How could Chris get into (better) shape? -

[applecat]

On some level, I think that Chris has ruined his body forever. Even if he were to do a complete 180 on his attitude toward diet and exercise, he's likely done some permanent damage over the last 30 years. But let's say Chris does the impossible, stops drinking Coke instead of water and is willing to commit to a workout plan. How does someone like Chris even begin?

My vote is Hydrofitness. I just got back from swimming laps and there was a class before lap time that was full of obese and elderly people who all seemed to be getting a decent low-impact workout. Since Chris likely doesn't have any cardiovascular stamina, starting out with even something as basic as an elliptical might be too much. We've seen his attempts at running and pull-ups, and they are not pretty. I think he would benefit from the guidance of a personal trainer, but he would never actually follow their plans (plus they would either be a woman-stealing JERK or end up filing a restraining order).

Ultimately, there is a huge flaw with any pool workout though. As low-impact as it is, Chris would quickly fall out of grace with his classmates if the strain on his body resulted in a dirty, crapped pool.

 

[Trombonista]

He could walk the dogs on a regular basis.

 

[pickleniggo]

I kind of imagine his stomach being able to be popped like a balloon.

 

[Bridechu]

Just about anybody not paralyzed from the neck down can pick up their shambled bodies and at least make them better.

Simply losing weight is said to be 80% diet, because when it all boils down it's just calories in vs. calories out. If you're eating less than you're burning, even if you're on your ass playing games all day you're going to lose weight. So the first step would be accurate calorie counting, a lesson in portion sizes plus an easy app to track them with (My Fitness Pal is a big favourite, and the one I use and recommend).

However, exercise makes you healthier and helps burn calories and build muscle, which in turn burn more calories at rest. Swimming is a good low-impact exercise but the calorie burn is often low. Chris also probably wouldn't want to pay for a gym membership to go to a pool, and I wouldn't subject a poor pool to his dirt-caked exterior. Running or walking is the cheapest solution; a pair of decent shoes and a muscle bra and the world is your trails. Branchland Court looks like a really nice place to jog, too. Couch to 5k is an amazing program for easing beginners into running, and there's lots of apps for it that take the brain function out of it. I recommend Simple C25k on Android mostly because it's accurate and free. He'd probably find a soundtrack helpful, lots of Sonic music which I'm guilty of loving for running (even if I only heard most of it from Game Grumps).

For strength, there's lots of great bodyweight exercises and water jugs make great near-free barbells. Again, lots of apps for this. I've heard Nike ones are good, but I just do the Nerd Fitness bodyweight circuit for now. All of this free, and Chris doesn't need to leave his home. Fitocracy might appeal to him; it's a game that logs your physical activity, assigns points, and levels you up based on them.

However, all this is useless because Chris is lazy and believes he's perfect. He will continue eating McNuggets and guzzling sweet tea until he dies with a clogged heart while seeing a perfectly muscled stud in his mirror.

 

[homerbeoulve]

Hire Chris Powell as his personal trainer:

 

[Springblossom]

I can't decide what's more unlikely, Chris exercising, or Chris giving up shoveling McDonalds and Hungry Man down his greasy obese maw.

I honestly think his body would probably violently reject any attempt at eating healthy after all these years

 

[pickleniggo]

I bet if he drank a gallon of water throughout the course of a day, he'd flush out a few pounds of built-up grease in his system. He should probably eat more fiber too.

 

[Batman VS Tony Danza]

He could stand up more.

 

[pickleniggo]

He could take those pole dancing classes he was telling Kacey about.

 

[CatParty]

Intestinal parasite.

 

[Cwckifan]

A high-fat, low-carb, moderate-protein ketogenic diet would probably do the trick. Hell, it may even help some of his mental problems, too (after all, even if he's not malnourished, his crappy diet certainly isn't helping matters)!

 

[xlk]

What everybody said about dieting, but with more dancing. I'd recommend Daft Punk but their earlier songs would probably be a bit to freaky for Chris.

 

[cypocraphy]

Even if the planets were aligned and he wanted to exercise, he couldn't escape Mommy dearest for too long.

Or the Chandler girls could go to Curves together.

 

[Cwckifan]

Even if the planets were aligned and he wanted to exercise, he couldn't escape Mommy dearest for too long.

Or the Chandler girls could go to Curves together.

even without exercise, how hard could it be for him to trade in his carbs and processed seed oils for some healthy animal fat, salt, and non-startchy veggies? Really, he might not look like an underwear model anytime soon, but he'd surely improve his health!

 

[Hyperion]

Chris would never go outside and exercise. He's already perfectly fit, and anyone who disagrees is a SLANDEROUS TROLL and will be REPORTED to Mr. Rob Bell for PROSECUTION!

 

[Tim Buckley]

Stopping being an idiot of course, if suddenly he'd got possesed by the spirit of a regular guy he would, at least, start a healthier life style, one not restricted to video games and Mac Donalds without mention he will be able to see an ugly fat man in the mirror, instead of this:

 

[Satoru182]

The more painless and easy things to do:

1- Make him stop drinking soda, just plain water to clean his system, and cut on the sugar intake from his special Fanta.
2- Walk the dogs and walk around his town, it would be good to his health and he may get to know his neighbors better and make friends.

 

[snowkitten91]

Hire Chris Powell as his personal trainer:

Nah, Chris Powell would quit on Chris Chan faster than Gordon Ramsay quitted on Amy and Samy.

 

[Hyperion]

I know some men who could make Chris shake off a few dozen pounds. They're down at Fort Benning, Georgia, so Chris won't even need to leave the South to go meet them.

Chris if you read this, when you get to Benning, ask for directions to the Infantry Training Brigade. There, trained individuals will show you how to get a girlfriend.

 

[Very Honest Content]

Yoga.

Counting calories is the first step like posted before, personally I use Calorific and since he's and not good at math that would be ideal for him getting a decent estimate of intake and more importantly taking advantage of the fact that just the act of monitoring your intake daily means you make better decisions naturally about what you put in your body.

The lifestyle change would then really begin to show results if he'd do about 30 minutes of yoga every other day as well to start and gradually increased it to an hour or an hour and a half five to seven days of the week. Personally I've been playing the Hulkster's buddy, Dallas Page's, DDP Yoga workouts these last few weeks and his big gimmick during the yoga positions is to add in dynamic resistance exercises in pushups to not only raise your heart-rate to a fat burning pace but to help get muscle tone built while still performing low impact exercises. Just as an example of the kind of transformation that is possible from this kind of lifestyle change I'll provide this link of one of the more exceptional personal cases who have achieved results we would consider 'miraculous' for Chris if he were to take responsibility for his physical well being by dedicating himself to a physical wellness regiment instead of whining on facebook about his chest pains;

http://www.ddpyoga.com/site/index.php/en/results/83-arthur

But assuming he'll be too lazy for any of that, start walking at his brisk pace around the neighborhood for an hour and a half a day, if he can't make that, start with an hour, or 30 minutes, and gradually increase the duration. He's already at an age and point now I'd suspect that he's choosing consciously or otherwise how close to forty five he'll end up living or falling short of with each and every bite he sinks his autistic fangs into.