I had the worst day in years today.
I missed a class on Monday and we had to choose 3 team members from class for a group project. Today during that class the instructor asked the class if there were people that needed an extra partner. He said my name and was joking "let's start a bidding" and some guy in the class was like "so start with cents?" and that was the friend of the guy that sarcastically laughed when I asked out that girl in this class last week. So nobody put up their hand even though there were a few groups that didn't have a third member. The instructor kept adding salt to the wound (unintentionally, he's a great person) by saying "come on people. don't be mean." so a few minutes after that a dude from another group across the room raised his hand, and the instructor asked me to move there. i was so awkwarded out from this and didn't even want to walk over there as everyone would've looked. so when i went there there were 2 girls and 1 guy in the group, one of the girls i remarkably knew from a class last year and we caught up for a sec (i asked her out and she rejected me as well) but she is a very nice person for not seeming creeped out by me like everyone usually is. all of the sudden the instructor found out that there was a group that only had 2 people but didn't put up their hand when asked, two girls there. so he put me in their group even though i saw how they didn't want me there. now im in a group with 2 girls who are creeped out by me and looked disgusted that i am in their group. i felt sorry for them that they have to deal with me now, i wish i could've just had a heart attack right then and there and wouldn't have to bother anyone anymore.
My life is worth nothing, I am not worth anything at all. I am wasting valuable resources on Earth like food and water that far more better deserving starving people than me could have had if I wasn't here. There is NOTHING special about me, nothing at all, and if there was, there isn't anyone that would want to know about it. There is no one that i can call when im sad, no one that thinks of me as someone to trust when they are sad, no one that texts me all day or asks me how i am doing. why do i continue to exist for no reason? I've never been successful at anything before, i rarely go to classes and i just stay home and do nothing all day long every day. Years have gone by like this. There is no reason for my existence honestly, i am just a burden to this world. if i was first just thinking negatively that i am a disgusting worthless piece of shit ruining peoples day with my presence, it seems that it turned out to be true. who would want a weird looking fat brown guy in their team or as their friend anyways? i felt like just dying since then, that would've made things far more easier.
i am never going to have a girl like me or want me, that alone would make me die of overwhelmingness if that ever happened. it just won't happen. i dont know how to just accept that, it is very hard. all i ever wanted since i was younger was to be with someone who i liked and who liked me back. i dont discriminate against anyone, i just feel very attracted to girls that have a bubbly kind of personality but looking at someone like me would most likely make anyone feel creeped out and set a zone.
i really feel like showing you guys what i look like, but as the girls from AmIUgly and a few women from here said to me, "theres nothing wrong my looks." and im just the "you look okay" kind of guy. I totally understand the need to not be mean to some random stranger about their ugliness but i can't kid myself after today when no one wanted to be my group member (which is not even like dating). im damn sure that in the dating field, i am seen as a monster even more. I am just grateful that i can post here and have some communication in the replies from here.
I missed a class on Monday and we had to choose 3 team members from class for a group project. Today during that class the instructor asked the class if there were people that needed an extra partner. He said my name and was joking "let's start a bidding" and some guy in the class was like "so start with cents?" and that was the friend of the guy that sarcastically laughed when I asked out that girl in this class last week. So nobody put up their hand even though there were a few groups that didn't have a third member. The instructor kept adding salt to the wound (unintentionally, he's a great person) by saying "come on people. don't be mean." so a few minutes after that a dude from another group across the room raised his hand, and the instructor asked me to move there. i was so awkwarded out from this and didn't even want to walk over there as everyone would've looked. so when i went there there were 2 girls and 1 guy in the group, one of the girls i remarkably knew from a class last year and we caught up for a sec (i asked her out and she rejected me as well) but she is a very nice person for not seeming creeped out by me like everyone usually is. all of the sudden the instructor found out that there was a group that only had 2 people but didn't put up their hand when asked, two girls there. so he put me in their group even though i saw how they didn't want me there. now im in a group with 2 girls who are creeped out by me and looked disgusted that i am in their group. i felt sorry for them that they have to deal with me now, i wish i could've just had a heart attack right then and there and wouldn't have to bother anyone anymore.
My life is worth nothing, I am not worth anything at all. I am wasting valuable resources on Earth like food and water that far more better deserving starving people than me could have had if I wasn't here. There is NOTHING special about me, nothing at all, and if there was, there isn't anyone that would want to know about it. There is no one that i can call when im sad, no one that thinks of me as someone to trust when they are sad, no one that texts me all day or asks me how i am doing. why do i continue to exist for no reason? I've never been successful at anything before, i rarely go to classes and i just stay home and do nothing all day long every day. Years have gone by like this. There is no reason for my existence honestly, i am just a burden to this world. if i was first just thinking negatively that i am a disgusting worthless piece of shit ruining peoples day with my presence, it seems that it turned out to be true. who would want a weird looking fat brown guy in their team or as their friend anyways? i felt like just dying since then, that would've made things far more easier.
i am never going to have a girl like me or want me, that alone would make me die of overwhelmingness if that ever happened. it just won't happen. i dont know how to just accept that, it is very hard. all i ever wanted since i was younger was to be with someone who i liked and who liked me back. i dont discriminate against anyone, i just feel very attracted to girls that have a bubbly kind of personality but looking at someone like me would most likely make anyone feel creeped out and set a zone.
i really feel like showing you guys what i look like, but as the girls from AmIUgly and a few women from here said to me, "theres nothing wrong my looks." and im just the "you look okay" kind of guy. I totally understand the need to not be mean to some random stranger about their ugliness but i can't kid myself after today when no one wanted to be my group member (which is not even like dating). im damn sure that in the dating field, i am seen as a monster even more. I am just grateful that i can post here and have some communication in the replies from here.
