Lolcow Grace Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery (Joseph Lavery & Mallory Ortberg) - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"

[CobraPlissken]

Notice: Most of the content of this post was provided by @Potatis Salad , @*extremely mom voice* and @💗Bitchstopher Columbitch💗, and previously posted in the Tranny Sideshows on Social Media thread; I just collected and rearranged it in a proper thread. Please let me know if I forgot to credit someone. If you have more info about them that might be worth adding to this post, please feel free to DM me.

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Grace Lavery (Joseph Lavery) & Daniel M. Lavery (Mallory Ortberg)​

B.T. (Before Troonism):​

A.T. (After Troonism):​

(pic from April 2021)

Spoiler: Original post-transition pic originally posted ITT

Grace Lavery (powerlevel: Joseph Lavery) and Daniel Lavery (powerlevel: Mallory Ortberg) are a straight couple comprised by, respectively, an autogynephile transwoman and a self-hating, possibly autistic, gender non-conforming woman turned transman. Ortberg and Lavery both post prolifically on social media, where Ortberg has the much larger following, but Lavery is the really compelling troon in the situation, having all the trappings of a narcissist.

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About the couple​

In 2017, Lavery met Ortberg online, got her into his thrall, and trooned out within about a year of meeting in real life. Mallory trooned out as well, chopping off her tits in 2018. They got married in 2019 (according to Lavery's vows, in the hope they could "avoid dwindling into mere heterosexuality").

Lavery, already estranged from his own family, convinced Mallory to publicly cut ties with her family as well. They abruptly moved to NYC to get away from Mallory's family in the Bay Area. Before the pandemic, Lavery commuted weekly to Berkeley for his classes, in spite of TSA's twansphobia reducing him to tears.

A few days before their wedding ceremony, they both announced on social media Ortberg was cutting contact definitely with her family while withholding the actual reason. That surprised a lot of people who followed Ortberg prior to her relationship to Lavery, since she used to be close to her family, and they were acceptive of her transition (in spite of being evangelical).

The couple milked the mystery for all it was worth (Lavery even bragged the drama increased the number of subscribers to his paywalled blog) until it was revealed that Mallory's father, John Ortberg, a prominent pastor, allowed a self- admitted pedophile to "treat" himself by doing volunteer work with children, including chaperoning them overnight. When Mallory and Lavery suggested that the pedophile go to therapy, John Ortberg said they were not qualified to suggest treatment because they're troons.

Mallory decided to cut ties with her entire family (father, mother, and sister) after making the discovery that said pedophile was her own brother. As you'd expect from an autogynephile transwoman, Lavery decided to support Mallory through his very difficult decision in her life by posting Twitter selfies complaining about HIS MENSTRUAL CRAMPS:

While Ortberg and Lavery are eager to represent themselves as a queer, sex-positive couple in social media with post-coital selfies, their sex life fulfills one of the most infamous straight couple stereotypes: a deeply unsatisfied woman who humiliates herself for her man's pleasure...

...while he can't be arsed to even pay attention to her needs during intercourse., dreamily meditating about transmisogyny while his wife sucks his dick:

(by the way, this happened on their very first night as a married couple)

...pressures her into sexual acts she wouldn't normally partake in before:

...and conveniently demotes her to just a "sex partner" instead of spouse:

Lavery likes to compare his relationship to Mallory with Yoko Ono and John Lennon's relationship. Since their marriage half a century ago, Ono has been often accused of destroying the ex-Beatle's career by deliberately isolating him from his bandmates and killing his creative output. Again on a blogpost, Lavery brags about ruining the arguably more successful Ortberg (and alienating her even further, this time from her fans) with a combination of (supposedly consensual) verbal, physical and sexual abuse:

The boy I'm gonna Yoko is... well, not to strain the point, but he's honestly kind of famous? You've probably heard some of his stuff, even if you haven't heard of him or his band. Actually that's part of the problem. Anyway he's got this... following, I guess? They're kind of like... really into him? It's so funny. They follow everything he does. It's so funny, so, so, so funny, and I'm going to take everything they love away.

The boy I’m gonna Yoko is supple, flexible. He can touch his toes. His arms bend back when I put him in stress positions. Then I let my friends take a ride. We do everything to him, we call him names and slap his face but we are careful not to lay our fingers on even the outer fringes of his ego. We call him “slut” and “faggot.” We put him in a harness and sling him around the room like a pebble. [...] In a sense, the whole experience is a long meditation on the powerless of the fans, the fragility of their compensatory fantasies. Bless! I fucking love to ruin things.

