Should I be surprised that he actually likes Whomp?Imagine comparing yourself to someone who's actually funny among your drivel.
This might be the first year since he was a toddler that he hasn't publicly threatened to kill multiple people.I remember when this guy was all just "I will have her, or I will destroy her. But I will never forget her."
That's the Haggis McCrablice I've missed, honestly.
Seriously, though - has he said anything ground-breakingly stupid as of late, yet? I could use a good laugh. This "Global warming isn't real" crap ain't doing it for me.
Last Wednesday marked the 23rd anniversary of that bleak day described here in our peppy opening number. Looking back on the last two decades-plus, it is amazing to see how all my problems in life all go back to that stupid newspaper. The problem, as I see it, was putting a bunch of mental and moral children in charge of putting out a biweekly school publication to begin with. Of course everyone's going to want to be the star. You're going to get a bunch of massive egos rubbing up against and irritating each other, and when that happens, friction inevitably results. It's going to escalate into a goddamn popularity contest typified by hurtful behavior, resentment, plotting, and silly office bullshit escalating into massive disputes.
It's all a very logical progression, if you follow it to the source:
tl;dr-- Forcing somebody to spend their whole life chasing after lies isn't healthy. Be honest and up front with people you have a problem with, take some damn responsibility for yourself, and don't impose on the town whore you've intensively coached to squawk sweet seductive phrases like some slutty little parrot to clean up your staffing messes for you.
- If I hadn't gotten fired from The Herald to begin with, I wouldn't have wounnd up the target of sophomoric, revengeful pranks by my peers. One of these more malicious little jests was setting me up with Ashleigh Bainks -- an underage girl from the neighboring town of Trumann, Ark.
- If the editorial staff had just told me how much they really despised me and that everything I was chasing--the constant attention, the popularity, all the gifts I'd recieved-- was little more than hollow lies and pretty illusions, I likely wouldn't have remained at A-State for so long trying to get my old job back. I'd have pouted a little, maybe, but the upshot is, I'd have quit Arkansas State and gone elsewhere seeking happiness.
- Likewise, I never wouldn't have hung around another year trying to get Ashleigh back as well. I was enjoying a new, very rewarding affair right after our (first, brief) breakup, with a woman I had a lot more in common with, but my carrying such a torch for Ashleigh likely put the kibosh on that relationship.
- After the kiddie conspirators' amateurish efforts only made the problem a lot worse and they finally had to call in an adult to deal with me, I was forced to leave A-State in disgrace. Again, if the editorial staff had just been honest about their feelings, this would never have happened
- I'd have never started writing and calling Ashleigh's house constantly right after being kicked out of ASU. I had been led to believe her dad was a lawyer who could help get my job back on The Herald (by operatives at The Herald, never forget that), so this incorrect assumption fueled much of my self-destructive behavior for the next four years...
- ...including breaking up with this other girl I was seeing at the time after I found that cute, innocent young thing couldn't be a ravishing, sex-crazed temptress like Ashleigh. The unrealistic expectations that The Herald had instilled in my tender psyche had now indirectly jeopardized another potentially-rewarding relationship for me.
- My second job (working for this yutz) proved a disaster after I attempted to use my post as a seller of lawners, weed trimmers, and the occassional household knickknack to persuade Ashleigh's Rich Lawyer Daddy to relent and fianlly allow us to be together. This phenomenally bit of wrongheaded thinking was, I'm positive, made up of two parts Herald and one part lit class (my junior year, I was very into Lady Chatterley's Lover). My plan was to win back Ashleigh, save up my money, then slowly phase Dale out and eventually take over the shop, turning it into a much classier neighborhood bookstore. I guess the old fool wasn't as dumb as he looked, however; he figured the whole thing out, apparently took offense at being used, and decided to leave town-- and me holding the bag. What with losing the shop and my brother turning to drugs (not The Herald's fault, at least; this was a different issue entirely), my fate was sealed (this could be attributed to those idiots; if not for The Herald's stupid grudge I would have used my savings to return to ASU and thus not been trapped there at home bearing the brunt of his craziness). Thus began his gradually takeover of the household and the first five years of physical and mental abuse I would suffer under his reign.
