Trainwreck Gwen Hartley & The Hartley Hooligans - Attention Seeking Horrorshow Mom of Two Dead Gremlins & Finally Free Human Son

Status
Not open for further replies.

Plastic Inevitable

Actually not a TERF
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Basic genealogy is as such:

Cal and the Spuds are supposed to have two biological parents, 4 biological grandparents, 8 great-grandparents, 16 great-grandparents, 32 great great grandparents, 64 great-great-great grandparents.

If most of the 16 of their great-great-grandparents b. 1890-1910, and subsequently 8 great-grandparents (b. 1910-1930) all emerge from Midwestern farm communities, and continue to settle in midwestern suburban communities, giving birth to their 4 grandparents in the '40s and '50s, I would say that the 8 grandparents may have convergent biological lines.

We are talking about them coming from 64 individuals, in small rural farming communities in the midwest, originating from farming communities in Europe, in the 19th century.

NOT that I am an authority on the matter, but in some places and times the gene pool is rather narrow and folks could be breeding with their relatives. So if Gwen and Scot share a common great great grandparent, and there are other cousin marriages in their line, the freaky potato gene can find its match.

This is a posibility if this odd trait passes recessively from one generation to the next.
I'm a genealogist and I've done their tree. I've found no common ancestors between Scott and Gwen within the past 6 generations (if you want me to go farther you'll have to gibs me dat), although Gwen's tree seems to have a few instances where they kept it in the family...
 

LetThemEatCake

kiwifarms.net
Some German/Swiss immigrants were very strict about keeping land in the family, and they would intermarry with the same families in a community. This carried over from the mother land to early American settlements. I have seen some family trees where far too tangled, having some married couple with the same set of grandparents. Im not saying that this is how the taters came about, but we often think that inbreeding only happens down south in the hollers. The families I mentioned live in the North East and have money now.
I know the original Amish settlers in the USA were Swiss-German and given they have intermarried only with other Amish to this day, have a very high rate of autosomal recessive diseases compared to the general population. Apparently dwarfism is a major issue, as are Tay Sachs disease and Angelman sydrome as well as congenital diseases so rare there is no name for them.

On the bright side, their physical jobs and clean eating of fresh foods means they have a much reduced rate of lifestyle-related diseases such as various cancers due to not being sedentary, bloated fatties. You win some, you lose some.
 

Non-Expert!

Feel free to misgender me.
kiwifarms.net
I'm a genealogist and I've done their tree. I've found no common ancestors between Scott and Gwen within the past 6 generations (if you want me to go farther you'll have to gibs me dat), although Gwen's tree seems to have a few instances where they kept it in the family...
Owned.

----

OK I have a question then.

Is either side coincidentally in the same time and place, despite having no documented sperm and egg event? (🤣)

I saw this documentary on family trees and how our DNA doesn't always align with our purported ancestor. They called it a "non paternity event".

So just for explanations sake, Sue gets pregnant at 15. They send her off to have the baby, she returns home and the grandparents create this suspension of disbelief scenario, and the kid is documented as having sprung from the old lady's womb, and baby is listed as Mom's sibling.

Or you are married and find the gardner hot and bam! Baby and it is like the cukoos egg, but listed as Good ol Tom Tucker's son.

Or the baby dies and they adopt another in its stead.

Etc etc.

Is there any chance that this could have happened, or do both family lines converge in their town in Kansas, for the first time?
 
Last edited:

MysticMisty

kiwifarms.net
The real question no one is asking is: How did they put Lola in the casket. Did the undertaker break her bask so she'd lay flat? I mean she's dead, it's not like it would hurt. Or did they get a coffin with a concave bottom, or just prop her on the side?
I more or less asked this when both died. Not the back so much as their limbs, mind you. Straighten them out and all that. It probably didn't happen, but it's freaky to imagine and talk about.
 

A Detachable Penis

kiwifarms.net
Honestly, the more likely scenario is that these two had mutations from conception that made both Gwen and Scott heterozygous for mutant variants and both variants just happened to be noxious. Or possibly that inbreeding on Gwen's side helped preserve it and Scott was the first in his line to spontaneously get the potato gene.

And even that is super unlikely as this area isnt prone to mutating. Then to have two people with harmful variants meet and breed is so stupidly unlucky, but plausible.

Pretty much every other case is either inbreeding or a population with a founder effect.
 

Non-Expert!

Feel free to misgender me.
kiwifarms.net
I more or less asked this when both died. Not the back so much as their limbs, mind you. Straighten them out and all that. It probably didn't happen, but it's freaky to imagine and talk about.
They have child sized coffins. You measure the child and the funeral director orders the casket.


