Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupidity -

[Henry Bemis]

Figured we could round out the recent spate of "Most hilarious" topics.

Chris is an interesting combination of three debilitating traits: he's autistic (meaning he has trouble connecting the dots); narcissistic (meaning he has no interest in connecting the dots if they do not pertain to him); and-what we're focusing on here-not really blessed with smarts (meaning that he'll more often than not connect the dots wrong).

So what's your favorite CWC moment of ignorance, missing the point, or just plain not getting it?

***

One of mine probably has to be Bubble's Kitty's comment here in Sonichu 10:

Spoiler

On the topic of sex, Chris has particular trouble understanding the ookiness of incest (china is china, after all), and because of this, his Electric Hedgehog Pokemon suffer for their perceived inbred/inbreeding nature. (Granted, a lot of this is because Chris gave them an interconnected superhero's origin story without thinking ahead, not to mention that he doesn't proofread, nor does he edit on his own volition.) Here's where it's obscenely clear that Chris Just Doesn't Get It: in plain black-and-white, Mitch Sonichu's female sibling visibly swoons following the Extreme Electric Makeover, and makes it clear that she would not hesitate to jump his bones.

 

[CatParty]

Re: Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupid

I know it's a shared trait with lolcows, but Chris always did it with his naive retard flair which made me giggle. I love that he honestly believed that yelling and threatening and throwing tantrums would stop the trolling.

 

[BigAltheGreat921]

Re: Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupid

All of his Spanish stuff, especially Hotel Ricky Ricardo and his address to Liquid.

 

[Da Pickle Monsta]

Re: Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupid

Figured we could round out the recent spate of "Most hilarious" topics.

Chris is an interesting combination of three debilitating traits: he's autistic (meaning he has trouble connecting the dots); narcissistic (meaning he has no interest in connecting the dots if they do not pertain to him); and-what we're focusing on here-not really blessed with smarts (meaning that he'll more often than not connect the dots wrong).

So what's your favorite CWC moment of ignorance, missing the point, or just plain not getting it?

***

One of mine probably has to be Bubble's Kitty's comment here in Sonichu 10:

Spoiler

On the topic of sex, Chris has particular trouble understanding the ookiness of incest (china is china, after all), and because of this, his Electric Hedgehog Pokemon suffer for their perceived inbred/inbreeding nature. (Granted, a lot of this is because Chris gave them an interconnected superhero's origin story without thinking ahead, not to mention that he doesn't proofread, nor does he edit on his own volition.) Here's where it's obscenely clear that Chris Just Doesn't Get It: in plain black-and-white, Mitch Sonichu's female sibling visibly swoons following the Extreme Electric Makeover, and makes it clear that she would not hesitate to jump his bones.

I always thought the "electric hedgehog" arms race between Alec and Chris was gold. Alec took Chris and combined him with Sonichu to make Asperchu, and then added Sonichu to his own comic for good measure. Then Chris took Asperchu and turned him into Mitch and demanded that Alec do the same. Then Alec took Mitch and made him . . . well, more Mitch-y. And the entire while Chris was standing there screaming about his "Great Director Chandler" powers with nobody among the Asperpedia Four doing a thing he demanded while parodies upon parodies were built.

As far as Chris's naivete is concerned, I'd say it would be when Chris did the mailbags. Here Chris really believed that he had legions of fans who wanted to ask him legitimate questions about Sonichu, never picking up when people were insulting him or sending him terrible fan art. Take this exchange for example, from Mailbag #1:

From: gunterschmttrlng@aol.com

It's soo cool that Christian is updating Sonichu so much lately! I love this comic, but my only wish is that it would update more frequently. I know inspiration is a big variable, but still! Also a BIG THANKS to everybody at maintaining CWCipedia so Chris can update his comics and thoughts.

Sincerely,

Gunter

(P.S. I sent a little fan art. It's not as good as Chris but you get the idea!)

Thank you, Gunter, for your encouragement. I appreciate your fanart, but I have to tell you, it is a frightening image, and it makes Sonichu look like a bad guy, when Clearly He Is Not. --ChrisChanSonichu 01:44, 20 November 2009 (CET)

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

Re: Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupid

For me it's that Sonichu has 1 billion fans. I don't even know if Star Wars or some other well-known franchise has that many fans.

"Recycling" is also incredibly dumb. Despite his rather . . . interesting . . . view of Sonichu/Rosechu sexual anatomy (discussed in the Sonichu Secks thread), Chris knows absolutely nothing about sex or how reproduction works.

As far as Chris's Spanish goes - it's not really all that bad for his level, it may have been one of the things he actually learned in high school (for the record, I recently finished my third semester in Spanish). He only screws up a few times in his Hotel Ricky Ricardo assignment, although it looks like something he should have done near the end of his first year of Spanish, not his second. Sure, he's at a low elementary level, but he isn't that bad. If he kept learning he might be at a decent level by now. The only thing that makes me facepalm about his ability in Spanish is that he thinks he's fluent when he's no where close to being fluent.

 

[BillRiley]

Re: Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupid

I understand. You may or may not have had much exposure to sexual images as I've had, so the idea of a "hand job" (which was the act drawn there) as part of outtercourse (versus intercourse) was a surprise to you.
~2008 E-mail

For my money, this is even dumber than the original reason Chris uploaded the image in the first place. He's somehow surmised that Megan is upset because she just hasn't seen enough porn. Un-fucking-believable!

 

[EzioCanLeapofFaith]

Re: Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupid

When he thought Patty's dog house weighted 5 or 10 tons.
Also thinking that that box of cans that he lifted in a video weighted about 50 pounds

 

[Globe]

Re: Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupid

You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.