Source.

The couple lives in Carroll Gardens, an affluent neighborhood in NYC, in a very spacious house, but it's especulated that the couple still has access to a previous address closer to his workplace in Berkeley, California.

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​

About Daniel M. Lavery​

Deadname: Mallory Ortberg | DOB: November 28, 1986 | Wikipedia page | Instagram | Twitter

Awkward-looking and probably autistic, Ortberg used to write cutesy clever shit for women's websites The Hairpin and The Toast. She currently writes Slate's Dear Prudence advice column. While Ortberg was never known for giving particularly sensible advice, she's become worse at it thanks to Lavery's influence, seeing even the most mundane requests under a fetishistic lens:

A woman writes to Mallory at the Dear Prudence advice column, concerned that her husband isn't willing to pursue overdue payments from his business clients, and is therefore losing money that he is owed. Mallory's response:

I’m almost curious if your husband has an unacknowledged thing for findom and might find relief in turning “losing” money into a sex game between the two of you.

[If you don't know, "findom" is "financial domination," a kink in the BDSM world. Which has absolutely nothing to do with this poor woman's question about her husband's shitty business practices.]

Mallory might have had some buyer's remorse with her transition since in March, 2020, she changed her pronouns from he/him to they/them and stopped taking testosterone, which is too little, too late since she already had her breasts surgically removed.

Regarding her motives for trooning out, our very own @Safir offers her helpful analysis:

Mallory is a well-educated daughter of preachers, she has a massive corpus of inspirational writing and imagery to fall back on. We know why she actually trooned out: to keep up with her troon husband on the woke totem pole instead of remaining a boring "cissy", and to reframe the sexual degradation he inflicted on her as her choice (because women get talked into degradation, as she was, but masochistic men get tied up and whipped by tranny hookers and still remain in control). Mallory is freakishly intelligent by cow standards because she's only here due to Lavery.

Since @NerdShamer pointed out the massive amount of autism on her Wikipedia page (archive) about the ethics of including pre-transition pics, now I'm including pre-transition pics. It turns out she was actually cute and could have found a much better partner than an ugly British coomer:

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About Grace Lavery​

Deadname: Joseph Lavery | DOB: March 17, 1983 | Twitter | Instagram

Lavery is a tenured English professor at Berkeley (which allows him to behave unprofessionally under the guise of fighting for women's rights), making about 100 grand (thanks to @Crunchy Leaf for the info). He is a former alcoholic, and as many troons, is emotionally crippled both by daddy and mommy issues. So instead of "becoming the girlfriend" like other troons, Lavery transitioned to become his own mother (see previous link).

Speaking of his Oedipal complex, he believes his previous mothers-in-law (Ortberg is his 4th spouse) were attracted to him, and describes himself in one of his blog posts as "a dicktease for moms":

I have met, loved, and been loved by the families of many of my partners. The first family who loved me well was that of my first spouse. When we split up, which we did for the reasons I’ve mentioned, the family turned on me, and that was the hardest part of the whole experience. Since I was an orphaned, or at-least-half-orphaned, child, the love of other families was lavished upon me freely, joyously, and temporarily. Of course that family didn’t wish to be kind to me once I had left them. That would have been a category error.

The second spouse, and family, loved me in a very specific way: as people who want to be better than their religious orthodoxy will let them, love a cad whose picaresque charm attracts them, while allowing them to fantasize about saving a soul. That ambivalent desire and repulsion has followed me in a number of domains of my life (I have come to think of it as a trans girl thing), and it tends to be more erotically charged than one would expect. Not the first spouse-mother, but the second and the third spouse-mothers, had little crushes on me.

Perhaps mothers have crushes on their kids’ partners; perhaps that is a general thing. Anyway those frissons felt healing and lovely, rather than predatory or unsafe. I knew one would never move beyond the lightest, gentlest flirt once every year or so - it seems ridiculous to even imagine that it could. It was just a spark, a little warmth in the relation that felt secret and shy, a little gentle eroticization that let me know that my new pseudo-mother loved me, that they were at least as attracted to as concerned about the aspects of my personality about which they expressed the most voluble concern. Their bad faith relation to me precluded, in general, honesty with themselves or the world - but this I always knew, and didn’t mind. There is something cruel in me, there. A dicktease for moms.