You don't have to crush bones. That would be outrageous.

You can prop the child, or any descendent up on all sorts of blocks and pillows or just about anything will do. Then you put the most gruesome parts under the bottom half of the coffin, out of sight. For the viewing you also put her in thick clothes with ruffles, scarves or whatever it takes to give the best presentation to mourners.

If they can straighten out limbs, they will as long as they don't spaz back during the viewing.

Then you shine special lights to make her seem more life-like.

Then after a set number of hours they close the casket and off to burial.

All they have to do, is do what it takes to give the child a dignified burial, and make a nice memory picture for the mourners, especially mom, in the case of a child.

Of course there is also the option of direct cremation: they go to the home, hospital or hospice, discreetly pick up the body and cremate for $700.

I don't think Gwen went for that.
 

Azafran90

Not Katy Perry
kiwifarms.net
They have child sized coffins. You measure the child and the funeral director orders the casket.


You don't have to crush bones. That would be outrageous.

You can prop the child, or any descendent up on all sorts of blocks and pillows or just about anything will do. Then you put the most gruesome parts under the bottom half of the coffin, out of sight. For the viewing you also put her in thick clothes with ruffles, scarves or whatever it takes to give the best presentation to mourners.

If they can straighten out limbs, they will as long as they don't spaz back during the viewing.

Then you shine special lights to make her seem more life-like.

Then after a set number of hours they close the casket and off to burial.

All they have to do, is do what it takes to give the child a dignified burial, and make a nice memory picture for the mourners, especially mom, in the case of a child.

Of course there is also the option of direct cremation: they go to the home, hospital or hospice, discreetly pick up the body and cremate for $700.

I don't think Gwen went for that.
Gwen probably choosed one of those novelty caskets both juggalos and tacky families like so much:
images (8).jpeg
 

Punkinsplice

My human and I talk shit about you
kiwifarms.net
I more or less asked this when both died. Not the back so much as their limbs, mind you. Straighten them out and all that. It probably didn't happen, but it's freaky to imagine and talk about.
Wouldn't the corpse go through a phase either before or after rigor mortis when it would be more malleable and poseable? Perhaps their condition interfered. Some morticians are pretty skilled and have probably worked with more difficult "materials" than dead spuds.
 

vanilla_pepsi_head

Heavens to Spergatroyd!
kiwifarms.net
I am wondering if Gwen is gonna take a creepy helicopter-parent like interference in Cal's life now. He's really lucky he's just old enough where he could fuck off a few hours away and not give his address if he had to.

Semi-relevant story time: I knew a family in a similar situation to the Hartleys, they had a stillborn, three healthy kids, and a fucked up kid who was in the middle somewhere. I'm deliberately being vague because these people do not deserve to be doxed or mocked here. It ended up both parents had extremely rare recessive genes (like, the disease has around <100 known cases ever) being descended from the same Nordic country, so they had to contact doctors in that country for help. The kid wasn't noticeably deformed or delayed by that much (underfed maybe) but was constantly sick and in pain, then degenerated physically in a similar way to a CF patient until there was nothing more they could do and he died as a toddler.

Anyway, after the child died, the previously normal mother went full ass fucking paranoid Munchausen mama bear on her remaining kids. She claims they all have the typical undiagnosable doctor shopping fake quack diseases and drags them around the country for "treatment". Every sniffle is Chronic Degenerative Lyme, every headache is a TBI requiring years of rehab, you get the idea. I don't know if the kids have any clue they're not actually handicapped, I think they sort of know/suspect but go along with it to avoid stressing their mother out and get out of shit they don't want to do. The saddest part of all this is the older kids are at the age where they should be starting to live independently but their mother tries to convince them they're too sick so they don't really do fuck all. It's very sad. Cal is extremely lucky he's the age he is, but I can easily see Gwen turning the full blast of her bullshit on him and God help any children he might have. I'm not entirely sure her pets are safe. And if she or Scott end up featured in the Munchie thread, that wouldn't shock me either.

Again I've tried to be as vague as possible. I don't know what their online footprint is like but please don't attempt to dox these people, and keep it to yourself if you do, they truly don't deserve it.
 

MysticMisty

kiwifarms.net
They have child sized coffins. You measure the child and the funeral director orders the casket.


You don't have to crush bones. That would be outrageous.

You can prop the child, or any descendent up on all sorts of blocks and pillows or just about anything will do. Then you put the most gruesome parts under the bottom half of the coffin, out of sight. For the viewing you also put her in thick clothes with ruffles, scarves or whatever it takes to give the best presentation to mourners.

