How to fuck with bogans - Get the fuck out of my driveway.

[glass_houses]

Quite simply, I've been blocked in my driveway for the past eight hours by some retard's car. How do I fuck with them? Halfway through their tenure I put some bricks as chocks around their back tyres. An hour ago I removed the chocks and swapped them for a brick sitting on top of the wheel in the wheel wells. Aside from keying obscenities on the side or throwing paint on the windscreen, are there any other suggestions?

 

[Black Waltz]

light it on fire

 

[KM 749]

Find some nasty and strong stickers and plaster them all over the windshield and windows.

 

[AnOminous]

What kind of ghetto ass shithole do you live in where there isn't a towing company you can call?

 

[glass_houses]

light it on fire

Tempting, but a burning car does tend to give off a rather nasty odour.

Find some nasty and strong stickers and plaster them all over the windshield and windows.

I shall look into this.

What kind of ghetto ass shithole do you live in where there isn't a towing company you can call?

It's Sunday afternoon. I'd have to pay for a tow upfront and I'd get shit from the coppers about car theft.

 

[AnOminous]

It's Sunday afternoon. I'd have to pay for a tow upfront and I'd get shit from the coppers about car theft.

Odds are reasonably good it's actually a stolen car they're already looking for.

 

[millais]

unscrew the gas cap and piss into the fuel tank after siphoning off all the fuel

 

[AnOminous]

It's Sunday afternoon. I'd have to pay for a tow upfront and I'd get shit from the coppers about car theft.

I forgot you live in some fuckhole country. Here we have tow companies that just come and tow shit when you call, and if whoever it belongs to wants it back, they pay, and if they don't, the company keeps it, and if they make a fuss, they get shot.

 

[Hen in a tie]

unscrew the gas cap and piss into the fuel tank after siphoning off all the fuel

I thought you were supposed to put sugar in it.

 

[Randy Lahey]

@glass_houses siphon the tank, pour the gas in a swastika on their lawn and light it bud

 

[glass_houses]

unscrew the gas cap and piss into the fuel tank after siphoning off all the fuel

I thought you were supposed to put sugar in it.

@glass_houses siphon the tank, pour the gas in a swastika on their lawn and light it bud

It's a good idea, but I'd have to pry the cover off to reach the petrol cap and that'd leave tool marks. And since I'm blocked into the driveway I can't go out and buy new hose, which means that I'd have to use my garden hose and then I'd still be up for a new hose, and the petrol siphoned off would be contaminated with water.

That said, putting sugar in the tank does have merit. And I've just remembered seeing some crime show where a stalker put a ping pong ball in someone's petrol tank and the car would stop randomly when the ping pong ball got sucked down against the fuel feed line.

Hmm. Leave it with me. I do have a couple of large screwdrivers that should be the right size to get in behind the petrol cap and pry it open, but I doubt it'd be as easy as it sounds.

 

[Hen in a tie]

It's a good idea, but I'd have to pry the cover off to reach the petrol cap and that'd leave tool marks. And since I'm blocked into the driveway I can't go out and buy new hose, which means that I'd have to use my garden hose and then I'd still be up for a new hose, and the petrol siphoned off would be contaminated with water.

That said, putting sugar in the tank does have merit. And I've just remembered seeing some crime show where a stalker put a ping pong ball in someone's petrol tank and the car would stop randomly when the ping pong ball got sucked down against the fuel feed line.

Hmm. Leave it with me. I do have a couple of large screwdrivers that should be the right size to get in behind the petrol cap and pry it open, but I doubt it'd be as easy as it sounds.

Oh fuk edge lord don't get arrested.

 

[Randy Lahey]

It's a good idea, but I'd have to pry the cover off to reach the petrol cap and that'd leave tool marks. And since I'm blocked into the driveway I can't go out and buy new hose, which means that I'd have to use my garden hose and then I'd still be up for a new hose, and the petrol siphoned off would be contaminated with water.

That said, putting sugar in the tank does have merit. And I've just remembered seeing some crime show where a stalker put a ping pong ball in someone's petrol tank and the car would stop randomly when the ping pong ball got sucked down against the fuel feed line.

Hmm. Leave it with me. I do have a couple of large screwdrivers that should be the right size to get in behind the petrol cap and pry it open, but I doubt it'd be as easy as it sounds.

