Everybody say hi to the incredibly punchable face of Gary Yourofsky. Gary here is a vegan. Not just any vegan, though. THE vegan. The man who gave the best speech you will ever hear. He said so himself.
Gary was born in Michigan and pretty quickly proved himself to be a pain in the ass. But he really started gaining steam when he joined the animal rights cause. One of his most infamous early acts was helping the ADF "liberate" over 1500 mink from a fur farm in southern Ontario. Now, if you know even a little bit about Canadian animals, you'll know that not only are mink not native to southern Ontario, but animals who are kept in captivity their entire lives don't tend to do well when released into the cold and food dish-less outdoors. But let's not harsh Gary's buzz, okay?
Of course, Gary was associated with PETA for a while, but they proved just too tame for ol' Gary, and he left after five years. Since then he's been travelling the world, giving speeches about animal rights, advocating veganism, and generally being a preachy motherfucker. Oh, and getting "a giant tattoo of himself, wearing a mask and holding a rabbit, covering most of his right forearm."
But what makes Gary here stand above the other veggie-heads on the net?
That's a good start.
Oh yeah, Gary is not one of your hearts-and-flowers vegans. Gary is fucking PISSED. Gary thinks everybody with a smidge of bacon grease on their lips should die an agonising death. And he wants everybody to know it.
Among other charming statements, Gary has said that animal researchers should die in fires set by activists, that it's okay for animal "liberationists" to murder hunters and anyone else who might endanger an animal, and, most infamously, "Deep down, I truly hope that oppression, torture and murder return to each uncaring human tenfold! I hope that fathers accidentally shoot their sons on hunting excursions, while carnivores suffer heart attacks that kill them slowly. Every women ensconced in fur should endure a rape so vicious that it scars them forever. While every man entrenched in fur should suffer an anal raping so horrific that they become disembowelled. Every rodeo cowboy and matador should be gored to death, while circus abusers are trampled by elephants and mauled by tigers. And, lastly, may irony shine its esoteric head in the form of animal researchers catching debilitating diseases and painfully withering away because research dollars that could have been used to treat them was wasted on the barbaric, unscientific practice of vivisection".
Oh, but don't worry, folks. He's completely innocent of advocating sexual violence. He said so himself. In fact, his exact words were: “Vegan love to all my supporters who refused to believe these psychotic defamatory lies about me. And finally, to all the organizations and people who have attacked me, claiming that I support rape. I hear by challenge you to top my anti rape position. Go ahead. I dare ya. What?! Yeah, I thought so. As usual, I win! Checkmate! You lose!! Fuck you!!”
The thought that it's difficult to challenge someone speaking on a pre-recorded video doesn't seem to have occurred to Gary.
And don't think Gary confines his hatred to women! Let's have a healthy dose of racism too!
Always one for consistency, Gary declares that this too is okay, because, you see, he hates all people equally. Except vegans. And himself.
And don't think Gary's one of those lolcows who never practices what he preaches! No, no, he's just as psychotic in real life as he is in his videos. In one famous incident, Gary assaulted a journalist and his cameraman during an interview. Why? The journalist was wearing a leather jacket. Gary proceeded to skip bail and flee the country before he could be brought to trial. The journalist also reported that Gary "wished that my wife and children would be raped because I am wearing a leather jacket. The man is a psychopath."
Gary's response? To blame the victim.
Now, one of the most common arguments against veganism is that many animals kill to eat, so why shouldn't humans? Oh, don't worry, Gary has an answer for that too. See, animals that eat meat are just as evil as the humans that do!
I wonder if Gary considered all the mice and chipmunks that got massacred when he loosed those evil minks into the Canadian forest. Oh well.
This is what really makes Gary stand apart for me. No vegan or vegetarian I have ever seen before has condemned carnivorous animals. But Gary, Gary's special. Particularly special in that he keeps carnivorous animals himself, though of course he forces them to eat vegan. If only he could enlighten the lions the way he can us humans.
But Gary's a-okay with us having dogs and cats, as long as we feed these natural carnivores on bean sprouts and pumpkin. But guide dogs for the blind? SLAVERY.
Yeah, fuck you, blind people.
Even some of the militant vegan population are backing away slowly from this guy. But God forbid they say anything against him, because Gary's army of followers will quickly leap to his defense. There is actually a petition out there to get Gary nominated for the Nobel Peace prize. And it has nearly 10 000 signatures. I am dead fucking serious.
Gary himself has zero shame for any of his words or actions. People have called him up on the rape comments in particular, and he replies by calling it "one of my all-time favourite quotes." Otherwise, he tends to sit back and let his worshippers handle dissent. I've noticed that his Twitter is remarkably clear of any kind of opposition, so it's possible he deletes any replies he doesn't like.
The final bit of icing on the cake? He spent the early 90s trying to start a rap career. Under the name G-Spot.
Nope, not kidding.
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