If they can straighten out limbs, they will as long as they don't spaz back during the viewing.

Then you shine special lights to make her seem more life-like.

Then after a set number of hours they close the casket and off to burial.

All they have to do, is do what it takes to give the child a dignified burial, and make a nice memory picture for the mourners, especially mom, in the case of a child.

Of course there is also the option of direct cremation: they go to the home, hospital or hospice, discreetly pick up the body and cremate for $700.

I don't think Gwen went for that.
I didn't mean in order to fit the casket. Just a "what if Gwen ordered them to be straightened out like normal corpses" thought. I somewhat doubt that happened, and they were just scrunched up just like in life. But it's creepy/funny to imagine them straightened out because they'd probably be dead ringers for Nosferatu that way.
 

John_Smith

kiwifarms.net
I'm a genealogist and I've done their tree. I've found no common ancestors between Scott and Gwen within the past 6 generations (if you want me to go farther you'll have to gibs me dat), although Gwen's tree seems to have a few instances where they kept it in the family...
Have you calculated Gwen's Coefficient of Inbreeding? That would be amusing to know.
 

Mesh Gear Fox

All I ever wanted was for you to know that I care
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Wouldn't the corpse go through a phase either before or after rigor mortis when it would be more malleable and poseable?
Yes, but the problem with the goblins is that the muscles ,tendons, and joints kind of get "locked" in those positions from being like that all the time. You would probably have to sever the tendons in her arms in order to straighten them out.
 

Non-Expert!

Feel free to misgender me.
kiwifarms.net
Yes, but the problem with the goblins is that the muscles ,tendons, and joints kind of get "locked" in those positions from being like that all the time. You would probably have to sever the tendons in her arms in order to straighten them out.
GAH!

"By special request we can slice her tendons"

.... Ever dealt with grieving people?

All I have to add, is "Fuck an A"
 

Mesh Gear Fox

All I ever wanted was for you to know that I care
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
"By special request we can slice her tendons"
Tendon release is a surgical procedure usually done by pediatric orthopaedists. When you have kids with contractures from things like cerebral palsy, it is quite painful having the limbs constantly drawn up towards the body. Release really helps with their comfort levels. Of course, this destroys the normal range of motion of the affected extremity but these kids can't move their arms or legs anyways.
 

Free Pancakes

kiwifarms.net
I think she looks cute in this one, actually. A cap would have been better, but I don't think the head looks as bad as I imagined.
I actually agree. Her face fits properly into her head and she appears to be focusing on the camera (whether she is or not) instead of looking in two directions. If she had been wearing a cap she'd look pretty much normal.
 

Non-Expert!

Feel free to misgender me.
kiwifarms.net
Tendon release is a surgical procedure usually done by pediatric orthopaedists. When you have kids with contractures from things like cerebral palsy, it is quite painful having the limbs constantly drawn up towards the body. Release really helps with their comfort levels. Of course, this destroys the normal range of motion of the affected extremity but these kids can't move their arms or legs anyways.
Or undertakers?

I really appreciate the information, constantly reading about this stuff.

Can they tighten tendons, for (living) ataxic kids?

(I am imagining the alignment being adjusted in a car 🤣 but it is worth asking).

If I were a mortician I would avoid doing ANY of that body-altering stuff. In the Kendrik Johnson case, parents (trainwreck-cows in their own right) flipped the fuck out, because upon (first) exhumation their son's torso was devoid of internal organs. They stuffed him with newspaper etc.

You don't wanna know ...

I couldn't do that for a living. I could handle the dead, NP. It is the psycho relatives who would drive me off a cliff.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

About Us

The Kiwi Farms is about eccentric individuals and communities on the Internet. We call them lolcows because they can be milked for amusement or laughs. Our community is bizarrely diverse and spectators are encouraged to join the discussion.

We do not place intrusive ads, host malware, sell data, or run crypto miners with your browser. If you experience these things, you have a virus. If your malware system says otherwise, it is faulty.

Supporting the Forum

How to Help

The Kiwi Farms is constantly attacked by insane people and very expensive to run. It would not be here without community support.

BTC: 1DgS5RfHw7xA82Yxa5BtgZL65ngwSk6bmm
ETH: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
BAT: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
LTC: LSZsFCLUreXAZ9oyc9JRUiRwbhkLCsFi4q
XMR: 438fUMciiahbYemDyww6afT1atgqK3tSTX25SEmYknpmenTR6wvXDMeco1ThX2E8gBQgm9eKd1KAtEQvKzNMFrmjJJpiino