How would one go about becoming a LOLcow? -

[DykesDykesChina]

Just theoretically asking... how would you guys go about becoming a LOLcow if this happened to be your aim in life? What idiosyncrasies, which flamboyant dress style would you adapt, and, most importantly, what would your nickname be? What sort of lulzy fanwork would you create? How would you let the intarwebz know about your existence?

And how would you handle your fans/trolls? What would you do to keep them interested?

 

[CatParty]

Just theoretically asking... how would you guys go about becoming a LOLcow if this happened to be your aim in life? What idiosyncrasies, which flamboyant dress style would you adapt, and, most importantly, what would your nickname be? What sort of lulzy fanwork would you create? How would you let the intarwebz know about your existence?

And how would you handle your fans/trolls? What would you do to keep them interested?

always do the unexpected, but with rage

 

[José Mourinho]

I would dress myself in uniforms similar to The Unknown Autobot but worse, and called myself King Of The Trollbusters.

I would make YouTube commentaries ranting about trolls, game reviews (especially those which gave any Sonic games bad reviews), parodies etc. especially about mariotehplumber and Gligar13Vids. I would also rage often if there's something I don't like.

I would create extremely poorly-drawn Microsoft Paint artwork by just copypasting some characters in pink (or any other suckish colours) backgrounds. Oh, I would definitely make a Sonic OC, but why bother making a new colour of it if you can give a different darkness? I'll make it lighter and called my ORIGINAL CHARACTER - DO NOT STEAL: Light Blue The Hedgehog.

And as for letting the Internet to know about my existence, if I have to do so, I'll write my own page on ED, boasting about my "victories" just like The Troll Posse.

Did I miss anything?

 

[DykesDykesChina]

I would dress myself in uniforms similar to The Unknown Autobot but worse, and called myself King Of The Trollbusters.

I would make YouTube commentaries ranting about trolls, game reviews (especially those which gave any Sonic games bad reviews), parodies etc. especially about mariotehplumber and Gligar13Vids. I would also rage often if there's something I don't like.

I would create extremely poorly-drawn Microsoft Paint artwork by just copypasting some characters in pink (or any other suckish colours) backgrounds. Oh, I would definitely make a Sonic OC, but why bother making a new colour of it if you can give a different darkness? I'll make it lighter and called my ORIGINAL CHARACTER - DO NOT STEAL: Light Blue The Hedgehog.

And as for letting the Internet to know about my existence, if I have to do so, I'll write my own page on ED, boasting about my "victories" just like The Troll Posse.

Did I miss anything?

This gives me a cool idea - there should be a squad of Unknown Autobots with identical outfits but differently colored coats (sort of like the Power Rangers): One red, one yellow, one black, one green, one blue, one pink etc.

 

[José Mourinho]

Hoo boy, this is brilliant. I would team up with anyone who is willing to become a member of my Unknown Autobots (or THE TROLLBUSTERS), just like Anthony Logatto and his nakama or TheHardCoreKid commentating squad, but with costumes.

AUTOBOTS ASSEMBLE!

 

[punchabunch]

All I need to say is - I wouldent need to try really hard.

 

[Null]

What makes a good lolcow is a combination of three major assets:
1) Self-humiliation.
2) Interesting and alien moral compass/belief system.
3) Readily available flow of information about you.

There are a lot of people who humiliate themselves in privacy whilst otherwise being completely normal. Not lolcows.
There are a lot of weirdos who are very socially fit and do not humiliate themselves or make themselves vulnerable. Not lolcows.
There are a lot of famous people with tons of information about them readily available, but they are good people or very uninteresting so they don't become lolcows.

Chris humiliates himself often and in ridiculous ways, he is completely unpredictable and has a child-like outlook on everything that makes his actions extremely strange, and he readily made information about himself public via websites, IRC, Youtube, phone-calls, and IRL encounters. Now that he's a recluse he isn't as much a lolcow as he was before, he took away one element and has started withering into obscurity as a sideshow skit in stupid Internet culture shows on MTV.

You can't really become a lolcow unless you are one. You have to be ready to give up every detail of yourself, and they have to be interesting details, and they have to be humiliating.

 

[KatsuKitty]

Nothing really sums up what makes a lolcow as well as one of Chris' classic one-liners: "I have NUMBERS OF PAIRS OF DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS."

 

[BigAltheGreat921]

Pretty much by acting like an idiot on the Internet in whatever ways possible, and a lot of TMI.

 

[Bgheff]

Like Null said, you kind of have to be born into it. If you need more examples to follow, check up on nearly every banned member here.

 

[c-no]

Yeah, Null has summed it up, but I do feel like the third one (readily abailable flow of information about you) is the biggest factor. The access of that info would pretty much become something that can, if done correctly, send you into a state of rage/sorrow/whatever that you would only end up making yourself an idiot as you try to deny the truth, such as trying to make a witty remark that ends up being stupid or posting pictures that only create more ammunition in making you an idiot.
I do believe that that if one was to become a lolcow, you'd have to do stupid crap that can leave a mark on the internet (Chris' reaction towards the trolls, A-Log horrendous fan-fiction, UnknownAutobot's trollbusters, etc.), I also believe that in order to be a lolcow, you'd have to have something like an inflated ego where you believe that something you have as an ability such as drawing awful art that you think is "teh best" and that all criticism, be it constructive or just trolling, is from "teh jealouz h8terz.", it can also be, whether or not you have an inflated ego, political/religous/social/whatever views that you believe is the one true belief and that everyone else who disagrees with you is a hater/troll/unwashed moron/baka/whatever.

