• Biggest name on the b-list since Tommy Wiseau.

Trainwreck Gloria Tesch

Discussion in 'Beauty Parlour' started by bradsternum, Mar 2, 2013.

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The Beauty Parlour is for women or not-women in the sphere of cosplay and the beauty industry that is not strictly limited to lolcows.

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    January Cyst

    January Cyst They are well sticky

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  1. We can almost see the un-censored rear license plate in this one! She's getting sloppy!
     
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    millais

    millais helicopter rides for antifa

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  2. did she have a boob job?
     
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  3. Anyone notice in this video how she can't give a simple description as to what her books are supposed to be about and instead rambles on outlining a very basic summary of the entire book?

    (I may receive autistic ratings for below)

    I have attended many author conventions and seminars for the purpose of finding new reading material. One thing that always struck me as a red flag when it came to identifying hacks was that said hacks could never keep a summery short and intriguing- which usually is a sign that the book itself isn't very interesting at all. Sure, sometimes a novel becomes much more intracite as the story goes on but come on- gotta have a means to put your story into laymen terms in order to draw readers in.

    Even saying something as simple as "my book is about two teenagers who are dragged into a mythical world where they have to complete a set of trials" would suffice. It doesn't give away too much of the story while also sounding intriguing enough to potentionally draw in some readership.

    Sorry for the rant, it is a legit pet peeve of mine when authors can't seem to find a simple description. It's usually a sign that they don't even understand their own written works.
     
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    #4904 Venus, Dec 20, 2016
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2016
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  4. The elevator pitch vs the Montagne de Bueren pitch.
     
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    bradsternum

    bradsternum Won't Call Anyone

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  5. Combination of home schooling and Gerry making her write the book/writing it for her.
     
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  6. Maybe it's because I aspire to be a fantasy novelist someday, but I actually feel -kind of- bad for Gloria in the sense she wrecked her own writing career long before it had a chance to take off. While her parents should shoulder the blame for basically buying her pseudo-fame, she is old enough now that she can hire an actual editor for her books that could turn it into a presentable manuscript. I understand hiring an editor and finding a reputable literary agent is pretty expensive- but she is married to a wealthy Turkish guy who surely would be willing to help her fulfill her dreams?

    But then again, her name carries some infamy since this thread is on the first page which pops up if you google her name.

    Its almost as if she'd be better off creating a new book series under a pen name unrelated to her
     
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  7. Actually, the woefully dated Encyclopedia Dramatica article is the first result, then her website, then this thread.

    She claims to be working on a new series, possibly related to that "equal warriors" video she made, but it's probably dead in the water.
     
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  8. We probably aren't going to see this "new series" for another few years if her track record is of any indication.

    But even so, just the fact that this site and ED are on the first page of results along with other websites poking fun at her works pretty much indicates that she should probably come up with a pen name if she wants to try to make any future sales (implying she has the drive to even make her works readable... her movie was just barely watchable)
     
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  9. Gloria never had a chance with her writing but it wasn't because of her parents, it's because she literally has zero talent. Having read the books it's safe to say no editor on earth could make something out of that.
     
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    For The Internet

    For The Internet Tits and ALL
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  10. I believe that if she at the very least learned to take criticism, then she might have been better off. She might not have came out being a talented writer, but could've at least became somewhat competent.

    Then again she doesn't even have a high schooler's grasp on writing (or speaking) English if her radio interviews are anything to go by.
     
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  11. Maybe I'm stating the obvious, but being a good storyteller was never anywhere on Gloria's charts. Did she even write anything before Maradonia? I'm going to guess no. Maradonia was written with a goal of epic blockbuster profits and celebrity status in mind, nothing more. Popular YA authors are A-list names these days; Gloria's parents decided she had a scrap of writing talent and therefore decided she needed to be on that same tier of fame and $$$. Same with her music and modelling careers. She's not interested in cultivating the few atoms of talent she has, she's only interested in using them to pitch herself as glamorous, successful, etc. It's like she was brought up to believe she can achieve success by mimicking the self-confidence of successful people, ignoring the hard work and dedication that actually justifies their self-confidence.
     
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  12. Swankivy put it best when she said that Gloria doesn't really want to be a writer, she simply wants to have written.
     
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  13. Stop shutting on the Maradonia movie guys, it was awesome in its own way.
     
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    Splendid Meat Sticks

    Splendid Meat Sticks IT'S NOT A SEXUAL REFERENCE MOM
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  14. If she's still gonna self-publish, her infamy will give her more sales that she could get if she were an average young fantasy writer trying to promote and sell their mediocre self-published book. Nobody cares for self-published books, but people are interested in trainwrecks.
     
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  15. There are some very good ones (among, naturally, a large pile of refuse, like isolated gold nuggets in a garbage dump -- which is basically what the internet is BTW...)

    Actually, Marcel Proust initially had to self-publish "The Search for Lost Time" because every publisher told him: "Great work, but our readers won't be interested in your elaborating your thoughts while drifting off to sleep over 200 pages. No market for that."
     
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    DykesDykesChina

    DykesDykesChina Human/Science

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  16. No way. I could chop out the extraneous parts, make a few dialogue changes, and make Seven Bridges (the original, not the 9/11 cut) a decent children's story. It would prob be like 100 pages max, but it's possible.
     
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  17. This sounds like it would be a very fun writing challenge/contest.
     
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  18. Yeah, but "self-publishing" back then was a very different thing than self-publishing in the era of the Internet. Nowadays self-publishing is an enormous pile of shit and the only people actually interested in buying self-published books (other than erotica) are other self-published authors. The very rare exceptions don't do much to the market itself.
    I guess what I'm saying is, even if Gloria improved tremendously, she'd have a hard time being taken seriously. But her marketing shenanigans probably hurt her worse than self-publishing anyway.
     
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  19. Not sure if this video was brought up in the thread yet, but I thought it'd be interesting to share
     
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