- My third job was nary any better. In 2008 my mom, her best friend, and I planned to go into business together, selling dolls and doll clothes and accessories. I could have my own little corner at which to sell sell books and sundries, my own room right in the back, and plus, the building we planned to fix up and rent sat at the perfect location--just across the street from the community college and right down the road from a McDonald's. I took this as a sign my life was about to seriously turn around-- fast food and a baked potato bar, attractive young, vivacious co-eds, a library with computer access, and, with any luck, I probably could even find a big-screen TV somewhere on campus. No longer was ASU the only game in town; I was going to have a nice cushy shop gig during the day, and in my off hours, relive the college life I had seen so cruelly taken from me ten years ago. Best of all, I was going to finally get away from my sociopathic brother. Looking back, I think this was the first inception of the "college living apartment" idea I've been so enamored with for all these years. I was going to enjoy the company of a bevy of hot, wild young ladies as much like my ex as possible...and to think a decade ago there it all sat, right in my grasp. But nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, it just wasn't meant to be. It all came down to egos colliding again. Mom and her friend bitterly argued, dissolving both the partnership and the friendship. Goodbye, doll shop; goodbye, dream; hello, another five years of torture at Captain Stupid's hands. All because I was fervently pushing to recreate something that may have never really existed outside of some bizarre social experment staged by the really depraved denizens of a third-rate paper at some fourth-rate school located in a fifth-rate state, who seemed more interested in manipulating and punishing its staffers than, you know, actually training them for any sort of future in journalism.
- I suppose I can justify blaming The Herald, too, for not being able to land another job with any of the local newspapers; after all, how can you ever hope to build a competent resume when one boss hates you and the other has skipped town to sell hand-embroidered hats someplace? So, too, is being taken seriously a lot tougher when you're telling an interviewer that your biggest reason for wanting to work at their paper is that you enjoy the little gifts grateful, loving readers give you every time your name appears atop a column? Face it, they must get tired of every slick journalism major the cow college up the road manages to churn out walking through that door with his dick in one hand and his batch degree in the other spouting the same hackneyed "I want to make a difference; I want my writing to change the world" line. I mean, if we're being truthful, right...? Who cares about saving the world; I just want a $5 gift card (the modern equivalent, I guess, of a handful of pennies slipped in the door-crack) for the store who sells whatever item I casually name-drop into my eight or nine inches of typeset brilliance. I now suspect many potential employers feel writers who are just in it for the goodies and prestige aren't really suitable for their paper, and were turned off by my "refreshing" show of honesty. Chalk up another lie The Herald once drummed into me coming back to bite my hairy white ass.
Now I did nothing wrong-- in fact, as far as I can see, I did everything right. I am the exact opposite of Dunning-Kruger. I think if a bunch of smarmy kids are going to act that way, the sooner The ASU Herald is shut down, the better. Wipe that rag off the map. Burn it down, piss on the ashes, and salt the earth where it once stood. The whole college community will be far healthier once taht cancer is gone.
But hey, maybe I'm being a bit harsh. Am I wrong in my estimation of these people? Let me know what you think in the comments below.
Okay... getting ready to have dinner, then pop out to the corner store to look for a half-off sale on day-after-V.D. candy. (Cue exasperated response.) Gonna make out like a bandit on bags of mini chocolate bars and candy asses. Adios for this week.
He still brings back his retarded and wrong delusions too; he still wants to pretend the time he got catfished was proof that some 3rd tier college had the funds to make a brothel. He refuses to acknowledge that his subhuman and disruptive behavior was why people fucked with him, since it hurts his stupid ego too much to admit fault.Amazing. Nobody involved in that shitty student newspaper has even thought about it in the last 20 years but this absolute loser is still completely obsessed with it as it was the peak of his sad excuse for a life.
I got this guy confused with another shitty webcomic artist with a shitty soyboy beard. He drew a furry comic that had an arc where a teenage girl cursed out a greedy scam artist in a Church and then her parents slapped her and we were supposed to cheer them on and he acted outraged and offended when people told him it was fucked up and didn't make sense.
I'm probably speaking gibberish to 99% of the people here but if one person remembers the shit I'm thinking of I'll be glad.
Yeah, that's the guy. At least, I'm pretty sure.That sounds vaguely familiar. Was it one of RHJunior's comics?
