How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

JuanButNotForgotten

Friendly Mexican Ghost
kiwifarms.net
I just had an odd feeling. I remembered being lonely when I was younger-- "nobody will ever love me" shit, not "my wife is visiting her sister" tier.

The odd feeling was missing that feeling. Irrational, of course, but feelings do like that. I think that, on some level, I must have liked being miserable.
I've had thoughts like that when I've had up points in my life. It's weird, but I think you can just kind of get comfortable in that position and not want it to change.
Eh, I was fucking my brains with that for the most of my life, but in the end realised, that if I can't be happy by myself, then no amount of human contact is going to change that. After this I realised that there is no point looking for company for the sake of it, because most of the time I was around people, who didn't understand me and was basically alone in a crowd. Just don't overthink it and you will feel better.
 
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Reactions: The Fool

Chan Fan

Not a cat girl
kiwifarms.net
I went out two days ago "just for fun" for the first time in six months. Had terrible anxiety the rest of the day after I got home. I was glad to be out but at the same time I probably won't do it again for a while. I saw something bright that felt blinding and the announcement over the store speaker about social distancing was extremely disillusioning and weird. I guess it was a good litmus test for knowing that things are still pretty far from normal
 

FuckedUp

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Last weekend my non-Jewish parent and I visited their youngest brother's family on Long Island. Almost never see them, so I was fully expecting to spill my spaghetti when they inevitably brought up COVID, not me clarifying that I already know all about it when getting handed their custom-made booklet about the truth behind case numbers.

Was completely surreal to be able to say "the pandemic's over when Bill Gates says it is" and get "no, Fauci lol" instead of "...what do you mean", and Tucker Carlson instead of John Oliver playing on the TV, all while my parent stayed silent like I've done at family gatherings for years whenever my parents and other relatives went off about Drumpf and the big bad alt-right.

They said I could be able to stay over at their place during my semester off, which I'd actually like to do. Actually forgot to take my Xanax while there and didn't even feel anxious.
 
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K. V. Bones

¿QUIRES?
kiwifarms.net
I'm having an mid life... I dont fuckin know man, I'm moving homes, I'm unsatisfied with work, lost my desire for relationships (friends and love), too much on my mind to tend to my youtube channel, hell sometimes I get writers block shitposting, yeah shitposting! That takes like maybe 10% brainpower. I'm not depressed either, just really fuckin confused.

I dunno what to do man, I'm hoping after I move that all this'll blow over. Atleast I can look forward to Black Friday, gonna grab myself a sweet rig I saved two years for. Maybe then I'll actually feel the motivation.

I feel like I've said too much but hey that's what this threads for so, feels good to get it out.
 

Letthepowerofgoutcompelyo

Major asshole, first class
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Pretty good. I've gotten tons of free food, somebody gave me a fuckton of girl scout cookies they couldn't sell.
I've lost quite a few bad neighbors, my section of the building is almost empty so I'm having a good time with that.

If there was something on the first floor with baby kittens and labrador puppies to go visit I'd go do that right now
 

Enne

kiwifarms.net
I posted here before when stuff was kinda bad which it might still be but it feels a bit more promising that stuff might be okay for a bit, I've also met someone nice recently who's in the next state over who I can play video games with and maybe meet eventually if stuff goes well which I'm looking forward to. Gonna cut back on drinking since I'm feeling a bit better (I'll miss drunk Valorant) and I got something to be hopeful about. I was referred to a psychologist as well but he's cancelled on me 3 separate times so I've yet to see him despite being recommended like 2 months ago but I'm not feeling too bad about it at the moment, kinda unsure if I even want to go to him since I'm kinda hesitant about telling people about some of the stuff I got issues with.

Hope all you frends are doing well and if not I hope stuff gets better.

Coming off of SSRIs after being on them for about eight years. The withdrawals are unbearable, even when slowly backing off of the dose. Never felt this bad in my life.
I quit SSRIs once after about 6 months but I just dropped them entirely since they were messing with my sleep I figured out since my poor sleep eventually got way worse, I kept feeling these shock kinda feelings constantly which I think was whenever I had anxious feelings and my mood swings were just wild. My issues with dropping it lasted around a month but I hope it gets a bit easier soon frend.
 

LightDragonman1

kiwifarms.net
Honestly, I can't help but feel like a complete waste of space.

I'm almost 27, yet I still live with my parents, don't even have a driver's license, most I have is a very basic college degree, and am currently stuck working as a lot associate. I've basically wasted most of my 20s, and I feel like there's not much hope for me in terms of my future. Even if I wanted to pursue some of my ideas, I feel like it's too late given how old I am now.
 

Jamila

hopefully tomorrow is a day 🤞🤞🤞
kiwifarms.net
I didn't get the promotion I wanted because the company cut the position. They kept a full time position in the department open, so I took it in hopes that they'll add the lead position back eventually. I don't know if it was a good decision, but whatever.

The weather is in the 100s-110s all week and there's a wildfire out east that's making the air quality even more unbearable. I want to leave California. This state really is just godawful and getting worse.
 

Overcast

King of :'(
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Honestly, I can't help but feel like a complete waste of space.

I'm almost 27, yet I still live with my parents, don't even have a driver's license, most I have is a very basic college degree, and am currently stuck working as a lot associate. I've basically wasted most of my 20s, and I feel like there's not much hope for me in terms of my future. Even if I wanted to pursue some of my ideas, I feel like it's too late given how old I am now.
It’s never too late my dude. I myself am 28, have only been on my own for almost a year now and am just now going for my license.

You can do it.
 

The Fool

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I think after over a decade of software development that I'm just uninterested in it as a hobby.

Like when I was a kid, it was more fun. More of an adventure. Now I'm just irritated by it. It's like that one jerkcity comic, "if I have to learn one more screwy scripting language". There's just so much shit you have to know to develop something by yourself these days, no matter what it is. All these goddamn languages and methodologies and paradigms and libraries and frameworks and tools and platforms, it's driving me insane. I've done this for over 10 years, making game engines, chatbots, websites, constantly forgetting shit and having to re-learn it, like Entity Framework for one. I can't even count how many times I had to look up how to configure that.

I'm not sure what else to do with myself now. I'm accepting that I need to let go a part of me that I developed for over a decade, but that still leaves a gaping hole in my life. Maybe I'll get into linguistics, or designing hardware. I had a lot of fun following Ben Eater's computer build and recreating it in Logisim.
 
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