Hard time at school. Any advice? -

[Jackie Chin]

Well it's almost second semester and things have gone downhill for me at school. A lot of things have really changed my opinion of people as a whole. I've been getting confused emotionally and I really don't have friends here and when I try to make some they just ignore me. What I want is totally different from what I need, I want to be known for something, but I really need friends. Does anyone have any advice for me? I'd really appreciate it, thank you.

 

[Pikimon]

I usually just start a conversation with a person next to me about the class (something we both relate to) such as

"Do you think the class is going to be hard?"

Then as time goes on and you both get to know each other you can start talking about things outside of class (television shows you watch, books you've read, your hometown, you job etc.) and suggest to hang out. Also make sure to always let the other person speak and have a say in the conversation, people in general are very self-conscious about they way they are perceived and often opt to shutting down when they can't have a say.

Also don't discourage yourself before you talk to people by thinking to yourself "They'll probably ignore me" or "I'm too weird" chances are, the same thoughts are coursing through everyone's heads with the same hesitance to interact with others. Taking a leap of faith and being friendly and interesting is often the key to making long-lasting friends.

Dunno if anyone else wants to back me up, or has anything else to say.

 

[The Hunter]

Making friends is actually really easy. I don't think there's any way to put it into words. It just sort of happens.

This is coming from someone who barely speaks, by the way.

 

[Jackie Chin]

I don't talk that much either. I am afraid of what people think of me, and I always try to please them.

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

Join some clubs or do other extracurricular activities and see if you meet people that you like. Like Pikimon said, talk about what you have in common first then branch out into other topics.

 

[CatParty]

i am not joking around, but drink. it is social. i am also rather shy/quiet, but i open up when i am drinking. i dunno, i just found any sort of vice made friends for me. also finding a part time job was a big help. befriending co-workers was a huge help especially since i was far from home when i went to college.

 

[BatNapalm]

I know what it was like, really wanting to make friends and how bummed I was when it didn't happen all that often. But I also know what it's like to look back and think "did I really need friends that badly? What the hell was I doing back then, associating with shitheads like that? I'd have been so much better off by myself."

So I guess my advice is, try to be the best person you can be (and by that I mean, figure out what you're into or want to accomplish on your own, and devote your energy into that rather than trying to make the effort of fitting in with people who don't really sound like they care all that much) and you'll find a place to fit in soon enough. Also, online dating (just be respectful).

 

[Zim]

School is the ideal place to make friends. You're forced to be around a group who are diversified to the point where you'll find at least one person who shares your interests. Most people are sort of shy and are usually open to making new friends. If you find yourself getting too nervous talking to someone just remember that they are probably the same way. Don't worry what you say. Even saying "Hi, my name's ____." can be the start of something good. Ask yourself if you would feel worse trying and maybe not have a perfect conversation or to regret not saying anything at all. I'd say it's the latter since you think about it enough to bring it up here.

Also, Catparty is right on. Drinking is the one of the easiest ways to loosen up and talk to people. I'd elaborate but his story matches mine almost completely.

 

[Saney]

And if anyone starts giving you shit, just beat them around the head with a pencil case. They'll never bother you again and any brain damage they may receive is a bonus.

 

[CatParty]

[youtube]0Q6KjdrNn4A[/youtube]

 

[bradsternum]

Alcohol loosens the tongue and increases the fun!

 

[exball]

Alcohol loosens the tongue and increases the fun!

You know what's fun? Alcohol.

 

[BT 075]

I don't talk that much either. I am afraid of what people think of me, and I always try to please them.

That may be part of the problem. The "always trying to please people" part, that is, not the not speaking so much part. When you always try to please others it is easy to forget yourself and your own personal needs. Which is a shame because like anybody else, you have them too. Kindness and consideration, like all things, have to be mutual. Instead of pleasing others, try pleasing yourself. Do what you want to do, instead of worrying how you'll be perceived. You live for yourself first and foremost, not for others. It is your life after all and not theirs.

What others think of you may seem like the most important thing in the world when you're in highschool but it really isn't. Some realise this later in life, others earlier. I feel the type of people that tends to be most popular and admired, is the type of people that does their own thing not caring about what others feel of them. They don't seek validation in the reactions of others, they are free spirits. They do what they want and don't care whether or not it's seen as "cool" or "hip". It can be a huge relief to just... do what you want.

Just be who you want to be, don't worry about what others say. You don't have to get too outrageously rebellious but you don't have to be a pleaser or a pushover. Nobody likes pleasers and pushovers honestly. Life's too short to have the things you do be dictated by other people's opinion of you. I feel the moment you stop caring, friendship will come your way. If only just a single good friend. In the end, that's all you truly need.

Oh yes and alcohol. That shit will loosen you up good. Try going to class drunk at least once.

Consequences will never be the same!

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[CatParty]

Alcohol loosens the tongue and increases the fun!

You know what's fun? Alcohol.