That's definitely him, then. Fucking nutjob, that guy. Like he needed to justify her actions or some shit. I don't know if he cooled off or went even crazier since then. But he did become a brony.Sounds like one of his Goblin Hollow arcs. he retconned it to say she was upset about a classmate's suicide.
Above you see my promotional artwork for a funny game show idea I had a while back. It's sort of an extreme, high-stakes version of Pin the Tail On the Donkey for adults, featuring contestants answering trivia questions, solving puzzles, and performing strenuous physical challenges on their way to, well, pinning their tail on a guy in a donkey suit. Depending on the network, it might even have some tasteful semi-nudity.
Put A Pin In it!, as I call my show, is just one of the many nifty new programs advertised as appearing on the "FUX" fall schedule in the Jan 2013 ish.
I got the idea, you see, from the number of real-life network game shows based on popular party games like bingo and musical chairs. I was being silly, true, but it seems I was rather ahead of my time--FOX actually put an extreme Tag show on its schedule this summer, and Netflix just brought us Floor Is Lava, based on the game of the same name in which kids bound about on the furniture trying not to touch the floor below. Boy, it is truly the new golden age of television, isn't it?
But it wasn't back then, when this was written. In fact, under the rigors of the big switch from analog to digital, the TV landscape was looking pretty blasted and desolate. Oh, they knew how to sell it, that's for sure. Promotional ads in the months leading up to the grand rush to digital conversion. fairly screamed at us "ZOMG!! Buy our expensive equipment now now NOW or you is not can watch TV after Feb 17, 2009*!" They sweetened the bitter deal by giving away $40 coupons for deep discounts on converter boxes and antennas, but strangely said not one word about alternative viewing means like streaming content online, which meant more choice on programming and far better reception. No, that was treated like a dirty little secret. The whole issue was incompetently handled all around, the Obama administration's usual bumbling change-on-a-rocket sled aplomb greatly in evidence. We were pretty much beholden to clunky, temperamental, soon-to-be obsolete equipment that was prone to glitches and frequently suffered poor reception and breakdowns.
While most countries in Europe and Asia wisely held back on digital conversion for several years until all the bugs had been worked out, the (P)resident showed great shortsightedness in rushing digital conversion forward at a breakneck sped. FOX Broadcasting Company, like many content providers in the age of ObamaCable, was struggling mightily by the time this issue came out. The network suffered a significant ratings slump between 2012-2014, which I would attribute in part to the great number of viewers unable to receive the channel on their TVs. But more about FOX later.
Terrestrial broadcasters suffered tremendously from Obama's hubris. NBC was the first casualty. ABC would go blue from 7 to 9 every Wednesday nights--sorry, no Middle for you, middle America. Sorry, Modern Family fans; no hilarious antics from a pair of loud, preening homosexuals straight out of a high-school drama class production of The Birdcage for you tonight. Sorry, Fresh Off The Boat ** and Black-ish lovers; no more of that modern minstrelsy for you. CBS had picture, but no volume--and my brother had a weird psychotic aversion towards closed-captioning, once ripping the button for that setting out of a remote so we couldn't turn it on, so every time I watched Two and a Half Men while he was around, I was pretty much taking my own life into my hands. Charlie Sheen was worth risking a beating for, perhaps, but not his replacement Ashton Kutcher. Sorry, Charlie-lite.
Stuttering audio, melted, distorted images, and having to change batteries in the DTV Pal remote frequently** soon became a way of life for many Americans. "Forbidden Channel" became a phrase commonly spoken in households as the "blue screen of death" claimed more and more channels. As the years passed, stations dropped off the cable maplike bad stitches: movie channels, classic television channels, news feed channels--gone. Bye-bye. PBS--poof. Obama's signing DTV into law did more to kill Elmo and Big Bird than the Republicans ever could. Go yell at him, idiots. Qubo--gone. VTN--gone. Anything above 50 on the dial--gone. Anything below 24 on the dial--gone. By 2016 my TV offered just a narrow little band of channels: 24 (ABC), 30-1 (CW), and 30-2 (MeTV, a channel that broadcasts mostly old movies and programs from the '60's and '70s. Interesting that people who call themselves "woke", progressive, and despise traditional American values would only allow programming like Leave It To Beaver, My Three Sons, and The Andy Griffith Show, which are steeped in those very philosophies. But, hey, no one ever accused liberals of being towering bastions of logic and clear thought right?) And, on nights when the weather was bad and the wind high, even those started to fail. It was truly like living in a third-world country for eight years, with the absolute wrong people in power.
