I Caught A Shitlord This Big: The Tall Tales Of Tumblr - And that thread... was Albert Einstein.

[mauggg]

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AND THE JUDGE THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY HOW WE WERE STICKING TO THOSE WHITE CHRISTIAN BIGOTS AND THEIR INVISIBLE SKY FAIRIES AND TOTALLY DIDN'T HIT HER WITH CONTEMPT OF COURT CHARGES!

Totally, he didn't!

Because there are no Contempt of Court charges in a sheltered 15 year-old's fantasies!

 

[Jaimas]

Brianna Wu's entire career is based on these, but none are quite as well-known or widely-mocked as her "letter from a former Gamergater:"

"Brianna,

Just wanted to say that I have finally broken, and it’s thanks to you, or rather, the treatment you have received since day one.

I tried to tell myself that it was all about the “Gamers are Dead,” articles, and the forums, and for me it was, always. I don’t even go online to game so never even engage with people there. But I was blind, some would say willfully ignorant about it all. I told myself over and over that the abuse being received by women such as yourself was not real and put it out of my mind as I suspect many others have.

I distanced myself from any abuse I did see and wrote them off as fakes, but it isn’t true is it? It’s more than the majority. I was wrong all along. I never abused, or engaged you or others, I signal boosted, supported campaigns, trying to stay away from the ignorance.

Whenever a confident woman comes along to have her say in any way she is shouted down and harassed by men like me. Men who have it so easy. We are blind to the faults of society and its focus on men. We don’t like to be challenged, but we should get used to it because I have some news for you: You are winning.

You are winning and these are the death throws of a petulant, selfish culture. When they said gamers were dead, I didn’t want to believe it, but in its way it’s true. Ultimately, games are for everyone and as more women are involved the culture around video games, it will change for the better. If some obnoxious boys end up leaving then so be it. I won’t, because I will accept the changes.

I would say more female protagonists is desirable but it would benefit these males to have a majority even. They have no idea what it’s like to be a woman, and neither do I, but more empathy would follow. As would games with an abundance of strong non sexual women saving the day. It would at least stop them from thinking they are the centre of the universe, which is what the average Gamergater thinks.

I am so sorry about the way you have been treated. You are a beautiful, talented, intelligent woman who is worth one million of those people involved in gamergate, myself included. I am no longer involved in it, in fact, I may just work against.

I know though it is time for me to stand down from my pedestal and listen to women, to let them steer culture and not resist the betterment and balance they will bring.

I said before you are winning. This is the long game, and as the media continues to side with the good guys these people will simply end up bickering as they do among themselves with less and less influence. Then they will fade out, leave or change. People are getting more and more despondent, and it’s your magnificent strength in the face of the abuse which does it. They can’t fathom it. You and the others. You have outfoxed everyone, Pakman, the harassers, everyone.

To beat Gamergate, as a former insider, remain defiant, but aloof. You are better than these people, remember that. Don’t let them get to you. Remember there is no balance here, so don’t engage them as an equal and don’t let others do so. Laugh off petty insults if you can, but never show them you are hurt, they are getting off on that. It only encourages them.

I’m sorry for the length, but I just wanted to let you know there are people out there who you will ultimately beat and win over with your sheer integrity. You beat me, and I’m so glad. I am leaving GG so I will remain anonymous as I fear these people getting to me somehow but if you wish to talk further please do so. I will listen, and would appreciate any advice on going further to become the person I should have been as I’m quite ashamed of supporting what was an ugly, chaotic mess.

I’ve rejected feminism from it’s very starting point and I’ve done nothing but stand in the way of people. If I can help let me know.

Like I say, a confident, beautiful, intelligent woman worth one million of one GGer.

- Thanks, [REDACTED]

Enjoy, Kiwis. Tip your waitress.

 

[sassyma seed]

Brianna Wu's entire career is based on these, but none are quite as well-known or widely-mocked as her "letter from a former Gamergater:"



Enjoy, Kiwis. Tip your waitress.

I don't know shit about GG or Wu, but that's still hilarious.

"You fixed a computer? PARADE!"

 

[Gensdupays]

There were a bunch of these for some conventions about rapists supposedly abducting children that were proven to be an attempt by people associated with a rival convention to drag it through the mud. Kind of fell apart when people pointed out that they either didn't report an abduction to the police or they lied about an abduction.

I think it might have been someone from an anime convention trying to take down a brony convention, but I can't remember specific details.

 

[Surtur]

There were a bunch of these for some conventions about rapists supposedly abducting children that were proven to be an attempt by people associated with a rival convention to drag it through the mud. Kind of fell apart when people pointed out that they either didn't report an abduction to the police or they lied about an abduction.

I think it might have been someone from an anime convention trying to take down a brony convention, but I can't remember specific details.

Slander and libel are a hell of a drug.

 

[Gensdupays]

Slander and libel are a hell of a drug.

The best part is that I don't think that the members of the con trying to drag the other one through the dirt were removed from their high position, and they were even invited back to the con they were trying to defame.

