Historical Lolcows -

Lodoss Warrior

Making Lodoss Great Again
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Let's be honest: if Marquis de Sade were alive today, he'd just be one of those fedora-atheist NSFW-Sonic artists who eventually gets arrested for trying to sexually assault a dog with a cross.

Came from a privileged background but wasted it doing fuck all? Check.

Deviant who literally advocated for killing or raping your parents if you felt like it? Check.

Decided to write deviant fan-fiction while in prison, wherein obvious stand-ins for his captors were portrayed as baby-murdering rapists that eat shit? Check.
 

din365

kiwifarms.net
I was questioning your knowledge when you don't even know his name.
Yeah, I called him Fredrick when his name was franklin. my bad. Now tell me he didn't throw Japanese people into camps during WW2 or turn Jewish people away and back off to the gas chambers in Germany.
 

din365

kiwifarms.net
Lots of bad shit happens in the course of winning a world war.
Yes it does, but my point is that there are modern day supporters of FDR that love this guy because of the social programs he brought in(social security act for starters) and will blindly excuse him for "throwing people in cages", and send people back to die at the hands of Hitler, and then throw a fucking fit about another president allegedly doing the same thing. These are the same dumbasses that are quick to say "the democrats and republicans switched in the 60's" when FDR was a Democrat under the heydays of the Klu Klux Klan. I have encountered this numerous times over the years, and that's why I'm saying modern day FDR supporters are the LOLcows.
 

Xolanite

Too busy having nightmares at 4 AM
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Does David Duke count? He apparently stole money from the Klan because he had a gambling problem and tried running for governor of Louisiana.

In fact, I think a good deal of Louisiana’s politicians, past and present, would be likely lolcows because the state’s history of corruption is insanely laughable. One example would be Huey P. Long (who is NOT Asian. That is all).

The Kennedys would make neat horrorcows
 

Clockwork_PurBle

"Shut up, you pretentious kneecap!"
kiwifarms.net
Let's be honest: if Marquis de Sade were alive today, he'd just be one of those fedora-atheist NSFW-Sonic artists who eventually gets arrested for trying to sexually assault a dog with a cross.

Came from a privileged background but wasted it doing fuck all? Check.

Deviant who literally advocated for killing or raping your parents if you felt like it? Check.

Decided to write deviant fan-fiction while in prison, wherein obvious stand-ins for his captors were portrayed as baby-murdering rapists that eat shit? Check.
> shits on all religion, but has a hate boner for Christianity specifically
> loves violence against everyone, but especially women and children, both physical and sexual
> literally the origin of "sadist"

Completely shocking. Do any of these people realize how much better they make religion look?

Also I agree with your assessment but I would also add he wouldn't get arrested for that, but would have written a manifesto in high school before shooting it up and dying by cop or "good gun owner." During the investigation is when they find the zoosadist stuff.
 

Cardenio

Calarts Graduate
True & Honest Fan
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I'd argue the first historical Lolcow & Lowcow LLP would be Wilde v. Queensbury. The whole exhange is a fascinating piece of legal drama you can read here and to sum it up Wilde sued a scottish nobleman for libel because the man called him a sodomite (Wilde was fucking his son to his dismay) and then Wilde proceeded to reveal himself to be a giant homosexual which led to his imprisonment and death as poor drunk.
 
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Slap47

Hehe xd
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Yes it does, but my point is that there are modern day supporters of FDR that love this guy because of the social programs he brought in(social security act for starters) and will blindly excuse him for "throwing people in cages", and send people back to die at the hands of Hitler, and then throw a fucking fit about another president allegedly doing the same thing. These are the same dumbasses that are quick to say "the democrats and republicans switched in the 60's" when FDR was a Democrat under the heydays of the Klu Klux Klan. I have encountered this numerous times over the years, and that's why I'm saying modern day FDR supporters are the LOLcows.
FDR was utterly corrupt and a racist. His political machine was unmatched and he lied quite abit.

However, he also lifted millions of poor whites out of Africa-tier poverty.
 

AnOminous

So what?
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
I'd argue the first historical Lolcow & Lowcow LLP would be Wilde v. Queensbury. The whole exhange is a fascinating piece of legal drama you can read here and to sum it up Wilde sued a scottish nobleman for libel because the man called him a sodomite (Wilde was fucking his son to his dismay) and then Wilde proceeded to reveal himself to be a giant homosexual which led to his imprisonment and death as poor drunk.
Being a true genius, Queensberry actually called him a "Somdomite." Neither were really lolcows (other than Wilde filing the lolsuit), though. Queensberry invented modern boxing, and the so-called "Marquess of Queensberry Rules" you occasionally hear about were his invention.
 

Darwin Watterson

Custom titles are for nerds
True & Honest Fan
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I think Ross McElwee could be considered something of an anti-cow.

After receiving a $9,000 grant with which he was supposed to make a documentary film about Civil War general William T. Sherman, McElwee experienced a very traumatic breakup. The breakup was so all-consuming that it seeped into his work, and he got hopelessly sidetracked by self-pity and his attempts to find a boyfriend-free girl. Instead of making the Civil War documentary that he was fucking paid to make, Sherman’s March ended up being a documentary about McElwee’s own Love Quest. It’s basically “tfw no gf: the movie.”

According to Wikipedia: Structurally, the film follows a repetitive narrative pattern. McElwee becomes enamored with various women, eventually developing feelings for each of his subjects, only to have his romantic hopes dashed.

While this sounds like it has all the makings of a historical lolcow story, the movie ended up being very well-received. McElwee went on to have a long and successful career as a filmmaker, and even found a wife eventually.
 
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American Bullfrog

Lithobates catesbeianus
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Valentinian I sperged himself to death during a negotiation.

The envoys insisted that the conflict was caused by the building of Roman forts in their lands; furthermore individual bands of Quadi were not necessarily bound to the rule of the chiefs who had made treaties with the Romans – and thus might attack the Romans at any time. The attitude of the envoys so enraged Valentinian that he suffered a burst blood vessel in the skull while angrily yelling at them, provoking his death on November 17, 375.
 

neverendingmidi

it just goes on and on and on and on...
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The Beauty Parlor’s Celebrity tag could be considered for Beau Brummell. The guy became THE name for fashion among the higher classes, despite being the son of a middle class politician. He wrangled his inheritance into joining the personal regiment of the Prince of Wales. He then used the Prince (who was definitely a lolcow in his own right by the end of the Regency) to get away with shit:

“the first gentleman of England", by the force of his personality. He was allowed to miss parade, shirk his duties and, in essence, do just as he pleased. Within three years, by 1796, he was made a captain, to the envy and disgust of older officers who felt that "our general’s friend was now the general."
He quit the regiment when it was moved from London, and pretty much created men’s fashion among the Ton. He then started to spend money like crazy on his clothes, despite not really having an income other than credit, especially after following the aristocracy into betting games. He only got the credit because of his friendship with the prince, who dropped him when he became Regent.

He ended up fleeing debtors prison by going to France. Got a job at the consulate at Caen due to wealthy connected friends, bitched that the consulate should be closed in hopes of getting a better position, and ended up losing the job after the British government took his bitching seriously and closed the consulate.

Ended up in debtors prison in France anyway due to unpaid bills, only to get bailed out by friends again, and died insane at an asylum in Caen.

However he did insult a future monarch to his face when the Prince Regent “cut” him (openly ignored his presence), by asking "Alvanley, who's your fat friend?"
 

Slap47

Hehe xd
True & Honest Fan
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