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Artcow Half-dude / Ian KnauCar Fucker

Discussion in 'Lolcows' started by The Oddball from MLW, Jul 17, 2015.

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  1. Do you remember the first car you owned? If you do, it was probably some cheap Honda or Toyota with 80,000 miles on it. Now imagine that you fell in love with your first car, now you have Ian Knau, or half-dude.
    [​IMG]
    This guy is literally in love with his Hyundai Accent, and he tends to express it in very unique ways
    [​IMG]
    He also goes into excessive detail about car reproductive systems, but I doubt anyone wants to see that, or his cornucopia of other fetishes. But seeing how no shit is too minor
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG] [​IMG]
    But now let's move onto what he has done. Shortly after the Cringe Channel discovered him, he decided to go and make an account to try to explain himself. Here's a link to the page with screenshots of his forum posts:
    http://www.cringechannel.com/2015/07/06/picture-a-man-who-loves-his-car-to-a-sexual-degree/
     
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    The Oddball from MLW

    The Oddball from MLW Evil Jewish Unicorn Tulpamancing Wizard

    kiwifarms.net
  2. I remember this guy. He has (or had) a girlfriend who is attracted to planes and made horrible plane porn. How he got someone willing to be in a relationship with him is beyond me, but still.
     
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    Philosophy Zombie

    Philosophy Zombie Mekotur's little spoon
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  3. That's some weird stuff right there. A lot of people get attached to their car at some point but this dude totally anthropomorphized his. At least if you're going to go head over heals for a car make it something other than an Accent. Go foreign and way out of your price range!
     
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    Zim

    Zim Facebook District Manager
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net


  4. ....Too obvious a joke?
     
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  5. Ten bucks says he posts a NSFW video of his dick in his car's tailpipe sooner or later.
     
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    Cynical

    Cynical The world sucks? Good.

    kiwifarms.net
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    Johnny Bravo

    Johnny Bravo Bravokin

    kiwifarms.net
  6. Well shit.. I drive an old Hyundai Accent and this guy now makes me feel bad about it.
     
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    vittek

    vittek Cause Commodore is keeping up with you!
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  7. Found him equating gay marriage to his car fetish.
    Hey all,

    Just heard it on the radio while I was eating, pretty crazy how all sudden it all changed at least to me.

    So congratulations to all my furry lil' gay friends, you finally got the rights you guys always should have had. I only feel bad for all the people who were gay during the 70s and 80s, hopefully they can find piece now at least. I just smirk thinking about all the southern assholes that are gonna be forced to marry "them faggots" the fury on their faces is going to be just palpable.

    Hopefully someday in the far future (being realistic here) Objectum Sexuality will have even a remote amount of this public acceptance, at least we don't have a 1000 year old book of fairy tails saying anything about not being able to marry machines.. so I guess we kinda have a head start. <: ] I think the problem we have right now is just the fact that many people I don't think even know we exist. XD

    I'd started a drawing a few days ago for no real reason. It was to be 'the ultimate taboo,' a male Chevy Camaro and Ford Mustang that are gay lovers. <3 The 'taboo' being not only that they're gay males, but that they're also legendary rival cars. I wasn't so sure I'd ever finish it, but I'm thinking maybe I'll try and finish it up tonight and get it up as a sort of celebratory piece. :)
     
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    The Oddball from MLW

    The Oddball from MLW Evil Jewish Unicorn Tulpamancing Wizard

    kiwifarms.net
  8. [​IMG]
    terrible
     
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    John Furrman

    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
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    Piga Dgrifm

    Piga Dgrifm Where are those good old fashioned values?
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  9. "Deviation" is such a perfect description for this thing.
     
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    Sczylak Madgar

    Sczylak Madgar while (true) { shitpost() }

    kiwifarms.net
  10.  
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    Piga Dgrifm

    Piga Dgrifm Where are those good old fashioned values?
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  11. Also, by the way, I had that car model, once upon a time. For those wondering, that's a second generation (1999-2003) Hyundai Accent. Not only that, but it's a shitty 3-door type Hyundai Accent GL (likely from 2000), as noticeable from the "fangs" (I have no better way to phrase this) in the grille.

    So, not only is he sexually attracted to a car, but a car that is the equivalent of a 50 year old crack whore. Sasuga Half-dude.
     
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    Sczylak Madgar

    Sczylak Madgar while (true) { shitpost() }

    kiwifarms.net
  12. As weird as he is he doesn't seem like such a bad guy. His artwork is pretty decent, too, from a technical standpoint.

    I actually hope this guy comes around. At least he might be more interesting to talk to than cricket girl.
     
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    Johnny Bravo

    Johnny Bravo Bravokin

    kiwifarms.net
  13. Sad, I think he could use his artwork to actually design new cars if he really put himself to it.
    But he chose porn. Really, really weird porn.
     
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    Lady Cobra

    Lady Cobra The Judgemental Shoelace

    kiwifarms.net
  14. His art is pretty good and he seems knowledgeable about cars and car parts.

    Plus I cant hate anyone who is a Brave Little Toaster fan.
     
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  15. I always wonder why these paraphilias always seem to be co-morbid
    Like it's never /just/ anthro cars fucking. It's anthro cars, AND vore AND inflation AND something else that on its own would be strange but unremarkable but no it's never just one fetish it's all of the fetishes all the time.

    I mean single target galleries exist definitely like that guy who draws nothing but really swollen knees. But more often than not if someone expresses one weird kink there's usually a laundry list of other equally weird kinks that combine into a humongous kink sandwich. Why does this happen?
     
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  16. There's two anwsers. The first answer is a multi paragraph essay about what children are exposed to as they reach puberty and what stimuli gets confused and mentally associated with sexual pleasure by their developing brains. As they mature these tend to form more and more mental linkages. But that answer requires like, actual research and citations so fuck it.

    The easier answer that means I have to put less effort in is "Because Autism."
     
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    Strelok

    Strelok Perfectly Cromulent Poster

    kiwifarms.net
  17. When I first discovered this guy I didn't think he would actually be trollable, but of course he went and responded to a year-old thread about himself to defend his tailpipe clogging fetish.
    This is what he uses as "evidence" that his car wants to fuck him:


    I had a friend who had an electrical problem in his car that made the dashboard dials flash like that. He drove it for a few miles, after which it overheated to the point where the engine warped and oil and fuel got in the cylinders. If he doesn't get his car checked out, he's probably killing his only lover, lol.
     
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    superthermite

    superthermite THIS IS WHAT THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO SEE

    kiwifarms.net
  18. Okay, that is pretty hilarious. :story:
     
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    Johnny Bravo

    Johnny Bravo Bravokin

    kiwifarms.net
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