Sure enough, he's an autogynephile (the kind of man who troons out because he's sexually attracted to himself when he crossdresses):

On or around my birthday, I went into the city for the first time. I was wearing skinny jeans (I was thin, then), a little glittery make-up, and a tight black crop top with a silver print of the silhouette of Brigitte Bardot, with the caption BARDOT. I had a discman and was listening to “Miss E... So Addictive” by Missy Elliott, repeat playing “Get Your Freak On.” I sashayed into the MOMA, the bhangra-inflected opening of the track rattling around my hips, and stood in front of that big Pollock canvas, shaking my skinny ass to the beat.

I did this a couple more times: a few weeks later, I met an American friend from Oxford downtown, he took me to a gay bar in the village and I think we made out a bit. I only heard Missy Elliott. That same month, New York had introduced a smoking ban, which annoyed me, since I smoked a lot and thought about my immediate physical needs almost constantly. At some point I realized that American girls liked to kiss British boys, and that was fun too - I realized I had a kind of gift here that didn’t work back home. Some combination of rage, lust, and self-regard - I felt sexy in my jeans, with my art, and my freak on - and, I didn’t want to leave. I wanted sleepovers with porn and kissing with American girls, gay bars and kissing American boys, and art and music and rage rage rage rage rage.

FUCK, I wish I had transitioned a decade ago, or better two decades ago; FUCK I wish I hadn’t had to transition, and was just estrogenated and pussied from the get-go.

Since narcissists get bored easily and according to Lavery himself the only thing that doesn't make him bored is sexual degeneracy, he created a project for these times of self-isolation: the BUNKERSLUTS, an Instagram page for ugly, unattractive exhibitionists to expose themselves and provide Lavery with narcissistic supply:

Spoiler: NSFW: strong, earnest, needful work in the end times

Here are some of Joe's pre-transition pictures. Notice how, in the words of our very own @Potatis Salad (soon you'll see why I'm quoting this), "he had a certain creepy, pathetic, miserable, desperate je ne sais quoi back then":

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Reaction to criticism​

As expected from lolcows, Lavery doesn't respond well to criticism. Joe's façade of self-confidence crumbles as soon as people criticize his Buffalo Bill-looking ass, giving place to one of self-doubt (yes, he visits Kiwi Farms):

Shortly after, though, he proves his detractors right:

He also sends porn to women who cause him narcissistic injury, involving them non-consensually in his fetishes, and is fond of accusing anything short of relentless ass-kissing as "transmisogyny".

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Cow crossovers​

• Lavery claims responsibility for Glinner being banned by Twitter because Glinner called him a groomer.
• Joe is has threatened to sue journalist Jesse Singal. While Singal isn't a cow himself, he is a huge cow magnet, having attracted the negative attention of most of the Rat King.
• After they accept the Substack deal trannies weren't supposed to accept, the Laveries attracted the ire of fellow lolcow Sady Doyle, who turned down a similar deal to try to force Substack to ban authors troons don't like, such as Glinner.

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Dox​

The Berkeley address mentioned before, thanks to @Coach Kreeton Of All That :

2010 5th St. #576
Berkeley, CA 94710

And their current address in New York, confirmed by @Potatis Salad :

83 1st Place, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

 

[Crunchy Leaf]

I like this so far. You have lots and lots of sources, which is great.

I would include more about Mallory’s past as a writer. She was a Big Deal in Internet feminist circles. Also, I seem to recall her saying she was a lesbian?

 

[NerdShamer]

Well, there's some autism on Mallory's Wikipedia page on whether or not to use her pre-transition pics.

 

[CobraPlissken]

I like this so far. You have lots and lots of sources, which is great.

I would include more about Mallory’s past as a writer. She was a Big Deal in Internet feminist circles. Also, I seem to recall her saying she was a lesbian?

Thank you! I still have to delve into her backstory and read material outside the Farms, since I only know about them thanks to the Tranny Sideshows thread. Regarding her lesbianism, from what I read here it was dubious whether she was indeed a lesbian (from what I've read so far it seems she's merely come out as a "queer" and I don't think that means much) so I decided not to add it for now.

Well, there's some autism on Mallory's Wikipedia page on whether or not to use her pre-transition pics.

