How do you want your funeral to proceed? -

Damien Thorne

kiwifarms.net
In my case, after I die of old age happily in my sleep, I want to be cremated. Then, at my funeral, I want my ashes spread over the mourners while “It’s Raining Men” is blasting very loudly through speakers.

How do you want your funeral to proceed?
 

Penis Drager

THAT guy
kiwifarms.net
Funerals are expensive and nobody wants to go to them. Donate my body to science or some shit. It's not like I'll care. I'll be dead.
If the living want to gather and mourn/celebrate/whatever, let them. I won't be there.
 

Arm_of_the_Lord

kiwifarms.net
Cimitero Monumentale di Milano. All the previous inhabitants have been dug up and thrown in the trash. A thousand-strong procession is carrying my body(which is completely untouched by rot) as millions of people who do not have the privilege of attending the ceremony are watching from a distance with tears in their eyes.

When the procession finally arrives at the destination, an enormous coffin of solid light comes into existence and I am telekinetically lowered into it. After the lid closes the previously stoic attendants of the funeral finally break: they all start weeping in unison and the resulting river of tears washes over the city's streets. In their desperation, people cry out into the sky "Please, bring him back!".

But what is this?! The clouds over my grave disperse and an enormous winged figure descends from heavens — the archangel Michael himself. Without saying a word he strikes the coffin with the hilt of his sword, completely disintegrating it, as my body floats upwards. Soon, I awaken, once again full of life and shoot a volley of nuclear missiles from my arms(nobody gets hurt, think of it as really big fireworks) while loudly proclaiming my intention to never leave the people of Earth again.

Then I take time to personally thank everybody present and offer them a heartfelt hug.
 

Anderson's Phone

1-800-FAT TITS
kiwifarms.net
Place an active landmine in my body and have an open casket funeral and only inform a few people who are barred from going . They get to sit and guess who's gonna be the one to put their fucking hand on me.
 
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