 

[BALLZ-BROKEN]

What makes a good lolcow is a combination of three major assets:
1) Self-humiliation.
2) Interesting and alien moral compass/belief system.
3) Readily available flow of information about you.

All those things are true, but I'd add 4) Easily goaded into doing stupid shit

That is what makes Chris special. In fact, he defined the term. Trolls could goad him, he'd respond. Again and again and again. It was like milking a cow, but instead of milk you'd get the Lulz in your pail.

 

[Screaming Llama]

There are a lot of weirdos who are very socially fit and do not humiliate themselves or make themselves vulnerable. Not lolcows.
There are a lot of famous people with tons of information about them readily available, but they are good people or very uninteresting so they don't become lolcows.

Remove the 'famous' bit and that describes me to a T. I'm plenty weird and you can find out all about me if you know where to go and who to ask, but I'm usually a stand-up guy and not really worth the effort to troll.

 

[Judge Holden]

There are a lot of weirdos who are very socially fit and do not humiliate themselves or make themselves vulnerable. Not lolcows.
There are a lot of famous people with tons of information about them readily available, but they are good people or very uninteresting so they don't become lolcows.

Remove the 'famous' bit and that describes me to a T. I'm plenty weird and you can find out all about me if you know where to go and who to ask, but I'm usually a stand-up guy and not really worth the effort to troll.

To be honest the amount of info people leave about themselves consciously or unconciously online mean nearly everyone can have compromising, embarrassing, or simply undesired info dug up and flung at them. In my case I once trolled an argentine nationalist forum back in my early internet days using a name I would later use as my email address, and would later wake to discover a few dozen bellowing emails from furious argentine nationalists telling me all the ways I am an evil pigfucking pirate. Now If I had taken to youtube to tearfully rant about the emailers in broken spanish and proceeded to do the same any time someone mailed me a nasty message, then I may well have become a lolcow to spanish language speakers.

In my opinion, the fundamental factor with lolcows is that the audiance needs to feel the lolcow has it coming. Whether due to excessive perversions, angry dickishness, hateful bigotry towards any number of groups, or simple self righteous melodramatics, the internet needs to hate a potential lolcow before they can truly be titled as such.

 

[Midnight Kissy Bull]

I've thought about this... but really, I'm too old and self-adjusted for it. I don't need to be a lolcow to advertise my projects... or do I? It would be creative, you have to admit, but the consequences could be less than desirable.

I've thought about creating an ED page for one of my pen names as soon as I published one or two books (romance/erotica, if you're wondering). In my ED page, I'd call myself "Stephenie Meyers but without the vampires, werewolves, or lulzworthy material." Not exactly a hook for people to check out my work. On the other hand, it might work with the (clean) furry fantasy/slice of life novellas I plan on writing. In that ED page, I'd say that it's only a matter of time before I "lose all self control and start writing explicit yiffing material like every other goddamned furry writer out there."

I've even thought about creating another online persona that wouldn't be an advertising gimmick. Just an ordinary girl in her "20s" with a deviantArt page dedicated to my lust for a minor/bit character from a movie. Just to fuck with people.

But then again, if I made friends or fans from this, I'd feel like shit for lying to them.

 

[homerbeoulve]

What it takes to be a lolcow? Simple, be a big bigoted idiot on the internet.

 

[QI 541]

1. Join a relatively popular internet community, or a community like ED.
2. Leak personal information onto the internet. Especially pictures/videos of yourself looking stupid.
3. Overreact as insanely as you can when someone inevitably says something you don't like.
4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 for the rest of your lolcow career.

I believe the two most essential traits for being a lolcow is insanity and being unable to ignore your trolls.

 

[mendoza]

Could there ever be any advantages to being one?

Like, could a web comic writer/artist with actual talent and creativity act like a lolcow for awhile to attract a "fan"base and then find a way to make money from it?

There is an old saying that no publicity is bad. As much as OPL negates that with every single thing he does, I have to wonder if is because of nature of being a lolcow, or just due to his amazing TRUE and HONEST talent for always snatching failure from the mouth of victory.

 

[Tim Buckley]

Just a bit less intelligence and a bigger ego would be enough to make me a peculiar lolcow, that said I will stop talking about the subject for the rest of my forum life-spawn, have a good night.

 

[Zorceror44]

It's easy! Just follow these Six Simple Steps!
Step 1: Get a deviantart (Make sure to give it a username like Darkdeathdestroyer666)
Step 2: Post terrible original characters
Step 3: Whine whenever someone critisises you
Step 4: Start posting fetish art
Step 5: Threaten to hack people who troll you
Step 6: Post negative statements about the minority of your choice
If you have earned a Encyclopedia Dramatica account by Step 6, Congratulations! Now please kill yourself.