• Trollish and Suspicious

Trainwreck Gloria Tesch

Discussion in 'Beauty Parlour' started by bradsternum, Mar 2, 2013.

Forum Guidelines

The Beauty Parlour is for women or not-women in the sphere of cosplay and the beauty industry that is not strictly limited to lolcows.

  • No thirst. No one cares if you want to have sex with someone. Reporting thirst posts to mods is encouraged.
  • Be civil. Don't get angry over Lolcows. If you need to tell people you're better than someone, you're probably not.
  • Hide your powerlevel. Avoid revealing intimate, embarrassing details about yourself. We are not an asylum.
  • No trolling plans. We are not an autistic Illuminati. If you make us cringe while trying to troll, we will ridicule you.
  1. Rewrite courtesy of @Feline Darkmage

    View attachment 99932

    Maradonia Trailer


    Movie Clip


    Important Links:
    http://www.gloriatesch.com
    https://www.facebook.com/GloriaTeschOfficial
    https://www.reddit.com/r/writing/comments/305d1j/the_strange_story_of_gloria_tesch_the_worlds/
    https://twitter.com/gloriatesch
    https://www.instagram.com/gloriatesch/?hl=en
    https://www.facebook.com/Maradoniathemovie
    http://www.maradonia.com/
    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIJRwARViG26_mAqUBKjPiA
    https://www.youtube.com/user/GloriaTeschVideo
    https://www.youtube.com/user/MaradoniaTheMovie
    http://conjugalfelicity.com/maradonia/ (a series of reviews on her awful books)
    encyclopediadramatica.se/Gloria_Tesch
    https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/gloria-tesch

    Gloria Tesch has self-published six total books in a series she calls "The Maradonia Saga". She is known as one of the worst child prodigy writers in history, and still somehow got a movie deal, though it has been stalled in production for some time, similar to other lolcow art productions. (ex: Rev 60's PC port, any work from @Connor Bible, Gen Zed) The delusions of this cow are stoked and enabled by coddling from her rich (and lolcow scam artists in their own right) parents that use her as a steady cash stream. Maradonia was a project started at age 10, released by a Vanity Press, which doesn't slow down her claims of being "the youngest novelist ever". The rest of her behaviour can also be described as 'childish'.

    She is known to use sock puppets to rate her own books 5-stars on sites such as Amazon (mentioned later on the very first page)

    She doesn't understand copyright:


    Gloria SUCKS at naming places
    Coast-Land
    High Plateau and High Plateau of Death
    Mountain Peak-Palace
    Swamp Oraculus
    Gorgonia
    Glacier
    Pool
    Estate
    Canyon-River
    link: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/gloria-tesch.381/page-15#post-31682

    She's also made contact with other lolcows and people of interest, most notably Kengle (who became a fan: https://lolcow.wiki/wiki/Kenneth_Erwin_Engelhardt) and William "Watermelon" Waterman.

    View attachment 99936
     
    • Like Like x 6
    • Informative Informative x 5
    • Winner Winner x 1
    #1 bradsternum, Mar 2, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: May 31, 2016
    bradsternum

    bradsternum Won't Call Anyone

    kiwifarms.net
  2. ..... the movies still happening?

    But I concur, we deffinitely need to discuss this abomination as the delusional cow of lols that she is
     
    • Agree Agree x 4
    Judge Holden

    Judge Holden Heart Breaker, Pig Raper
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  3. Wow, I didn't know they actually were working on a movie. I know that Gloria Tesch has recently gotten into modeling as well.
     
    kiwifarms.net
  4. There are actors in the US who are so horribly poor, unemployed and broke that they agree to act in a Maradonia movie? :o

    The economy must be a 1000 times worse than I thought :(
     
    • Feels Feels x 8
    • Like Like x 4
    DykesDykesChina

    DykesDykesChina Human/Science

    kiwifarms.net
  5. I thought the movie went into development hell until I recently saw an update.

    Also this movie's featuring the Observers from MST3K?
    [​IMG]
     
    • Like Like x 6
    God

    God FREAKING EMMANUEL GOD

    kiwifarms.net
  6. This movie's featuring High School Goth chicks?
     
    • Like Like x 3
    DykesDykesChina

    DykesDykesChina Human/Science

    kiwifarms.net
  7. By the way, who else here has had the "privilage" of reading any of the books? If you havent I honestly suggest you find somewhere online to torrent them, because these books are literally, and in every sense of the word, Worse than My Immortal, 50 shades of Grey, Twilight, and every single sonichu issue.

    It is genuinely fascinating to read them, because the author manages to fuck EVERYTHING up beyond repair. Grammar, spelling, punctuation, sentence structure, page structure, formatting, characters, story, themes, setting, tone, dialogue.... literally fucking everything.

    Heres a choice example from ED

     
    • Informative Informative x 10
    • Agree Agree x 3
    Judge Holden

    Judge Holden Heart Breaker, Pig Raper
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  8. Members of "the Gothic Movement," no doubt.

