"I broke everything again" -

[Null]

Apparently, if you add another mpm module to apache, it deletes literally all your fucking modules and wipes apache clean. I was trying to switch from mpm_prefork to mpm_event to speed up the server, and instead broke absolutely everything. Everything.

 

[Null]

So uh, I'm not used to the timezones and forgot that 10am is no longer an appropriate time to break php5.

Welcome to mpm_worker, by the way.