How would you prepare for the apocalypse? - And how will you make fun of typical stupid ideas?

[Antipathy]

Simple question: what's your go to, general purpose plan for the end of days, and have you discussed it with others? Moreover, what's the dumbest doomsday prep plan you've ever heard?

 

[Deus Ex Macarena]

 

[RG 448]

A shotgun and beef jerky to hold me over until i can find someone to rob. So not different from a regular day for me.

 

[Vorhtbame]

I dunno, are we talking about "house slowly falling into ruin" societal collapse, or "explosions beyond Michael Bay's wildest wet dreams" societal collapse? ("End of days" is something entirely different, and I don't get to make the plan for that.)

Dumbest plan I've seen either way is a plan to become a local warlord in a post-apocalyptic anarcho-capitalist non-society. Because I've seen that guy's arms, and my sixty-five-year-old arthritic mother could break him in half. He ain't lording over shit.

 

[Niggernerd]

Beans for years.

 

[NOT Sword Fighter Super]

The dumbest one is anything that involves zombies.

 

[User names must be unique]

Same as a regular Friday night, a bottle of spirits browsing the internet.

Dumbest shtf plan is a hard one because the majority of preppers are retarded, though the people who nearly get themselves crushed to death or suffocate in their buried shipping containers are pretty funny.

 

[JambledUpWords]

• Create a bunch of food storage for things like flour, rice, water, canned foods, powdered milk, powdered soups, jerky, and military rations
• Get at least two rifles for hunting/protection and make sure to have a good supply of bullets and cleaning equipment
• Have a tent on hand in case something happens to wherever I’m living
• Make sure that I’m well stocked on kitchen knives and have at least one good Swiss Army knife
• Have kitchen utensils (non disposable)
• Have metal plates to eat on that are lightweight
• Get a giant hiking backpack to store everything I need at any given moment
• Have good hiking boots/shoes on hand
• Have a booklet on edible plants and plant usage
• Make sure to practice starting fires without a fire-starting kit
• A pot to boil water so that it would be drinkable
• A water filter straw in case I’m desperate
• Have extra supplies of everything in case I need backup or if I need to trade it with someone
• Make sure that wherever I stay is close to water
• Learn how to use animal skins and bones to make clothing or other necessities
• Learn how to make my own arrows and bows when/if someone happens to the guns
• Learn how to make spears
• Try and make alliances and friendships with other people and create our own tribe for purposes of protection and having more supplies

 

[Meat Poultry Veg]

Pray, fast, take the Sacraments and face the enemy head on.

Basically, the original version of La Santa Muerte before it was corrupted by Mesoamerican pagans.

 

[Y2K Baby]

I already am. Not telling you my camping spot.

 

[Rokko]

I need @Bassomatic, beer, bbq and big guns. Acutally @Bassomatic comes with all of the mentioned things! That would be an awesome apocalypse!

 

[Buster O'Keefe]

Drink rum
???

 

[Norvic]

I always think preppers are dumb as shit. You can have all the guns and heirloom seeds you want but a) your dumb ass doesn't know how to farm, and b) you have no margin for error when it comes to learning. Basically you need to grow enough food to survive in the first year or you just die.

Realistically, if the apocalypse comes you're probably just going to die. Might as well pick up a cricket bat and go rob some people until the canned food runs out. So basically, the Lord Humungus survival plan.

 

[Y2K Baby]

I need @Bassomatic, beer, bbq and big guns. Acutally @Bassomatic comes with all of the mentioned things! That would be an awesome apocalypse!

Boomermatic would drink all your Monster Ultras and you'd die of thirst.

 

[Lemmingwise]

The dumbest one is anything that involves zombies.

I have a good zombie survival plan. I mean, how I would survive as a zombie.

Zombies would be really easy to get rid off. It's surviving as zombie that is hard mode.

 

[Unog]

In the event of a total societal collapse you're either going to die or make nice with your fellow man (in your neighborhood) as a way to keep other bands of people from fucking you roughly in the first 72-168 hours.

After that you've probably got people around who are experienced (or can learn) any necessary skill for survival.

 

[Deadpool]

While everyone was going after food and water I'd get a bottle of jack, ounce of weed, eightball of coke and a handgun. If the first three don't kill me after consuming them in one sitting I have the handgun, because fuck trying to survive in that shit.

 

[SweetDee]

I grew up as the only girl in a family full of military men. I'm well prepared.

 

[Emperor Julian]

Total societal collapse is unlikely, You're talking about a highly sophisticated series of interlocking civilisations, where information is readily available anything short of 99% casualty rates or total ecological collapse is going to be soakable. More likely where nudging towards a dystopian dark age where everything is shit, In which case I'm planning to be a warlord.

 

[Bassomatic]

I need @Bassomatic, beer, bbq and big guns. Acutally @Bassomatic comes with all of the mentioned things! That would be an awesome apocalypse!

tbh fam the world could have ended and I wouldn't have noticed for a few weeks. lol.