Historical Lolcows -

Irrelevant

kiwifarms.net
William McGonagall
What stands out about McGonagall is that people actually went to his readings just to laugh and pulled pranks on him and he seemed oblivious to it all. This is different from most historical lolcows just doing stupid stuff and he seems completely inline with modern internet lolcows.


Throughout his life McGonagall seemed oblivious to the general opinion of his poems, even when his audience were pelting him with eggs and vegetables. Author Norman Watson speculates in his biography of McGonagall that he may have been on the "autism-Asperger's spectrum". Christopher Hart, writing in The Sunday Times, says that this seems "likely".[
Soon after, he received a letter purporting to be from representatives of King Thibaw Min of Burma. In it, he was informed that the King had knighted him as Topaz McGonagall, Grand Knight of the Holy Order of the White Elephant Burmah.[16] Despite the fact that this was a fairly transparent hoax,[10]:x McGonagall would refer to himself as "Sir William Topaz McGonagall, Knight of the White Elephant, Burmah" in his advertising for the rest of his life.
McGonagall realised if he were to succeed as a poet, he required a patron and wrote to Queen Victoria. He received a letter of rejection, written by a royal functionary, thanking him for his interest.[10]:vii McGonagall took this as praise for his work.
In July 1878, he walked from Dundee to Balmoral, a distance of about 60 miles (97 km) over mountainous terrain and through a violent thunderstorm to perform for Queen Victoria. When he arrived, he announced himself as "The Queen's Poet". The guards informed him "You're not the Queen's poet! Tennyson is the Queen's poet!" (Alfred Lord Tennyson was the poet laureate).
He found lucrative work performing his poetry at a local circus. He read his poems while the crowd was permitted to pelt him with eggs, flour, herrings, potatoes and stale bread. For this, he received fifteen shillings a night. McGonagall seemed happy with this arrangement, but the events became so raucous that the city magistrates were forced to put a ban on them.
By 1893, he was annoyed by his mistreatment in the streets and wrote an angry poem threatening to leave Dundee. One newspaper quipped that he would probably stay for another year once he realised "that Dundee rhymes with 1893".
In 1895, McGonagall and his wife moved to Edinburgh. Here, McGonagall met with some success, becoming a "cult figure"[10]:x and was in great demand. It did not last long, and by 1900 he was once again destitute and now old and sickly.
 

FrailQueen

kiwifarms.net
Dr. Spencer Black, writer of The Codex Extinct Animalia. He started as a successful surgeon in the 1870s, but then started believing that people with birth defects (like having an extra arm or some shit) is proof that we're evolved from mythical creatures, which also proves the existence of unicorns and other shit. He started touring America with his fucked up exhibitions, even sewed wings of a rooster onto a dog. Of course it was too much, even in the era of side show freaks, so most people would be disgusted and terrified of his exhibitions. Riots would sometimes break out.

Former colleagues and surgeons would just mock him and talk shit because of his insane antics. No one even knows how he died, he just disappeared into obscurity.Screenshot_20200630-212004.png
 
Last edited:

Plastic Inevitable

Varg burned churches, not forests.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Dr. Spencer Black, writer of The Codex Extinct Animalia. He started as a successful surgeon in the 1870s, but then started believing that people with birth defects (like having an extra arm or some shit) is proof that we're evolved from mythical creatures, which also proves the existence of unicorns and other shit. He started touring America with his fucked up exhibitions, even sewed wings of a rooster onto a dog. Of course it was too much, even in the era of side show freaks, so most people would be disgusted and terrified of his exhibitions. Riots would sometimes break out.

Former colleagues and surgeons would just mock him and talk shit because of his insane antics. No one even knows how he died, he just disappeared into obscurity.
For those interested: https://www.academia.edu/37867016/T...rk_of_Dr._Spencer_Black_by_E._B._Hudspeth.pdf
 
  • Like
Reactions: FrailQueen

PurpleSquirrel

I owe God five skulls.
kiwifarms.net
Nobody mentioned Van Gogh?
>quiet smart child
>became a perpetually depressed and sick art trader
>actually develops a mental illness
>gets into an argument with a friend and cuts off his own ear
>sends the gift-wrapped ear to a prostitute
>commits suicide by shooting himself in the chest
>dies two days afterwards
Get ready for some :'( and :feels: reactions....

 

some Sketchy dude

kiwifarms.net
I nominate the orchestrator of the Cambodian genocide, Pol Pot.

He's probably better defined as a horrorcow, being a paranoid and genocidal Dear Leader. Pol Pot was basically the culmination of many failures of many communist regimes at 10x speed, with his rule only lasting about 3.5 years.

Fun facts:
- Removed citizens from major cities to work as farmers regardless of skillset
- Outlawed all forms of entertainment(sports stadiums became rice fields), being intelligent or educated in any way prior to Party rule, and free-thinking(never go full Orwellian)
- Obligatory purges of those pesky wrong-thinkers. Total casualties of approximately 1.7 million+ of his own citizens, with an estimated 60% being executions.
- Obligatory "my entire nation is farmers and yet there is not enough food" of any true communist regime, resulting in an estimated 300,000 deaths due to starvation.
- Big brain, forward thinking stipulations for the purges: anyone with an educated profession, multilingual people, people with glasses, and literate people are obviously traitors to the Party and must be immediately executed en masse.
- Poor peasants were given standard rations while former urbanites were given half, no exceptions(that includes you, greedy infants!)
- Legacy includes leaving the country in a state of civil war/turmoil and setting it back in every measurable way for decades after his forceful ousting
- This all took place in 3.5 years with a total population loss between 20% to 25%.


The humor I find in this is that his ousting was his own fault due to his paranoid purging. He purged his military of 100,000 people that were protecting the border with Vietnam, allowing the Vietnamese to take the capital in 13 days.