Indeed there is! Thank you for pointing that out. I'm going to add more pre-transition pics later.

 

[NerdShamer]

Generally speaking, Wikipedia has a stick shoved up their asses when it comes to using pre-transition photos. You can thank Bradley Manning for that.

 

[*extremely mom voice*]

Nice opening post. I feel like these two are the sorts of lolcows who are mildly interesting for months at a time, followed by some huge lurid drama. I don't really agree that their relationship is abusive, weird sex aside, though I can see why you make the case.

You did a good job explaining why they're a spectacle. The most interesting thing about Joe, imo, is that everything is in service of his extremely specific fantasy, which all must participate in.

Be sure you make the explanation of the Ortberg pedo drama thorough and understandable. That episode is a little complicated but explains a lot about their relationship and personalities. You can DM me if you'd like help with it.

 

[CobraPlissken]

Nice opening post. I feel like these two are the sorts of lolcows who are mildly interesting for months at a time, followed by some huge lurid drama. I don't really agree that their relationship is abusive, weird sex aside, though I can see why you make the case.

You did a good job explaining why they're a spectacle. The most interesting thing about Joe, imo, is that everything is in service of his extremely specific fantasy, which all must participate in.

Be sure you make the explanation of the Ortberg pedo drama thorough and understandable. That episode is a little complicated but explains a lot about their relationship and personalities. You can DM me if you'd like help with it.

Thank you! I definitely appreciate any help from people who know more about them than I do (again I just collected what I found about them here and organized it into a single post, I don't have any further knowledge about them than what's already in the OP).

 

[Crunchy Leaf]

Ortberg’s Dear Prudence takes are generally pretty bad.

r/blogsnark has a thread on Slate advice columnists and you can see people talking about the really bad ones.

 

[*extremely mom voice*]

Ortberg’s Dear Prudence takes are generally pretty bad.

r/blogsnark has a thread on Slate advice columnists and you can see people talking about the really bad ones.

I think the r/blogsnark thread about the Lavery drama got nuked by a mod. I might have a link to an archive, I'll check later tonight.

 

[Crunchy Leaf]

I think the r/blogsnark thread about the Lavery drama got nuked by a mod. I might have a link to an archive, I'll check later tonight.

I think you’re right, but I was referring to the general threads where people make fun of his advice, those are still up.

 

[Street Meat]

Holy shit, I can't believe they trooned out to keep their lives interesting. There are many stimulating activities and conversations to have with your romantic partner, jesus christ just cook dinner together twice a week to keep it fun.

Great job on the OP. I was completely hooked. As an aside, she was pretty cute before lopping her tits off. What a shame that the manbeast convinced her to go off the deep end.

So much of the cult of transgenderism is about catering to these dude's AGP. It's always a fetish, always about cooming. I've always been of the mindset to do whatever you want, provided you don't hurt yourself or others. It seems like Joe has made it his life's mission to hurt as many people as possible, consequences be damned.

And if you're a weirdo sex deviant, keep it behind closed doors like the rest of us. It's fine to be kinky and have fetishes, but I do not want to be involved in a bizarre tranny fetish scene.

 

[bluegenius8585]

Holy shit, I can't believe they trooned out to keep their lives interesting. There are many stimulating activities and conversations to have with your romantic partner, jesus christ just cook dinner together twice a week to keep it fun.

I can think of millions of things couples can do that would be better than mutilating themselves

 

[StrawberryDouche]

Ortberg's best friend and co-founder of The Toast is Nicole Cliffe, who is not only a piece of work herself, but married to a super rich former hedge fund guy. That's how The Toast got funded. Nicole paid for Ortberg's wedding to Lavery.

Cliffe is the one who started the outlandish rumor on Twitter that Jeff Goldblum is a sexual predator, which resulted in Cliffe "taking a break from Twitter." As far as I know, she's never retracted it. She just hid like a coward.

Happy to see this thread. Ortberg and her troon consort have attained sacred, untouchable status and have encircled themselves with layers upon layers of unhinged libfem takedown mobs and witchfinders dedicated to silencing and destroying anyone who doesn't slavishly accept and worship their every insane syllable.

eta: That's Nicole Cliffe standing behind Ortberg's right (our left) shoulder with her big fat yap open.

 

[Massa's Little Buckie]

Both are gross and fat and I wouldn't have sex with them.