Just remember that Unleaded gas is kinda tangy, Supreme is sour, and diesel tastes pretty good.


edit: steal the licence plate too

 

[ES 148]

To fuck with bogans, be female and then tell them you don't have an STD. I don't know why you need help with this.

 

[glass_houses]

Oh fuk edge lord don't get arrested.

Just remember that Unleaded gas is kinda tangy, Supreme is sour, and diesel tastes pretty good.


edit: steal the licence plate too

I've been out and checked the car. The panel sits very well fitted within the main one, and to get it open I'd need to pry it open first with small screwdrivers, and then large because I'm too cheap to buy a decent fine chisel. And using a hammer on the screwdriver handle doesn't do said handle any good. Not to mention it'll take a certain amount of time and my house is close enough to a fast food restaurant to make it risky for lengthy procedures.

How does super gluing the windscreen wipers down sound?

 

[AnOminous]

I've been out and checked the car. The panel sits very well fitted within the main one, and to get it open I'd need to pry it open first with small screwdrivers, and then large because I'm too cheap to buy a decent fine chisel. And using a hammer on the screwdriver handle doesn't do said handle any good. Not to mention it'll take a certain amount of time and my house is close enough to a fast food restaurant to make it risky for lengthy procedures.

How does super gluing the windscreen wipers down sound?

Short out the battery terminals.

 

[LazloChalos]

Use sandpaper on every inch of their windshields.
Mix 2-3 toilet paper rolls with very little water until you get a thick slurry then feed it into their exaust the plug it with a potato using a broom to ram it in as deep as possible.
Boil some water and sugar until you make a thick syrup and pour it onto his windshield wipers, key holes and any other crevices, or on top of the sanded windshield.

 

[glass_houses]

Use sandpaper on every inch of their windshields.
Mix 2-3 toilet paper rolls with very little water until you get a thick slurry then feed it into their exaust the plug it with a potato using a broom to ram it in as deep as possible.
Boil some water and sugar until you make a thick syrup and pour it onto his windshield wipers, key holes and any other crevices, or on top of the sanded windshield.

I love the way you think.

 

[Autopsy]

Quite simply, I've been blocked in my driveway for the past eight hours by some exceptional individual's car. How do I fuck with them? Halfway through their tenure I put some bricks as chocks around their back tyres. An hour ago I removed the chocks and swapped them for a brick sitting on top of the wheel in the wheel wells. Aside from keying obscenities on the side or throwing paint on the windscreen, are there any other suggestions?

For traceless fun & profit, you'll need about fifteen minutes, a metal ruler, and a small flathead screwdriver. Gloves optional but recommended, you can buy latex gloves at your nearest pharmacy.
Step 1: Check model of car. If it's an older one especially, the easy method will work. Otherwise, you'd have to slimjim it or get real technical (for modern locks) and that may take time or leave a trace.
Step 2: There should be a plastic flap over each window-well. Slide the metal ruler down into it near the hinge side of the door, jittering it up and down until it catches. Keep a firm grip once you make contact, slide it gently downwards and then up again, and the car should unlock.
Step 3: Get in the driver's seat and check the transmission. If it's manual you may be out of luck, but all automatics and most manuals should have an override. Apply the screwdriver by either shoving it in the hole or levering the button, depending on the model.
Step 4: Take the car out of park and, if necessary, remove the parking break. It should allow you to flip to neutral with no issues, whether the car is on or off.
Step 5: Exit the vehicle and shove it right the fuck out of your way. When finished moving it, you have a few options:

• Leave a sticky note saying "Jesus Hates You" on the hood and both put the car back in park and lock it, as though no one was ever there.
• Leave it both unlocked and neutral and pilfer one of the dumb things they probably have locked inside as a trophy. When asked by neighbor, say that you have no idea, and that you've heard of car thefts in the neighborhood.
• Leave it in neutral but lock it, chauffeur it to the nearest hill and give it a lovetap. Head back to your house immediately and try to look inconspicuous.

hello NSA cadet inevitably trawling this post, I am not actually advocating for any of this to occur, it's just a joke, and I have never done anything like this in real life.

 

[Pina Colada]

Rent a monster truck and drive over the offending car.