• "I'm running out of vaginas."

How is the kiwi above you in bed?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by bacterium, Nov 20, 2016.

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  1. Threw a basket filled with dried fruit and feces at me and ran.

    Best time of my life.
     
    • Winner Winner x 1
    Dr W

    Dr W Lethal Dose of Autism

    kiwifarms.net
  2. Prescribed 40 cc.'s of love to me. I'm not really sure what a cc. is, but he told me it stood for 'colossal cock.' I was dubious of his definition, but went along with it. Had me singing Dr. Feelgood by morning's light.
     
    Ted_Breakfast

    Ted_Breakfast What'll it be, boys?

    kiwifarms.net
  3. very poetic Like a majestic stampede of unicorns but instead of horns there were dicks. I am writing this from an intensive care unit
     
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    kiwifarms.net
  4. It was over in a snap.

    :coster:
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
    scorptatious

    scorptatious Deuteragonist of a game from a dead franchise. :(
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  5. Brought a nice looking Japanese broad for Nyotaimori.
    Worth it
     
    Ntwadumela

    Ntwadumela Dark, Ravishing Prince
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  6. Cums like a semen version of an Itano Circus while leaving cinnamon smelling vapor trails in all rainbow colors except blue because reasons, while the invincibility jingle from Sonic the Hedgehog plays in perfect tune to his movements.
     
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    Wraith

    Wraith Wraith of the Pickle King...

    kiwifarms.net
  7. Refuses to motorboat because he's laughing too hard because of the faces his sex partner is making.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    American Lollinator Mace

    American Lollinator Mace Dykes! Dykes! KITTY!!!

    kiwifarms.net
  8. I had sex with a giant tentacle. And you know what? I'm cool with this.
     
    Meat_Puppet

    Meat_Puppet Satan's Naughty Little Doll

    kiwifarms.net
  9. Gives me a dead stare. Much worse than starfish sex.
     
    c-no

    c-no Dull Angry, Constipated Boxer

    kiwifarms.net
  10. Kinky on the streets, vanilla in the sheets.
     
    imjustahumanbean

    imjustahumanbean I regret choosing this username.

    kiwifarms.net
  11. Vanilla beans aren't really my thing.
     
    Vrakks

    Vrakks Got a handful of vertebrae and a headful of mad!

    kiwifarms.net
  12. Woke up in a bathtub full of ice. Kidneys were gone. She didn't even leave a note. She thought she stole my kidneys but really she stole my heart. (:_(
     
    Zim

    Zim Facebook District Manager
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  13. ew fucking furry get out of my face
     
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    Dicaprio Delorean

    Dicaprio Delorean Totally Tubular Dude

    kiwifarms.net
  14. We did the HOUOU KYAKU
    ATATATATATATATATATAA
    WATAAAAAAAA!!!!!
     
    Ntwadumela

    Ntwadumela Dark, Ravishing Prince
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  15. Wasn't too thrilled when he brought a lion, but it turned out to be better than expected.
     
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    scorptatious

    scorptatious Deuteragonist of a game from a dead franchise. :(
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  16. Don't know what the hell I just had sex with, or how it ended up in my bed. But it was kind enough to make breakfast in the morning.
     
    • Informative Informative x 1
    Meat_Puppet

    Meat_Puppet Satan's Naughty Little Doll

    kiwifarms.net
  17. We were interrupted by angry incels calling me Chad and demanding I return the last boyfriend free girl to the internets.
     
    • DRINK DRINK x 1
    Sleep

    Sleep REM cycle
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  18. It was like fuckin' a corpse.
     
    • DRINK DRINK x 1
    magikarp

    magikarp but nothing happened!

    kiwifarms.net
  19. It was literally like fucking a fish. Then got larger but still smelled like fish. 4/10
     
    Pepito

    Pepito The biggest cat in the whole wide world

    kiwifarms.net
  20. Brought some Argentine Señoras to tango with
    Great time, will do again
     
    Ntwadumela

    Ntwadumela Dark, Ravishing Prince
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
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