In the beginning, Phil created the heaven and the earth - or, Faggots of the Round Loveseat

[rizlajizzla]

In the future, surely Phil's Legacy will spread far and wide and his and wit wisdom will be cherished as dearly as the words of his peers,great men like Mark Twain, George Carlin, Captain Picard and even, yes, Geoff the Hero, PBUH. All around the world, for generations, what Phil is doing here and now will be remembered and studied by his fans for centuries to come. In the future, when mankind benefits more widely from his no-holds-barred style of shock comedy and mature outlook, and his 10,000 videos are studied by monks, what will the world look like?

What will be the lofty philosophical ideals of the grand future of his cult?

What marvelous tales will the bards tell of his noble adventures?

As the man fades into heroic myth, who will be remembered as his faithful companions? How will the eons judge his dastardly detractors and their loathsome ways?

What eldritch horrors might the future mods of his secret cultchats employ in their strange rites?

(I am assuming that if Phil were god, like he thinks he is, the world would look a bit like a hillbilly Bloodborne, with loads of meth labs and chlamydia and post-apocalyptic walmarts, but whatever works for you is cool. )

 

[Noodles&Nuggets]

That title is killing me

 

[Commander Keen]

Someone read A Canticle for Leibowitz, I see.

 

[Heckler1]

"The Man Who Did Nothing Wrong"

 

[Preferred Penne]

He's that guy who jacked off on stream, right?

 

[Woyzeck]

"You must now begin the last rite of initiation novice, into the Cult of Phil. You must perform: The Washing of Dishes..."

 

[Clop]

*snorts in unison with the rest of the disciples, ending with the traditional 'amen' to Phil* Alright?

 

[Pubic Enemy #1]

I predict snorting will be incorporated into language, much like how many African languages use clicking sounds in words. Also conversations will always begin with a forlorn sigh and a "hullo everyone..."

 

[PomegranateKing]

All those with financial difficulty must wear black.

By divine commandment, no amount of monetary contribution will erase said financial difficulty.

All spending must be done to the last penny. Nothing can be saved.

Horses are to be considered divine, and can be married.

Every person, even the most devout follower, must be treated as a troll.

Those who question must be damned. They are followers of the Black Devil, Tevin.

 

[Commander Keen]

I predict snorting will be incorporated into language, much like how many African languages use clicking sounds in words. Also conversations will always begin with a forlorn sigh and a "hullo everyone..."

eating your whole fucking bag of Doritos karamapim tok chugging painimautim your fucking fanta, baman you got wanpela win with deathstroke

 

[Filthy Greenskin]

I for one shall never forget my first viewing at the museum of the Burnell Tapestry, documenting the time Lord Burnell was accosted by an upstart Sir Tevin and his horde of unruly peasants

 

[Commander Keen]

I for one shall never forget my first viewing at the museum of the Burnell Tapestry, documenting the time Lord Burnell was accosted by an upstart Sir Tevin and his horde of unruly peasants
View attachment 614176

“Sir Tevin”, huh?

The jokes just write themselves, at this point.

Edit: I’m on a phone and too lazy to pirate photoshop, but there you go. Make a meme, asshole.

Edit 2: by “pirate” I of course mean purchase.

 

[Raven'sChild]

* 54,470 DSPGaming vids plus 7-9+ additional ones each day.

 

[Prince Lotor]

In the year 2024: out of sheer desperate flailing due to his unsustainable and failing finances, coupled with his unparalleled penchant for lazyness and self-deception, the information contained within the transcripts of DSP's videos reaches an infinite critical-mass of omniscience, containing every possible conception the universe can produce. Shortly after reaching this Omega Point DSP suffers a pulmonary embolism as an ignored blood clot breaks free from a DVT in his leg brought on by a complete lack of physical activity.

This Omega Point becomes known as the '1000 monkeys for 1000 years' doctrine, but in his infinite desperation The King of Suffering produced this ultimate gift to humanity in only 16 years of cloistered seclusion. All praises be to the GoutFather!

