Has a Lolcow ever “won“? - no matter what, the farms always win

Trigger Me Timbers

Reformed Kekistani
I have been bingeing recently on different lolcows and I noticed particular patterns with most of them in the way they deal with “da trolls” and my question is;

Has a Lolcow truly gotten what they wanted? Have they won?

Examples of this would be:
  • Getting their history completely wiped off the Internet/forgotten about
  • Successfully used Twitter screenshots as evidence to get somebody arrested
  • Successfully sued someone for ”defamation” or any thing similar
  • Made more money as a lolcow than they would before they were discovered
  • Listening to criticism and undid there Lolcow status


posting on the internet with my frens
Don't know if you've heard, but Sir Carl of applebees fame actually had a history in political discussion and was once representing one of the leading parties in Europe!
I miss those times, the political sperging was so god damn amusing.

And to answer the OP, a Lolcow can never really win but they can kind of gain respect if they either stop being a sperg or just fade away and realize acting like an exceptional individual on the Internet isn't a great idea. Obviously some are irridemable like Zoophiles and pedophiles but... you get the point.

Marco Fucko

Read Terra Formars 😁
True & Honest Fan
SammyClassicSonicFan seems to have grown up a bit. Dude's a student at Purdue on track to graduate in 2021. He hasn't uploaded a vid to his YT channel in like a year, probably busy with classes.

this is a weird bullet point for me, because... wouldn't Chris qualify under that? i'm pretty sure he's made more money off of wee.ns and white knights than his tugboat, but he sure as shit hasn't "won"
Same goes for DSP.

Canine with Fangs

He/Him, Plural (2 headmates), Bi, Aro, Ecofacist
At least half of all career cows are still successful and going strong, along with plenty of drama cows. Pretty much all the gamergate hoes won if you want to consider them actual lolcows. Most of the tranny and far lefty cows really end up getting more asspats/exposure/sheckles after their fuck ups get mocked and the rat king skitters to protect them.

As for traditional standard weirdo cows though, https://kiwifarms.net/threads/jenffer-a-jay.18819/ comes to mind.
Completely insane, but showed up to the thread with such absent minded tard pleasentness it kind of defused the mean spiritedness of their thread entirely.

Next Task

True & Honest Fan
No-one can wipe themselves off the internet completely, but at least one cow asked Null nicely for their small, dead thread to be deleted, and the request was granted because he seemed to have gotten his shit together. Several cows have gotten their shit together and stopped being cows, you just don't really hear about it because we're not here to talk about the success stories.

There's numerous cows who have failed upward, meaning they remain cows but their personal/professional life isn't negatively affected. It usually gives us more to laugh at, but if you ever start wanting a cow to experience the consequences of their behaviour, it can be frustrating. The usual tip is to take a step away from reading about them for a while until you can laugh at them again. Of course, like all advice to step back and chill, it's rare for anyone to take it.

I'd say there's a number of cows who have also attempted to use their thread here for clout - you can see in threads like Kiwi Farms Reviews there are people who want a thread here because it would put them in what they consider the Cool Kids Club. Victimhood is a valuable commodity, after all. Whether that counts as having benefited or not is an exercise for the reader.

But I don't think a lolcow has ever 'won' against the Farms, if only because we're not really playing a win/lose game. Certainly not the same one they are.


Last man on Earth
I’d argue that in a philosophical sense, Pad won. In the sense of he left the LOLcow life and more or less found a degree of peace with himself.
I would also say that, in the same vein of finding a degree of peace, Mumkey had a Pyhricc victory. On one hand, he is a shadow of his former self. On the other, he is no longer with an insane pedophile and hasn’t committed an hero, so that’s going better for him. Over all, I’d say he gained a victory by pulling himself out of a spiral into darkness.
Besides, the Farms aren’t really a win/lose game. We just watch stuff happen and talk about it.


Y’all are attracted to me, lez be real here
True & Honest Fan
I guess Amberlynn has “won” in the sense that she makes way more money being a freak show than she ever could be capable of at a desk job. The price she pays for it though is low quality of life while on a slow march towards death.


That's a side effect of the marijuana poisoning!
True & Honest Fan
Unironically this. He went from the face of the birther movement to bombing Iranians. He is "the cow that got away."
Not to mention all his decades as a joke character with the marriages, the bankruptcies, the pageants, The Apprentice, having his brain transplanted into Bill The Cat, dumb feuds with people like Rosie O'Donnell and others, etc. Plus he'd been shitposting nonsense on Twitter for years before he ever ran for President!


ペ ⬈ コ ⬊ ペ ⬈ コ ⬊ ペ ⬈ コ ⬊
Alison Rapp maybe? She got a chink husband to support her, and got most of her shit wiped off the Internet.
I still feel nothing but upmost scorn towards her for ruining Fire Emblem translation, but she seems to have gotten her shit together given we havent heard anything about her in almost 2 years.


In ancient Greece statues tear you down
Whats the requisites that they lose though? Personally I see it based upon the personal happiness of the lolcow in question, Take chris for example, hes pretty happy with his life living in his own little world, to us it might be a nightmare, but to him he subsists from hardly any effort. Compare that to say Dobson who is self aware enough to know thier shitty lot in life yet too autistic to actually change anything about it.
chris chad.jpg