General Crimes Thread -

[Dyn]

Post crimes that you do that are fun or profitable and give other people advice on how to do crimes. Please only post about fun crimes that won't get Josh in trouble with the feds, avoid crimes like money laundering, credit fraud or incel terrorism (it's okay to do them just don't post about them here).

I like to pretend like I'm crossing the road near traffic lights and then if I see a car with a white woman in it I'll open her passenger door and grab her handbag and run away.

What about you guys?

 

[Stephanie Bustcakes]

I own and operate a television set without a license.

 

[Dyn]

I own and operate a television set without a license.

British crimes don't count nobody needs advice on how to own butter knives or misgender people.

 

[StreetGangsta]

I put laxatives on other people's food cuz it's funny

 

[Ozma (ZeTrannyJanny)]

I use Red Star OS to browse the inter weebz

 

[Carlos Weston Chantor]

I don't wear a mask

 

[Dyn]

I don't wear a mask

This is one of the best crimes to do because it's convenient all the time and not just sometimes.

 

[Carlos Weston Chantor]

This is one of the best crimes to do because it's convenient all the time and not just sometimes.

I'm actually going to court over refusing to accept a $5 fine for that recently

 

[Dyn]

I'm actually going to court over refusing to accept a $5 fine for that recently

Don't do that, failure to appear is a really good crime to do because it gets you the entire afternoon off that you would have to spend in court otherwise. You can also get the whole day off work because you're supposed to go to court so then if you fail to appear you can smoke drugs and play video games all day.

 

[Foghot]

I mastered the art of tax evasion.

In Minecraft.

 

[Carlos Weston Chantor]

Don't do that, failure to appear is a really good crime to do because it gets you the entire afternoon off that you would have to spend in court otherwise. You can also get the whole day off work because you're supposed to go to court so then if you fail to appear you can smoke drugs and play video games all day.

I don't live where my ID says I live and my lawyer told me to not answer phone calls from any numbers I don't know, I don't need to go to court until the cops actually find me and manage to officially deliver summons requiring me to provide explanations at the cop station first. Since I refused the ticket they didn't write me any notice to appear on the spot, so now they have to find me first. I have lawyer friends, a ton of free time and I plan to go Pablo Escobar over this $5. I might even sue the cops for moral damages just for fun

 

[Dyn]

Here's a good crime to do, dress your wife up really nice and have her pick up a businessman in an airport hotel and then when they go up to his room you burst in shouting at him for trying to fuck your wife and threatening to fight him and he'll be so distracted by trying not to fight you he won't notice when your wife takes his wallet and leaves with it. You can't do this is in the same hotel many times because they put you on a list.

 

[Knight of the Rope]

I post on Kiwi Farms and I've almost thought about donating some BAT to Josh but I always chicken out at the last second.

 

[Gone Ham]

I have a Manchukuo passport from 5 years ago, meaning I committed crimes that would get me murdered in China

 

[Jewthulhu]

Here's a good crime to do, dress your wife up really nice and have her pick up a businessman in an airport hotel and then when they go up to his room you burst in shouting at him for trying to fuck your wife and threatening to fight him and he'll be so distracted by trying not to fight you he won't notice when your wife takes his wallet and leaves with it. You can't do this is in the same hotel many times because they put you on a list.

That feels like a plot to an old noir movie

 

[Ponchik]

i like torrenting the same game over and over so the company that made it loses billions of dollars

 

[Furret]

Sometimes, when I'm feeling devious, I like to go to a dense city with a stick. I go into an alleyway and put on a ski mask and some gloves. As people pass by my alley of choice, I jump out and poke them in the side with the stick before running away. I think it's technically assault or something, but nobody's managed to stop me so far!

 

[Clockwork_PurBle]

I stole an old lock from a campus door when I was in elementary school.

I also stole a copy of the book Holes by Louis Sachar from my teacher's bookshelf in 6th grade.

 

[Michael_Jordan_Peterson]

Here's a good crime to do, dress your wife up really nice and have her pick up a businessman in an airport hotel and then when they go up to his room you burst in shouting at him for trying to fuck your wife and threatening to fight him and he'll be so distracted by trying not to fight you he won't notice when your wife takes his wallet and leaves with it. You can't do this is in the same hotel many times because they put you on a list.

just some good ol' harmless fun.

I have thrown out tons of parking tickets.

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

I have unprotected sex with my wife.

I'm sure that's a crime somewhere.