An Omnibus of the 'Complete Collected Spoken Word of DSP' is included in the core memory of every technological device along with TempleOS through which queries are sent to the memory core. Queries sent to this system will output the relevant answer to any question after approximately 2 hours of incoherent rambling, ranting, and onomatopoeia of disgusting bodily functions but after the relevant answer the system will continue it's random output for up to an hour, so queries sent to this system require the rapt attention and analysis of the listener for up to 3 hours at a time. Any perceived failure in the relevancy of the output is wholly the fault of the listener's ability to interpret, the system itself is held to be immaculate.

Paradoxically the system never produces the same output to repeated queries. The answers themselves seem to be bound to temporality so that in the moment they are produced they are the most infinitely wise response for immediate utility, but upon reflection they are worse that meaningless. Thus a greater emerging philosophical whole is not possible, nor is insight into it's core functionality.

Even so, a disorganized grassroots religion gains popularity among the more shiftless elements of humanity in which nonsense queries are submitted to the system and the petitioner listens raptly in an attempt to achieve psychically intuitive enlightenment. Exposure to the machine in such a way is known to lead to constant begging, compulsive lying, permanent memory loss, lowered IQ, bigotry, paranoia, and generally being an asshole. Zealots of the machine are easily identified by their almost complete lack of muscle mass due to atrophy from remaining entirely motionless during daily sessions communing with the machine for hours at a time, and an acquired nervous tick in which the phrase 'ACK, ACK, ACK' is frequently blurted. They are seen by the rest of humanity as sad wretches who unironically sit around in self-delusion listening to the burping, snorting, and goat laughs the machine frequently produces. They are referred to as the Mentally Ill Assholes, or their acronym M.I.A., and are seen as the machine enacting a sort of social Darwinism on humanity as the faithful never reproduce. Thus the machine remains blameless.

This system is known by it's acronym: D.A.V.E., standing for Data Accretion Verbosity Engine.

 

[millais]

He's that guy who jacked off on stream, right?

It's the guy ... I'm reading his holy scripture

 

[rizlajizzla]

That title is killing me

Drugs are good man.

He's that guy who jacked off on stream, right?

HEATHEN!

In the year 2024: out of sheer desperate flailing due to his unsustainable and failing finances, coupled with his unparalleled penchant for lazyness and self-deception, the information contained within the transcripts of DSP's videos reaches an infinite critical-mass of omniscience, containing every possible conception the universe can produce. Shortly after reaching this Omega Point DSP suffers a pulmonary embolism as an ignored blood clot breaks free from a DVT in his leg brought on by a complete lack of physical activity.

This Omega Point becomes known as the '1000 monkeys for 1000 years' doctrine, but in his infinite desperation The King of Suffering produced this ultimate gift to humanity in only 16 years of cloistered seclusion. All praises be to the GoutFather!

An Omnibus of the 'Complete Collected Spoken Word of DSP' is included in the core memory of every technological device along with TempleOS through which queries are sent to the memory core. Queries sent to this system will output the relevant answer to any question after approximately 2 hours of incoherent rambling, ranting, and onomatopoeia of disgusting bodily functions but after the relevant answer the system will continue it's random output for up to an hour, so queries sent to this system require the rapt attention and analysis of the listener for up to 3 hours at a time. Any perceived failure in the relevancy of the output is wholly the fault of the listener's ability to interpret, the system itself is held to be immaculate.

Paradoxically the system never produces the same output to repeated queries. The answers themselves seem to be bound to temporality so that in the moment they are produced they are the most infinitely wise response for immediate utility, but upon reflection they are worse that meaningless. Thus a greater emerging philosophical whole is not possible, nor is insight into it's core functionality.

