
THE FUTURE
Games journalism continues to circle the drain. Their increasing desperation for clicks, relevance, and Twitter impressions means that they will likely keep selling their dignity for another pay-cheque or 15 second of Twitter fame. As a result, this OP will likely have to be updated as more of these people fall into obscurity and sites shut down.
THE REST
There's so much good stuff out there. Here's some of those that I think are funny enough to be worth mentioning.
Vice/Waypoint's Forza preview not talking about the game, and instead is a screed against so Austrialian politician.
VG 24/7 writes a hit peice about Valkyria Chronicles 4 (thanks to @Oh Shit I'm Sorry for this)
Motherboard/Vice complaining about gamer girl porn.
Distructiod claiming that The Legend of Zelda: Ocerina of Time is a gay coming of age story.
Danny O'Dwyer saying that "anime arse" causes real world rapes.
Patrick Klepek covers his eyes because there's a woman in a bikini on screen.
Vice/Waypoint complaining that Resident Evil 2 Remake doesn't have enough verbs(?), doesn't let you play with food, and doesn't let you show off a gay haircut.
Murder is illegal in RL, it should be illegal in VR (thanks to @Henk Hill for this one)
archive.li
VG 24/7 writes a hit peice about Valkyria Chronicles 4 (thanks to @Oh Shit I'm Sorry for this)
Motherboard/Vice complaining about gamer girl porn.
Distructiod claiming that The Legend of Zelda: Ocerina of Time is a gay coming of age story.
Danny O'Dwyer saying that "anime arse" causes real world rapes.
Patrick Klepek covers his eyes because there's a woman in a bikini on screen.
Vice/Waypoint complaining that Resident Evil 2 Remake doesn't have enough verbs(?), doesn't let you play with food, and doesn't let you show off a gay haircut.
Murder is illegal in RL, it should be illegal in VR (thanks to @Henk Hill for this one)
Murder is illegal. It should be illegal in virtual reality, too.
archived 3 Dec 2016 15:50:31 UTC
