How the fuck do Asian Americans raise their kids so well? -

Positron

Your genderfeels is a beetle: a ladybug beetle
True & Honest Fan
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These exams were basically rote memorization. Kinda why China has basically no innovation.
Rote memory has an unfair bad press, but I am utterly convinced that having a good information base is essential to innovation. The more things you store in your memory, the more connection between them will you be attuned to.

It is a good thing to build up this information base from an early age, when children think of memorizing, say, a verse or the multiplication table, as games.

You're an incel.
You make "incels" by telling boys they deserve the world simply by being alive, and this is a very American thing.
 
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Apoth42

Hehe xd
kiwifarms.net
Rote memory has an unfair bad press, but I am utterly convinced that having a good information base is essential to innovation. The more things you store in your memory, the more connection between them will you be attuned to.

It is a good thing to build up this information base from an early age, when children think of memorizing, say, a verse or the multiplication table, as games.


You make "incels" by telling boys they deserve the world simply by being alive, and this is a very American thing.
Arab and Chinese people have god like rote memorization but their countries are shitholes they don't produce any innovations and struggle to be competitive in everyway.

https://www.meforum.org/articles/other/why-arabs-lose-wars
 

millais

The Yellow Rose of Victoria, Texas
kiwifarms.net
Arab and Chinese people have god like rote memorization but their countries are shitholes they don't produce any innovations and struggle to be competitive in everyway.

https://www.meforum.org/articles/other/why-arabs-lose-wars
It depends what you are rote-memorizing. The Chinese be memorizing formulas for differential equations, and the Arabs be memorizing the Koran. One is more useful addition to the modern skillset than the other.

You don't need to have rote-memorization to succeed in most analytical subjects, but it certainly helps a great deal for saving time in the basic mechanics. For a few semesters in uni, I tutored these low income high school students who had never memorized their multiplication tables, and it was basically impossible to get them through even basic algebra, as they were forever having to calculate every single multiplication operation from scratch, leaving hardly any time for learning more advanced concepts. To extrapolate the comparison to the higher level end of things, you don't need to memorize all those fancy calculus formulas if you can derive them from scratch via a good understanding of the mathematical principles represented by the formulas, but in the time it takes you to derive a formula from scratch during an exam, the guy who has the formula committed to memory can plug in the given numbers for two or three problems that require the use of the formula
 

This+

kiwifarms.net
Some things we take for granted, like graduating high school/college. My parents were pretty surprised during my high school graduation because quite a few students brought like their extended families over and how they think it's a "big deal" to graduate high school. My dad in particular was like "isn't everyone supposed to graduate high school?"

If there's one thing Asian parents hate the most, it's their kids "not doing anything" and "just staying home all day." My parents made me take up violin because they didn't like me "doing nothing."

SK has like 5-6 colleges "worth" going to: Seoul National University, Korea University, Yeonsei University, KAIST (Korean MIT), Ewha University, and Pohang Science and Technical Institute (Korean Carnegie Mellon). Even if you graduate there, you're not guaranteed a good job because the market competition is extremely fierce. So really, everyone HAS to work towards admission in those universities just for a chance to live better, unless you were born rich, then fuck everyone else. Those universities take high school (and maybe even middle school in come cases) class rankings seriously, so you have to take tons of cram schools/tutoring to "one-up" your classmates. Schools provide "Free study time" well after school hours until midnight, and students just go there and study until 12-2AM after they're done with cram school.

On the other hand, there are tons more good universities in the USA, and it's not a requirement to graduate from an ivy league to live comfortably. Because of that, you're not required to compete against your entire graduating class, so you have less pressure to perform well. If you fail at all those steps, well the US Military provides safe alternative (if tedious) paths to a career and steady income provided that you don't buy a Ford F150 with 86.7% interest as soon as you graduate boot. In that environment, Asian parents who have the mentality of "ivy or bust" will generally parent their kid that strictly, and the kid will excel more than American students. There are no cram schools in the States, or if there are, it's not to the extent of Korea or Japan. Therefore, the kids will have that much more free time and parents make them take extracurriculars (at least one musical instrument, at least one school club) to keep busy.

It's a rather boring and tedious answer, but that's really all there is to it. You leave a society where you HAVE to be the top or you "go broke" into a society with numerous safety nets/leeway and that's it. Like all immigrant families, they all tend to even out by second or third generations. The stereotypical Asian parent thing is usually from the first gens/FOBs, and their kids will rarely follow their footsteps in parenting.
 

Unseemly and Feral

My dreads are actually a hat
kiwifarms.net
Cultural values, having a strong stable family, and strong emphasis on education is probably the best answer, although I imagine that these traits are not/were not confined to just Confucian cultures and probably are expressed in other groups.
 

soy_king

Now with 1000% more estrogen!
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I really don't know if they do. Asians, just like some old school jews and other educated immigrant parents, tend to raise their children with strict discipline and demand success. This can work with some kids who manage to advance far as a result, but there's also lots of kids who just burn out and crash hard. This is in part because on top of having lived in a high stress hyper competitive atmosphere, they also can't conform to the stereotype of the successful hardworking Asian. I know a lot of Asian kids who fell through the cracks, and it also explains why Japan and South Korea have so many hikikomori and other NEETs.
 

