How many women are eligible sweethearts? -

[timtommy]

There are a lot of assumptions in this analysis, but bear with me.

I will begin with the geographical requirements. There are about 63000 females in Albemarle and Greene counties.

Here is a list he posted with his further requirements.


-21 to 29-years old:

This was posted a couple years ago, so the age limit has probably gotten older. In the US, 6.9% of women are between the ages of 20 and 24. I will give him 4/5 of these, about 5.4%. I will also give him all of the 6.6% who are between the ages of 25 and 29 and half of the 6.5% who are between the ages of 30 and 34, for a total of 15.3% of the female population, leaving about 9600 women.

-Cute, Pretty, Beautiful, or HOT

I will be generous and say that about 60% of women fit one of these descriptions, leaving him about 5800 women.

-Education: High School Graduate and/or Better

In Albemarle county, 90% of adults have finished highschool, leaving him about 5200 women

-NOT A Smoker

In Virginia about 20% of adults smoke. This leaves him about 4200

-Carefree/Light-Hearted

Pretty generic label that people like to apply to themselves. Lets say that 3/4 of the population can fit under that umbrella. This leaves him about 3100

-Moderate to Very Intelligent/Smart (Not Ditzy)

Being generous with the definition of moderate, let's say that 2/3 of people are at least moderately intelligent. About 2100.

-Talkative/Outgoing/Not Shy/Good Self-Esteem

Another generic description. Being generous again, let's give him 3/4 of people. About 1550 left.

-Slim to Average body type (under 170 lbs)

Average implies half of the people, but since we already had some appearance based restrictions which are correlated with this, I will let him keep 2/3. About 1020 left.


-Between 4 feet, 10 inches and 5 feet 10 inches

Not much of a restriction actually. 97% of younger US women satisfy this. He is at 990.

-Brunette or Blonde hair

In Albemarle county, 82.5% of the population is white. Based on population averages, about 4% will be redheads. Throw in another 6% who are hispanic or native, and we are left with about 85% of the population. Down to 840 people.

-B-Cup size minimum

About 6% of women were A-cup bras. Down to 790.

-Clean

Most people are. I will let him keep 95%. 750 left

-Casual

Another generic description. As above, I'll give him 3/4 of people. 563

-Not Crazy or Abusive

Once again, most people are. I will give him 90%. 507.

-Make-Up Optional

I guess everyone satisfies this.

-Well-Informed to Expert in sex

He seems to want someone well above average in sexual experience. However, given that we have already specified they are young and attractive, I'll let him keep 250 of the 507.

So we have about 250 women eligible for CWC's affections, before we start considering the classic boyfriend-free requirement. Considering he has described a pretty attractive person, a huge percentage of them are going to be in relationships. Overall, my best estimate is that a total of 50-100 women satisfy his requirements. Good luck to him.

 

[exball]

Okay.

 

[WiseOldBadger]

For Chris-chan? Willingly a whopping zero.

The only way he could get a sweetheart is if he offered some poor homeless woman food and shelter in exchange for sex.

If sweetheart means "sexual experience" it is possible. If it means emotional reciprocity and boyfriend/girlfriend thing? Not a chance Im afraid to say.

 

[Really makes you thunk]

You forgot the most important factor:
-Has standards so impressively low that they would seriously consider being the girlfriend of our CWC

Take a number between 99.999% and 100% away from your final score.

 

[Casual Garbage]

For Our Pet Lolcow? Willingly a whopping zero.

The only way he could get a sweetheart is if he offered some poor homeless woman food and shelter in exchange for sex.

If sweetheart means "sexual experience" it is possible. If it means emotional reciprocity and boyfriend/girlfriend thing? Not a chance Im afraid to say.

Does rape count as "sexual experience?"

 

[WiseOldBadger]

Ive got it!

He wants a beautiful non smoker (preferably) caucasian woman right?

He can just save up his tugboat money to get a Russian/Ukranian mail order bride. Often they are rather beautiful.

They may not think much of his looks or personality, but his tugboat money might make them willing..

 

[Kosher Dill]

You forgot that they have to approach him first at one of his hangout spots, which means that they have to be customers at one of the few McDonalds he isn't banned from. That narrows down the geographic range significantly.

 

[Rev. Rye]

So we have about 250 women eligible for CWC's affections, before we start considering the classic boyfriend-free requirement. Considering he has described a pretty attractive person, a huge percentage of them are going to be in relationships. Overall, my best estimate is that a total of 50-100 women satisfy his requirements. Good luck to him.