Also, the general humor of what I stated before, that he went full Orwellian very quickly and hit like every stereotypical communist regime failing in record time. Possibly a WR communism speedrun, at least top 5 I'd guess, on EntireNation%
 

Ciscoipphone

They're GRRREAT!!
kiwifarms.net
One of my favorites Adolf Frederick, King of Sweden

Combination of deathfat and autist.

Deathfatness: he literally ate himself to death: Adolf Frederick died in Stockholm on 12 February 1771 after having consumed a meal consisting of lobster, caviar, sauerkraut, kippers and champagne, which was topped off with 14 servings of his favourite dessert: hetvägg made of semla and served in a bowl of hot milk.

Autism: His favourite pastime was to make snuffboxes, which he allegedly spent a great deal of time doing.
 

LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV]

I try so hard and got so far
kiwifarms.net
Don Alfonso Andrea De Ledesma a.k.a the venezuelan Quixote

Don Alfonso a spanish soldier that fought during the conquest wars against the natives and helped found the city of Caracas but he was pretty old and quite senile when british pirate Amyas Preston was on his way to sack Caracas, he was just an old hidalgo retired to his chair, regardless Don Alfonso refused to evacuate, pretty much started sperging when people told him about the invasion, refused to go along and he had to be left behind, he donned a rusty armor complemented with pan a pots and faced an armed force of 100+ soldiers alone with his trusted steed (a donkey) .

Obviously the pirates though the old man charging at them was very lulzy but it turns out this fragile old mummy managed to hit and injure few of them out of nothing but the sheer power of tard rage. He was promptly killed and the city was sacked anyways but the tale of his reeeeing resonated all the way to Spain where he became a meme and many claim he was the inspiration for Cervantes to write Don Quixote so that his final milk can live through the ages.
 

Syaoran Li

The Man In Black
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Pretty much all serial killers are horrorcows, although I'd say Richard Ramirez takes the cake in terms of checking off lolcow and horrorcow boxes with his edgelord tendencies, unironic theistic Satanism, and extremely poor hygeine.

Charles Manson was basically a horrorcow, schizocow, and dramacow rolled into one, although he was a cult leader/career criminal as opposed to a more traditional serial killer
 

AnOminous

So what?
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
By providing part of the basis for Buffalo Bill, particularly the necrophilia and autogynephilia, Ed Gein would be a horrorcow and dramacow. By his ridiculous appearance on The Dating Game, Rodney Alcala would be an incel cow, a careercow, and a horrorcow. Pretty much all serial killers with weird quirks, i.e. almost all of them, would at least be horrorcows. Alcala would have been a Greer-tier incel type cow if he hadn't been a serial killer.
 

Syaoran Li

The Man In Black
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I think it'd be interesting if we also included historical groups that would be eligible for a thread in Community Watch if they were around today. There's quite a few I can think of right off the bat, a few of whom have already been mentioned earlier in the thread.

Puritans
Libertines in Europe during the 1600's and 1700's (Casanova, John Wilmot, Marquis De Sade)
Shakers
Penny Dreadful books
The Boxers
Circumcellions
Adamites
National Socialist League (literal gay Neo-Nazis active in the 1970's and 1980's)
 

Rotogravure

OBEY
kiwifarms.net
I think it'd be interesting if we also included historical groups that would be eligible for a thread in Community Watch if they were around today. There's quite a few I can think of right off the bat, a few of whom have already been mentioned earlier in the thread.

Puritans
Libertines in Europe during the 1600's and 1700's (Casanova, John Wilmot, Marquis De Sade)
Shakers
Penny Dreadful books
The Boxers
Circumcellions
Adamites
National Socialist League (literal gay Neo-Nazis active in the 1970's and 1980's)
I mean, if we have Shakers and Puritans, just add the Skoptsy in there.
 

Return of the Freaker

【FOREVER FORNEVER】
kiwifarms.net
I think it'd be interesting if we also included historical groups that would be eligible for a thread in Community Watch if they were around today. There's quite a few I can think of right off the bat, a few of whom have already been mentioned earlier in the thread.

Puritans
Libertines in Europe during the 1600's and 1700's (Casanova, John Wilmot, Marquis De Sade)
Shakers
Penny Dreadful books
The Boxers
Circumcellions
Adamites
National Socialist League (literal gay Neo-Nazis active in the 1970's and 1980's)
If we're gonna do that:

British Israelism ("I say, my good chap, we wuz Jews n shiet!")
Posadists
OTO/Thelema
Tulip mania

Hypothetical 70s and 90s Farms would've had teen idol/boy band groupie threads respectively. There almost certainly would be punk and grunge scene threads in each era. Punk would've had a splinter thread when Nazi skinheads popped up.
 

Clockwork_PurBle

"Shut up, you pretentious kneecap!"
kiwifarms.net
Let's talk about some cult leaders, who all have lolcattle tendencies whether or not they were extreme with them.

Shoko Asahara, the founder and leader of Aum Shinryko (Tokyo Subway Sarin Attack) was led to the gallows in an adult diaper when he was hanged in July of 2018. At some point during incarceration he insisted on wearing diapers.

Also, from my understanding he could walk, but insisted on sitting his fat ass down in a cross-legged position. Whenever he would make appearances, even on TV, he would be wheeled in. I guess he was trying to emulate Buddha.

In 2008, he started refusing all prison visits from media and his family (children and relatives) for unknown reasons.
 

Coleslaw

kiwifarms.net
What stands out about McGonagall is that people actually went to his readings just to laugh and pulled pranks on him and he seemed oblivious to it all. This is different from most historical lolcows just doing stupid stuff and he seems completely inline with modern internet lolcows.

Man I wish I could not care about people hating me like that.
 
Tags
None