But back to FOX a moment. With the conversion fervor gripping the globe, the channel was no more ready for the move than anyone else, so naturally its reception was spotty at best. To receive channel 16, our local affiliate, I had to move the antenna attached to my DTV Pal (really little more than a set of glorified "rabbit ears", and quite embarrassing) to all sorts of bizarre places in the room--on top of the TV, on that part of the set in back of the TV (this was a pre-1996 model made when TV sets still had those fat backs), on a pile of clutter stacked next to the set, hanging suspended off the living room curtains like some bizarre plastic moth, etc. It was ridiculous. I was about one step above wrapping wadded aluminum foil around a twisted coat hanger. This was the state-of-the-art tech they'd promised me? This was the "coming new thing in telvevision tecnhology"? I was not impressed. Once again, entering the thicket of Obama's administration, I found my ass coming out with less than what I had going in. And this is what the left calls "progress".
During this time I was a huge proponent of returning to the glory days of analog, even researching the cost of erecting a 5000-watt antenna capable of broadcasting and receiving analog signals. I wrote about how I wanted to build my own pirate TV station, and was seeking to assemble a ragtag group of fellow digital TV haters to purchase time slots and fund my operating costs. Naturally a bunch of small-minded idiots mocked and attacked my idea, calling me a "Luddite", or offered their own inane, impractical "solutions", like replacing my malfunctioning DTV converter with someone else's piece-of-junk castoff from Goodwill. Seriously. On one hand, there's wishful thinking, and then there's just plain embracing stupidity.
In 2018 I discovered the Amazon fire stick. With it you can stream content right on your TV. It's made the DTV converter, a.k.a . "Obama's Folly", obsolete. The beauty is, it took the private sector--not the government--to figure a way out of this quandary. And to reward their efforts, what do the Democrats do? They attack Amazon, calling them a "monopoly", and an illegal "trust", and try to ruin them.
Which is why this coming election is so important. For the past 20-odd years, every time the Demwits have seized power, they pass new laws affecting our television viewing. Bill Clinton did it with the TV ratings system; Barack Obama, of course, killed analog TV. If the Sleepy Joe Bidens, Hillary Clintons, and Big Barry O.'s ... if the Nasty Nancy Pelosis, Ay-Oh-Cees, and Bernie Sanderses... if the Butthole O'Dorks and the Ruthless Butthole Ginsbergs win in five days, it's all over for our liberties and our good American values. It's all over for our freedoms, and our choice in what to watch on TV. Our favorite shows will disappear from government-sponsored channels. Streaming services will be state-run or cease to exist at all. They'll be no ingenuity, no technological breakthroughs, electronics innovations. We'll be forced to buy their new government-approved devices and sputtering, under-performing DTV boxes, at great markups. They'll cut us back, and cut us back, and cut us back, just like they did back in 2009. We'll live in a land of oppressive rules, with our TV diets closely regulated. We can't afford this, not in the age of Covid, when people are being forced into lockdown and becoming more reliant on televised entertainment than ever before. This is it. It's crunch time. The time is now incumbent for a long-simmering revolution.... one against socialism, one against tyranny, one against foolish, ruinous social and economic policies. And it is a revolution that most certainly will not be televised.
*Later pushed back to June 12, which was not nearly enough time for most homes with TVs to become fully compliant. Thanks, Obama!
** I watched a couple episodes of this program. I took to dubbing it "Straight Out Of My Butt".
*** It wasn't until much later I learned that the batteries weren't dead; it was simply that if left on for an extended period of time, the remote became unresponsive, and you had to turn off the receiver box to reset it. However, if you did this, you risked your TV Pal dropping several channels. Thus, many TVs post-conversion ran 24 hours a day, raising household power bills and merrily eating expensive batteries that were unwittingly lost or tossed away because no one realized this problem existed. Again, thanks, Obama!