Stuff... candy... don't... I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!

 

[butt in trouble]

Re: Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupid

Probably the video where he tells people to guard their personal information on the internet and then gives out his address.

 

[Tubular Monkey]

Re: Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupid

Asking the Wallflower (via YouTube) to PLEASE sleep with him because he doesn't want to have to pay $50 for a prostitute. After watching that, I have difficulty qualifying Chris as human.

 

[The Dude]

Re: Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupid

That telling a girl that he will have to spend money on a prostitute if she leaves him will somehow make her come crawling back and sleep with him.

ETA: Looks like Tubular Monkey and I have similar views on OPL.

 

[potrzebie]

Re: Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupid

It's because his main influence in life is Barb. As we've seen, she manipulates Chris using a myriad of guilt trips, so naturally Chris grew up thinking that guilt trips are an acceptable way to bend someone to your will.

That exchange consisted of two things that had been proven to work in the Chandler household. Endless spouts of begging and repeating "please" (as if he was asking Barb for new GoBots) and attempted guilt trips.

 

[The Dude]

Re: Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupid

It's because his main influence in life is Barb. As we've seen, she manipulates Chris using a myriad of guilt trips, so naturally Chris grew up thinking that guilt trips are an acceptable way to bend someone to your will.

That exchange consisted of two things that had been proven to work in the Chandler household. Endless spouts of begging and repeating "please" (as if he was asking Barb for new GoBots) and attempted guilt trips.

Much like when he went back to the GAMe PLACe to beg Snyder to let him return. Lots of "please" and "oh, c'mon" all the while Michael Snyder telling him "no, you need to leave". Then Chris trying to guilt him by saying he hopes God will forgive him.

 

[Lil]

Re: Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupid

I guess this falls in more with the ego thread, but it applies here too

anti-homogay vaccine created from his pure straight true and honest blood

 

[Globe]

Re: Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupid

This would probably be more appropriate in the "ego" thread, but that one email Chris sends to Jackie detailing his fantasy of scoring after going to a lesbian bar (gay bar? Would they just leave it at that?) is just amazingly retarded. I mean, I realize that part of it is just that he doesn't get how homely and utterly off-putting he is, but still...Even if it's just fantasy, it's too moronic and too displaced from reality to be a turn-on.

[*]Woman meets big, lumbering, smelly transvestite at a bar
[*]Woman somehow mistakes big, lumbering, smelly transvestite for another woman
[*]Woman decides to take big, lumbering, smelly transvestite home
[*]Woman finds out that big, lumbering, smelly transvestite is actually a guy, but fucks him anyway.
[*]...In "lesbian" positions, because fuck you, that's why.

It's just like one stupid, delusional, far-fetched scenario stacked on many other stupid, delusional, far-fetched scenarios. And it all started because Chris thought he'd "fit in" at bar like that.

 

[Henry Bemis]

Re: Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupid

This would probably be more appropriate in the "ego" thread, but that one email Chris sends to Jackie detailing his fantasy of scoring after going to a lesbian bar (gay bar? Would they just leave it at that?) is just amazingly retarded. I mean, I realize that part of it is just that he doesn't get how homely and utterly off-putting he is, but still...Even if it's just fantasy, it's too moronic and too displaced from reality to be a turn-on.

[*]Woman meets big, lumbering, smelly transvestite at a bar
[*]Woman somehow mistakes big, lumbering, smelly transvestite for another woman
[*]Woman decides to take big, lumbering, smelly transvestite home
[*]Woman finds out that big, lumbering, smelly transvestite is actually a guy, but fucks him anyway.
[*]...In "lesbian" positions, because fuck you, that's why.

It's just like one stupid, delusional, far-fetched scenario stacked on many other stupid, delusional, far-fetched scenarios. And it all started because Chris thought he'd "fit in" at bar like that.

I think, in general, his inability to grasp that lesbians don't have sex with men is amusing.

 

[The Dude]

Re: Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupid

This would probably be more appropriate in the "ego" thread, but that one email Chris sends to Jackie detailing his fantasy of scoring after going to a lesbian bar (gay bar? Would they just leave it at that?) is just amazingly retarded. I mean, I realize that part of it is just that he doesn't get how homely and utterly off-putting he is, but still...Even if it's just fantasy, it's too moronic and too displaced from reality to be a turn-on.

[*]Woman meets big, lumbering, smelly transvestite at a bar
[*]Woman somehow mistakes big, lumbering, smelly transvestite for another woman
[*]Woman decides to take big, lumbering, smelly transvestite home
[*]Woman finds out that big, lumbering, smelly transvestite is actually a guy, but fucks him anyway.
[*]...In "lesbian" positions, because fuck you, that's why.

It's just like one stupid, delusional, far-fetched scenario stacked on many other stupid, delusional, far-fetched scenarios. And it all started because Chris thought he'd "fit in" at bar like that.

I think, in general, his inability to grasp that lesbians don't have sex with men is amusing.

Maybe he saw Chasing Amy and came away from it thinking "Hmm...m'yeah all dem dyk-hmmm...a lesbian needs is da right guy in touch with his femaleness to come along and give her a good deep ducking. Hey...I COULD BE DAT TOMGIRL FOR DEEP DUCKING!"

 

[rocket]

Re: Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupid

That flooding an article dedicated to how strange he is with weird hand-drawn porn would, somehow, convince people that he's a perfectly normal person.

 

[homerbeoulve]

Re: Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupid

Saying he was a math savant but can't even say what the half of 360 is.

 

[The Dude]

Re: Honor roll, my ass: Most hilarious moments of CWC stupid

Saying he was a math savant but can't even say what the half of 360 is.

Chris puts the "idiot" in "idiot savant".