    As for reading it? Well, my friend got the first (and maybe second?) book off Amazon super cheap, so when she eventually finishes writing her notes in it, I'm going to read it. Otherwise, I got most of the way through the sporking before forgetting about it.
     
    God

    God FREAKING EMMANUEL GOD

    kiwifarms.net
  9. I read it, here's my favourite line.
    Clearly, Gloria Tesch is the best writer ever.
     
    • Winner Winner x 11
    • Like Like x 7
    Saney

    Saney Slayer of the Love-Shys
    Staff Member Moderator True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  10. Personally I just want her to try her hand at something like Lovecraft or Apocalyptic fiction (just imagine "The Road" or "Call of Cthulhu" as rewritten by her). If she ever tries a twilight ripoff though it may actually break reality in terms of unspeakable shiteness
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
    Judge Holden

    Judge Holden Heart Breaker, Pig Raper
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  11. I'd like to join The Gothic Movement. Where can I sign on?
     
    DykesDykesChina

    DykesDykesChina Human/Science

    kiwifarms.net
  12. That's a painted background. Are they too cheap to film outside?
     
    • Like Like x 3
    trombonista

    trombonista Spin, Hina, Spin!
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  13. Well, they are shooting this with just digital cameras.
     
    • Informative Informative x 1
    Henry Bemis

    Henry Bemis So much irony, O Henry ain't got nothin' on me
    Retired Staff

    kiwifarms.net
    • Informative Informative x 2
    kiwifarms.net
  14. So did her sock puppet.
     
    • Informative Informative x 2
    • Winner Winner x 1
    Saney

    Saney Slayer of the Love-Shys
    Staff Member Moderator True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  15. No matter how hard you try, you can't squeeze blood from a stone. She might have a film crew, but distribution ain't gonna happen. Does she even know how to Hollywood?

    And of course she casts herself as the lead!
     
    • Agree Agree x 5
    kiwifarms.net
  16. ^ To be honest, things like the room and birdemic have proven that even the most inept movies can get memetic popularity boosts. Which normally I heartilly applaud, but with this talentless, self worshipping cuntmuffin I resent the possibility that this film might make her the new "Tommy Wiseau".
     
    • Like Like x 7
    • Agree Agree x 1
    Judge Holden

    Judge Holden Heart Breaker, Pig Raper
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  17. IMHO writers should never have permission to make a movie from their books. Seth Grahame Smith did it with Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter and the result wasn't as good as the book. They know nothing generally about the filming industry and make stupid fuck ups. If Smith managed to make his film a bit rubbish then Gloria fucking Tesch ain't got a chance in hell of making this shit fest a decent film adaptation.
    By casting herself as the lead character we've got damming evidence that her character Maya is basically a self insert. I hate it when authors do that because it's really childish. Grow up! Writing isn't about wish fulfilment! It's not about ridiculous power fantasies. Sorry to sperg out but the writer in me is pissed.

    I wonder if the next installments in her shitty saga are about a big orgy between all the goths and shit. That'd bump up the series a bit.
    Still though, I don't get why the series has to revolve around two derpy teenagers who get MAGICALLY SUCKED INTO ANOTHER WORLD and as soon as they are everybody is licking their ass out about some prophecy. They don't even do anything to recieve this attention.

    What parents are delluded enough to fork out for a movie made by some idiot teen?

    I've just discovered this idiot and cjehbwsdchfrbed god she pisses me off.
     
    • Like x 6
    • Agree x 1
    • Winner x 1
    • Feels x 1
    • Optimistic x 1
    kiwifarms.net
  18. You think she pisses you off now?

    [youtube]dEVX_L6Zsfg[/youtube]
     
    • Like Like x 9
    • Winner Winner x 1
    God

    God FREAKING EMMANUEL GOD

    kiwifarms.net
  19. The problem that I have with that comment is that "The Room" had it's own certain following of people that say it was good. Same with Birdemic, or my personal favorite Megashark vs. Giant Octopus. The Maradoina Saga has nothing but detractors, with the only positive reviews coming from socks or sarcastic Amazon reviews. She is not a good writer...hell, the kid that made Eragon at least studied the creative process before he sat down and wrote!
     
    • Like Like x 4
    • Agree Agree x 4
    • Dislike Dislike x 1
    kiwifarms.net
  • About Us

    Founded as the CWCki Forums, and originally dedicated to Christian Weston Chandler, the Kiwi Farms is about eccentrics on the Internet. These people are commonly referred to as Lolcows and are fascinating for reasons distinct to each spectator. We document the phenomenon, with every member bringing different perspectives and opinions to discussion. It is this diversity which has caused our peculiar community to thrive.

  • Affiliates

  • Power our Autism

Copyright © 2016 Lolcow LLC
This website may contain offensive or adult content.
Discontinue browsing if it is illegal or against your wishes to see such material.
All content belongs to their respective authors and does not represent Lolcow LLC.
We have not been served any secret court orders and are not under any gag orders.