BlastDoors41

kiwifarms.net
Emotional and physical abuse. Especially, emotional.

I'm only half kidding there.

Real reason is that the parents are super invested in their kids and not in the Brittany got a "B" and I'm going to drive to the school and yell at the teacher on her behalf until they change the grade sense.

That sort of behavior from Asians doesn't happen very often in the US anyways.

Asian parents push their kids into high paying prestige fields for either bragging rights, or for pure survival. Asian parents understand that if their kids don't succeed there will be no one to take care of them in their old age.

Asian children are inculcated with an emotional investment in their parents' well being and seek their approval. Its hard to explain but the family becomes your logos, your center, and losing it can be terrifying in that it feels like you're a rudderless ship in a big ocean.

Asian parents also understand that children can't be expected to succeed at first on their own. Hence, the violin lessons, study schedules and what not. They also don't hesitate to pay for school expenses in any way they can.


Contrast this with baby boomer American parents who operate under the delusion that the fate of their offspring will either take care of itself or that somehow their own retirement is way more important than spending money and time on the one thing that will guarantee their kids won't end up as basement dwellers.
 
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Unseemly and Feral

My dreads are actually a hat
kiwifarms.net
I really don't know if they do. Asians, just like some old school jews and other educated immigrant parents, tend to raise their children with strict discipline and demand success. This can work with some kids who manage to advance far as a result, but there's also lots of kids who just burn out and crash hard. This is in part because on top of having lived in a high stress hyper competitive atmosphere, they also can't conform to the stereotype of the successful hardworking Asian. I know a lot of Asian kids who fell through the cracks, and it also explains why Japan and South Korea have so many hikikomori and other NEETs.
To add to that, the Asian Americans we perceive in society are either immigrants who recently came to this country or their children, and a lot of Americans who know Asians as peers are going to be seeing them in either an educational or professional work setting, (aka student and H1-B visas).

In contrast, previous waves of Asian immigrants were looked upon with much more hostility in America's past. In the mid 1800's tons of Chinese immigrants were brought over as low-skill laborers, essentially performing the same jobs that Hispanics today are stereotyped to do. In places like San Francisco the Asians were in the service and entrepreneurial sectors, doing stuff like running laundromats and owning small stores or restaurants (which obviously can still be seen today). Back in the day some people thought that the rate of immigration from Asia would be too big and overtake the whites, and they called this political issue "The Yellow Peril". Fears of immigrants overrunning the natives was actually a recurring trend in American politics, historically speaking.
 

BerriesArnold

kiwifarms.net
I'll just echo what many have already said, but it's because Asian parents build discipline and respect onto their kids from day 1. They don't over-coddle their children and praise them for every little thing that they do. Praise is to be earned and seldom is it ever given. They speak to their children with a wide variety of vocabulary and allocate work onto them that is appropriate. Children are expected to contribute around the house and they know it. And they aren't indulgent onto their child's whining. And just in general, I am going to be real here- children of highly educated and well-spoken parents are often raised in a healthier home than most.

That kid in your 3rd-grade math class that got straight A's was most likely a kid that had to work hard for their parent's praise. A child who is well spoken, is a child who was lathered in rich vocabulary, day to day. When you treat kids like little adults instead of "little bundles of joy!:optimistic:", they benefit from being treated and listened to like an adult. They also know that they will be punished like adults as well.

A child who constantly kicks and screams and throws tantrums at mom for not getting their precious ipad, is a kid who has been coddled to expect such things as a right and not a privilege. A kid who doesn't help his parents carry groceries is a kid who's never had the crappy experience of carrying heavy bags all on their own. Experience builds empathy and rapport.
 

Hellbound Hellhound

kiwifarms.net
"Well" is pretty subjective my bro.
It's "well" to me. How would it not be "well" to anyone else?
I think the biggest issue with the prevailing Asian attitude towards parenting is that it's apparent successes clearly come at a significant cost to the individual.

It is certainly true that East-Asian children perform well on standardized tests, and in the Western world at least, this does seem to translate to real economic success. On the flip side, it is also true that East-Asian societies are relatively miserable places to live as a result of the same Confucianist ethos which facilitates this stronger academic performance, and if you look at the Far-East as a whole, you will see it's resulting dysfunction: the men are overworked, the women don't want to have children, social isolation is a growing problem, and the suicide rates across the region are among the highest in the world.

To use academic performance as the sole barometer of a society's success, or worse still: to applaud it at the expense of all other social considerations, is deeply naive and misguided in my view, especially when quantitative measurements of academic performance (such as test scores) are not necessarily indicative of the overall quality of the education a student is receiving (it has already been stressed, but it should nonetheless be stressed again, that memorizing information through rote learning is not the same thing as possessing a useful working understanding of said information).

Sure, it is always impressive to witness an Asian 5-year-old fluently recite Beethoven's 5th Symphony at his parents peevish insistence, but if all the browbeating it took to achieve this results in him growing up to be too stressed, overworked, unhappy, and socially stunted to know how to do any of the things which allow society to keep on ticking (such as building relationships, starting a family, nurturing the next generation, etc), then you have to ask yourself, was it all worth it?
 
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