 

[Spunt]

You'd think someone so effeminate and twinky as a man would at least look more feminine in women's clothes, but somehow he looks like even more of a man after he trooned out.

 

[naught]

For some reason the mouse utopia experiment comes to mind.

Solid Op. Very modern and progressive.

im surprised one isn't a furry.

Ortberg's best friend and co-founder of The Toast is Nicole Cliffe, who is not only a piece of work herself, but married to a super rich former hedge fund guy. That's how The Toast got funded. Nicole paid for Ortberg's wedding to Lavery.

Cliffe is the one who started the outlandish rumor on Twitter that Jeff Goldblum is a sexual predator, which resulted in Cliffe "taking a break from Twitter." As far as I know, she's never retracted it. She just hid like a coward.

Happy to see this thread. Ortberg and her troon consort have attained sacred, untouchable status and have encircled themselves with layers upon layers of unhinged libfem takedown mobs and witchfinders dedicated to silencing and destroying anyone who doesn't slavishly accept and worship their every insane syllable.

eta: That's Nicole Cliffe standing behind Ortberg's right (our left) shoulder with her big fat yap open.

View attachment 1645983

Link to said allegation aagainst the fly guy Jeff Goldbloom please.

 

[StrawberryDouche]

Link to said allegation aagainst the fly guy Jeff Goldbloom please.

This has a good rundown of the drama with shots of the tweets.

 

[CobraPlissken]

Holy shit, I can't believe they trooned out to keep their lives interesting. There are many stimulating activities and conversations to have with your romantic partner, jesus christ just cook dinner together twice a week to keep it fun.

Great job on the OP. I was completely hooked. As an aside, she was pretty cute before lopping her tits off. What a shame that the manbeast convinced her to go off the deep end.

So much of the cult of transgenderism is about catering to these dude's AGP. It's always a fetish, always about cooming. I've always been of the mindset to do whatever you want, provided you don't hurt yourself or others. It seems like Joe has made it his life's mission to hurt as many people as possible, consequences be damned.

And if you're a weirdo sex deviant, keep it behind closed doors like the rest of us. It's fine to be kinky and have fetishes, but I do not want to be involved in a bizarre tranny fetish scene.

Thank you! It is my first OP, so I wasn't sure if it was up to snuff. Glad to know it is! And yes, it's a shame to see how much she changed because of such an ugly coomer. You'd think a feminist would know better, but idpol really seems to have brain-rotting properties...

Ortberg's best friend and co-founder of The Toast is Nicole Cliffe, who is not only a piece of work herself, but married to a super rich former hedge fund guy. That's how The Toast got funded. Nicole paid for Ortberg's wedding to Lavery.

Cliffe is the one who started the outlandish rumor on Twitter that Jeff Goldblum is a sexual predator, which resulted in Cliffe "taking a break from Twitter." As far as I know, she's never retracted it. She just hid like a coward.

Happy to see this thread. Ortberg and her troon consort have attained sacred, untouchable status and have encircled themselves with layers upon layers of unhinged libfem takedown mobs and witchfinders dedicated to silencing and destroying anyone who doesn't slavishly accept and worship their every insane syllable.

eta: That's Nicole Cliffe standing behind Ortberg's right (our left) shoulder with her big fat yap open.

View attachment 1645983

Thank you so much for this info! I had no idea of any of this. Do you think it's worth it to make a thread about Nicole Cliffe? From what you're saying and the link you provided about her, she seems pretty lolcowish and someone who deserves to be brought down a peg.

 

[StrawberryDouche]

Do you think it's worth it to make a thread about Nicole Cliffe? From what you're saying and the link you provided about her, she seems pretty lolcowish and someone who deserves to be brought down a peg.

She's pretty cowish, but probably not enough to sustain her own thread. She's a significant orbiter in the Lavery universe, though. From what I understand, she deleted her Twitter again yesterday after claiming someone sent a nasty email to her about her kid. She refused to post the email and instead gave a summary of it, then she flounced when she received questions and blowback.

 

[Lurk]

Great OP, I enjoyed reading it. I'm always disgusted by Lavery whenever he shows up in the Tranny Sideshows and its about time these two had their own dedicated thread.

Its a real shame what Mallory has done to herself, she was pretty before and could have had her choice of any non-narc men. Instead, Lavery dragged her down the path of troonism. He is a complete embarrassment and should be ashamed of himself for being such an absolute state.