Even so, a disorganized grassroots religion gains popularity among the more shiftless elements of humanity in which nonsense queries are submitted to the system and the petitioner listens raptly in an attempt to achieve psychically intuitive enlightenment. Exposure to the machine in such a way is known to lead to constant begging, compulsive lying, permanent memory loss, lowered IQ, bigotry, paranoia, and generally being an asshole. Zealots of the machine are easily identified by their almost complete lack of muscle mass due to atrophy from remaining entirely motionless during daily sessions communing with the machine for hours at a time, and an acquired nervous tick in which the phrase 'ACK, ACK, ACK' is frequently blurted. They are seen by the rest of humanity as sad wretches who unironically sit around in self-delusion listening to the burping, snorting, and goat laughs the machine frequently produces. They are referred to as the Mentally Ill Assholes, or their acronym M.I.A., and are seen as the machine enacting a sort of social Darwinism on humanity as the faithful never reproduce. Thus the machine remains blameless.

This system is known by it's acronym: D.A.V.E., standing for Data Accretion Verbosity Engine.

Semper Fi, fellow nutjob. You, madam, are a goddamned jewel.

It's the guy ... I'm reading his holy scripture

Excellent use of emphases, there, dawg. I admire that.

 

[Wurstbrot]

Realistically there is no chance anything of Phil will survive the far future. Everything is destined to decay, especially the very fragile digital world of data. Unless you print his quality streams and wisdom on a sphere of a nearly indestructible material. I'm afraid his epic legacy won't survive the mercyless grind of time.

But that's boring, so what if for some reason every source of historical knowledge gets lost, except Phil's harddrives? As you can see, if YouTube vanishes, his Goutyptian tomb in the Valley of Seattle will still entail the treasure which is the legacy of the King of Hate. There his remnants lay, preserved in authentic Italian sauce. It was a tragic cooking accident, fortunately nobody found his corpse (or looked after him) because he already threw everyone under the bus. And the smell really made no difference. They found out his mouth was overflowing with salt.

The future generations would see our history through the eyes of Phil, cuz he was a real and honest guy and never made any mistakes. He even said it himself, so it must be true. And everyone who disagrees with the messiah just has to be a twisted sick individual, King Phil even said it himself, so it just has to be true. Totally not like a cult, no, whoever says that gets banned from society, until he finds riches which will restore his reputation.

Parlances will be created and modified. Like:

• It's Tevin's fault.
• Ah mah gahd!
• You know what I mean?
• Don't be a detractor!
• Heavy use of "negative" and "pahsitive"
• Dood
• Everyone stretches sentences with Uuuuuuh.
• Sentences will sound like a questiooon?

Snorts, throat clears and belching will be a sign of good manners, cuz if Phil did this all the time then society agreed to that, riiiight?

But how much is there to learn about the world? People back then, except for King Phil, were massively incompetent. And just simply evil, because they attacked this ancient primitive guy because he was honest and real, and he just wanted to have fun. Apparently his videos show how "fun" worked in the ancient times, so there is nothing to criticize. The quality of jokes where also very different: Racism, gay jokes, boooobs and seemingly pointless rage were very funny back then.
And obviously people back then DESPITE edited content, this was considered content for the slow minded.

Also the days were much shorter, like 12 hours a day. Cuz poor King Phil never achieved anything during his day, not even brushing his teeth or washing his hands after pissing.

Poor King Phil. Incredible what he had to endure. Thank gout the bomb came down and vanquished this buggy mess. Humanity couldn't blaahk, the anti air didn't came out, but the president pressed the button, seee?
Let us all t-pose in remembrance of the one and only honest, as he is THE GUY who spread himself over the ancient internet.

 

[Raven'sChild]

It has been written that D$P fell on day and did not get up. Rare, archival footage of him slumping backwards onto the loveseat clutching his chest has been circulated. It somewhat shows him sliding out of frame following his legs horizontally which lead to 'serpentine planking' among some within the sect. The stream, however continues to be broadcast to this day. Thus casting shadow upon the validity of this. D$P, is simply to busy to attend his streams. The faithful dutifully file thru and submit their daily offerings in tips, bits and subs to #SaveThaHouse.