If Philthy REALLY commits suicide/dies, what will happen? -

[PurpleSquirrel]

The "Rest in Peace, Isabel Roja Araujo" thread got me thinking:

If Philthy genuinely passes on, either by his hand or because of circumstances, how do you see it happening?

If it's suicide, I predict it will be done in some blatant attention-/asspats-whore style. I can see Philthy standing on a building ledge or a bridge at some major thoroughfare, soaking up all the attention and pleading from witnesses and professionals, until he takes that last step and plummets to a burst of greasy, diseased glory on the concrete below.

If it's circumstances, I see him succumbing to some untreated infection or internal-organ failure -- the natural result of his gross, unhealthy, and dangerous lifestyle. A fatal beating, administered by someone pushed to the edge by his abuse, manipulation, and general hatefulness is a possibility as well.

Any ideas on how, when, and where The Philthy One will meet his Maker? And how do you think his legion of Facebook ass-patters will react?

EDIT: As awful as I find Philthy, I still hold out a slim hope that he'll get serious professional help, and find some sort of role for himself in human society that doesn't involve hating 99.9999% of its members, and can provide him with sustenance and meaning. But given all we know about him, and his most recent activities, that hope seems a forlorn one indeed.

 

[AnimuGinger]

Untreated infection goes systemic, leads to delirium, and he wanders in front of a train.

No one will notice or care.

 

[Peace and Harmony]

Someone will make a thread and get a minimum of 50+ Winner ratings.

 

[Pickle Inspector]

Complications from a heart attack or stroke is pretty high up there due to his high fat diet, possible diabetes, weight and hormone replacement therapy.

I seriously doubt Phil would ever commit suicide though.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Phil uses suicide threats as a way of trying to get asspats, self-care, a place to stay, or other stuff he wants. So I don't see him intentionally killing himself. When Phil dies, it'd probably be soon, due to complications from his horrible diet and/or tattoos. How soon, I don't know, but I doubt he'd make it to 40.

When Phil passes on, unless there's actual proof, almost no one is going to "listen and believe" that Phil passed away, at least at first. The asspatters will probably forget about him shortly after his passing, although before that, they may express outrage at the Farms for somehow being responsible in their minds, and/or express some grief.

 

[FBIfellow420]

Phil will shit his pants and do nothing.
Forever.

 

[Randy Lahey]

If Phil dies, it'll be from Cheese/Milkshake overdose.

 

[Mogambo]

Well, I don't see Phil having the conviction to actually kill himself. Even though suicide is an ultimately selfish act, Phil is a massive pussy. More likely, he'd accidentally kill himself trying to fake another suicide attempt ala Kaspar Hauser. Of course it's even more likely he'd die from some preventable infection, a random accident like being hit by a car, being physically assaulted or hell even dying of exposure considering both his lifestyle (i.e. homeless bridge troll) and his ridiculous poor health. He's really a walking storm of risks.

Of course, its doubtful any of us would ever know until long after the fact. Most likely we'd get an extended period of radio silence, lots of threads joking about him finally committing suicide, and then nothing. He'll go out with a whimper, not a bang.

 

[Jace E. Denton]

I won't really care. However, I think his most likely cause of death is going to be environmental, his hobo lifestyle continues to put him at a high risk of being killed, whether he gets shot and robbed or hit by a vehicle or dies of exposure during a bad winter someday. His diet and overall health are poor, but I don't see that being an immediate cause of death, I've seen people twice his size and twice his age who were still waddling around shoving McDonald's down their throats.

A lot of homeless die during the winter from sickness and/or exposure, I highly doubt Phil ever seeks out a flu shot or any medical treatment and the flu has been pretty hardcore the last few years in the US, it wouldn't surprise me if he gets sick and has nowhere to go and ends up with pneumonia, dying in his sleep under a bridge in the middle of winter. His frozen potato corpse would not be found for a few days at the very least. And that is my estimate on the end of Phil, he goes out in a completely mundane and boring way, having never accomplished anything in his life. Everything about his life and death will be completely uneventful.

 

[Oglooger]

The world will keep marching on.

 

[kobebyarlant]

If Phil does kill himself, he won't tard out on FB like he usually does when suicide baiting. Instead it will be a post like "I've made a lot of bad choices in my life. I'm sorry mom." Then he'll disappear. After a week or 2 people will realize something is actually wrong and they'll find his body.

 

[Ariel]

He won't kill himself because he's not depressed, he's an egotistical attention seeking turd.

If anything all the dirt has probably built his immune system up & I doubt he has HIV because he doesn't get much sex.

 

[CatParty]

Lol

 

[AnOminous]

The "Rest in Peace, Isabel Roja Araujo" thread got me thinking:

If Philthy genuinely passes on, either by his hand or because of circumstances, how do you see it happening?

He's too cowardly and lazy to ever actually deliberately kill himself. If he tried, he'd fail pathetically.

But he's too shitty at taking care of himself to live for long.

I'd say he just continues to slither along in his revolting, worthless existence as he is now for a few years until it starts catching up to him, then ends up dead of some easily preventable or treatable physical ailment, like his diabetes.

That or he finally pisses off someone who does something, while being too fat to run away.

 

[Coldgrip]

Finally get that frozen yogurt the Patriarchy promised me for killing off twelve latex trannys.

 

[Count groudon]

Like this, only it'll be a fat smelly dude instead of a woman.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

No one will care.

 

[Xarpho]

I created a poll just one minute after the "Phil is Dead" post, so there went a good post.

Anyway, if Phil doesn't die from health-related complications, he could be arrested for petty theft.

 

[Null]

I will declare myself a lolcow, begin drawing a continuance of Sonicu in Crayola Magic Marker, open a subforum for myself and become a tranny.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Even though suicide is an ultimately selfish act

I don't think suicide is inherently selfish. Depends on the intentions involved. But if Phil were to actually commit suicide, it'd probably be for selfish reasons.