Convention "horror stories" are always my favorite sub categories of these. Mainly because they get increasingly desperate.

 

[Cuddlefish]

Has that one about a dad being converted to support gay marriage because of Superwholock been posted yet? It's my fave.

I like to think he said "ONE MAN PLUS SIGN ONE WOMAN EQUALS SIGN FOUR LIFE" aloud.

 

[Lunete]

The story is fake, but the picture is real. The little girl was attacked by a kangaroo. This person took this little girl's picture and used it for a fake news story so that she can have a post with lots of notes.
Actual story:
http://www.centralwesterndaily.com.au/story/793373/roo-attacks-girl-at-wyangala/

 

[Captain_Asshole]

So we've all heard one of these before, a ridiculous story made up by a tumblrite just to get notes and attention.

I've culled http://shit-that-never-happened.tumblr.com/ & http://things-that-didnt-happen.tumblr.com/ for some great fake stories.

There are a lot of different kinds of these stories. There are some about racist/sexist/homophobic/problematic/disagreeing people getting SICK BURNED.



Some of these involve people who can apparently get away with anything, because they're simply that badass and witty.


You'll notice in these stories that people opposing our brave Tumblrites often say things that no human being has ever said.


These are my favorites that I've found so far.


What do you guys think? Post any more you can find!

Conspiracy theories about vampire apple pies from Mars are less contrived than this shit.

 

[Operator Kyoko Sakura]

Has that one about a dad being converted to support gay marriage because of Superwholock been posted yet? It's my fave.

I like to think he said "ONE MAN PLUS SIGN ONE WOMAN EQUALS SIGN FOUR LIFE" aloud.

Funny that most "dudebros" and "MRAs" that I've met are actually for gay marriage.

Past that, that didn't happen, the school would have teacher fired and any of the students that partook in it would've suspended/expelled. Chances are, the supposed "dudebro" would've also been suspended for screaming that.

 

[Frank Rizzo]

Funny that most "dudebros" and "MRAs" that I've met are actually for gay marriage.

Past that, that didn't happen, the school would have teacher fired and any of the students that partook in it would've suspended/expelled. Chances are, the supposed "dudebro" would've also been suspended for screaming that.

Yeah, I can't quite see a teacher letting several students slap someone for saying something like that going over very well...

 

[Operator Kyoko Sakura]

Yeah, I can't quite see a teacher letting several students slap someone for saying something like that going over very well...

Plus the parents of that student would probably sue the school district for allowing such an abusive teacher to be teaching there.

You have the right to an opinion, you don't have the right to beat somebody up for their opinion, even if you disagree with it or offends you.

 

[Frank Rizzo]

Plus the parents of that student would probably sue the school district for allowing such an abusive teacher to be teaching there.

You have the right to an opinion, you don't have the right to beat somebody up for their opinion, even if you disagree with it or offends you.

Exactly. A whole big mess of lawsuits and firings really isn't worth giving some dudebro douche his "comeuppance" for a few minutes.

 

[Yellow Yam Scam]

Great thread. This one was posted on Kotaku today:

 

[Operator Kyoko Sakura]

And then the whole bus clapped that this future strong and independent womyn made her mind up that she isn't female.

 

[Frank Rizzo]

Great thread. This one was posted on Kotaku today:
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You can tell stories like this aren't realistic because....well, come on! Realistically, if this "Ryan" was saying stupid shit like this out loud to a customer (let alone a 12 year old girl), a manager (well, a good one anyway) would *immediately* step in to do damage control and reprimand the employee.

 

[Yellow Yam Scam]

You can tell stories like this aren't realistic because....well, come on! Realistically, if this "Ryan" was saying stupid shit like this out loud to a customer (let alone a 12 year old girl), a manager (well, a good one anyway) would *immediately* step in to do damage control and reprimand the employee.

Not to mention the phrase "the issue of girls gaming" which makes it pretty clear that this whole story is politically motivated and the absurd absolutism of the final paragraph.

 

[Frank Rizzo]

This brings me back to the story of the girl who went into Game Stop, where the employee was all "HUR DUR, THE PRINCESS GAMES ARE OVER THERE, CUPCAKE!"

Like, what kind of a fucking idiot would you have to be to say something that dumb to a potential customer?

 

[Operator Kyoko Sakura]

Not to mention the phrase "the issue of girls gaming" which makes it pretty clear that this whole story is politically motivated and the absurd absolutism of the final paragraph.

Most the stories "that happened" on tumblr are purely motivated in the name of identity politics and wanting loads of attention, tumblrinas turn to this as a last resort effort in order to show themselves a being social and informed, when in reality, they're socially inept creatures incapable of holding any sort of logical discussion or even casual discussion in reality unless it involves bringing politics up. They view themselves as informed, yet believe onion or clickhole stories to be legit and spread misinformation.

Note how also nearly every story, the "villains" are always the same too?

 

[CIA]

Damn, according to these stories as a white male I need to go out and oppress some women to meet my quota for the day