And of course, there's the other side of the equation; who would have him?
Here's a list of things she'd have to be fine with in a boyfriend;

• A refusal to get a job.
• A complete lack of social skills
• Almost non-existent hygeine (thinks Axe is a substitute for showering, lives with the hoard, and, well, )
• Looks reminiscent of the late Philip Seymour Hoffman.
• Insensitivity, if not outright bigotry, towards an alarming number of groups. (Niggos, homos, JERKS, other people with Autism Spectrum Disorders, and the like)
• A reputation for writing a horrible Sonic/Pokemon crossover comic where he stars as a combination of himself with all the whininess of late-period Michael Jackson and the megalomania of Kim Jong-Il.
• Is a convicted felon who is banned from an alarming portion of his home county.
• Has an entire wiki devoted to how much of a failure he is.
• People who have known him for years (Mimms and Lucas) have failed to recall any redeeming qualities he may have.
• Inability/refusal to change any of these things.

I'm sure that some girls on the "wrong" side of the equation might be willing to cope with some of these qualities, but, really, the idea that there's some woman who fits all the requirements who'd be okay with all that does totally strain credulity.

 

[WiseOldBadger]

You forgot that they have to approach him first at one of his hangout spots, which means that they have to be customers at one of the few McDonalds he isn't banned from. That narrows down the geographic range significantly.

As I recall, PandaHalo, Julayy, Kacey, Ivy O'Neill, Jackie, Emily, etc. were all from the internet and did not hang out at any Mickey D's. And few people in Russia are as desperate as they were in the '90s.

 

[Stuff and Things]

As marvin said, he set the bar way too high, but he will take whatever he can (this "can" is relative of course) take, like the chubby girl that dumped him after a quasi-date.

 

[cheeseclothe]

Ive got it!

He wants a beautiful non smoker (preferably) caucasian woman right?

He can just save up his tugboat money to get a Russian/Ukranian mail order bride. Often they are rather beautiful.

They may not think much of his looks or personality, but his tugboat money might make them willing..

Chris is the nightmare those people get rescued from on T.V.. Only a lifetime of living in squalor and taking emotional/physical abuse could properly prepare you for him. So you're likely right.

 

[LocalFireDept]

Who cares about eligibility? He can always buy a woman with experience.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

Chris has nothing to offer and yet he makes an effort to minimize his chances of finding someone every chance he gets.

In other words, Chris and Negotiation.

 

[Tubular Monkey]

Do you think that he's intentionally setting his standards to women he's knows are unattainable, or is he just arrogant and transcendentally stupid enough to think that everyone else is unworthy of him.

 

[Rev. Rye]

Do you think that he's intentionally setting his standards to women he's knows are unattainable, or is he just arrogant and transcendentally stupid enough to think that everyone else is unworthy of him.

Given everything else I've seen of him, I'm thinking the latter.

 

[Casual Garbage]

"I DO NOT KNOW WHY I would expect ANY woman to be Attracted to me, IN PUBLIC...except for the fact that I am Handsome"

 

[Tubular Monkey]

"I DO NOT KNOW WHY I would expect ANY woman to be Attracted to me, IN PUBLIC...except for the fact that I am Handsome"

I wish I could unravel that quote. Is he trying to 'subtly' give himself a compliment? Is he saying that apart from what he perceives as his own attractiveness, he has nothing anybody could possibly want? The autism... it's too much. Still, why wouldn't ANY woman, IN PUBLIC, be attracted to an enormous little boy lumbering around town with a perma-scowl while radiating waves of "I AM SEVERELY MENTALLY ILL".

The finest plastic surgeons in all of California couldn't make Christian Weston Chandler look attractive.

Nonsense. All you need is botox, Chris.

 

[Pikonic]

And of those 50-100 women how many will put up with Chris?

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

Do you think that he's intentionally setting his standards to women he's knows are unattainable, or is he just arrogant and transcendentally stupid enough to think that everyone else is unworthy of him.

Given everything else I've seen of him, I'm thinking the latter.

Yeah, he's really that stupid. He does not get that his loneliness is a consequence of his constant decisions to burn bridges.

 

[timtommy]

Philip Seymour Hoffman, whilst usually overweight and unshaven, could generally be considered an attractive man, especially if he bothered to shave and comb his hair. Attractive enough to get a girlfriend and keep her for about fifteen years. The finest plastic surgeons in all of California couldn't make Christian Weston Chandler look attractive.

A lot of his physical unattractiveness is not hard to fix.

Before the tomgirl phase, if you stripped away the clown shirts and Sonichu medallions, he was a normal enough looking guy.

He is overweight, but once again, he is probably at the chubby end of "normal" as opposed to noticeably obese.

He is dirty, but he could shower regularly.

If he put in minimal effort, his appearance would be fairly unremarkable. If he were wealthy or smart or interesting or funny or nice, there would be nothing in his appearance that prevented him from getting a girl. Unfortunately he refuses to put in the minimum effort on his looks, and his personality is probably beyond repair at this point.

So yeah, I was not arguing that Chris has 50 options or even one option for a sweetheart. It's just that we have often laughed at the ridiculousness of his standards, so I thought it would be interesting to quantify it.